Stay at Home Mom or Working Mom? How my Grown Children feel about the Choice I made

A response to TamCor's third and final question

This hub is written in answer to the last of three questions asked by TamCor at the end of her hub http://hubpages.com/hub/Stay-at-home-mom-vs-Working-Mom--How-to-decide-which-to-be

The question is

 "If your kids are grown, how do they feel about the choice you made?"

 

An email to my daughter

I think that this final hub has given me the most joy and it is the one that I haven’t had to write.

I wrote an email to my daughter telling her about TamCor’s three questions. In the email I asked her if she would answer the final question for me so that I could write this final hub.

My daughter’s answer was so well written that I asked her if I could just use it as it was for the content of this hub. I know that I could not write anything that would be half as good or relevant as my daughter's own words.

Bless her heart she said I could. So here in my daughter's own words is how she feels about the choice I made to be a stay at home mum.

I just added some sub headings.

My Beautiful Daughter

My beautiful daughter with her boys
My beautiful daughter with her boys

My Daughter's emailed response

In answer to your question "If your kids are grown, how do they feel about the choice you made?"

I would answer that I feel very happy that you were a stay at home mum but I think that had a lot to do with the fact that 'you' always seemed to be happy with the choice you made. I think that had you felt any resentment or reluctance in that decision it would have manifested itself in your attitude and behaviour towards us.

I have no memory of you ever making any negative comments about being "stuck" at home or "lumbered" with us - I never got the feeling that you had somewhere "better" to be or something more interesting to do.

The choice should be one that the woman's gets to make

I believe staying at home or going to work should be a decision women feel they get to make or choose - unfortunately that is not always the case for many women due to financial or situational circumstances.  With that in mind I feel privileged that you were able to make that decision.

I feel grateful that you made the decision you did because I know, and appreciate, that it was a trade off - you had to make sacrifices.  However, I wouldn't change my childhood for all the money in the world.

Wanted and loved

I grew up knowing without a shadow of a doubt that I was wanted and loved and that is golden.  I see so many people struggling through life making poor decisions based on a lack of love and appreciation for their own self worth - they expect so little of themselves and others. 

I believe that low self worth comes from growing up without a safe and nurturing home life.  Families take on all different guises these days with single parents, step parents, same sex parents, grandparent parents etc and I truly believe it doesn't matter 'who' loves you so long as someone does and they do so unconditionally, unquestioningly and unceasingly - which you always did.

Making the right decision

I personally don't think there is only one 'right' way for women to parent their children with regard to staying home or not. I think there is only one 'right' answer for each mum and only she can make it.

If they make the 'right' decision for themselves they will ensure their own sense of well being which will transfer to their children. It is not the quantity of time that is spent with a child but the quality.

"When mum's happy, everyone's happy!"

There is a saying I have heard a lot over here which is "When mum's happy, everyone's happy!"

I believe you were happy staying at home with us and that made me happy.  Thank you.  I love you x

My son's response

As you know from reading this series of hubs I have two children, I asked my son to read both the question and his sisters response to it which he did. I then asked him for his opinion about what his sister had written and if his experience had been any different.

His response was much shorter than his sisters, he said that he felt exactly the same as his sister did about his own childhood but that he could not have articulated it so well as she had.

A Mother's Pride

When I see what wonderful caring people my children grew up into I feel an overwhelming sense of pride.

Even to this day I still get compliments about my adult children. I am often told what nice people they are and how I should be proud of them.

When I read my daughter’s response it was validation to me that I had made the right choice for our family.

It is a real joy to see the wonderful woman that she has become. She is thoughtful, intelligent, caring, funny, generous, kind, and compassionate.

She is also a cat lover and rescuer. She is a fighter for the rights of the underprivileged and always ready to give anyone a helping hand.

She believes in giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving people a second chance.

My son is like his sister except for the cats, but in much more laid back way.

I think that the choice I made when they were young to be a stay at home mum played a part in how they have turned out.

I actually did get to have it all

I believe my choice to be a stay at home mum played a small part in the way my children turned out to be such wonderful people.

But most of the credit has to go to both of them because the way they are is mostly down to the choices that they have made.

This has been the story of one very happy and contented stay at home mum who actually did get to have it all.

More by this Author


Comments 27 comments

Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

You are blessed with lovely children who know how to appreciate. They are blessed with a lovely mum, inside and out. I am blessed because I get to be here, with you. I listen and learn. You are only slightly older than I, but life lessons you teach me with every hub. Love you lots, "My Maggs!"


TamCor profile image

TamCor 7 years ago from Ohio

maggs--Thank you SO much for going into such depth with your hubs on this subject. And having your daughter's own words as proof of the right decision you made, is priceless...

I love how you handled these questions--thank you again for saying all of the things that so many of us felt...:)


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas

What a beautiful hub, Maggs! You really did a great job!


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

You are so right Candie I am truly bless with lovely children they are a source of much joy and pride(pride in a good way not the haughty snooty stuff).

I am also blessed by having wonderful encouragerswho go out of their way to leave such positive and complimentary comments. That is you by the way just in case I've not made that clear Lol


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

Tammy thank you so much for asking these three questions on your hubpage I so enjoyed answering them and for me the best part of it all was the response I got from my daughter. If it wasn't for this question I might never have got to see this feedback from my daughter.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

KCC what a wonderful place hubpages is, full of kind caring people who go out of their way to encourage and build up others. I appreciate your comments and your hubs. I am touched that you liked the hub. Thank you


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

:)


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 7 years ago from Chicago

The reward comes for a lifetime invested in truly loving your children. What a blessing you were and are to them and what a blessing they were and are to you. I loved reading this Hub. Thank you very much.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

James thank you for your kind comments they were a blessing to receive


Sally 7 years ago

Mum -

I never need reminding what a great mum you are but this hub does serve to remind me what a great person you are!! I forgot how much you love to write - I'm so glad you found this hub community to write and share with - thanks for sharing it with me too :-)

I love you x


Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

The decision to stay home with your kids is so often based on economy. Some people simply can't afford to stay home with them. I feel so privledged that I was able to stay home and raise my own kids, allow them to grow up surrounded by love and the ability for free play. So they didn't have a lot of store bought junk? They all have great childhood memories.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

Hi Sal your comment really touched me and made me cry, I love you too. I think your writing has upped my hubs score thanks for doing this for me.


Aya Katz profile image

Aya Katz 7 years ago from The Ozarks

Maggs, congratulations on your choice and how well it turned out!


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

hi Aya thank you, I am glad it turned out well Lol


dennisematt 7 years ago

You must have cried when you read that email!! To stay home with your kids, does have an element of sacrifce, but you permanently gain so much more then you temporarily give up. How wonderful a feeling it must be to know you did a good job of expressing your love wihout resentemnt to your children! I myself, had a very difficult childhood and it is my deepest desire to have my children look back at these years with joy, as your children clearly do. Congratulations to you!!


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

Dennise You cannot imagine just how blessed I was by my daughters email and the comment she left above I had a cry at them both, happy tears and you are right it was a wonderful feeling


Yangtze profile image

Yangtze 7 years ago

Mother has been so great in the world.You are the greatest mom,maggs!Your kids are so happy that they have you,taking care of them but sacrificing much.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 7 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

Yangtze thank you for your kind comments I think that I have been very fortunate and privileged to be in a position where I had a choice and the freedom to make it.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

Reading the title of this hub I started to tear. I didn't know what my children would say. I wasn't always cheery and kind.

Then I thought how my son is trying to arrange so his wife can stay home with their son.

The family joke is if I had worked we would have had a ski boat. My husband loves boats and skiing, but hates the maintenance ergo our only boat was 12' sail boat.

You have given me ideas for investigation. This is a beautiful hub. Blessings


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

Hi TT, our first boat was a 12ft Firefly sailing dingy it was a very fast boat and the kids loved it. I think that the fact your son wants his wife to stay at home tells you much more than any words ever could, that he valued you being home over any material benefits that you going out to work could have bought.

As for being always cheery and kind who is? Thank you so much for your comments and for the blessings both very much appreciated.

So sorry that it has taken me so long to respond I have been busy working on two new hubs which I have just published and it takes me ages.


Gracia Baliw-an 4 years ago from Tabangaoen,La Trinidad Benguet, Philippines

Now that I'm a mother too, I would say that I have no regrets. God Bless your precious children.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

Thank you so much for the blessing Gracia and I am so happy that you are a mum with no regrets about the choices you have made so far :D


2patricias profile image

2patricias 4 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

It is lovely that your children are so affirmative of your decision to stay at home when they were growing up. Your daughter's response made it clear that she had a very happy childhood, and that view was endorsed by your son.

I always worked - in fact, I went back to work when my son was only 12 weeks old.

The other Patricia took her elder child to University with her - and then worked part time for many years.

We both put the children at the centre of our home lives (with the agreement of our husbands), but without making them the sole focus of our lives.

I think that my children and hers are now all very happy adults.

I think that the key message here is that it is important for the mother to feel happy with her choice.

Thanks for an interesting hub.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

I think that one of the keys is if mum is happy with her choice then it is that happiness and contentment that gets transmitted to the children.

A home that is happy and contented is what the children will remember and the feeling of warmth and security that this breeds.

My children were not the sole focus of my life I had very many interests and I did a BA Hons degree while they were in nappies which I am sure added to my own happiness and contentment.

It took me a long time to get my degree but my son loved it when I was on my science foundation he helped with all my experiments (I had to re do most when he had gone to bed lol) but he ended up with wide ranging interests as a consequence I believe.

My daughter I am pleased to say has grown up a very confident young woman and seeing as she is being a mother so many miles away from where she was brought up and so many miles away from us, makes all her own decisions and as far as I know has no regrets about the decisions she has taken and that includes going out to work when they were very young.

Thank you so much for you comments I am pleased that you you came away with the right message that it is not so much the decision that matters but how you feel as a mother about that decision :D


caseymel profile image

caseymel 2 years ago from Indiana

I have been a stay at home Mom for 6 years now. I love the choice I made and always wonder how it will change my children's' lives in the long-run. Great Hub!


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 2 years ago from Sunny Spain Author

Thank you caseymel for your comment, I am glad that you love the choice you made, and I am sure that this will make a positive difference to how everyone concerned in that choice experiences it.


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