The 10 Totally Illogical and Utterly Insipid Remarks Made To Childfree Couples
Why Don't YOU Want to Have Children? C'MON NOW
YOU Don't Want Children, WHAT Is WRONG With YOU!!
More thinking couples are opting to be childfree. They have given considerable thought to the positives and negatives regarding the issue of either having children or being childfree before deciding not to have children. They are happy regarding their respective choices.
Such couples are under the scrutiny of their parents, family members, friends, and other relatives. While some family members support and/or even applaud their individual choices, there are others who are quite aghast that they dare to make this decision. Even though childfree couples are more accepted than ever, there is underlying bias against childfree couples in this pronatalist society where having children is the norm. There are still some people who believe that those who elect not to have children to be totally abhorrent and abnormal.
Well, this is not necessarily the case. Being childfree is a quite acceptable lifestyle, thank you very much. However, there are people who believe their prochild lifestyle should be for everyone. They see it as quite normal to interfere with a couple's childfree life choice. Here is my list of the ten most utterly illogical and preposterous things that childfree couples hear on a frequent basis.
(1) You are being SELFISH for not having children, No, it is not. Not every couple wants children. They thought about the situation at hand before having children. They realize that having children involves spending time and energy with them. They further know that having children involves sacrifice that they do not wish to take. Having children required altering and even drastically changing one's lifestyle in order to accommodate them. Raising children is not an easy chore.
Many childfree couples are cognizant of this fact and act accordingly. Many people have children without considering all the angles involved. There are people who have children, much to their regret. Many people have children for the wrong reasons-to keep their marriage together, to mend a failing marriage, to give their parents a grandchild, to prove that they are true adults, and/or because it is an obligation to have children. Many people just do not think about the positive and negative aspects regarding having children until the children are born.
However, childfree couples are thinking and responsible people. They know that it is reprehensible to have children to conform to societal constructs. They are of the school that children must be planned and wanted. They realize that the prochild lifestyle is not the only legitimate lifestyle choice. Intelligent and thinking people always put their needs into account. Not to consider one's own needs when making an important decision is the epitome of being quite obtuse indeed.
(2) Family is composed of children, dear, if you have no children, you have no family.- No, it is not. Family is composed of people who care for and respect each other, whether it is blood related or nonblood related. Children do not make a family. Couples can be a family of 2 people sans children. Couples without children are usually less stressed and happy. While children are nice, oftentimes, they can cause stress among couples. How many arguments are related to children e.g. how to raise and discipline them and other related factors. Many arguments among couples are related to the subject of children.
Also, so many parents devote so much time to their children to the detriment of their couplehood. They are mom and dad instead of being couples and/or lovers. They are in the mom and dad mode excessively that when their children grow up and leave home, they forgot that they were once a couple. In essence, many of them have grown apart. While some rekindle the romance of once being a couple, others divorce because they have nothing besides their children in common anymore.
(3) I want a grandchild, you could at least grant me that.- The purpose of a couple is to give their parents a grandchild. If parents want a child in their lives, they could volunteer to work with children. There are so many children who need someone to mentor and/or talk to. There are so many ways that your parents can bond with a child in their lives. There are schools, hospitals, homeless shelters, and other organizations where they can devote their time to children in need.
Furthermore, it is quite thoughtless and self-centered for parents to expect their children to have children. Children are precious entities, they are not objects. If a couple has children, they should want them. Children are not objects to be used at will. That sought of thinking is totally egregious. Parents who believe that their children should supply them with a grandchild are beyond selfish. They have some issues that need to be seriously addressed.
(4) You must hate children, what is wrong with you. Childfree couples do not hate children. They just do not want children of their own. Childfree couples do interact with children , whether it is their neighbor's children, their cousins, nieces, nephews, and other related and/or nonrelated children in their lives. Many childfree couples have jobs and/or careers which they constantly interface with children.
Then, there are some people who do not like children, pure and simple. They are not bad people. It is just that some people only prefer adult company to that of children. That is just their psychological composition. There are people who find the sight of children totally unnerving and unsettling. They just do not have the prerequisite energy and/or patience to interface with children. They can take and/or leave children, no more, no less.
(5) All women want children, that is the maternal instinct within ALL women.- No, no, no, no! All women do not have a maternal instinct. Some women are quite indifferent about children. Others clearly do not wish to be bothered with them in the least. The premise that all women have maternal instincts is totally based on atavistic, sexist myths.
There are women who are quite happy being childfree. They have other interests and hobbies that occupy them. They have friends that they go out with. They may have an emotionally fulfilling and demanding career. They can have a lifestyle that precludes children and they are quite happy with that.
(6) Children makes you fulfilled.- Uh uh. Having children for the purpose of making one fulfilled is the height of utter immatury, stupidity, and selfishness. How many people have children because they believed that the child will fulfill them to discover that having children requires a level of responsibility that is beyond what they possess. Now, they view that child as a burden. How many precious children are abused because the parents could not cope with the responsibilities of childrearing? Much more than it is accountable.
Children should not be conceived to fulfill the parents' narcississtic yearnings. When you are parent, your children should be the main priority in your life, not vice versa. However, there are some people who misconstrue the issue at hand. Childfree couples are fulfilled in a myriad of ways. They have friends, careers, hobbies, activities, and/or may participate in cultural activities that fulfill them. They are fulfilled and content within themselves. Children are human beings, not avenues to be used for self-fulfillment.
(7) You are not finally an adult until YOU have children. Hmmmm. Not true at all. Children is a moot issue to whether one is a true adult or not. Yes, many people believe that having children makes one a bona fide adult. They are of the school that people who do not have children are still at the adolescent level. They adamantly maintain that if a couple only take care of themselves, they are not adults and in order to be considered to be a true adult, one MUST have children.
There are many childfree couples who are mature. They are responsible people who contribute to their communities and the general society. They are also respectful and caring about each others and the close people in their lives.
Conversely, there are irresponsible parents out there. All of use have witnesses fathers who routinely walk away from their families, mothers who horrifically abuse their children because the rigors of childrearing is beyond their capabilities. Parents who have little or no involvement in their children's lives, often delegating their duties to other members of their families whether it is grandparents, aunts, uncles, and/or oldest children. Having children does not necessarily make one more adult. There are mature and responsible adutls who elect not to have children.
(8) Who is going to care for you when you get old?- Having children is not an assured guarantee that they will be there for you when you get old. There are many instances when parents get old, their children are nowhere to be found. There are children who view their aging parents as a bearable eyesore. Many adult children routinely put their parents in nursing homes because they have no time for them. Still others, although they care for aging parents, do so reluctantly and out of a sense of obligation.
There are many childfree couples who have relatives and other people who willingly care and/or otherwise look after them. Furthermore, being old is not necessarily correlated with becoming more fragile. There are many old people who are strong, vigorous, and are able to care for themselves into highly advanced years. Also, if childfree couples have a good long term care plan in addition to some younger people, either related or nonrelated, who are actually concerned about you, your concerns have been address. I know of a younger neighbor who regularly and without complain visit an elderly childfree neighbor on a daily basis to care for her physical and emotional needs. Conversely, there are elderly people in nursing homes whose children seldom, if ever, visit them.
(9) You are not doing your part for society. Many people believe that in order to fully contribute to society and to the world at large, one must have children. After all, they surmise, you must continue the human species. Even if you do not have children, there are other people who will. Again, not everyone wants to have children. If you want to have children, fine. Let others who do not want to have children-BE! Furthermore, there are myriad ways to contritue to society whether it through art, literature, medicine, education, and/or other related factors. Having is not the only way a couple can contribute to society and the world at large.
(10) You are preordained to have children after all that is what marriage is for. Nope. Couples get married and/or otherwise committed to be with each other. Children may or may not be in the equation. Many religions still maintain that the purpose for marriage is to beget children. There are some religions who eschew any type of contraception, exhorting couples to produce as many children as possible.
These religions maintain that children ARE the marriage and that any couple who elect not to have children are living an extremely self-indulgent life. According to these religionists, it is God's law that married couples are to have children. They further assert that it is a sin against God hence it is unnatural not to have children.
Marriage and/or other commitments are not for the purpose of having children. The purpose of marriage and/or other committed relationships are to develop a closeness and rapport with each other. Children are not an essential component to such relationships. Children are the bonus to marriage and/or other committal relationships, no more, no less.
Childfree couples oftentimes face endless verbal barrage from people who are not comfortable with the former's choice. Many people are quite threatened and nonplussed with the aspect that there are people who choose not to have children. There are some people who assert that people who are married and/or in an otherwise committal relationship ought to have children. There are people who are quite happy being childfree. However, many people refuse to acknowledge that fact, feeling that the prochild lifestyle is for everyone. Sadly, there are some people who can be quite intrusive regarding other's lifestyle. It is none of their business what a couple decide to with their lives.
© 2013 Grace Marguerite Williams
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