Teenage Sleep-Overs With The Opposite Sex : Should It Be Allowed

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There are liberal families and non-liberal families. I believe as parents we are role models and have to make the choice of either parenting or allowing our teenagers to be expressive. CNN reported in early 2011 that the birth rate for teenage girls, ages, 15 to 19, in 2009 had a decrease of 37 percent from 1991. There was approximately 410,000 babies born to young mothers' in the same year. That calculates to 39.1 births per a 1,000 women. Although pregnancies have decreased there are still far to many babies being born. There are teens who are either practicing abstinence or they taking some form of contraception. The CDC had also reported that teenagers were acting more responsibly than many have in the last decade. But still the amount of births are to high with an average of 1,100 teenage girls giving birth everyday as reported in 2011.

When you allow teenagers to sleep-over you are giving them an opportunity to co-habitat with permission. Why would any parent make it permissible? Many teenagers are not financially capable of providing for a child nor have they even completed an education. They are dependent upon their parents to provide shelter, food and clothing.

Not many parents wish to have the responsibility of a newborn, especially when there own children are almost grown. A majority of parents who have became grandparents early, have been accepting or send them on their way to fiend for themselves.

Being a parent is complicated enough but when you have an unexpected announcement your home can be turned upside down.

So to answer the question asked by MistyHorizon2003, should a teenager be allowed to have the opposite gender sleep-over? I am going to have to say no. You are opening up to many doors when you allow the opposite sex to stay the night. You are acting irresponsible as a parent and should not be so liberal. Teenagers may get upset, but you have to create boundaries. They have to respect your decisions while they are at home.

Should we trust our teenagers?

Yes. But we should not give them an opportunity to make any type of irrational decisions that they clearly do not understand. We should be teaching them abstinence before marriage and talking to our kids about the repercussions of unwanted pregnancies. We need to explain to them what intimacy and relationships are and not give approval by allowing them to coherse in our home.

If they wish to watch a movie, have dinner or do things with the family then I completely agree. But I believe a young man should respect the boundaries that are given. If the young woman is trying to cross those boundaries, then he should be respectful and refrain.

So long as I am a parent and have morals, there will not be any asking permission nor spending the night with the opposite gender. If any parent allows that to happen, knowing the possibilities of intimacy then that is their choice. But for this mom. As the big bad wolf said, "Not by the hair of my chinny, chin, chin."


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mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 4 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Great hub Julianna, and thanks for answering my question.

As I have said elsewhere I am still somewhat on the fence on this issue, not least because as a 17 year old teenager I was so overwhelmingly 'in love' with the man I was seeing I honestly think I would have slept with him anywhere, and as my parents would never ever have allowed me to bring a man/boy home for this purpose, I simply had the undignified experience of losing my virginity in the front seat of a Vauxhall Chevette, (sad but true). I do see both sides of this, as I know my Mum would still feel the same today, but would it stop me or any other young adult from having sex?, no I don't believe it would, and quite possibly they might be less likely to get pregnant in your home as you could insist on contraception as a condition. Perhaps I should have specified an age group in my question, as obviously children of 16 or less should be actively discouraged from having sex too soon, but I think 16+ is unavoidable, and far better they are in a safe environment where you can control the situation better, (at least that is kind of where I think I stand right now).

I am also not sure I now believe in waiting until marriage to have sex, even though I once declared adamantly I believed in this. My thoughts on this changed when I realised that some people get on incredibly well emotionally, but physically they are completely incompatible, and in fact may have vastly different ideas of what is enjoyable sexually. Far better to find this out prior to marriage than when it is too late and you are already married!

Again, loved your hub, and liked the points you made about 'respect' Voted up :)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

I can truthfully say, I may be a tad "old-fashioned," but I swear, I never thought I'd get OLD enough for this to be suggested as an ISSUE parents need to consider.

A teen sleepover of the opposite sex? No...Never....Not on your life....You cannot be serious....Have you lost your mind?....Read my lips:...N-O spells NO!!!

Being realistic enough to realize that young adults may choose to have sex, is an enormously far cry from providing a comfortable and convenient environment in which to have sex under your roof, in the next room, with parental consent.

Has every single ration of morality gone totally to hell??? Not in MY world.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

I spent the entire morning on Saturday at the police station because my stepdaughter who lives with her mother did not return from school on Friday.

At about 8am, the mother called to tell us the news. The 13 year old child left her school, went to a function at another school and ended up going home with a boy. Luckily the boy, whom she just met, was a decent boy who took care of her and respected her. She was the one to instigate the whole thing.

No daughter of mine would ever be allowed the freedom to think that she could do such a thing and get away with it. Her mother does not parent her well based on other incidents that have taken place.

How can it be okay for teen age girls to have boys sleeping over? I cannot wrap my mind around that scenario. It makes no sense.

Another issue I have is the age of sexual consent here in my country. The age is 16. How can a child who is still dependent on parents and not even legible to vote make such an emotional decision when they are not fully developed psychologically or emotionally?

Sorry about my rant Julianna, you hub was great and I do agree except for the sex before marriage. As Misty said, I too used to believe that but many people are not compatible and many marriages have fallen apart because of this. But train you child to abstain and when they are adults they can make the decision themselves.

Have a blessed day.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

mistyhorizon2003: I know teenagers can do it anywhere. Given the opportunity they will try. I know we can't always police our kids,but we can try to guide them to do the right thing. STD's are high in teenagers although pregnancies are low. But if the kids realized they can wait, then life could be a little easier and more would choose education of responsibility of a newborn.

Having a baby so young isn't love and most of the young girls who end up pregnant, end up alone and single. The boys that they believed would stay forever have moved on to someone else.

I have a son and he is still to young to be intimate, but we already talk about when he becomes a teenager. I agree with your mom and it will never be allowed. Thanks for appreciating my view on the subject. :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

fpherj48: Not in my world either. lolo! I think we need to take back the old-fashioned values and instill them in this generation. :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Cardisa: I am glad all of you found your step-daughter alive and well. I am old-fashioned so I did not agree that teenagers should be intimate at such a young age. I agreed with Misty to because they are not compatible sexually and do not have a clue what love or intimacy really is. :)


Craig Suits profile image

Craig Suits 4 years ago from Florida

Hell no under ANY circumstances!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Craig Suits: Thanks for agreeing! That is what I said too. What is wrong with society today? Mmmmmm..


samsons1 profile image

samsons1 4 years ago from Tennessee

This is a "No-Brainer"! What are parents asking for if they allow this? If our children are allowed to be promiscuous without the proper training and instruction we as parents deserve the results that just might develop. Voted up and useful...


petenali profile image

petenali 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Why don't we also arm them with a sub machine gun and drive them to the bank with a balaclava over their head, or take them to a back alley and slip them a couple of hundred bucks to buy dirty needles to shoot up, or set some child pornography sites into the favourites on their web browser to make it easier for them to search....

C'mon people. If we, as parents, are not going to set a standard for the ethics and morality of our own kids, then we might as well let anarchy reign and everyone can live how they like, doing what they like giving no concern to how it hurts themselves or others. Train up your child in the way they should live from a young age and when they are older they will follow the right way. That's a good idea... wonder where that's from? Oh, yes, the Bible. (Proverbs 22:6). A little more attention to the plans of our Maker and a little less attention to what makes us feel good at the time might just turn things around before it's too late.


moonlake profile image

moonlake 4 years ago from America

There are parents out there that think they are better parents than any other parent. They set their homes up for kids to get in trouble. This is a little off the subject. We found out our son was drinking and we found out were he was getting the drinks from. This family had let teens drink in their home. Their words to the police "It's safe, we don't let them out." I say "bull"

Kids will sneak out and be driving drunk. Our son and this family never knew I was the one who called the police. The drinking parties ended.

Our son is a man now and talked about it when he got older and it was safe to tell us. He said some other kids turned the family into the police because they were jealous. I still haven't told him.

Believe me if there were a parent that let my under age child have sex in their home. I would be calling the police in a second. I don't know if anything could be done.

I know it goes on. I knew a family that let it go on with their 15 year old daughter every few months she had a new boyfriend living in her home, in her bed.

Great Hub.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

samsons1: I agree. Maybe I am a little old-fashioned but there isn't anyway that would happen in our home either. But there are parents who approve of it to, which is so shocking to me. :(


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

petenali: I like that verse Proverbs 22:6. That is how I am raising my own. I am doing all that I can as a parent, to give him the direction he needs. I pray that he will go onto college and then start a family. There is always time for responsibility but not when you are young.

That is the time of growth, guidance and enjoying your youth without all of the drama. :)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

moonlake: I am appalled that parents would approve of drinking in the home, especially under age. I applaud you for calling the police on that family, I would have done the same thing too. If only more parents would be concerned, there would be less pregnancies and more lives saved because of drinking. Good for you! :)


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

I have to agree with you. I wouldn't let my teen stepkids have overnight visitors of the opposite sex. It seems like asking for trouble.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Paradise7: A lot of trouble. Why would parents even think about allowing it to happen? Those who do cause more stress for themselves, then those who do not.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

Your analysis is very interesting. As a teenager, I thought this has to be allowed. Now, I'm a grown up man and I think there must be abstinence.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Vinaya Ghimire: Interesting how our own attitudes change when we become adults. When we are teenagers we don't always understand and we think we know everything and our parents don't have any idea what is going on in our heads. Looking back as an adult we as teenager really didn't know anything at all. Thank you for commenting. :)


Anjili profile image

Anjili 4 years ago from planet earth, a humanoid

Mine is a big emphatic No. Teenagers are out to experiment and find out how deep your parenting waters run. I strongly believe and advocate for responsibility coupled with accountability on life issues.

Teens can't care for newborn babies gotten under a parent's roof.

If you allow it, be ready to care for bastards.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Anjili: Glad you agree. It is always nice to receive another opinion. :)


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 4 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

Call be conservative... I would never support it. I not only consider teenage sex wrong but also consider premarital sex wrong. However, if there is a mental compatibility and the couples want it, that's fine if they indulge in the act. But again, there should be no blame game and both should take responsibility of their actions. Good Hub, voted up and shared.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Anamika S: Thank you so much for your thoughts on this subject. If they choose to be irresponsible then I agree they should be responsible for their actions. :)


Kbell 4 years ago

As a teenager myself i also thonk that having "sleepovers" with the opposite sex is wrong. That's what's wrong with teenagers today. Its because parents now days thinks that it is ok when its not they give their teens so much frredom that its rediculious. Luckily i was raised with enough sense to know that any kind of intimacy with the opposite sex before marriage is unacceptable let alone staying the night with them!!!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

Kbell: I commend you! You are the first teenager that was raised correctly and also has common sense. You will become a leader one day and I thank your parents for teaching you morals. :)


cinea-chan profile image

cinea-chan 4 years ago

I'm curious: is a sleepover specifically a girl and a boy sleeping in the same bed or just the same house?

I know there were a couple times, when my family invited my boyfriend on our vacations, camping trips, or anything else that required an early start the next morning, they allowed him to sleep on our couch, and they're very conservative themselves. I don't believe in teenagers being essentially, as it was worded above, "given a comfortable place to have sex", as I don't really think people should be having sex in high school, especially not in their parents' homes. However, I don't think people should be so closed-minded as to say, "Oh, you are asking for him to spend the night [elsewhere in the house] so you're trying to have sex" because I honestly never had that intention. Sometimes there are circumstances where a sleepover isn't an issue of the young couple having sex, though. Do you still believe that such a thing would be immoral? Or is it only when they're sleeping in the same room/bed?


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

cinea-chan: Only when they are in the same bedroom or room is it in appropriate. If both teenagers are in the opposite rooms and know the difference between right and wrong then I as a parent am also okay with it. We have to instill responsibility, respect for oneself and celibacy until he/she is ready.


EuroNinila profile image

EuroNinila 4 years ago from NYC BABY

Im 24 years old and even at this age I wasn't allowed to bring boys home. But I don't blame my family because my poor future children to be ( not any time soon) will have the same restrictions. But, I have moved out of my house recently so these rules no longer pertain to me!


AEvans profile image

AEvans 4 years ago from SomeWhere Out There Author

EuroNinila: What wonderful rules your parents have instilled upon you. I believe its respect not only for the family; but for yourself as well. :)

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