Things You Should Never Say to a Stay-at-Home Mother
A List of Questions and Comments That Should Never be Said Out Loud to a Stay-at-Home Mother
There are all different types of mothers, and not one of them raise their children in the same fashion. Mothers should always be praised by making it through the day without chocolate stains on their clothing, for a toe that is not stubbed, or for a day that goes by where she did not step on a Lego. One should never be belittled for their own personal career choice or for the decision to stay home full time. Some mothers decide to go back to work soon after their child is born, and some mothers decide to stay home with the young child, both of these choices are decided upon out of love, dedication, and strength for the entire family.
Personally, I am a young stay at home mother, and many people approach me to ask questions, or just feel the need to tell me what they think about my lifestyle decision for our family. I understand people have opinions about certain lifestyles and they feel the need to voice them, but if a person does not understand someones personal life decisions they should just be quiet until they have learned to form questions that are a little less demeaning and hurtful. Any mother makes decisions that will better the entire family, every mother sets her own selfishness aside and chooses to either go back to work, or to stay home, and it is amazing that both women exist in this world. All types of mothers are strong, selfless, and independent.
There are just certain questions and statements that should never be said to a stay-at-home mother, so before you open your mouth, stop and think, sometimes when your curiosity peaks, you make another person feel bad, and no one should be made to feel guilty when they are trying to do what is best for their own family.
If you ask a stay-at-home mother certain questions, you are bound to receive a sarcastic and seemingly rude answer in return.
This list is made up from the most common questions and statements that I run into when having a conversation about being a stay-at-home mother and homemaker (paired with my sarcastic and smart-ass answers).
“Don't you think it's selfish to stay at home and free load while the father works all day?”
What a stupid thing to say, did that really just come out of your mouth? Free load? I wish that I could do nothing and have him come home from work and never complain that there is a few dirty dishes in the sink, but no, it is my full time responsibility to maintain the household even when he wants to relax.
“So? You just let him take care of you?”
Yes, he pays the bills. No, he cannot wash is own underwear. It's give and take people. He gives me financial support, while I provide him with emotional support, a clean house, clean underwear, a clean and happy child, and home cooked meals everyday, but yeah, he takes care of me.
“If you have financial stress or if you're low on money, just go get a job.”
Oh jeez, why have I never thought of that? This would be fantastic advice if I could make more money than the weekly daycare bill. If daycare takes my entire paycheck, why can't I choose to stay home with my child instead?
“Isn't it tiresome to stay at home all day and only talk to children? Don't you get bored?”
I don't always stay at home, my daughter and I go outside, we play games, we learn together, we take walks, we visit with friends, and I quite like it. There is no one day that is exactly the same as the other, so I rarely get bored.
“Don't you feel awful when you have to ask him for money? Don't you miss having your own finances?”
Of course I miss having my own personal checking account, but I never feel awful when I need some money because he never feels awful when he needs clean clothes, food, clean dishes, vacuumed floors, a tidy home, and a well-behaved child.
“Do you ever get any time to yourself?”
When you go to work, how much time do you have to yourself? Don't you have to stick to a certain schedule, interact with your boss and coworkers, work together to make difficult decisions for the better of the company? Sounds like a stupid question when it's reversed, huh? I make time for myself just like any other mother.
“I could never stay home all day and do what you do.”
Then don't, you have many choices in life, my choice was to stay home, if you feel you can't handle the responsibilities of the household, go to work, it is really that easy.
“Don't you think being a stay at home mother is a little old fashioned?”
Maybe, but it is what is best for our family. Everyone makes sacrifices and decisions for the better of everyone involved in the situation. What seems old fashioned to one person, makes the most sense to another.
“What about your dreams and desires? Don't you want your own life?”
The last time I checked, I did have my own life, but I guess there is a chance that my brain was swapped out for a robot and I no longer make my own decisions. Or maybe I was brainwashed. Dreams and desires don't cease just because I stay home, of course I have dreams and desires, and of course I follow them, I just do it in a different way than you. Remember this is the life I chose, no one chose this for me. I actually have more time than most to find a path in which I can follow my dreams.
“I wish I could do nothing all day instead of working.”
Oh my goodness, how did you know that I sit in bed all day, eating snacks, letting the child run loose, destroying the house, while I let the laundry pile to the ceiling, and just throw the dishes away instead of washing them? Yes, I do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“Why didn't the father stay home? Why is it always the woman?”
Assuming it is always the woman who stays home is ignorant, and quite false. There are men who choose to be the homemaker of the family and love staying home with their children. In my family, the reason I was the one who decided to stay home is actually quite simple: he already had a good job in which he spent five years building up to the point where he is now, also, he made more money. I made less money and worked at Subway making sandwiches, staying home seemed like a better life choice than asking the father to stay home so I can continue to make sandwiches for rude people. If choosing a homemaker makes sense to a certain family, the person chosen to stay at work is most generally decided by whom makes more money and who's job will give them a better stepping stone into the future. Also, the family must decide who would be more productive in maintaining the household duties and caring for the children. It is not something that is instantly decided, it takes a lot of planning, and tough decision making as a family and a couple.
“Doesn't it bother you that you are so dependent on him?”
When two people are in a committed relationship and have decided to begin to form their own family, both people involved are dependent on each other. It never bothers me that I am dependent on him in certain ways, I love him, and in many ways he is dependent on me as well. Our child is dependent on both of us, therefore we share all of the responsibilities to make sure that our child's needs are met at all times. Every family is dependent on one another, and that is what forms a loving, well established, successful family, no matter if the mother works or stays home.
In Conclusion: Every Mother is Special and Unique
Every mother around the world is special and decides to raise their family in a unique way. Every mother makes sacrifices, becomes selfless, and provides their family with strength and love. A stay-at-home mother will sacrifice her own financial dependence and career to provide the household with stability as well as maintain the household by keeping up with all chores and caring for the young children. A mother who decides to work sacrifices extra time with their young children by providing more income within the household so the time spent with the family can be more special and so that the children will be provided with everything they need for years to come. A mother is a mother whether she chooses to work or chooses to stay home.
© 2013 Jami Johnson
