Thoughts of a Mom

New Life

Hard to Believe

It seems like just a few months ago that he was born. Such a tiny baby; two week premature. He was a lovely shade of blue when he was born; then, after only six hours he turned slightly orange. The pregnancy was no cake walk, either; early contractions that lead to almost four months of bed rest and four stays in the hospital resulted in caution and being overly protective of the new, colorful, baby.

School started and all of his teachers commented on his intelligence as well as his inability to remain quiet when he was not supposed to talk. Not hyperactive, just full of energy, his seemingly endless energy began to be spent playing team sports starting as early as four and ending as a senior in high school.

Then graduation came. He played along during high school and kept me frustrated and chasing him from one requirement to another. Boredom kept him from excelling, even though he knew the answers and could do the work, he chose not to. Homework was foreign, yet he took and passed tests with high grades without doing most of the work or putting forth any effort.

The frustration of his laziness at home became overwhelming as did his annoying habit of not picking up after himself. His room looked like a tornado hit and rarely was his floor uncovered. Things disappeared throughout the house and garage and the knowledge of where items were most likely hidden did not make it any easier to recover them. Joking about diseases and cures for diseases being found in his room did not deter him. Pretending to be sucked under his bed became an inside joke instead of the subliminal message to get him to clean his room.

Then came the day that he left home bound for Basic Training.  Thoughts of being sad and missing him were put aside as the true feelings of missing him hit.  No one thought to mention how hard these feelings would hit or the fact that the days of no contact would drag on and on.  No one thought to mention that instead of elation at a cleaner house, dread of an empty room would set in.  No one thought to mention that fear and anxiety would partner with depression and home sickness, even though he was the one that left home.  No one thought to mention that the quiet that was once enjoyed would become dreaded because the quiet always brought in the tears.

Yet, through all of the emotional pain, there is more.  There is the pride of seeing him start his own journey, run his own race, become his own person, become a man.  The true meaning of bitter sweet becomes clear.  An eventual acceptance arrives though it does little more than dull the pain of missing him.  A small eye to the future as the realization hits that there is one more in the nest that will go the same route.  There is one more painful, heart wrenching, filled with pride departure that has to be endured.

It's just so hard to believe that these times are here.  That the pain and pride co-mingle so well. It's just so....

Hard to Believe

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Comments 12 comments

Lisa 6 years ago

Your words speak the truth.They become the beat of our heart the breath in our lungs and it's hard to think about breathing with out them. I toss and turn at night thinking about this empty nest syndrome and it stinks.

Eve 6 years ago

Written so well.

And this is the time to look back to the time when we our-self opened that door to start our own life.

And this is the time to look at the accomplishments and say with pride, That's MY child. I Have taught well.

rescueachild profile image

rescueachild 6 years ago from San Jose, Ca


danielaridley profile image

danielaridley 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks Lisa, Eve and rescueachild! Writing this has helped. 6 years ago

You think it is so different to go to basic and go through thoses experiences, i did Basic in 1986, was not married and fresh out of Lewisville High School, in my own little world.... Now a Dad and wondering how he is doing?? And praying and hoping my wife makes it through this transition, I really like this!!!!!!!

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danielaridley 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks 63tods!

AmaTainted profile image

AmaTainted 6 years ago from Texas

Just taking a moment to wrap my virtual arms around you as there are no words that need to be said. Hugs to you dear.

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danielaridley 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you so much AmaTainted, I so appreciate it!

Rhelena profile image

Rhelena 6 years ago

A touching story...letting him go has got to be one of the hardest things ever.

God Bless!

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danielaridley 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks Rhelena. It's been a learning experience that's for sure!

bluebird profile image

bluebird 6 years ago

While reading this, it brought back similar thoughts and feeling when our first son left home for college. I didn't know if I'd make it through, but gradually the sadness wore off, then years later went through it again as the second son left home for college. (It wasn't any easier the second time.) Ugh!!!

Thank you for sharing your story, and the feelings of your heart. It is well-written and confirms the fact that mothers are pretty much all alike when it comes to the affairs of our heart. I cannot help but feel for you my dear, it is the hardest thing there is and I wish you all the best. You are in my heart and prayers. God bless.

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danielaridley 6 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks bluebird...I am beginning to appreciate how my mom must have felt, but never let on.

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