THE MOTHERLESS MOTHER - Mother's Day Inspirational

A Reflection......

The last thing I want from anyone is to be pitied. I spent my whole life trying to keep my chin up and move onto the adult that I have become. I am a very strong person and let me assure you I am also a very happy and content woman. I'm also an excellent mother and I am very proud of this! Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I'm finally writing after about 37 years about something that is always on my mind especially around Mother's Day.

Many people close to me know my situation and the tragedy that overwhelmed my childhood. I was telling my children the other day about an old friend of mine in elementary school. She made fun of me in front of all of my friends at school after my mothers death and I never forgot it. Especially since her mother was close friends with my mother before it all happened. Children can be cruel and I have witnessed this on many occasions with my young children now who are both in elementary school. I often blame the parents when I see a child act out in such a strong way. I have written many poems about losing my mother throughout the years and I have tried really hard to be a wonderful and a giving mother to my two children. I was terrified of becoming a mother at one point in my life because frankly I never had a good example because my mother died when I was eight. My grandmother (her mother) was my saving grace and I was very lucky to have her. When this child who made fun of me came begging for work and money many years later, I hung up on her and refused to help. I felt like one of those talk shows when someone from the past comes and begs for forgiveness. I did feel bad, but I could not forgive the pain that she illuminated when I was a child. Now, I'm very good at forgiveness and I work on this whenever something comes up that brings up old feelings.

It is interesting for me to see the stories this weekend on aol and how the internet has become so "in your face" on holidays. The stories that I saw at the bottom of a nice one about MOTHERS were shocking. One in particular was of a boy who was tortured and molested by his mother who was a prostitute for eight years and it not only shocked me but compelled me to write this. I always wonder if I was ever better off without my mother in my life because of her life struggles and the chaos. I remember feeling relieved when she finally passed because my life was spent in turmoil for many years. I felt guilty for feeling relieved for years, but there was only so much I could handle at such a young age. After reading this horror story on aol this morning, I silently thanked god that nothing like that happened to me. My mother inflicted pain on herself and unfortunately we were around taking part in her troubles by just experiencing it from a distance. Sort of like watching a crazy movie that just never had a good ending. Parks were always a very painful place for me because you always see mothers with their children there and when mine was gone, I felt it. Later on when I took my own children to parks, I felt it again in such a surreal way. I remember the moment that I put my bare feet in the sand after many years and everything flashed back like it was yesterday. Strange.

I still feel this emotion once in a while and it comes on strong especially if I'm alone and the kids are not around. Once in a blue moon it will hit me and I can't function or move for a while. Like a wave of panic or anxiety and I have to try hard to move myself forward. I often think that the best word to describe this is "frozen." Like my whole body and mind just "stop."

Inspiration....

I know many people who have grown up with their mothers and have complicated relationships. All I can say is that if this is you, you should try to bring the relationship to a good place before they leave this earth. I'm sure there are others reading this who have had tragic experiences like I did and let me assure you there is a way to leave it all behind.

I remember after my mothers death hiding everything like it was a deep and dark secret. Infact I never spoke about it until my thirties when I experienced a flow of depression that happens to a lot of people who lose parents when they are young. It is sort of a delayed emotional trauma that hits you later on when you least expect it. There are books that can help with this and my favorite book that I still read once in a while basically laid it all out so I could see the facts. It is called "Never The Same" By Donna Schuurman. This book was given to me by an old acquaintance who was producing a show that the writer of this book was a guest on. I will be forever thankful for this book. My sister has also read it and it was very healing to see how we were both effected in different ways at different ages. I will always thank this person for bringing it to me.

I'm A Mother...

After so many years have passed, I often get excited about Mother's Day when my children make a big deal about me. Sometimes I look at them and I just can't believe I'm here with these wonderful beings! I often stare at them like a child who is in awe because children make life feel so "new" again. The things they say sometimes fuels my creativity and although raising children isn't easy, now that they are a bit older I can see myself in them and this brings me so much joy.

The most important part of being a mother is LOVE and I feel this all of the time when my children hug me and say "I Love You Mommy." This is what Mother's Day is About. So, whatever you are doing this weekend and even if you do not have children, think about a woman in your life that has nurtured her family and has tried her best. We all know that no one is perfect and sometimes mom's can just "lose it." It comes with the day they decide to give birth because when they decide to bring someone in the world, they are no longer just "ME" people. If your mother has passed or you are estranged, send a card anyway even if it is only on this one day of the year. Rejoice on how far you have come and go pick some flowers!

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Hub Pages Author - GPAGE

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Comments 18 comments

cosette 6 years ago

WONDERFUL.

i remember being so scared when i had my son...i had no idea how to be a mom and here was this tiny guy trusting me to care for him a whole lifetime.

i am so sorry you lost your mom at such a tender age. in my case, my own mother was verbally, physically and emotionally abusive, and didn't deserve the honor of being called 'mother'. nor do women like the one mentioned in this hub. i see so many stories like that and my heart bleeds a little each time. and i feel angry. like i want to punch them in the face or something.

children can indeed be cruel. you made me recall this one little blonde girl who was especially mean. she was rich and privileged yet focused an inordinate amount of disdain upon me, a poor nobody. i think because this cute boy she liked didn't like her but liked me and always sat by me on the bus. heh, she prolly lives in a trailer park now ;)

i am rating UP this hub. Happy Mother's Day.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

cosette.....thank you so much for sharing your feelings and experiences.....funny...I knew you and I had a common connection in some way.;

I'm also sorry about your childhood struggles with your mother......x

I am a big believer in karma and the two children that were cruel to us are just where they belong I am sure. I also get angry when I read horrific stories about children being hurt or abused.....it is funny because nomatter where you come from or how much you have it all comes down to "who you are." I think you and I have a very strong voice and we share the love through our writing. I'm so happy we connected here......

Happy Mother's Day to you 2!!! G


HappyHer profile image

HappyHer 6 years ago from Cleveland, OH

I'm sorry you went through what you went through. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know you are a great mom to your own children and if your mom had any part of that, whether by helping you make better decisions than she had made, or some aspect that was good, then that is something to carry on and that is a blessing.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

HH...you are right...there is always lightness and good that emerges from the shadows....By learning from my experiences with my mother I have been able to do positive things and make better decisions so I am blessed for sure.... G


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

HH....Oh yea.......HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO U!!!!! G


IslandVoice profile image

IslandVoice 6 years ago from Hawaii

G, you are unique and blessed as well. There are things we will never understand about life, and in particular the why's in our personal journeys. I have come to believe that some of our losses can actually bring about some of our greatest gain. Look at you and your children. How marvelous a family you have. I loved that you were able to write this very personal piece. I'm sure it was cathartic. You know how to find me when you need to speak to a mom/friend. HAPPY MAMA'S DAY! HUGS!


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

IV! Lovely words coming from a wonderful woman! Thank you always for being so kind, loving and honest.....I really appreciate you! I hope your day was wonderful 2!

G


TattoGuy 6 years ago

If you are as good a Mother as you are a friend then you are the best Mum in the world. Sorry to hear about yer Mother, I lost my Dad when I was 21 and even at that age I felt such a loss all these years, you take a huge hug my dear and beautiful friend xox


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

ART! U are so lovely! I know what you mean, it never gets easier....thank you for the love and the hug.....sweet dreams.....Gx


viryabo profile image

viryabo 6 years ago

Due to the fairly traumatic experience of my youth - my mum seemed hostile to me, even though she claimed it was because she loved me..hmm! - i have found it difficult, if not impossible sending her mother's day wishes.

I know i shouldn't feel this way, now that i've hit over half a century, but the pain is still deep down there.

The onus is on every mother to bring up their children with un-conditional love, and 'jealous' protection. I'm quite friendly with my now mum, but the pain is still there.

I'm happy that i read this article G. Lets me realise that many out there experience the same, and even worse.

Thanks for sharing your deep and touching story. I have benefitted from reading this great hub.

GodBless & HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.


fetty profile image

fetty 6 years ago from South Jersey

Today I will post on the forgotten mothers of Mother's Day. I waited for after the holiday so I would not offend anyone. Your hub is timely, powerful and beautifully written. I am so happy you have such a lovely family, now. You wrote powerful words and I wish you the very best in your lifes journey. I needed to read this piece today. God Bless !


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

viryabo! So nice to see you! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I find it interesting how some of us bond through our writing. I have realized that I have made friends with many women (in real life and virtually) that have similiar core issues, but we don't really know it until things come to the surface eventually......

No matter what the issues are, the pain never leaves entirely. We just have to find a way to bring a "happy light" to whatever it is.....I'm so glad that you benefitted in some way from this hub. Part of why I write is to help people and when I see that people have gained something, I feel very happy. I so hope one day you can find forgiveness with your mother. It took me so long to rid myself of the anger. It just finally happened in the last year or so. Writing about it and talking with friends definitely helped me. I'm sending good wishes your way........Gx


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

fetty...it is always so nice to see someone here that I never knew of. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I'm also happy that this inspired you in some sort of way. I will be looking forward to reading your hubs. Best, GPAGE


karent profile image

karent 6 years ago

I appreciate what you've written. I had a great mom, but an abusive dad. It was hard to enjoy daddy-daughter events or Father's Day even when he was no longer living with us. I kind of felt guilty about not having a dad I could celebrate. His abuse of me was leaked at school by my closest friend, but she didn't know what she was doing. Fortunately, nobody really paid much attention to it. I don't think they believed anything. It took years to get past all the lonely feelings and handle these kinds of holidays. It's nice to see others with the same perspective I have that allows the spirit of the day to be appreciated even if the actual person is undeserving.


mylene81 profile image

mylene81 6 years ago

Thanks for this hub. I lost my mother in my teens and what you say here really does ring true, "All I can say is that if this is you, you should try to bring the relationship to a good place before they leave this earth."


SweetMocha-Monroe profile image

SweetMocha-Monroe 6 years ago

Thank you so much for writing this article. I myself wanted to write a hub about Motherless Mothers because my mother is one. It's a very perplexed situation for me because I had to endure watching my mother being mistreated by her mother whom she loved very much. To make a long story short, on Mother's Day my mom finally broke down after 11 years of her mom's death. I had to hold my mom as if she was a baby to comfort her and I am so broken inside behind it. She feels so robbed because of all the years she wasted of her mom's life being angry with her; but it's like my grandfather would say: You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. Simply put, its not only up to the children to maintain an healthy relationship between parent and child. It begins with the parents, especially mothers. I thank God my mother and I were able to mend our relationships with my grandmother before her death; but it's sad it had to come to that point. Thanks again for a such a beautifully written hub.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

karent...thank you so much for sharing this part of your life here. I'm sorry for your pain also.....let us try to find whatever good there is to find......even if it is a one thought with a bit of positive light on one day. Nice to see you here!

Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

mylene81...thank you so much for stopping by and leaving your comment....I'm glad you and I feel the same about bringing peace to a painful situation...I'm also sorry you lost your mom. I have a really good friend who lost her mom to cancer when she was a teenager......

All the best, GPAGE

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