So now I can’t spank my child as a form of discipline?

Kids are Kids-Treat them like People

Get your child to look at you when you are speaking to them.
Get your child to look at you when you are speaking to them.
Sometimes timeout looks a little too comfortable
Sometimes timeout looks a little too comfortable
Sometimes they look sad.
Sometimes they look sad.
Let them pout.
Let them pout.
Pouting only lasts a minute or two.
Pouting only lasts a minute or two.
Sometimes kids get angry and walk away. Let them-but walk beside them.
Sometimes kids get angry and walk away. Let them-but walk beside them.

With Child Protection Services-ready to intervene in a heartbeat- what kind of discipline can we impose onto our children?

No, No, No, bad Mommy. Every mother who has a child age 2 and up, has heard their child say to them in frustration and anger; No, No, Mommy-bad Mommy. I wasn’t expecting it when I first heard it-and I wanted to turn to him and say; “Mommy is so sorry baby, lets go buy a toy, so I can make it up to you.” I didn’t, but I wanted to. Now I know I didn’t do anything wrong when I turned off the TV and told him it was nap time-but what about those moments that every parent has that makes us wonder if we are or are not, Bad Mommy’s and Bad Daddy’s. Things that are apparent when you are in the wrong are circumstances such as; if you are spanking your child with such force, that he/she is left bruised, swollen or bleeding. That is child abuse.

With Child Protection Services-ready to intervene in a heartbeat- what kind of discipline can we impose on our children to stress our authority and teach them wrong and right? Now a day, strangers at Wal-Mart will call authorities on you for yelling at your child, for attempting to drag them out of a store, for smacking their hand for hitting their sister. I don’t know about you, but when I was a child-and I was out in a public place with my parents, I can recall a few different occasions my mother, rightfully so, grabbed me by the arm, while I was screaming and dragged my smart mouth all the way to the car, where she smacked my bare butt-threatened my existence (in a loving way of course ) and told me if I didn’t straighten up now, Ill really have something I can cry about. Now a day, I have no doubt that someone would consider this to be child abuse. I am not one of those people. Do I believe that my mother was out of line, not at all? Do I believe at any point in this disciplinary action, she had lost control of her temper, no I don’t. I think I probably had it coming-because I know the things I would try to get away with when I was young.

I have not-nor can I recall my parents ever using a switch, a belt, a spatula or anything else besides a hand to deliver a quick swat to the tush-in order to capture the attention of a misbehaving child whom has no intention of listening to the a thing that you say. I have never beaten my kids. I have never left a mark or a bruise on their rear ends. I haven’t even swatted their little naked baby butts. I never smack their hands or their tushes without various warnings, letting them know if they don’t straighten up and stop what they are doing it's timeout, after timeout-it’s a swat on the butt and a return to timeout. After they are done in time out-I always sit down with them, explain why they got into trouble (repeat my words again ), tell them they need to listen and explain why they need to listen, make them repeat it to me (the best that they can)-and then follow up with an I love you, hug and kiss. I also don’t use that kind of discipline for every little thing that they do to test me. My son has received maybe ½ a dozen swats to the butt, for things like-running away from me down the driveway, and towards the road. Or when he ran with full force into his little sister, body slamming her into the ground. Or when I told him to get off of the kitchen table-four times/removed him from the table those four times// put him in timeout for getting back on the table a fifth time, to turn around as he is standing back on the table with my grandmothers vase in hand, threatening to throw it. I stick to the rule I have set for myself, that the only time they get a (meaning 1) swat on the tush is when they are doing something that they can be harmed-another person can be harmed or something I have gone over and over again, know that they know that what they are doing is wrong, but do it again to test one more time if they can get away with it. I don’t spank my kids for talking back- I talk to them about it and work with them to correct the issue. I don’t spank my kids for messes; I make them help me clean it up-as many times as I have to clean it up.

Kids are Kids-just as they didn’t come with an instruction manual to show us the way to handle things such as discipline-they weren’t given a crash course on boundaries and repercussions while traveling down the birth canal. Give them a break-they are trying to figure things out too. As for the nations obsession with judging how each person deals with their children, the only thing to say is- unless you are the perfect parent and have a manual to start handing out to us that are learning through trial and error-mind your own business unless the kid is being physically harmed (what I mean is-20 minutes later the child is still hurting from a spanking, is left bruised, bleeding or swelling), neglected or mentally abused. No family needs all the nosey neighbors of the world judging them because they swatted their child’s hand for throwing a hot wheel at their sister’s head. My children are happy, healthy, moderately behaved kids. I’m not here to hurt them, I am here to show them the limits of what they can and cannot do, unfortunately they aren’t always willing to sit down and listen to my reasons-so to grab their attention so they know I mean what I am saying, I have a few times swatted their little butts. I love my kids-and I am raising them with all that my parents instilled in me; and I don’t believe that makes me a bad or overly harsh parent.

I believe in spanking your children, but not using corporal punishment as the first line of punishment. I use my better judgment before I discipline in any way. I consider if I am in control of my emotions-making sure that my temper will not be lost. Because my children are young-they don’t get anything more than 1 swat on the butt (which is covered by a diaper and their clothing), my intention is not to hurt them, it is to scare them and capture their attention. And finally- I don’t punish them in any way without talking to them, and let them know why they got into trouble and punished in the first place. Although I am not sure if they understand all of what I am saying, it is the repetition of doing so that I am hoping gets through to them-one of these days they will understand my words. On the same token-every family and every child is different. I have seen some children running around the doctor’s office screaming at the top of their lungs for their mothers to shut-up. You could see in the mother’s eyes frustration and embarrassment. I wonder if that child has been spanked lately? Just this morning-I walked back into my son’s daycare class to see two bigger boys-one on each side of my son, picking on him. One pushed him-and when he fell into the other-the 2nd boy pushed him-as my son was trying to get away from the boys clutching his blanket. Have those two boys (two year olds) been taught right and wrong? I don’t know for sure-but after talking to his teacher-she said their parents don’t spank or believe in disciplining their children.

Advice wise in determining if you should use corporal punishment in your household, make sure your intentions are the right intentions. In my opinion, the right intentions are to teach them boundaries and show them right and wrong and to keep them safe ( I would rather deliver a swat to my child's butt when he is running towards a street with no intention of halting when he arrives there-so he doesn't do it again-than to try and talk to him about it, have him ignore me and do it again, and possibly get hit by a vehicle). The wrong intentions are if you want to inflict pain on your child. Because if you want to have your child left hurting- perhaps you are a Bad Mommy or Bad Daddy and you shouldn't be a parent in the first place. In that case, do yourself and your kids a favor for the future and call CPS on yourself and sign over custody-there are many people out there that want to have the chance to be some child's everything-if you just want to hurt your child-you aren't deserving of them.


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Comments 56 comments

wyanjen profile image

wyanjen 7 years ago from Wyandotte Michigan

Hi there!

I don't understand why people are so intrusive about subjects like this.

We were all abused so horribly by our own parents? (no!)

I would raise my child exactly how my folks did it. I turned out just fine, so who am I to say they were doing it wrong? It makes no sense to me.

My question about your little one at daycare is not whether the parents of those two boys spank, but rather - where was the teacher to help your little guy out? Hopefully she does not just allow that to happen...

Thanks for the sweet pictures :-) they are adorable

Jen


Shirley 6 years ago

I spanked through clothes and diaper too and it did absolutely no good. I finally spanked my 2 1/2 year old naked and it worked. Sometimes nothing but a smack on the bare butt will work.


Dao Hoa profile image

Dao Hoa 6 years ago

Depend on what state you live in, you still can. There are more than 20 states still approve of spanking!


Manel 6 years ago

It's abvious jen that you have never experienced physical child abuse before. I have. Trust me it is something that stays with you all your life, and NOTHING can make it go away.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

I don't think that anyone was talking about 'Child Abuse', no one that I know believes that Child Abuse is okay, because it is not. Giving a quick swat on the tush to grab a misbehaving childs attention for something that they are doing that can harm them or harm another, I don't believe is child abuse. I am sorry if your experiences have hurt you, and that you have had to endure such pain- it is not acceptable. The people who leave physical and emotional scars on their children should be punished. But the parents who give spankings, as a form of punishment after all other attempts are made to correct behavior- I don't think are abusers---they are parents.

Thanks for reading and commenting on this hub. Again I am sorry for whatever harsh experiences you have had to go through in life, that have never left you.


shancontented profile image

shancontented 6 years ago from Someplace, Somewhere

Although CPS may be called for spanking, CPS would likely not intervene unless there was marks or bruising or it was on a vital area of the body (ie... face slaps that left fingertip bruises). Spanking is not illegal and many of the other CPS worker I know spank their own children. I don't personally use spanking, but that's my choice.

http://hubpages.com/hub/day_as_CPS


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

shancontented,

I am not sure if I should be glad that you stopped by to read and comment on this hub or if I should be afraid??? Just kidding- I know that CPS has to check out each complaint made to their offices, and I am glad for that since there are parents out there that do harm their kids-I was more/less suggesting that the people that see a parent smack the hand of a child and get upset and call CPS for this- to consider that the child will not have damage 5 min 20 min or a week later-and this isnt child abuse.

Since this hub was written and published here on Hub Pages, I have decided to not use spanking as a form of punishment, not because I think that is completely wrong to use it-but because I don't want my kids to think that when someone does something wrong it is okay to hit them. (daycare kids have taught them some bad habits I am now working on) So for me and my kids, I don't think it is the right choice-but still believe that every child is different.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

shancontented,

I am not sure if I should be glad that you stopped by to read and comment on this hub or if I should be afraid??? Just kidding- I know that CPS has to check out each complaint made to their offices, and I am glad for that since there are parents out there that do harm their kids-I was more/less suggesting that the people that see a parent smack the hand of a child and get upset and call CPS for this- to consider that the child will not have damage 5 min 20 min or a week later-and this isn't child abuse.

Since this hub was written and published here on Hub Pages, I have decided to not use spanking as a form of punishment, not because I think that is completely wrong to use it-but because I don't want my kids to think that when someone does something wrong it is okay to hit them. (daycare kids have taught them some bad habits I am now working on) So for me and my kids, I don't think it is the right choice-but still believe that every child is different.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment


Smireles profile image

Smireles 6 years ago from Texas

This is a very good discussion about spanking. Appropriate spanking is a part of parenting. While it is not for everyone, or even for every child, it is an option. After raising three sons to adulthood who are completely different in personality I have this observation. Some children are more easily led than others. Some ignore everything you tell them, and some listen some of the time. The punishment should suit the crime. My youngest son may have been spanked once or twice in his life and is a well adjusted adult. My middle son got the most spankings and is a very happy well adjusted adult. Personality is key to discipline.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Smireles, You are so very right. Personality is the key-each child is different and must be taught and punished accordingly. Thank you for stopping by and reading this hub-and for leaving a comment-it is very much appreciated.


tybell74 6 years ago

I love this hub. I am a mother of 3 children. I believe in spanking. I remember something my uncle always taught me though, and that is, if you spank a child with your hand, children associate that experience with the parent, however if you utilize say a wooden spoon for a swat, they associate the punishment with that object. My point is they will then resent the object and not the parent. Now I'm not sure how true that is but I do know that it works in my home. Now a swat means something to crab their attention. Pain is not something that needs to be associated with spanking. Sometimes its going to sting a little but that is just discipline. Anyone who utilizes spanking knows that just the swat itself wakes up a child. They immediately wake up when they see my spoon and most of the time I don't even have to use it. I don't believe that every infraction requires a spanking. A warning can sometimes be just what you need. When in a public place I have definitely come to fear discipline, even speaking to my children firmly attracts attention. What has happened to this world. Do you guys see how these children are acting nowadays? They have lost all respect for authority. I thank the government and CPS agencies for sticking their nose where it doesn't always belong. Child abuse is now a common word that in some cases is very necessary, however, I feel that a parent who is not correcting a child is committing child abuse. One of the other things that I have noticed is that the older a person is, the more they respect a parent who corrects a child. What does that say for our world today? I think it says we have lost touch with correct parenting methods. I would much rather have my children grow up to be more like some of the elder members of our communities than the younger ones.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

I agree with your last line whole heartily-I would much rather my children grow up to be like some of the older members of society than the younger ones. I think you should write a hub about spanking-your views are very realistic and commendable from my point of view-I appreciate you taking the time to share so in depth what you believe to be discipline vs. child abuse. I too have never laid a swat on my child’s butt to hurt them-but just as you stated, to wake them up to realization. I would rather they be startled that end up being hurt. Thanks again for the comment, I appreciate the feedback :)


untamedangel profile image

untamedangel 6 years ago from New York

I have two sons and thay are as different as day and night, so i've hard to use creative ways to punish them. As far s " spanking " goes my oldest son got many spankings because he was a very stubborn child and got into all kind of trouble, and timeouts did not work on him. Fortunately for him and me, my Mom helped raise him, so i sort of got a break on the punishment angle. With my little one it's a totally diffferent scenario, he is a negotiator, so we talk about his punishments if there is to be any, he has rarely been spanked! I try to talk to him about things concerning him, so usually my tone of voice will let him know wether he's in trouble or not. So for me i would say am for spanking along with timeouts and denying privileges because sometimes one form of punishment mightn't work but a combination would.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

untamedangel, thanks for reading and commenting. I think you explained it quite nicely, every child is different-and as a parent we need to determine the best way to discipline and teach our children, which within a family can differ from child to child. Discipline is part of teaching kids so they are responsible adults, it is necessary in their development. I commend you on your ability to see your kids as two separate individuals that require different means of showing right and wrong


NoNe 6 years ago

What about PARENT abuse?


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

NoNe, I know it exists- but I am not too sure how wide spread parental abuse is. It would be an interesting topic to research and write on. Thanks for stopping in and reading :)


MyMastiffPuppies profile image

MyMastiffPuppies 6 years ago

I know this can be a touchy subject, kudos to you for writing it. I received more than my share of spankings (okay maybe not all I should have), but the point is I continue to believe in the philosophy of being able to discipline your children. I understand the difference between discipline and abuse and do not condone abuse of any form or fashion. But I have two great, well behaved, well adjusted boys so I am stand behind my right to spank.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

mymastiffpuppies,

spanking is a very hard subject to write on- I didn't want to condone child abuse in any way-but also wanted to say spanking when done correctly- can help when teaching your children what they can and can not do. I knew what was right and wrong when a child-and i am a well rounded adult now---now a days, there are many kids that walk all over their parents and society (they need a spanking/time out and some of them need a detention center) it makes me wonder how society will be when these kids grow up???


jason 6 years ago

The funny thing to me is how everyone acts likes things were so much better in the past. How kids were better behaved. I call bullshit. Maybe history lessons are needed.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

jason- thanks for the comment. kids are kids, as parents we need to figure out a logical way to keep our kids from hurting or getting hurt-perhaps a history lesson is in need-so is socializing classes and anger management.


angeegirl profile image

angeegirl 6 years ago

The spanking subject can be a double edged sword. Defining the line between abuse or not is what the real issue is. There is such a heightened state of sensitivity in terms of this issue. The saddest part of all is that ordinary people who are not abusive are being called out for minor issues like you mentioned such as slapping a child's hand for hitting their sibling and the real abusers are safe and sound in their homes. Unfortunately this shifts the paradigm of control in the household towards the children. This will be the moral dilemma we will see when this generation grows into adulthood. Maybe something to do with your ME Generation Hub.:)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 6 years ago from Lone Star State Author

angeegirl-

Thanks for commenting on another hub :) the system is very dysfunctional and the ones who need to be punished are often hiding behind doors- the others who are trying to be good parents and raise responsible well behaved people that know that they are not allowed to do what they want when they want are the parents being scrutinized....its horrible- makes me feel as though I should let my kids run wild rather than chance that CPS will show up and try to take them away or put me under a magnifying glass. Maybe you are right---it’s the ME Generation... Thanks again for the feedback


TealRose 5 years ago

After being spanked as a child - I am 56 - I vowed I would never subject my children to such a useless, and potentially damaging thing. I lost my respect for my parents with the first smack, their love [never mind the pep talk of 'It's over and we love you' - they had just HIT me and actions speak louder than words!].

I don't believe in giving "a quick swat to the tush-in order to capture the attention of a misbehaving child " as what is wrong with capturing a little one's attention with something else!

I watched my Japanese friends with toddlers and small children. When they did something wrong - mummy spoke more quietly... much more quietly ... the child was intrigued and HAD to listen!! It worked really well!!

I know that that 'one swat' to a diaper isn't going to be hurting - but I do not want to be passing on that the hitting is ok, or ok if you are an adult! Personally I think spanking /hitting a child full stop, should be consigned to the waste bin.

I never spanked, and believe me I sometimes wanted to because my children were demanding at time, but I would never hit a defenceless child. My children are now sensitive, loveable and gentle adults!

I sort of agree with Jason ! I bet Fred Flintstone was found to be saying to Wilma 'These kids today are just way out of hand - wasn't like this in our parent's day !!'


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

TealRose,

Although I respect your comment, I have to say that I do not agree. You are correct, that hitting is senseless-but talking in a quaint whisper so that they need to stop and listen to know what you are saying? That-does not work, at least not for all children. Like I said, I do not beat my children, and I try many other ways to get their attention before swatting a butt, but if I have told them 1,000 times to never run from me when in a parking lot near a busy road (which is the t case when I pick them up from daycare and need to put them in the car)-and they continue to do it- I will try any means I need to, including a fast swat to a padded butt- in order to keep them safe and alive...not running from me and into oncoming traffic, because they think that it is funny to do so.

I do thank you for your comment, and giving a new perspective to consider. I do agree in part with what you say


Heathyer69 profile image

Heathyer69 5 years ago from Laurel, Delaware

I spanked my daughters but for kicking me in the face one night because I told her it was time for bed that she had school in the morning. She was out of control and thought she was in control of when she goes to bed. After getting kicked in the face and having my hair pulled I spanked her but. She had clothes on and I didn't even spank her hard enough to even hurt my hand and could hardly feel it she laughs at me. Next thing I know the next day her going to school I get a call from the school because my daughter told them I beat her, I let them know yes I spanked her but and also explained the reasons why and if they wanted, to see the bruise on the left side of my face they would understand why she was spanked. Schools teach your kids that even a quick spanking, even a light tap to report because of child abuse. I'm sorry but I'm not going to let my children grow up to think that they have no rules, and no consequences for their actions. It's sad that the CPS wants to get involved in every little thing that happens yet, where are they when the children that are being abused mentally & Physically, raped by their father and even mother in some cases. They seem to overlook alot to investigate for so little. Great Hub H.C. Porter.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Heathyer69... Exactly! I have never once beaten my children-and I never will. But they have both received some spankings for a few times they crossed the line...Like running into the road- throwing a toy and hitting me in the face (not by accident, but out of anger), and ignoring me when I say don’t bite/hit or hurt (for them to look me in the face and proceed to do it). I don’t want out of control brats...at this moment they are little and I have some hope of gaining control and teaching them limits-but when they are teens, if they don’t know limits they wont be shown them at that point... discipline is a per child thing, each will respond to punishment differently... I agree with discipline, not abuse...as it sounds like you do as well...thanks for the comment! I appreciate the feedback!


Heathyer69 profile image

Heathyer69 5 years ago from Laurel, Delaware

Your welcome and thanks for the great hubs to read they are very insightful :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Heathyer69- insightful...perhaps? I have lived a life of experiences and still have half a mind to be able to share them and along with them I give a little bit of my views on the society we have created, and how I wish it was different... been accused a time or two of having an attitude and an outspoken tongue (which tends to shine in my writing)...


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

Child protective services has never done anything about child neglect or abuse to my knowledge but it would be about like them if you try to make your child behave. I had a ping pong paddle that hung on the wall that kept mine in line, it only disappeared a couple of times in many years. They discovered there were plenty for me to buy. They really were very well behaved and I know that is why, the same as I was and I will never be sorry I was afraid to be a brat.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Jackie Lynnley... yeah, neglect is very much in the shadows as far as CPS Is concerned... I understand their purpose but believe there must be a better procedure that what they use now...


Becky Puetz profile image

Becky Puetz 5 years ago from Oklahoma

Excellent discussion about child discipline. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Becky Puetz-Thanks for reading and for your comment... I appreciate you taking the time to leave some feedback!


stevecheeks profile image

stevecheeks 5 years ago from Evans, Ga

Finally someone who says the truth about this subject.

With two young kids and EVERYTHING that's going on around them, sometimes a pop on the butt is the ONLY attention getter. Thanks for your candidness.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

stevecheeks

thanks for the comment... I feel like the whole parents beating kids-CPS-NO physical punishment has lead to a whole lot of kids who do not know their limits-when they become adults, they will be the a-holes we all know, except in the future we will see them by the hundreds. I also think that not punishing children (which at times may require physical contact) is leading to many parents that are losing their minds and end up snapping in one way or another... I don't believe in beating kids...in fact, if you kill a child, I pray you live in hell- but if spanking is truly a spanking... it is an effective part of punishment, teaching and learning...using it wisely can be a great asset to all parents with kids that refuse to listen to anything that is formed with words... Thanks again for your feedback, I appreciate you reading my work :)


slaffery profile image

slaffery 5 years ago from Kansas, USA

I think you raised some good points in your hub. I would also like to make some for you to consider. Just because we were raised a certain way does that always make it right? We turned out okay but could there be a better way? Sometimes a good spanking IS what it takes but most times there are better ways to get our children to stop and think about their actions and help them be proactive to try to behave better. Most children have impulsive behavior for the simple fact that they can't control their emotions. We as adults need to set the example and keep our cool. Having strategies to deal with their behaviors will enable us to react without having to resort to hitting them when we are mad. When we are angry and spanking out of that anger there is always a chance of taking it too far without that intention. If I tell a child that it's not okay to hit then turn around and hit him every time he misbehaves, what kind of message am I sending him? I completely understand the whole thing about worrying if child protective services gets involved but they are there to protect children and advocate for their rights. I just wrote a hub about discipline vs punishment and if we do our job right as parents, there can be minimal need to ever get to the punishment phase. Don't get me wrong though there are times when a spanking is needed but again as a last resort and never when a parent is angry.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

slaffery,

Thank you for your perspective. I couldn't agree more that we should never discipline a child if we have lost control of our temper. I do also agree with you on there are many other alternatives to spanking that work, and that overusing spanking can cause damage. I do believe that we should talk to our children, set our children in time out, limit 'fun' time, remove favorite toys or items from their possession when we are punishing them. I believe that structure is important and without it, we will have out of control children. I do however believe that when teaching a child not to engage in certain behavior, and after exhausting all other efforts to give proper and effective punishment, a well spanking can be a benefit, and show the child that you mean business... (again...when other angles have been exhausted). I really do believe that it also depends on the child and the cause of their behavior, as to if you should or should not spank... but it is up to the parent, and I hate that we have parents fearful of teaching their children because of CPS and their overwhelming inaccuracy when judging parental situations. The system is inadequate and I see it as something that is causing damage on various ends of the spectrum. Fixing the system and letting children be raised without parents that are afraid they are going to go to jail or lose their children, will benefit everyone in society. I am not saying by any means that anyone should beat a child... NEVER... and if you do or if you cause real harm to a child- I pray you rot in hell, I just think there must be a better way of determining situations than is currently in place.


Jenny 5 years ago

One smack on a clothed bottom works wonders for toddlers and preschoolers. As long as you leave their clothes on and never spank them on the face or private parts it's not abuse.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

jenny, thank you for coming by and commenting. I agree- it is not abuse, and you should never smack a child's face not get close to the privates... this goes back to being in control of your own temper when a spanking is given.


Rastamermaid profile image

Rastamermaid 5 years ago from Universe

When my son was smaller,I would tap his legs just to get his attention,just twice. As he grew it was the bottom,again only twice.

Then I moved to the dictionaries.

Yes I would make him stand with a heavy dictionary in each hand for 10 minutes, I had to do that in school for punishment.

Haven't had to do it for a while now,I have no need to attempt to hit a teenager or do I want to.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Rastamermaid- I have never thought of that one...but it sounds like a punishment that would work. I will be trying that one for sure. Thanks for the comment and for stopping in to read...


bizzymommy2010 profile image

bizzymommy2010 5 years ago from The Heartland of the U.S.A.

You are a good mother with common sense. I see giving spankings to my kids in pretty much the same way. I have a couple boys, and my oldest needs something to catch his attention and make him STOP to LISTEN. He can be pretty bad about not wanting to listen to me and my husband both, or being a frequent repeat offender too. My younger son is following in his big brother's footsteps, but is 100 times more defiant and stubborn. I try the subtle approach with him, and speak firm but gently with him, and then proceed from there as needed...Time-Outs, Spankings, Removing a Toy, or Taking Away Privilages... I incorporate all of those along with the necessary spanking, and always let my children know that I love them, and why they are being punished... My two sons are sooo terribly stubborn, their horsing around recently sent the younger one into the emergency room, because they refused to listen for the 100th time not to try to play horsey rides with each other. My oldest caused his younger brother to whack his noggin on the door frame of our closet and gave him a nice goose egg, along with a headache, and sore head for several days. If children don't get disciplined they'd wind up killing themselves because they are doing something stupid, or kill each other doing silly stuff parents constantly have to tell them to STOP doing. If all a kid ever gets is "talked" to as a consequence of doing something wrong and not following the rules, then they are going to think they can do anything they want. Parents should always have different forms of punishment depending on the severity of offense the child has done. Like my little guy has seen someone giving the finger to another person when we were out driving. So now, he thinks this is funny, because I told him not to do it, and that it means something bad/naughty. So I have had to start giving his hand a swat when he thinks it is "funny" for him to repeatedly keep doing this every day. For him, the time outs, the talks, or taking away toys doesn't work when he wants to be a stinker.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

bizzymommy2010,

I hear ya- sometimes my kids are so rude and mean-and as I correct them, their attitudes are basically flicking me off and saying 'whatever- what are you gonna do about it', talk about frustrating. i try time out- i try taking away things- i try separating them, and nothing works except the occasional slap on the butt and bed... i don't agree with beatings, but spankings are sometimes needed. thanks for commenting and for leaving such personable feedback to this hub :) Good luck with overcoming the not so joyous times of motherhood. :)


laidbacklady profile image

laidbacklady 4 years ago from Plumsted Township, NJ

Hello, H.C. Porter--I just wanted to stop and tell you that I'm with you on this whole spanking vs. not spanking thing. Each child has a different personality from the next and what works for one might not for the other. I see absolutely nothing wrong with a smack on the butt--especially when it involves keeping your child from running into the street or causing real harm to another by throwing things in anger. I don't believe in abusing children, either, and I think there is a nice, cozy little corner in Hell reserved for child abusers, and molesters. CPS was created for the right reasons, but often respond "out of proper sequence" if you catch my meaning. For example (hypothetical)Here is Ms. Smith being investigated for smacking her daughters hand because she flipped off a little old lady in the grocery store, yet here is Ms. Jones beating her daughter with an electrical cord until she has stopped breathing-because she told her mother "no," and nothing is being done about that. Very sad the way things seem to work out these days.

Anyway, great hub and your insights are spot-on! You sound like one of those women who was born to be a mom.

And as an afterthought: I got my rear-end jacked on several occasions when I was a child--the first time I think was when I used a bad word to my mother. My father really let me have it! (with a razor strop, if memory serves) However, when I looked back not too much later, I realized I deserved it. I did not lose respect for my parents just because they hit me now and then. I think they did a good job with me and I thank God for them every day of my life. Now, do I hit my kids as a mom? Not really. I've never really had to--maybe a couple of times, on the rear, to get their attention. Tough subject, but not overwhelming as long as you are a reasonable adult with reasonable expectations.

Thanks again for the hub! Keep 'em coming! Voted up, useful, awesome and interesting!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

laidbacklady- thanks for the feedback. I agree- the system is terribly flawed and it is shameful. It is frightening as a parent to think that your kids can be taken away if someone thinks you are beating them when you are simply punishing them with a spanking.


Cindi 4 years ago

3-5 spanks on a bare bottom with your hand isn't abusive. It works well with our kids. I was spanked on the genitals with a wooden spoon for potty accidents. That made me terrified of my mother. I vowed I would never abuse my children and I never had.


Mr right 4 years ago

No you can't hit your kids. If you have to hit them to teach them right from wrong then you are absolutely useless as a parent. It is not ok ta hit your child. And hitting them on the hand because the child was hitting will send mixed messages. It is perverted to spank a child and parents will take it to far. Be good parents and find other ways. It is lazy parenting and abuse to hit.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Mr right- I appreciate the comment, but I do not agree with you. I do not abuse my kids and I do not spank on a daily/weekly or even monthly bases, but as a parent that is not only not lazy-but extremely involved with my kids, there are times that a spanking is called for. I use timeout, as well as taking toys and privileges away. I was spanked as a child, and I am perfectly fine and a well rounded adult. Like I said, I appreciate your comment and you taking the time to read- but I must disagree with you on this one Mr Right.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cindi, Wow- I do not agree with the wooden spoon or the potty accidents spanking. I am with you that it is not necessarily and abusive. I also agree with your views on spanking from time to time. Thank you for commenting, I appreciate the feedback!


greatthinker 4 years ago

people used to say that people are abusive but thats not true some needs it look around now a day and what do you see i see kids running around causeing problems for cops and there parents and i always wonder would it be different if there parents spanked them.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

greatthinker... every child is different, and yes I do think that some kids could use a spanking or two,,,and the parents are not doing their child justice allowing them to cause havoc on society.


AParent 4 years ago

Many consider smoking to be "cool" and if I were to have just 1 cigarette, no problem right? If you continue to smoke, you are prone to other health risks. This is quite similar to spanking. Studies have shown it interferes with a child's development cycle. If you're quite angry at your child, you tend to spank harder than anticipated. We shouldn't need to provoke pain on a child to teach them a lesson. This is essentially what bullies do to other children. If you were in an alley with a gang, which question would happen first: OW! or What did I do to deserve this treatment?


AParent 4 years ago

This status update on Twitter really stood out: "I don't believe in beating my kids. So I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt and Crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me." Bullying at school is like spanking at home, no matter what.

"If you wouldn't want someone to do it to you then don't do it to someone else". Parents make mistakes all the time. If there was indeed a time you did wrong, would you let your own child spank you? Think about it.

http://youtu.be/QNsN9ysq7wQ

The woman in the video had been taught to always listen to higher authority, no retaliation. We assimilate our children to behave and act a certain way. This is not right.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

AParent, thanks for the insight and your perspective. you have given some great points to consider and some great information to back up your point of view. Thanks for sharing...


Vivian 4 years ago

The idea that spanking is child abuse would have baffled generations upon generations of parents. When a parent is dealing with an act of flagrant disobedience by a child who is old enough to know better (my kids were at their worst between 7 and 10), make sure you are calm, take the child to a private place, bare their bottom and punish them!


Nathan 3 years ago

@vivian- you are an example of why some men are gay. Heck, If you were my wife, I would become gay too, In a heartbeat.


IttyBitty 10 months ago

What am I supposed to do when my 9 yr old son yells and argues wit me? I tried timeout and he laughed at it, one time he fell asleep during timeout. I used to spank but CPS was called and they told me "you are not to spank your child". I told her timeout doesn't work, taking things away doesn't work neither did making him go to bed earlier. I had him go to counseling which didn't work. It doesn't help that we live with my mom and when I tell him no, my mom says yes. She says the opposite of what I say. When my son starts yelling at me because I tell him no or not now and he acts like he is going to hit me, I walk away so I don't get hit because I know I will lose my temper and injure him. My mom and son get in yelling matches and I have to go elsewhere and most of the time, I go in my room and shut the door. I know that isn't good but I hate yelling and arguing especially with a child. A few weeks ago, we were at Wal-Mart and he wanted something and kept asking me to get it and I repeatedly said no. Well my mom got it for him. I said to her "I told him no". She asked why not. I said he doesn't need it. I just don't know what to do anymore and it's like I have no say so over my son. My daughter on the other hand is complete opposite. When I told her no, I meant no. She didn't argue about it whatsoever. I am seriously considering military school or something because everything I tried doesn't work. He is stubborn, loves to argue with anyone and everyone, even at school.

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