Step-Mom Advice: Why Won't She Call Me Mom?
As a step-mom we sometimes struggle with what our step-kids should be calling us. Should they call me mom? Should I back up and give him time to come around? Should I just be her friend? Navigating the "name game" with stepchildren can sometimes be a tricky situation. It's important to concentrate on the bigger picture and less on the actual name.
Don't Take It Personal
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. Each family has their own story. In your story are numerous details that only you and your family know. Some step-kids will grow up and call their step-mom, mom. Other kids may not ever entertain the idea of calling someone else mom. It's okay. It's not personal.
My Own Story About Titles
I have 3 beautiful step-kids: 12, 10, and 6.
My stepdaughter, the youngest calls me mama, all the time.
My middle stepson calls me mom when he and I have been hanging out and he's not being made to feel guilty for calling me mom, by his bio mom.
My 12 year old stepson calls me mama most of the time, but only when we are at home away from anyone that might tell his "real" mom.
For the longest time, it bothered me that the boys didn't call me mom all the time, but I've come to realize there are reasons for this and I am at peace with whatever they choose to call me.
Do Your Step-Kids Call You Mom?See results without voting
Not Broke? Don't Fix It!
Whatever works for your family is fine. A lot of stepmoms feel pressured to categorize their role and have everything fitted into pretty rows. Do not feel pressured into fitting your family into a particular category or box. Relax! If it's not broke, don't fix it.
I think it's important to point out that not all step-kids will look at you as their "mom" in the beginning. Older children that have had many years with their biological mothers will more than likely not see you as their "mom" right off the bat. This has nothing to do with you or your parenting skills. Don't take it personally. Have patience.
Do Not Be Pushy
In these cases, simply let the child steer the course for your relationship. The worst mistake you could make would be to try to pressure or push your stepchild into calling you mom or seeing you as a mother. If you are patient, even if they never call you mom, their feelings for you will change.
My 2 oldest had many years of living with their real mom. They do call me mom or mama, but sometimes they just call me by name. They see me as a mom, but don't want to call me mom. It doesn't matter what the name is, as long as I have their love.
The Title Doesn't Matter, The Love Does!
Don't make the mistake of getting wrapped up in what they call you. That is just a title. You have to remember to look at the bigger picture. What's really important? Having their love or being able to carry the "mom" title without their love?
Whether you are their "mom" or just a close friend doesn't matter. Love them like crazy, protect them, and raise them right. Being a step-mom is tough, but totally worthwhile.
Important Online Resources For Stepfamilies
- Smart Stepfamilies
Offers FREE articles and online support for stepparents and the blended family marriage, guidance for blended family problems or planning a blended family wedding. Become a smart stepfamily with practical book and video resources.
- AAMFT Therapy - Stepfamilies
A stepfamily forms when one or both adults in a new couple bring children from a previous relationship. Although stepfamilies look like first-time families on the outside, they are very different on the inside.
- National Stepfamily Resource Center
The National Stepfamily Resource Center serves as a clearinghouse of information, linking family science research on stepfamilies and best practices in work with couples and children in stepfamilies.
- The Stepfamily Foundation
The Stepfamily Foundation, Inc., headquartered in New York City is a not for profit founded in 1975. We provide stepfamily counseling and certification seminars.
Great Video On Stepparenting!
More Stepfamily Reading
- What I'm Thankful For As A Step-Mom
Are you a stepmom? Are you finding it hard to find the bad through all the not so good? Take a minute to read what I'm thankful for as a step-mom.
- 6 Must Read Survival Tips For New Step-Moms
6 important survival tips for new step-moms. Being a step-mom is tough. Read these tips to help you get on your way to being a great one!
- The Best Recipe of Stepfatherhood
Want to become the Amazing Stepdad your stepkids will love? Discover the best blend for fantastic stepfatherhood and learn about the greatest ingredients for the right kind of stepparenting!
- How to Enter a Marriage as a New Stepmother
In many homes the situation presenting the greatest challenge is a biological one. Stepparenting often brings confusing feelings and conflicts of loyalties. Know what can make a stepfamily successful.
- Stepmother Quotes
Stepparenting is like working at a late-night convenience store - all of the responsibility and none of the authority. - Valerie J. Lewis Coleman An essential stepmother lesson...to accept that you are not perfect, you never will be, and that's...
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