So now I can’t spank my child as a form of discipline?
Kids are Kids-Treat them like People
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With Child Protection Services-ready to intervene in a heartbeat- what kind of discipline can we impose onto our children?
No, No, No, bad Mommy. Every mother who has a child age 2 and up, has heard their child say to them in frustration and anger; No, No, Mommy-bad Mommy. I wasn’t expecting it when I first heard it-and I wanted to turn to him and say; “Mommy is so sorry baby, lets go buy a toy, so I can make it up to you.” I didn’t, but I wanted to. Now I know I didn’t do anything wrong when I turned off the TV and told him it was nap time-but what about those moments that every parent has that makes us wonder if we are or are not, Bad Mommy’s and Bad Daddy’s. Things that are apparent when you are in the wrong are circumstances such as; if you are spanking your child with such force, that he/she is left bruised, swollen or bleeding. That is child abuse.
With Child Protection Services-ready to intervene in a heartbeat- what kind of discipline can we impose on our children to stress our authority and teach them wrong and right? Now a day, strangers at Wal-Mart will call authorities on you for yelling at your child, for attempting to drag them out of a store, for smacking their hand for hitting their sister. I don’t know about you, but when I was a child-and I was out in a public place with my parents, I can recall a few different occasions my mother, rightfully so, grabbed me by the arm, while I was screaming and dragged my smart mouth all the way to the car, where she smacked my bare butt-threatened my existence (in a loving way of course ) and told me if I didn’t straighten up now, Ill really have something I can cry about. Now a day, I have no doubt that someone would consider this to be child abuse. I am not one of those people. Do I believe that my mother was out of line, not at all? Do I believe at any point in this disciplinary action, she had lost control of her temper, no I don’t. I think I probably had it coming-because I know the things I would try to get away with when I was young.
I have not-nor can I recall my parents ever using a switch, a belt, a spatula or anything else besides a hand to deliver a quick swat to the tush-in order to capture the attention of a misbehaving child whom has no intention of listening to the a thing that you say. I have never beaten my kids. I have never left a mark or a bruise on their rear ends. I haven’t even swatted their little naked baby butts. I never smack their hands or their tushes without various warnings, letting them know if they don’t straighten up and stop what they are doing it's timeout, after timeout-it’s a swat on the butt and a return to timeout. After they are done in time out-I always sit down with them, explain why they got into trouble (repeat my words again ), tell them they need to listen and explain why they need to listen, make them repeat it to me (the best that they can)-and then follow up with an I love you, hug and kiss. I also don’t use that kind of discipline for every little thing that they do to test me. My son has received maybe ½ a dozen swats to the butt, for things like-running away from me down the driveway, and towards the road. Or when he ran with full force into his little sister, body slamming her into the ground. Or when I told him to get off of the kitchen table-four times/removed him from the table those four times// put him in timeout for getting back on the table a fifth time, to turn around as he is standing back on the table with my grandmothers vase in hand, threatening to throw it. I stick to the rule I have set for myself, that the only time they get a (meaning 1) swat on the tush is when they are doing something that they can be harmed-another person can be harmed or something I have gone over and over again, know that they know that what they are doing is wrong, but do it again to test one more time if they can get away with it. I don’t spank my kids for talking back- I talk to them about it and work with them to correct the issue. I don’t spank my kids for messes; I make them help me clean it up-as many times as I have to clean it up.
Kids are Kids-just as they didn’t come with an instruction manual to show us the way to handle things such as discipline-they weren’t given a crash course on boundaries and repercussions while traveling down the birth canal. Give them a break-they are trying to figure things out too. As for the nations obsession with judging how each person deals with their children, the only thing to say is- unless you are the perfect parent and have a manual to start handing out to us that are learning through trial and error-mind your own business unless the kid is being physically harmed (what I mean is-20 minutes later the child is still hurting from a spanking, is left bruised, bleeding or swelling), neglected or mentally abused. No family needs all the nosey neighbors of the world judging them because they swatted their child’s hand for throwing a hot wheel at their sister’s head. My children are happy, healthy, moderately behaved kids. I’m not here to hurt them, I am here to show them the limits of what they can and cannot do, unfortunately they aren’t always willing to sit down and listen to my reasons-so to grab their attention so they know I mean what I am saying, I have a few times swatted their little butts. I love my kids-and I am raising them with all that my parents instilled in me; and I don’t believe that makes me a bad or overly harsh parent.
I believe in spanking your children, but not using corporal punishment as the first line of punishment. I use my better judgment before I discipline in any way. I consider if I am in control of my emotions-making sure that my temper will not be lost. Because my children are young-they don’t get anything more than 1 swat on the butt (which is covered by a diaper and their clothing), my intention is not to hurt them, it is to scare them and capture their attention. And finally- I don’t punish them in any way without talking to them, and let them know why they got into trouble and punished in the first place. Although I am not sure if they understand all of what I am saying, it is the repetition of doing so that I am hoping gets through to them-one of these days they will understand my words. On the same token-every family and every child is different. I have seen some children running around the doctor’s office screaming at the top of their lungs for their mothers to shut-up. You could see in the mother’s eyes frustration and embarrassment. I wonder if that child has been spanked lately? Just this morning-I walked back into my son’s daycare class to see two bigger boys-one on each side of my son, picking on him. One pushed him-and when he fell into the other-the 2nd boy pushed him-as my son was trying to get away from the boys clutching his blanket. Have those two boys (two year olds) been taught right and wrong? I don’t know for sure-but after talking to his teacher-she said their parents don’t spank or believe in disciplining their children.
Advice wise in determining if you should use corporal punishment in your household, make sure your intentions are the right intentions. In my opinion, the right intentions are to teach them boundaries and show them right and wrong and to keep them safe ( I would rather deliver a swat to my child's butt when he is running towards a street with no intention of halting when he arrives there-so he doesn't do it again-than to try and talk to him about it, have him ignore me and do it again, and possibly get hit by a vehicle). The wrong intentions are if you want to inflict pain on your child. Because if you want to have your child left hurting- perhaps you are a Bad Mommy or Bad Daddy and you shouldn't be a parent in the first place. In that case, do yourself and your kids a favor for the future and call CPS on yourself and sign over custody-there are many people out there that want to have the chance to be some child's everything-if you just want to hurt your child-you aren't deserving of them.
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