Teenage Dating - Sleepover at Parents House

What About Sleepovers?

What do you think of teenage dating involving sleepovers at the parents' house? Someone recently raised this question, getting mostly negative replies, A few women stated they currently allow this behavior in their homes. This type of activity may occur in countries or sections of countries with liberal sexual mores.

Amy Schatel in the book "Not under My Roof" compares this activity in the Netherlands and the United States. In the Netherlands, this practice is common with parents often providing protection for the teens. Surprisingly, the teen-age pregnancy rate is lower in that country than in the United States. Families in the Netherlands are known for their self-control and family bonding.

The reason given by the mothers who condone this activity is that they would prefer daughters to have sex under their own roof, using protection, than in a car, at someone's home, at a party or a hangout where it may not be safe. Following are some of the reasons this activity could be detrimental to teens, in response to those who believe it may be safer.

Wedding
Wedding

Are Sleepovers a Good Idea?

  • Waiting for the one you love

Many people believe in saving themselves for those who make the heart beat faster and shiny stars sparkle. If you follow these mores, you have done it all, too young to have mature understanding. Teens are still growing and learning.

  • Risk of pregnancy

What if the protection failed, and a baby resulted. How would the parents feel if they heard the pitter patter of little feet, because they allowed sex in their own home?

Loving Teens at Lake
Loving Teens at Lake

Conservative Teen Behavior.

This young man sleeps alone and looks content
This young man sleeps alone and looks content | Source

Not in My House

The mom in this house says no to liberal arrangements.
The mom in this house says no to liberal arrangements. | Source
  • Opinion of the boys' parents

Would the parents of the boys allow this behavior? These kids are teens, and some parents might be horrified that a parent would allow such behavior. Do you talk to the boys' parents and tell them, or who informs them of the situation? This could bring up a serious problem for all concerned parties.

  • Poor relationships with others

The question arises about the friends, family, and neighbors of all concerned. This behavior could cause strained relationships or the end of relationships. Other parents might not allow the teens to associate with the girl and may be angry at the parents for allowing this activity.

  • Interference with other activities

The extra pressure and time spent having "fun" could interfere with schoolwork, sports, and many other activities. The priority in high school should be to get an education to prepare kids for college and work. Permissive sexual activity can be a diversion to these goals.

  • Sexually transmitted diseases

The other danger is the problem of sexually transmitted diseases. If these girls have multiple boyfriends, or even if not, the teens would need testing for these diseases.

Conclusion

In conclusion, teens and parents must weigh the options and consider the factors above. Teens may not desire such freedom. They might not want to create a bad impression for younger siblings and risk their self-esteem with others. Parents and teens may need to set high standards and set goals for success. Alternately, parents who promote providing teens with protection and a safe place to sleep, say this choice may be better than a car or a cheap motel with questionable protection. The decision about sleepover at parents' house by teenagers is a personal decision.The answer is only one of the many choices a parent and teen will make in life.

Audrey Selig copyright 2012.

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Comments 24 comments

mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Thanks for answering my question. I am still unsure about whether I would allow it or not as I don't have children (and sadly can't have them). I do recall I lost my virginity in the front seat of a car aged 17 (back in 1987), and probably would rather have done this in a bed though. Not surprisingly I am no longer with that man, so as I said, I still am not sure of the 'correct' answer, but was curious to know what other people thought.

Great Hub :)


K. Burns Darling profile image

K. Burns Darling 4 years ago from Orange County, California

I am the mother of a seventeen year old son, and two daughters ages sixteen and four, and cannot fathom what would drive a parent to think that they should allow their teenage child's boyfriend/girlfriend to sleepover. We don't even allow their boyfriend/girlfriend in their bedrooms with the door closed. I realize that at some point most teenagers experiment with sex, and I realize that I cannot keep them children forever; but it is still our job as their parents to set boundaries. Good hub with some great insight. Voted up, useful, and interesting.


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 4 years ago from California

Sadly,the family system in America is breaking down and this is a sign. Expecting teens to experiment with sex robs them of the expectation that they can exercise self control. Whatever happened to being responsible and being committed before sex?


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

Hi Misty - I loved answering your question. It gave me insight into a teen age issue. Thanks for asking the question. Most people are turned off by the idea of sleeping at parents' house. You gave me some personal history about your situation and your feeling on the subject - curiosity. I have two grown children, but remember well the teen age years. I hope for another contest similar to this one. I love to ask and answer questions. That is just a part of me. If you don't ask questions, you won't learn. Good luck with your writing, and thank you so much for teaching me a little bit about you.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

Hi K. Burns - Thanks you for reading my contest hub. Your comments interest me, and you have taken a stand with your teens. I admire you and everything you said. Most people agree with you. I have two grown children. Some of the new attitudes surprise me. i enjoyed researching the issue and learning all sorts of new information. It is interesting to see various points of view on such subjects. I know you are a good writer and have enjoyed reading your hubs. I am sorry about the death of your father. Take care and good luck with your writing.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Thanks brakel2, I just can't help seeing that we do live in an evolving society, and as one of the people who answered my question pointed out, it is much safer for the kids to be in your home when they 'do it', and they will 'do it' one way or another, even if like me they end up doing it in a car seat.

Things have changed over the years and now 'being in a committed relationship' does seem to come second to simply having sex because you are dating someone (rightly or wrongly).


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

This situation is enigmatic. Some parents believe that there is nothing wrong with their teenagers having their other having sex in their home while other parents are quite alarmed at this prospect. I can see that depending upon the individual teenager's maturity and if the relationship is mongamous or serial. Many parents do allow sleepovers if the teenager is mature, contraceptively prepared and aware, and the relationship is monogamous which makes sense. It is better for them to have sex in a safe environment than to have sex in an unsafe area. Many parents who forbid their teenagers to have sex on moral grounds are in for quite a surprise. Their teenagers are having sex anyway, oftentimes unprotected in an unsafe area. These are the teenagers who also become pregnant and have to derail their dreams. We must become enlightened and intelligent regarding teenage sex.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

Hi traveler - Thank you for reading my hub and commenting. Hopefully, the situation with teens will get better. Not everyone believes in the overnight practice. If the families can become closer through parental influence, that would help. I certainly hope that parent-teen relationships have a good chance at success. I see that you are a traveler, and I like your profile. Hopefully, I can read some of your hubs. Take care and good luck with your writing.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

Gm thanks for reading my hub and commenting. Your analysis makes sense. Glad it added to my article. This practice is new to some parents It will take a long time to change fundamental beliefs. A lot of it is religion and the way people were raised. I probably won't change my beliefs, as teens are so young and impressionable. It is easy to see both sides of the question as you indicate.


CLStigs profile image

CLStigs 4 years ago

Kids need to be fully educated on the ramifications of having sex so early. Just because it's "in my house, or under my roof", doesn't make it safe. So many parents are afraid to have the conversation - be honest with your kids from std's to pregnancy to feelings. Come on parents, you have one shot to get its right - get it done!


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

Right on. CL Thanks for reading my hub. You are so right about kids having sex so young. I am sure you will do right by your two children. Parents are so afraid to talk to their kids, and I do not understand the reason. I guess they find it embarrassing. How sad as it the one important favor they can do in their kid's lives. Have that talk instead of handing them contraceptives and say it's ok. That is almost giving them an invitation to have early sex. Take care and happy writing.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

Hi Inde. Thanks for reading and commenting on my hub. You hit the nail on the head about not letting teens do things too young. Teen parent must talk to them about dating, sex, and dangers of pregnancy and STD. Also need to talk about using safe protection if already sexually active. If a close bond forms with teen, fewer problem will occur. I talked to my kids and had no real problems. It was easy. Stop by again and good luck with writing


independentminded 4 years ago

Hi, brake12. You're welcome. Thanks for your compliments. I enjoy reading your posts and seeing the wonderful perspective that you bring to Hubpages. I think that close bonding between pre-teens/teens and their parents is an important factor in helping youngsters make prudent decisions about sex, as well. Good luck to you, too, with your writing.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

Thanks for your response. Come back and visit.


independentminded 4 years ago

You're welcome, brake12! I'll be back.


Ravineyes profile image

Ravineyes 4 years ago from Buffalo, NY

Like others have said, I'm on the fence...with two daughters 14 & 16, right now I can't imagine allowing this to happen in my home. But, unlike many parents, I am very open and teach my girls to respect their bodies and their reputation. It's sad to see so many that don't have the right information out there because their parents cannot, will not, or don't think it's a big deal, to open up about the ramifications of teenage sex. It's tough to be a teen, and complicating that by adding the expectations of sex is even tougher. However, on the flip side, what if they had been dating for years? What if they are truly in love and plan on getting married? Rare as it is to find the "one" when you are a teen, it happens. In that incidence, then it would have to be brought to the table for discussion.

I think that being open with your children in the most important thing a parent can do, even if it is uncomfortable.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

I appreciate your reading my article on this sensitive issue. You have a good point about teens who plan on marrying might alter decisions. It is important, as you indicated, to be open with teens about issues. Some parents do not have open relationships and good communication skills about this problem. How great that you and your daughters have such a good relationship. That makes such a difference in your lives. Good luck to you in whatever you decide for your daughters. I will check out your profile. I am originally from Buffalo - small world. Good luck with your writing.


cnhughes profile image

cnhughes 4 years ago from Scranton, PA

Very interesting. I've gathered that a lot of parents nowadays go by the philosophy that if they don't allow their children to do something they are going to do it somewhere else. Which, looking back on being a teenager, they're probably right. My high school sweetheart, who I am now happily married to, was allowed to sleep over my house but we did have to keep the door open at all times


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

Hi cn. Thank you for your comments on my hub. Everyone has an opinion. I guess parents try to do their best for their children, and it is often difficult. Your parents solved the problem with an open door rule. That is pretty clever. It is a compromise I think It sounds like you would be a good parent. Happy writing.


brittvan22 profile image

brittvan22 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Not happening period until adult age! As long as the parent pays the bills they should make the decisions, too! You wouldn't be able to sleepover period! Nice hub~! Sorry I have a teen now and it is unacceptable you are the parent not the friend.


brakel2 profile image

brakel2 4 years ago from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Author

I appreciate your comment. You must have noticed in my hub that I did not support any opinion on this question. I understand your reasoning as I have raised teenagers. I am very conservative about teenage behavior and took an active role in their lives, even while working. They turned out ok, and never even had anyone they would have wanted to sleep with here. I know that other opinions exist. You are right that the parent must make the decisions. I understand the other opinions, and believe that parents have a right to decide for themselves. I would not judge another person. Good luck with your teen. The teen years are so important, and I look back on them many times. Wish you much success and thanks again for your comment.


safiq ali patel profile image

safiq ali patel 4 years ago from United States Of America

You perspective is conservative like mine and I appreciate that. I'm not sure I would wish to encourage such liberalism. In fact I don't think it's liberalism I think in common terms I'd call it loose.


peterson, and Josephine 2 years ago

Well couples,

We are happilly married couple from Netherland. I am Jsephine , 48 years old mother; and my hubby is 47 . We have three children. Eldest is daughter , 28 , two sons each of 19 years and 17 yrears respectively. We are verry liberal and always positive to avoid un-necessary taboos of society.. We allow our children to enjoy sex at home under same roof as a natural thing of life. Other parents may share our experiences if they like on our email address, given herewith:

petersonpove@yahoo.com


brittvan22 profile image

brittvan22 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Peterson you have adult not teenagers. What you allow your adult children to do in your home is different than your teenagers. Sex is more than just enjoyable it requires responsibility. Which means if they can not support themselves or any babies they make they should not be doing it.

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    brakel2 profile image

    Audrey Selig (brakel2)426 Followers
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    Helping others through her research and writing meets an important goal for Audrey. She has spent many hours on this goal in her career.



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