The Nuclear Family – The Core of Humanity - H.O.W.

© Martie Coetser
© Martie Coetser
pakorn @ freedigitalphotos.net
pakorn @ freedigitalphotos.net | Source

Why not rather live like giraffes?

Contemplating the high divorce rate all over the world, we sometimes wonder if there is any sense in the constitution of a nuclear family.

Why not rather live like giraffes?

  • Men and women in separate groups,
  • Women and men in a state of estrus may socialize,
  • Only the gifted may multiply,
  • Children to be kept together in the loving care of surrogate parents who are qualified and able in all ways to raise and educate a future generation.

So much easier to manage than a nuclear family!

So, why stick to the old fairy-tale tradition: Falling in love, become engaged, getting married, having children, and live happily ever after....

Just to realize that reality is a nightmare of another colour.

To live happily ever after demands vision, insight, compassion, empathy, courage, patience, endurance, a sense of forgiveness, logical thoughts and tons of energy beyond the comprehension of young, infatuated couples. 'Happily ever after' so often ends after the honeymoon to become a 'hell on earth' to be continued beyond divorce.

So, WTH, let's live like giraffes!

Source

But wait!

Let's contemplate (again) the true purpose of a nuclear family.....

© Martie Coetser
© Martie Coetser

The Nuclear family

A nuclear family is also known as a conjugal family.

Defined by Wikipedia: “A conjugal family is a nuclear family of adult partners and their children (by birth or adoption) where the family relationship is principally focused inward and ties to extended kin are voluntary and based on emotional bonds, rather than strict duties and obligations.”

In terms of the law, ‘nuclear’ means ‘being legally responsible.’ Whether married or not, a couple is legally responsible for the children they have generated by procreation. Several legal procedures are required to be exempted from responsibility.

In my language (Afrikaans), this family is called a “gesin”, derived from the Dutch word "ghesinne”, which originally meant ‘people traveling in a group”. In Afrikaans we will never send an invitation to ‘Mr. X and family’, because then Mr. X is allowed to bring his entire family – parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, galore. So, in order to cater only for Mr. and Mrs. X and their children still living with them under the same roof, we send the invitation to “Mnr. X en gesin”. Though in English to “Mr. X and family. (Somehow the English people just know the difference between Nuclear- and Extended Family.)

In Afrikaans we will use additional words when we include the couple’s married children, as a nuclear family (gesin) doesn’t include married children, their spouses and their children. Grandchildren, and even married children and their spouses, are, of course, automatically included when they seem to be the responsibility of Mr. and Mrs. X, living in the same house, ‘traveling together’.

When parents are divorced, we refer to the nuclear family as ‘broken’ (gebroke) – like the ‘broken heart’ of a person who has lost their beloved to death or divorce.

digitalart @ freedigitalphotos.net
digitalart @ freedigitalphotos.net

What is the true purpose of a Nuclear Family?

According to WordWeb ‘nuclear’ means inter alia ‘like a nucleus’, and a nucleus is that part of a cell that contains DNA and RNA – the substance responsible for growth and reproduction, the kernel containing genetic material.

So obviously the nuclear family is the most vital part of humanity – the nuclear core.

The condition of the human race depends on this core. If something goes wrong with this core the results will obviously be devastating.

Contemplating the condition of humanity, the endless hatred among people, the divorces and killing of humans by humans during private and public wars, we will most certainly find the origin of hatred in the nucleus, just like we would find the genetic instructions used in the development and functioning of all known living organisms and viruses in its DNA.

However, we will also find the origin of love in the DNA of a nuclear family.

Source

Love: The only way to save humanity

“Where there is love there is life,” said Mahatma Gandhi. In other words, “Where there is hate there is death." Not only physical death, but the death of hopes, dreams, ambition, and the will to live until one dies a natural death caused by a force beyond our control.

So obviously, if we want to live happily ever after, we should love others as we love ourselves, and obviously the core where love should be developed into a powerful force that will eventually change the current sad/bad condition of humanity, is the nuclear family.

The most elementary way to develop love instead of hate in a nuclear family


“Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love,” said Mother Teresa.

How much will it take for members in a nuclear family to meet each other every day with a smile? Imagine the results! How much will it take for all members of societies to meet each others always with a smile? Imagine the results.

“Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do, but how much love we put in that action.” Mother Teresa


Benefits of a nuclear family

Intensive care and upbringing of a future generation: Only 2 adults – male and female in collaboration - protects, feeds, educates, raises only 1-5 members of a future generation, ensuring the survival of a highly advanced species, the human species.

Love is the most essential substance needed by a child to become a strong and well-balanced adult. The love of parents for their children is the purest, unselfish and unconditional love. This love is called agape – according to Christian theology the love of God for mankind.

Knowing only these 2 benefits of a nuclear family is surely enough for all of us to admit that the NUCLEAR FAMILY is the best constitution and most feasible social order for the human race.

© Martie Coetser
© Martie Coetser

Writer's note

I grew up in a happy nuclear family. For me nuclear families were simply the order of the day. The same with my husband.

Sadly, we both took the constitution of a nuclear family for granted. Under the impression that our vows would keep us together, we were not prepared for the onslaught of trouble that would eventually destroy our bond.

Fortunately we were able to keep our nuclear family 'alive' for almost 20 years.

My biography don't have the fairy-tale ending - '... and they live happily ever after.' It has a tail: "... in separate houses, minding their own business...."

Because I know the benefits of a nuclear family, I will always encourage couples to do everything in their power to keep their nuclear family alive and healthy.

I will forever promote the constitution and proper maintenance of nuclear families.

Some beautiful nuclear families in my world -

The Oliviers (eldest son already married with his own nuclear family) - © Martie Coetser
The Oliviers (eldest son already married with his own nuclear family) - © Martie Coetser
The Diques © Martie Coetser
The Diques © Martie Coetser
Brother Phillip and family © Martie Coetser
Brother Phillip and family © Martie Coetser
Me, my parents and siblings © Martie Coetser
Me, my parents and siblings © Martie Coetser
Pictures of pictures of my own © Martie Coetser
Pictures of pictures of my own © Martie Coetser

Let us cherish and respect the constitution of a nuclear families.

May all couples be blessed with wisdom and all that it takes to make their nuclear family a healthy core of humanity.


© Martie Coetser

© 2014 Martie Coetser

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Comments 60 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

Well that was just beautiful Martie. The pictures show a great many happy people, so I'd say your nuclear family made out quite well. I love the points you made in this; now if we can only get several billion to read this the world will be in better shape. Love...that's it, Martie.

bill


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Amen, Martie! I come from a happy nuclear family also. When my son's father and I divorced, I made sure there were no limitations put on my son and his father's relationship. It's important for children to feel and thrive on the love of both parents, even if they don't live together.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Billy, I do believe in sacrificing for the sake of the children. Adults should be less selfish and more responsible. Once the kids are grown, parents may, or may not, decide to continue 'traveling together'.....


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi bravewarrior, I agree, when parents really need to live apart they should still be competent parents. I believe parents living together can cover each other's shortcomings and still provide what's needed, but living apart, they are individuals exposing their bare parental skills. Then father has to be mother as well and mother has to be father as well. Who can meet this challenge. Two are stronger than one. But oh, too many individuals are worthless - they should not be allowed to bring babies in this world!


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

Oh Martie how right you are! This world would certainly be a jungle without the nuclear family and its love. I have always believed it is all about love.

Love of a father and mother, their love for their children, their love for their relatives and then for the rest of the world...."that's the only thing that there's just too little of...." love!

Well done my friend. Voted all but funny. Loved the pictures too.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

So true, Mary, and so much easier to love our children, for they are part of ourselves. But then the nuclear family is also a perfect school for all members, learning and teaching each other how to love, instead of how to hate. I am truly grateful because my parents had taught us how to love. Hate was a forbidden practice in our home, but also in my own nuclear family until the end when grudges and grievance became my wings....


parrster profile image

parrster 2 years ago from Oz

Nice hub. The influence of just one healthy family in society is huge; and vice versa. Of all that I accomplish in life, at the end I want to be able to look back and say, 'I loved my wife and children with all within me'. This is one of the most powerful ways to change the world.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 2 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Martie,

You have thoroughly and thoughtfully examined this subject.

I must say those giraffes have some decent ground rules (from so high up...LOL)

What a wonderful reminder to smile in our nuclear families...that is such a simple and healthy gesture that certainly goes a long way...

Your sharing always gives this type of writing such authenticity and honor to me...Voted UP and UABI. Hugs, Maria


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

My knowledge of a nuclear family comes from sisters and brothers who found their love early in life and produced a beautiful family, never once thinking of separation. I was the baby and did not follow in their footsteps, although i tried. A family who stays together and prays together is a beautiful thing. The saddest part of divorce is the trauma inflected on a child. I love the thought of a nuclear family that loves and thrives, there's nothing more important. love your pictures! Thank you dear one.....


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 2 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

The family makes a tremendous impact in every one of us. I don't think I can live like giraffes do. I'm too attached to my nuclear family.


Lany Olivier 2 years ago

Excellent Martie - I loved that you used Gandhi and Mother Teresa quotes, they are my favorite and i often have to refer back to their strength in words, to carry out my strength in life. I feel most privileged that you also shared our family in your blog. No family is ever perfect, but my dad always said 'the ones that eat together - stay together' Dankie en voorspoed


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Parrstar, somehow, when a couple stick together for better or worse until the end, they do feel more contented and fulfilled, and even proud of themselves because they have kept the promises they have made on their wedding day. After 23 years I am still mourning my marriage of 20 years, even while I know that the divorce was the best gift I have ever received. I mourn the what could have and should have been.... my dead dreams and hopes....


Sueswan 2 years ago

Hi Martie,

Wouldn't it be nice if we all could be one happy and loving Nuclear Family. Sending you smiles from Canada. :)

Voted up +++


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

My dearest Mar, giraffes are fascinating creatures - imagine, a newborn giraffe falls all the way to the ground without breaking his neck.... oh, we can learn so much from animals....

And we copy-cat them in so many ways without even realizing it. Take care, my dear sista :)


denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 2 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

Sometimes we don't realize that every family has problems, and think that "happily ever after" is the norm! It definitely takes effort to keep a family together. So often these days, people give up without giving it all they have. That is surely what it takes, 100% of each family member working toward the good of the whole. Great hub!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Always exploring, my 2 sisters are still happily married to their highschool sweethearts. I thought my children would be able to handle the trauma of a divorce at the age of 19/17, but I was wrong. Although they eventually accepted reality, deep in their hearts they wanted their mom and dad to be together forever. I understand this so well, because I can't even imagine myself in their shoes. Today, however, many children have to learn at an early age how to live with the fact that their parents are no longer able to love each other. Love is not immortal, and maybe this is the most difficult to accept....


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Jpcmc, I know some animals are monogamous for life, but humans are certainly not. Monogamousness among humans is a moral based on knowledge and wisdom, therefore an achievable challenge. But surely for many not as easy as it sounds. Glad to know you are too attacked to your nuclear family to allow the giraffe in you to take the lead....


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Lany, you and André and your children are a beautiful nuclear family - an inspiration to all. Now that is fruit for thought - those who eat together stay together. Don't we all find it impossible to eat with people who don't love us? The mere thought that we are not loved, even unjustified, sends us into solitude where we can eat or fast alone. Voorspoed ook vir jou en jou pragtige geliefdes :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Dear Sueswan, life would have been heaven on earth if all humans were one big and happy nuclear family. Sadly, humans eat each other in a psychological way - one man's death is another man's bread....


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Denise, it is so much easier today to give up and to follow any social order of our choice. But each and every order has its pros and cons. We can but only study the social orders of animals to realize that surviving is a challenge that demands hard work, and miracles when trying to establish any order that has not been tested and proved successful for ages.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Beautifully written, Martie. The love and understanding of a nuclear family lies at the core of who the child will become, and who we are as human beings. The nuclear family is just as important when parents separate and/or divorce. They can still work together to raise their children in an atmosphere of mutual respect for each other and love for those children rather than what I see too often: One parent uses the child as a weapon against the other as if it's a contest or waging some form of retribution out of resentment. There are such possibilities! Excellent hub! I loved the photos as well, and the adorable giraffe simile. Voted up and shared. :-)


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 2 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Martie. It is clear that you have put a great deal of thought into this artice. I am guessing you put a great deal of energy into the concept as well. The statistics clearly show that so many lack the courage to do whatever it takes to make this institution work. Your family is beautiful.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Like all your hubs, this one is very thought provoking and enjoyable, Martie. I love the photos. The people in them look so happy! I am very grateful for the happy nuclear family in which I grew up.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

I like all the photos and so beautifully approached. A hub filled with many happy moments of family.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

@ Genna, those words - 'can' and 'possible' - They always boggle my mind when it comes to co-operation between parents after divorce. Because if these words were part of the parent's drive, then why were they not able to nurture, maintain and save the nuclear family they have established?

By the time parents get divorced they know each other very well. While married one can compensate for the shortcomings of the other; a set of rules somewhere between dad's and mom's personal convictions can easier be negotiated. Separately one parent, and even both, can very easily ruin a child's entire perspective on life and love.

Shared custody when divorced involved trust and unselfish love even more challenging than in marriage. My daughter's motto: "I'll rather stay married and allow my husband to have his 'jolls' with his friends, than divorcing him and not having my children 24/7 under my wings."

The best is still to do everything in one's power to keep the nuclear family alive and healthy at least until the children are grown and ready to live on their own. The second best is to not have children until the bond between parents-to-be is properly established. I mean, the flaws in a relationship present itself during the first year and even during the first 3 months - and they only get worse as time goes by, demanding more and more tolerance.

Oh, Genna, this is but only my personal point of view on this issue. Thank you so much for your thought-provoking comment :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi mckbirdbks, believe me, while I was married for 20 years I have studied and learned all there is to study and learn about nuclear families, and I have practised ALL rules, tips and tricks to make it work from year to year. Today I regret the fact that I have thrown in the towel a year too early. My daughter was okay, 19 and already on her own challenging adulthood. But my son still had a year to go in high school. The damage that was done to his self-esteem during that last year was immense and irreparable - due to the absence of his father – or rather due to meeting and dealing with a father-not-strengthened-by-a-mother, or shall I say with a man-without-a-woman-behind-him, and even meeting and dealing with a mother-who-had-thrown-in-the-towel and who was all of a sudden alone trying to keep a teenager in line.

Yes, I have earned a virtual Ph.D. in this subject. The divorce - grabbing the opportunity to start a new life, changing my future, was the best thing I have ever done for myself. But I should have waited another year.

Advice I got that made perfectly sense after the divorce: Rather have a bad husband (and father for your children) than no husband (father for your children). Of course, bad in this sentence means ‘pathetic/selfish/unfair/incompetent’ and not ‘mentally ill’.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Alicia, seeing a happy nuclear family, like seeing a newborn baby and happy children, is extremely uplifting and inspiring. Such a proof that love and happiness are achievable and rewarding. Yes, I am forever grateful for the opportunity I have had to be brought into this world and raised by awesome parents.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

DDE, so nice to see you in my corner. Is happiness not the most precious feeling? Nobody wants to be unhappy. Creating and maintaining happiness is one of the purposes of a nuclear family.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

This is magnificent - like you - beautiful Martie.

It takes patience, determination and all the love we can possibly give to become "The Nuclear Family." You are so blessed to have been brought into this world by such awesome parents. Your photos are priceless and exhibit a real nuclear family. Love is the most powerful force available and heals all wounds. It is the inner core of who and what we are. You are love dearest Martie. I feel it throughout this marvelous and timeless message you have shared with us. Thank you dear friend for bringing light and love into my day. ~ Audrey


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Absolutely loved your hub Martie!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

That was lovely Martie, and your photos are so beautiful! Yes we could live like the animals do, but to have such a close loving family just warms the heart to see it, wonderful! voted up and shared, nell


Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

Pamela Kinnaird W 2 years ago from Maui and Arizona

Beautiful hub, Martie. Bittersweet, too, so I read all the comments. There are so many truths in your hub yet sometimes there are simply irreconcilable differences -- truly, truly irreconcilable -- at least until or unless someone matures or develops a bit more. Counselors say it takes two, but sometimes it really is just one who needs to really make some fundamental changes and it sounds like you hung in as long as you could.

Beautiful photos of the cherished good which has come in good part from your diligence and dedication of 20 years.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

@ vocalcoach - Love is indeed the most powerful force available and certainly heals all wounds. Sadly, many nuclear families are ‘chaired’ by one or two incompetent parents not able to love or able to prove their love in such a way that children can feel it. Showing and acting love is an art, or maybe an unselfish habit to acquire. The fact that my ex was – and still is – totally unable to emit love, even when he occasionally confess his love with words and more occasionally with a smile, although – and this is what boggles my mind – he emits all the love in his heart onto his favorite pet and friends for all to see, made our nuclear family a kind of a deepfreeze. I was forever like an aircon, trying to keep our children warm and comfortable. I guess all people can compare themselves to aircons, blowing hot and cold air. Some aircons are simply defect, blowing cold when they’re supposed to blow heat and vice versa. Thanks for your heart-warming words, Audrey :)

@ Just Ask Susan – Hi, so nice to see you in my corner. I am glad you loved this hub of mine :)

@ Nell Rose – I think the fact that it warms the heart to see happy, loving families, is the reason why we love to keep photo-albums. Ever noticed that all family pictures beam happiness and that the true emotions of the individuals in the picture could be covered with a smile? The happiness you see in the pictures, except in the picture of my own, is true. Since the beginning I had to compensate for my husband’s inability to emit his love; I had to pretend that he was ‘normal’ and compensate – and so my children grew up like the children of previous generations with the idea that it is normal for fathers to be cold and aloof, and this idea is like a solid wall that prevents the majority sons of cold and aloof fathers to beam their love onto their children. A wicket circle!

@ Pamela Kinnaird W – Your comment broke the sluices of my tears. “Counselors say it takes two, but sometimes it really is just one who needs to really make some fundamental changes...” After I have left my husband he admitted that he was supposed to be different, but for some reason even unknown to himself he refused to be the warm, loving, giving, caring father I wanted him to be. Maybe I have made him feel inferior to my father, or maybe I have made him feel inferior to me, and so he reacted like a typical rebel, doing the opposite on purpose in a quest for recognition. I don’t know. Fact is, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is still to come and today is a wonderful day for all of us.


MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

With you on the promotion of the nuclear family. Thank you for underscoring the value of the family to family members as well as to civilization.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

Martie, Martie. This is so incredibly beautiful and good, it needs no further praise. You’ve put yourself into it in such an essential way, too. I know how deeply you feel family love and sense of responsibility. We’ve talked about it together at great length. You know the grief one feels, - which I’ve felt and feel, - when, no matter what one does, no matter how willing to endure and do what is right, in hopes of making it better, - - - still, a true nuclear family as you’ve so beautifully and clearly defined it, could not - could never have been achieved because the other parent in it had another totally different agenda and was vigorously doing the opposite things, willing to sacrifice the children's welfare in order to ‘win’ that agenda, without regard for the family, the children or anything else, - - - is surely as tragic as losing loved ones in hideous natural or man-made disasters, which I’ve also experienced. I blame myself for making such a poor choice of husband in the first place, and possibly for thinking I could somehow make it work if I but kept trying hard. One cannot undo a disastrous mistake. at least personally - which is the only arena over which one has control - unless one takes responsibility for one's own part in making it. I had to survive, it was my only option then.

The contrast between the one, - the happy nuclear family, - and the other, - the ripped, severed, and shattered family, - is so fierce and tragic that words cannot describe it. But when there is no way to go but ‘up’, when all has been ripped from one, there is always something the person of good will can do to salvage what is good in it, to rise above it like a phoenix, creating a balm to all the grief and pain of loss and sustaining a kind of triumph over the evil and the selfishness that destroyed the hope and effort of making a good family, - or even the appearance of one. Now, 40+ years later, it is gratifying to find that some of my progeny have risen to make good families of their own, and that they even comprehend why the earlier one was not, and - hopefully - to forgive it.

I want to share this if I may. Love to you, my precious cyber daughter!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Thank you, MsDora! We cannot change the world, but we can instigate a lot of changes for the better if we try our best to meet the challenges of our nuclear family... :)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

My dear, Nellieanna, we have shared so much since we met 3 years ago, and I do believe that people may fool each other in real life by pretending to be who/what they not really are, but behind closed doors and also via writings from the heart, we meet and interact soul-to-soul.

I do believe that my circumstances in the past were meant for me. I have learned a lot more about life while I was oppressed and unhappy, and I have grown in depth and width under the relentless thumb of my ex, so today I have peace in my heart and a lot to be thankful for. After all, my ex was not a monster, but only a typical chauvinist who grew up with the idea that women and children should be seen and not heard.

And so wonderful - eventually I got the opportunity to be my true self, my own boss, independent and free, and he got the opportunity to establish another nuclear family closer to his idea of the concept. So, the saying is true: Everything eventually turns out for the better :)

So good to know you, my dear cyber mother. Your comments always comfort and strengthen me at the same time :))


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

My dear Martie, thank you for a lovely reply. I am glad for you that your children have stood by you and, as you say, that your ex and you have each found your own place in life as you each see fit. In the end, that is how one becomes the best member of society, as well as the best “self” possible. I’m glad that, through my several challenges, in my personal life, I’ve been able to do that, as well. That my ex has continued to be who he is at others’ expense is simply how it is. I’m happy that some of those whose expense was exacted by him have seen ways to free themselves from his grip. If I had my way, my ex would be happy and fulfilled, though the self-built obstacles to that are so life-long and massive, it may be unlikely. But there is always hope.

My optimistic hope is that my son can cast off the obstacles to his own and his family’s happiness, with the help of his wife, who has been restored by understanding the truth. Their children are grown now and have pursued their own better lives and for that I am most thankful. My daughter has raised five daughters and most of them have found and are finding their best lives, and their children are growing well. So I have great cause for family joy. I truly have no personal complaints whatsoever. I’m thankful for the lessons learned and the peace, wisdom and serenity earned. I’ve had a truly wonderful long marriage to my beloved George. We had 30 happy years together. Though I miss him since his death, it’s left me with a cushion of love and good outlook. What more can one wish? High five, lady!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Nellieanna, we like to call people like George 'angels sent by God', and I know you were also his. It is a fact that the happiest people were once the unhappiest people, and even vice versa, as life is like a pendulum, though time does not determine movement - the intensity of the next high/low can only be a bit more or less than the other. Some pendulums hardly move from one side to the other, while others, like yours and mine, almost made somersaults. And this is one of the reasons why I don't hold grudges. Thanks to all who were part of my life I have experienced extreme highs and lows. And still. High five to you, too, my sweet CM :)

BTW, so sorry you had to wait 38 hours for my reply. I am neglecting my writing and 'work' in HP! Hopefully I will be my old energetic self by the middle of the year.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

Martie, m'love - I like what you say here. It is all so true. There is an underlying 'rule', I think, that everything has its opposite, and often those 'other sides of the coin' really do determine the strength of both, especially as the 'lows' enhance the 'highs', as in: the deeper one has experienced adversity and loss, the wider and higher one can flourish in joy and plenty. As experiences accumulate, we also learn to guide the process a bit. Of course, so long as one is ALIVE - fully alive, there can be further experiences of both kinds, thankfully.

I never worry about delays in reponses, unless they seem to indicate something about which one should worry. Even then, online, one must accept that people's real lives have first-claim on their time and one must wish them only well in whatever it is!

I certainly hope you'll be restored to your full energy and centeredness soon, if those are in any way in limbo now! I can't have my CD feeling poorly!! Hugs and love!!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

reponses = responses. hehe. . . speaking of which, mine was too slow to catch & correct that before time ran out! haha.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Lovely and insighful article dear Martie. I truly believe love is the answer and it is the glue that holds it all together come what may. Parents should indeed be less selfish and put the children first. Wow, you have many lovely families in your life who make up your family. Up and more and sharing. Hugs, Faith Reaper


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

My dear, Nellieanna, again I am so late to reply on my Hubpages' comments. I have sent you a message, pleading for forgiveness. Thank you for strengthening hope with your sentence: ".... as long as one is ALIVE - fully alive, there can be further experiences of both kinds, thankfully."


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Dear Faith, so good to see you in my corner. Of course, for parents to live like cat and dog, hating each other, can harm children more. Maintaining a nuclear family in whatever way demands maturity. I know too many people who stop growing older and wiser at 17. This may be the reason for the alarming number of unhappy marriages.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

My timing of late is not great, so think nothing of it. I don't feel guilty about it, though, and neither should you. I may have been superwoman at one or two times of my life but I not only am not now, I don't want to be! I prefer to be in balance and responding to things with fullness. It means some things are undone or delayed. It's OK.

My thoughts are with you deeply, dear Martie. I frequently think of you but today I was watching "Out of Africa". I saw it when it first came out in 1985, the year George and I married, but I honestly think I only REALLY saw it for the first time today. Seeing the countryside, I thought of you even though it wasn't South Africa, but Kenya. Such magnificent vistas.

Much love.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi my dear Nellieanna, South Africa is the best developed country in Africa south of the equator, although by now deterioration (since 1994 when Apartheid has been demolished) has become a major issue. Of course, to be expected. In the time of Apartheid white cities, towns and suburbs equalled those of 1st world countries while all black townships looked like the rest of Africa. Nowadays previous only-white regions look like 2nd world countries (apart from the suburbs occupied by the rich and very rich), and previous black townships still looks 3rd world. The provincial roads are in a precarious condition... while the fat cats in parliament and public offices receive outrageous salaries plus bribery and fraud. Something is terribly wrong with all hierarchies in SA. The Middle Age mentality of our government - everything belongs to the king and his family/allies - is causing revolts all over the country.

The advice, "If nothing else work, pray!" is by now the only one to follow :(


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

Oh dear! How sad and disturbing. Surely not what was hoped for with the destruction of Apartheid. People. Sometimes one can be exasperated with our species. . .


tirelesstraveler profile image

tirelesstraveler 2 years ago from California

Thank you for encouraging people toward the nuclear family despite your own saga. We have been married for almost 38 years and find the challenges still pressing. I guess that means we are still alive.


Thelma Alberts profile image

Thelma Alberts 2 years ago from Germany

Wow! Beautiful! I confess I did not know the meaning of nuclear family at first and it made me curious. Thanks goodness, I read it. Very well written. Thanks for sharing this to us. Have a nice week!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Nellieanna - I can but only repeat the words of.... can't remember who: "Power corrupts."


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Tirelesstraveller - A very wise friend of mine always says, whenever he gets the opportunity: The first 40 years are the hardests.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Thelma, I think the word 'nuclear' says it all :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

Martie, because your thought is so appropriate, I looked it up:

John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton, first Baron Acton (1834–1902), historian and moralist, who was otherwise known simply as Lord Acton, expressed this opinion in a letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton in 1887:

"Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men."


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

So true and scary, Nellieanna. I have seen with my own eyes how power corrupted a man who used to criticise those who have had the power he covetted and eventually obtained. Even in the nuclear family we criticize our parents until we become parents doing the same rights and wrongs our parents had committed, or maybe another set of rights and wrongs, but still, in so many ways, proving our inability to be perfect.

Another wise statement of someone with a name I can't remember now, "In all hierarchies people tend to qualify themselves to the point of total incompetence." Can't remember the exact words, but this is the trend.....

Take care, my dear CM :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

That is a great quote with which I'm unfamiliar. I like it very much. Thank you for sharing it!

Our inability to be perfect is, perhaps, our only real qualification for being alive and human. Were it not so, there would be little justification to any of this. It is our abilities at learning and our occasional triumphs over evil, ignorance and our own imperfections which add the value to the whole human experiment.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, Nellieanna :) You will find that quote somewhere in this list -

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_eponymous_l...


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Martie.....What a very important message with such special meaning. Family for me and mine is everything. I believe very much as you do.

Your family is simply gorgeous...every one of them....just like you!....UP++++


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi fpher, so glad to see you in my 'Nuclear Family' hub. Your compliments are truly appreciated, you sweet girl. Since I have met you (online) I knew your family is your everything :)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

I just went back through this wonderful family album, Martie......and I have to say, both your daughter and your son certainly resemble YOU! Those totally precious beautiful babies....how can you help but overwhelm them with hugs and kisses?

I also know now, without question why you look so very much like my cousin Maryanne (whose picture I sent you).....The photo of your Dad & Mom as a young couple could easily pass for my Uncle & his wife (Maryanne's parents!) Seriously. If I can find an old picture, I will definitely send it to you!......Amazing.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 2 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi, my dear friend, fpher, I would love to see a picture of my double's parents. This reminds me of quantum physics - what we see here is also there and there and there....

Thank you for your lovely comment :)

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