Step-Parenting Problems

Stereotypes

Step-parenting isn't scary ,is it?

The label 'Step-parenting' immediately conjures up an image of inferior character doesn't it , like you're not quite up there with the real parents ,but if you make it up the 'step' you just might graduate.

This old fashioned stereotype label comes from old Latin/English. Today we also are familiar with the terms ,blended families,bonded families. From my own experience and those of friends ,we probably have been less interested in the title and most interested in making this new family work.

Remember to check the links I have included too for legal and other information .

What kind of parent are you http://hubpages.com/hub/What-kind-Of-Parent-Are-You

Middle Ages Mumbo Jumbo

The Blended Family

Blended Families
Blended Families

Unique Parenting Styles..

Permissive Parents:

This kind of parent usually likes to be more of a friend than a parent and will often 'give way' or give to a child's demands, to stay in favour, or avoid mild conflict so as to remain the child's best friend. For this same reason they lack confidence in setting any behaviour boundaries as well. Permissive parents believe often that children should be free to make their own choices ,then when they make bad ones ,will bail them out because they didn't know any better? Sometimes this is because they lack confidence or have self esteem issues or simply its because they don't know any better.

Authoritative Parents

"Do as I say because I said so" kinda parents. No negotiating ,no bargaining , no consulting.Might is Right mentality,which works on the premise and takes for granted you understand the consequences therefore your fear will teach you don't veer left or right , follow this line ,my line. This approach appears to work for the Authoritative parent until the child is old enough to leave home ,stand up physically mum or dad or move in with the first boy/girl they think loves them.

Mixed Blend of Styles.

Reinforcing good behaviour and focusing less on the bad behaviour ,though lets be clear here the time should match the crime and using common sense with lots of love makes the perfect combination. So this works fine for the very young or when a child genuinely makes a mistake .

I think its important to be flexible in matters that wont jeopardise National Security another words be realistic in your expectations and to be honest the fewer you have the better it is for the child and for you.

Be a good Listener , don't feel you have to comment on every single action, quite often people ,and children are people just small ones like to be heard and that's it. Take your cue from them ,if they want to hear what you are thinking ,you will definitely hear it.

Teens are going to be a challenge whether you gave birth to them or not. Kids with natural parents get into trouble and step-teens get into trouble. That's the bottom line here , they can be the sweetest kids, then appear to turn ugly overnight, and chances are they are working through some big issues ,you just happen to be one of them.

 

I dont Get It!!...Doesnt Mean I dont Like You

Patience With A Capital P !!

Give them Some Space.

Explain and be direct with them ,don't expect them to know or even want the same goals as you, in fact they may not even be on the same planet as you,and that's OK. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are most families.

When they trust you to be reliable and consistent ,they are less confused and learn to really know you, and will eventually relax around you and that is when you have the very best base for building a strong step-parent family. Based on mutual respect.

http://hubpages.com/hub/What-kind-Of-Parent-Are-You

 

Disappointment Shown In Anger

Kinds of Problems Do You Struggle With Most

If you could do it all over again what things would you do differently?

  • Seek Out More Support
  • Take Care Of Myself More
  • Be More Patient
  • Expect Husband To Take The Lead More ( In all area's)
  • To exactly As I Did Before
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Comments 13 comments

Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Any time you blend families there are sparks. I was a step mom for 18 years and I had rules and the girls were great..one thing that made it great was they never ever said "I like the way my mom does it better!". I told the oldest (now 31) How much I appreciated that about them. She just smiled. We are amazing friends now.


Eaglekiwi profile image

Eaglekiwi 7 years ago from -Oceania Author

It does not surprise me one little bit that you would be an open and warm hearted parent! The perfect (well as close as one can expect) result is when as adults they have that friendship and respect. Thanks Candi for your comments ,they meant alot to me. I wanted to write so much and just got side-tracked a bit offline.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

We had conflict for sure, the youngest used to steal my stuff and give it to her mom.. expensive stuff. Most I got back, some I'll never see again. It's about forgiveness even if it's not asked for. I won't hold a grudge. I never knew what she was going to take.. First time was 6 pairs of earrings, then a pewter Norwegian bud vase then a swim suit.. what do you lock away?? Ha!!!


Eaglekiwi profile image

Eaglekiwi 7 years ago from -Oceania Author

ohh nooo...well funny you should say that (not funny) but you know wot I mean my youngest step-son had huge emotional issues ,when I met them so he had this huge hate thing to any female ( he was only 6 at the time) and my heart went out to him ,but it does get old ,specially when they up the anti huh? Im so pleased those days are behind me.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Me too, now the girls have their own kids, and the oldest has to deal with the dad being married to another.. so her kids are doing what she did..Hopping back and forth and it's tough on them!!


Haunty profile image

Haunty 7 years ago from Hungary

I think people will be just the similar type of parents their parents are or just the deliberate opposite, in which case they might go way too far. A friend is yearning for a baby, but she is insecure about her parenting skills. She has a great mom and a step father both of whom she loves, so I always tell her she's gonna be a wonderful parent too. :)


Eaglekiwi profile image

Eaglekiwi 7 years ago from -Oceania Author

Yes haunty I think your right and then maybe somewhere in the middle. I enjoyed being a step-parent and never had the illusion of replacing their real ,missing parent which helped us all be free to be ourselves a little more, and have to walk on eggshells. Respect in any parenting is the major key for us. I wish your friend sucess too!


Aunty profile image

Aunty 7 years ago from Scotland

My partner's 3 kids were between 8 and 12 when we first got together and they've always been brilliant. Definitely a case of more families, more love... and more presents at birthdays, lol.


trooper22 profile image

trooper22 7 years ago from Chicago

Well done Eaglekiwi, my wife's son is 22 now, but much of this will come in handy when he comes here next year. He's a bit bull headed, but then so was I at his age. Actually he's a bit tame compared to me at that age. I was a soldier then, and well. Get a bunch of soldiers with a snoot full and nothing to do, and you'll see what I mean.


Eaglekiwi profile image

Eaglekiwi 7 years ago from -Oceania Author

Aunty lol there are many good times which make the best memories dont they ,and yep the ole visa takes a beating no doubt lol

trooper, thankyou for your comments and yes you do have something great to look forward to dont you ,lol, I firmly beleive that everthing we go through helps build our characters ,and what dont kill us makes us stronger huh.There was a part 2 to my hub but I just didnt get it all down ,basically how my sons accepted &rejected my new partenar( all at the same time),and they were now 13,19 &30 yrs. That was, and still is dynnamic and lively.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 7 years ago from Canada

There will always be challenges in raising a family. It's a direct result of individuality -- we are each unique in character, but in our uniqueness, conflict can arise as quickly as peace can settle.


Ryan Clinton profile image

Ryan Clinton 6 years ago from room17art@yahoo.com

The wicked witch pic says so much. The kids affectionately call my wife step monster.


Eaglekiwi profile image

Eaglekiwi 6 years ago from -Oceania Author

Beth ,sorry to so late in replying ,completely missed your comment. Yes you are quite right , challenges complete with some extra dynamics ,but then I often think too ,it pays to be aware of potential flare-ups and be prepared (as best you can) thank you once again for your comments.

Ryan

Thank you for your feed-back and yes fairy stories are hard to live down ,lol ,I often think there should be an equally endearing nickname for step-children too,Im sure your wife could think of one or two lol.

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