Could a man survive a day as a woman?
Muti-Tasking is the Name of the Game
Because I am a Woman-and a Mom
Would a Man Survive a Day in a Woman's Shoes?
Is it a rule that when one thing goes wrong-there are a dozen equally unappealing things to follow? Situations when bad luck follows us everywhere, happens to everyone at one point or another. My life is no different-and I have had many of moments where I was sure that I was on the top of God's practical joke list for a day or so-and it just so happens that this was precisely my day; a few days last week.
The stressful morning began when we overslept by about an hour which means I was already running late by two hours. I jumped up, dressed-threw together a diaper bag before I changed both kids’ diapers and dressed them for the day ahead. I thought I was making good time considering how late we woke up, and having to deal with two screaming toddlers. Little did I know-that the stress was just beginning and time was not going to be on my side at any point during the day.
I noticed that the baby needed a new diaper just as I was getting ready to strap her into her car seat. Wonderful- I thought to myself as I carried her back into the house and laid her down-to change her diaper, which ended up being her entire outfit. Ahh great, I thought as I looked down at my outfit and saw that she was not the only one who needed to be changed; I too needed a new look which didn't include the wetness that Pampers wasn't equipped to lock in.
Ten minutes later, finally got both kids buckled into their car seats and noticed that the car keys are NOT in the ignition. My forehead hit my hands as I thought, "Where are my keys"? After about 15 minutes searching inside the house; alternating searching under seat cushions and throw pillows with making sure the kids were still okay watching TV in the car, I noticed that the keys were dangling in the front door. I laughed to myself as I lock the door and ran back down the porch steps towards the car. The kids are screaming at each other...they don’t want to watch Elmo-they want Blues Clues...AGAIN. Fine, I was in no mood to argue or to yell or to hear them complain for the hour long car drive from home to town. I went back into the house...again to search for Blues Clues (man, I really hate that Dog). I was careful to put the house and car keys in my pocket, because I will not be searching for them again.
Can’t find Blues??? Look in three of the four DVD players. It’s in the forth. Grab water from frig-lock door (again)-SHIT---Window is open- go back inside close window-go back out front door-lock the door-Put movie on for kids. Open drivers door...OMG...the stupid sunroof was cracked open-and the only seat wet...IS MY SEAT-which I just sat on. I'm soaked now, I didn’t notice the seat was wet/because I was thinking about how incredibly late we were. I'm sure I said out loud, GREAT! FANTASTIC, WHAT ELSE?...Should I change or say screw it and deal with the wet pants... I am really wet so I choose change and ran back inside the house- it took 45 seconds to change (kids are still in car) - Grab a towel for the wet seat (thank god for leather interior) Wipe up the water on seat-towel goes on floor board (because it too is saturated). Put key in ignition-put car into reverse... Get out of the driveway-Get out of car-close/lock gate... Get back into car. WHAT IS THAT SMELL??? Look back at my son---DID YOU GO SHEW-EEY??? (Which is what he calls a dirty diaper)? He says NO-and says-It was ABBY-as he points to the baby...Which means; yes, of course I dirtied my diaper. I can’t let him sit in a dirty diaper for the entire hour it takes to drive into town-he needs to be changed. I have diapers and wipes in the car-I am not about to walk back into that house-PRAY-PLEASE-LET IT JUST BE THE DIAPER THAT NEEDS CHANGED-...it was just the diaper-I change him/ as he fights me, "WOW-when did he get so strong?" I'm attempting to get his pants back on while holding his swinging legs and arms down simultaneously...
Finally get him back into car seat-and as I close the drivers door-the little light that tells me, 'HEY STUPID-YOU'RE OUT OF GAS" comes on...I curse my husband’s name-because yesterday he insisted on using my car-so in a nut shell he is the reason for the wet seat and now the reason for not having any gas... I drive to gas station---Little plastic bags cover each and every nozzle-THEY HAVE NO GAS...Drive to 2nd station--yeah gas!!! I don’t have cash---and I left my damn credit card at the house. NO, NO, NO! I want to scream or cry!!! I look at the kids-I look at that little light that says no gas-and I look at the time... No way will I get where I was going in the next 15minutes when the place is 50minutes away. Now I get a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror... No makeup- circles line my eyes and scream exhaustion. Then I notice a sticker-in my hair (which hasn’t been brushed in God knows how long) I try to pull it out---Nope---WHAT THE HELL DO THEY MAKE THE GLUE FOR THESE STICKERS WITH? I finally get the sticker out-taking my hair with it... Drive home-get the card-go back to the gas station-fill up on gas... BREATH>>>>>>>> Call the doctors office, and canceled the appointment and reschedule it for tomorrow/ but with hesitation-because I wont make it if tomorrow is anything like today has been....I hang up the phone-start pulling out of parking lot-as a State Trooper is pulling in---he turns on lights-signals for me to stop...What Now???-I’m in a dam parking lot-I’m barely moving.... He walks up-I look at him-and he lets me know that my vehicle has illegal tint---at this point it is taking everything I have to keep from bawling my eyes out... Both kids are saying OOOOO---MOOOMMMMMMMYYYYYY....Bad Mommy-I glare into the rear view mirror at them-wanting to reach back and smack them--but don’t-the cop is still there. He hands me a ticket---I am on my way, should I just go home??? HELL NO- IM TAKING THE KIDS TO THE DAYCARE---its only 9:00am-and I am thinking today might just be the day I will completely come unraveled and lose my mind totally....
I drop the kids off-go home-CRY--Because car stalled out twice on way home and I don’t want to think about how much it will cost to get it fixed...I have work to do-that should have been finished last week-but haven’t even started. If it’s not done in the next 4 days---TROUBLE-since I was already paid... I walked into the house-took a look around---WHAT A MESS...Glance at clock and it's noon.... CLEAN-CLEAN-WORK-CLEAN-WORK- Holy shit----its dark and my husband and the kids are pulling up in the drive way...SHIT...DINNER???? Husband walks in---looks around at half way completed house work---
"WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY??? WATCH TV---???? ", he comments.
AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I think to myself---and why do I keep you around??? What did you do all day today???
Now I get to spend the next three hours feeding-bathing and putting to bed two children who are (I can see) in horrible moods- while you eat the dinner I will be making-leave the dishes on the table for me to clean up after the kids are asleep-so you can get to that important stuff you must be doing---like watching TV or playing a game on the computer....He complains about his stress-I look at him with a blank stare…
Now that the kids are clean fed and asleep-Once again-it’s CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN---2 hours worth. Husband jumps in shower---1 hour and 15 minutes later-he gets out…It is now my turn. I can’t wait to have the warm water hit my shoulders and wash away some of the day… HE USED ALL THE HOT WATER!!! I get a 5minute shower with cold water pounding on my shoulders, sending shivers down my spine and dispersed to every inch of my body. I get out of the shower-put on tee-shirt for bed, and as I open the door to bathroom…OH GOD---he’s still awake…OH GOD---he’s in the mood…UGH-Fine-lets just get to it-get it over with so I can go to sleep rather than spend the next however long trying to get you to leave me alone.
Hour later---DONE---Finally I can go to sleep. I am almost to dream land when I hear the baby crying…. My eyes are swelling with tears as I rise from bed… I walk into see what is wrong and what she needs. I get her a bottle…NOPE---SHE DOES NOT WANT IT… I pick her up-she is still screaming… She is burning up…Take her temp- 102… Tylenol… She spits it out the first 3 times I try to give it to her. She finally takes it on the forth attempt-but she is still crying. I am back in the living room-rocking her---speaking softly---trying to assure her, it will be okay/and Mommy has her… Husband walks out of the bedroom… Can you please try to quiet her babe…? I need to get some sleep-I don’t get to stay home and lounge around all day-I actually have to go to a real job and do real work-I have people that depend on me….At this point, I don't even bother to say anything-just a dirty look is thrown his direction as I comfort our daughter, and he returns to bed.
I need a VACATION---since that wont happen---I’ll settle for a NAP….
HERE IS MY QUESTION? WHO WONDERS WHY WOMEN GO PSYCHOTIC ON THEIR HUSBANDS? WHO ACTUALLY THINKS THAT A MOTHERS JOB IS AN EASY JOB? I BRING HOME MONEY-I WORK FREELANCE…BUT I WORK 10 TIMES HARDER AT HOME THAN I HAVE EVER WORKED IN AN OFFICE…IF MAN KNEW WHAT WOMEN FELT---WOULD THEY GIVE US A BREAK ONCE IN AWHILE???? WOULD MAN EVER SURVIVE A DAY IN A WOMAN'S SHOES???
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