The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Names (for) Babies
"I am not claiming, nor will claim to be an expert on child-raising or even naming the said child with a name that might, if used correctly, give him or her a life of success, power, wealth and popularity. If I were "that" enlightened, I would not be writing this hub. I would be in New York in my offices on the top floor (next to Trump Tower) and raking in millions each week.
"Sadly, all I can do now is dream about such a life. But at least (so far) the I.R.S. cannot tax my dreams. Can they?"
Nothing is sure
A sad fact about this entire genre of a child's name dictating his/her future is ludicrous to me. You can name your child whatever name you want and as long or short as you want, and even with giving your child the best in private schooling, college, mentors who make a ton of cash for helping college students reach their full potential and still they can turn out to be a bum. And I do not mean "bum" in the sense of panhandling, but living off of you, his/her parents who forked out thousands on their education.
Tell me something. Where is it written that today's college grads are to seek work a small time, give up and move back into the house with mom and pop? Not just for a short stay, but for a lengthy time. If you can provide me with documented, written evidence of this "way of life," that so many of the younger set are following, I will give you $20.00 in cash.
"I did some research on my name, Kenny, and it turns out that my name means "handsome one." But you be the judge."
I am again going to help you, the people who are expecting their first, second or third child and not really settled on a name for the child, by giving you this piece called . . .
Well before I continue, I want to go on record to share two people, one I would trust to help me with my naming of a child and the other, forget it.
John Fogerty, musician, songwriter, co-founder of Creedence Clearwater Revival. I would trust Fogerty any day with helping me with naming a child. Fogerty is down-to-earth and grounded in reality, thus his name choices would be earthy, but strong. Creative, but honored.
The late Frank Zappa formerly of The Mothers of Invention. Sure, Zappa is "out there," or was "out there," with his views on politics, music and life. But when it came to naming his own children, he named them Dweezil and Moon Unit. Need I continue?
And now, once again, my headline:
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Names (for) Babies
An honest question:
are YOU completely happy with YOUR name?See results without voting
The next time you get an urge to complain about your name . . .just consider the poor chap who Johnny Cash is singing about in this song
Jack Elam played as "J.D. Smith," a deputy sheriff on an early television western, "The Dakotas." I always wished that I had been named "J.D.," for "J.D." commands instant respect (for male children) not just as a youngster, but throughout his life as a man.
Good Names for Male Children
- Vince - - strong, a man named Vince may be an adventurer or explorer. Or a professional wrestler: "Vince Victory," which is not entirely a bad thing.
- Thad - - western-based, humble and trustworthy.
- Jimmy - - All-American, kid down the street who loves baseball, slingshots and puppies.
- Newton - - creative, a people person, a leader.
- Mark - - good hearted, able to serve others, obedient.
- Larry - - the guy next door, jovial, hard-working, prudent.
Strange Names for Male Children
- Gabby - - not really a name for male children. Always into trouble either with someone else or with his mouth.
- Oakman - - this one would easily fit into the "good" names for male children. Honorable, not a gossip, but a listener.
- Slick - - great as a nick-name, but not as a sir name. Implies shrewd in getting away with minor crimes and hard work.
- "Big" - - pretty good nick-name for a male child who is big for his age, but not as a sir name. (e.g. "Big" Johnny Lace).
- Dewey - - American based, a neighborly type of man, provides well for his family.
- Bear, Tiger, Gator - - are cute male names if you want a nick-name, but as in "Big's" explanation, none of these are for sir names for male children unless you do not care if your male child is the subject of ridicule.
Inappropriate Names for Male Children
- Dog Tag - - the child is a child, not "G.I. Joe."
- Sheep Head - - seriously?
- Moses - - no offense to God, but in 2016, not many parents are giving their male children this name.
- Snake Skin - - I am not going to elaborate on this one.
- Hot Skillet - - are you trying to wreck your male child's life on purpose? Now if he were a member of a street gang in the 1940's and was a wizard at playing craps, this name woul be ideal. But I must remind you that this is 2016.
Good Names for Female Children
- Anne - - a writer's name. Maybe a poet. Very feminine.
- Jennifer - - playful, smart, fun-loving.
- Janet - - girl next door, very honorable name.
- Margaret - - very American. Neighborly, people person.
- Linda - - sweetheart, beautiful, makes a great business leader. Note: The gorgeous Linda Carter "Wonder Woman," inspired this name.
- Karen, Karin, Kitty - - all quite memorable, sweet, good neighbor to all.
Strange Names for Female Children
- Sky - - unique, but not many parents like answering, "where is your daughter?" "Sky?" "no, your daughter." See how much confusion this can create.
- Autumn Leaf - - if you lived in the 60's, this would be perfect for your little girl, but this is 2016.
- Sundown, Sunrise - - not really a bad name. I can live with this.
Teardrop - - please!
- Kitten - - great as a nick-name, but as her first name, forget this unless you are a family living off the grind in the bush regions of South Africa.
- Blondie - - only in the comic section of the paper. Not as your girl child's name.
Inappropriate Names for Female Children
- Hot Coals - - do you really need my explanation on why I strongly advise against this name.
- Easy L. - - if her name is "Lou, Lucy or Lucinda," and you are trying to give her some street cred.
- She Cat - - hey, you are not living with Tarzan.
- Blaze - - nope. She is not a member of any Roller Derby club.
- Bloom - - okay. I will compromise on this one for it makes me think of flowers.
- Sparky - - nope. Only for Chevy Chase' character "Clark W. Griswald," in those "Vacation" movies. His wife, "Ellen," called "Clark" this name in college, so there it is. Your explanation for NOT giving your pretty little girl this name.
Note: I want to get a lot of progress results from my followers if they are expecting a child.
And a good night, Gardendale, Alabama.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
More by this Author
Yes, "we" talk funny in the South. Need proof? Just read this hub.
We've all got them. Relatives with hardly any manners or respect for our belongings. This piece deals with what they can do to you if you let them.
Destination America, a channel on DirecTV, has a new show, Mountain Monsters. The show is about guys who investigate sightings of mysterious creatures reported by average citizens. This is my opinion.