Adoption. A Thank You Letter to My Birthmum for Giving Me Up.

Wondering about my birthmother. Where is she and is she still alive?
Wondering about my birthmother. Where is she and is she still alive? | Source

Secretly Waiting for a Sign

He triggered my curiosity while he sat there crying at the other side of the table. "You're mother loves you very much, she's poor and she is about 75 years old." While he looks down on to the cards, spread around the table, I feel his emotional state of mind, enter my heart.

Then he tells me, looking deep into my eyes: "She's looking for you and she will find you. You will not look for her but she will find you." I start to cry too, instantly knowing this is a turning point in life. This is the moment I've been waiting for..... secretly.

While we brush away our tears, take a zip of our juice, we sit there for a while in silence, getting stared at by everyone around us, since we are sitting outside on a public terrace in Valencia, Spain. To me it seems the outside world at that particular moment doens't exist.

Tarot Cards Triggered My Curiosity

I remember seeing that man walking around Valencia for the past three years. He carries a desk of tarot cards and asks people sitting outside, if they are interested in a reading. I'm superstitious by nature. I believe in destiny instead of coincidence. I have great curiosity for spirituality and I believe in the energies we humans can transmit through a room. In a good way or in a bad way.

I'll call the stranger walking around my hometown, Bellmonde. He wears tiny glasses, comfortable leather slippers, short trousers and a beige shirt. A small bag hangs around his waist in which he carries his tarot cards.

Typical thoughts of prejudice run through my mind when I see him. "He must be earning a lot of money by making things up." "How many people fall for his lies?" "Tarot cards and predicting the future...Yeah right!"

Do You Believe in Spirituality?

Yet, I couldn't help myself when he almost approached my table. I was enjoying my olives and my agua de Valencia when he showed his cards and asked me if I was interested. I heard myself asking about the price, meanwhile telling him I was a little reluctant about the whole idea of Tarot cards and their signification.

To convince me, he asked me one very simple question: "Do you believe in spirituality?" Of course I do! I always have. Who does't, I wonder. Aren't we all pondering about the same questions? Aren't we all having the same doubts when it comes to life and death? Don't we all want to know about that spiritual world surrounding us, without being able to see what's really there?

Feeling so Spanish, getting closer and closer to my roots.
Feeling so Spanish, getting closer and closer to my roots. | Source

Are you wondering about your roots?

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Premonitions

Apart from the emotional moment between Bellmonde and me, I was surprised in many ways about the exactness of his observations about many other situations in my life. This is a stranger. We never met. I didn't give him any background information and yet he touched my soul.

I've been having more and more thoughts about my birth mother, even before I sat down with Bellmonde. My life has changed drastically since my city trip to Valencia, Spain in August 2008. I walked around that amazing city for five days, feeling instantly connected to its beauty and its energy.

A premonition I felt deep down inside, knowing this would be the place for me to start all over again. That particular feeling took a hold of me and made me act. Nine months later (a pregnancy later) I moved to Valencia and build my life from scratch.

Roots Will Find My Way

As you can see on the map in this Hub, my trip around the world has been quite a long one. More intriguing to me is to see the follow up from A to E. Born in Colombia, Bogotà having lived my life in various places and having travelled to Brazil for five weeks in the summer of 2012.

That was quite an adventure where I felt closer to my birth mother than ever. If it wasn't for meeting my Brazilian boyfriend in Valencia before, Brazil would not be first on my list to travel to.

However life is not about coincidences as I said before, so thanks to meeting him, I travelled to South-America after having left Colombia as a baby. Even though our relationship didn't last, I took a glimpse of Brazilian life style, I learned to speak Portugese and I felt close to 'home' even though I can't explain really why.

My Trip Around the World

show route and directions
A markerColombia, Bogotà -
Bogota, Colombia
[get directions]

Where I was born

B markerSpain -
Spanje
[get directions]

Where I live right now

C markerCuracao -
Curaçao
[get directions]

Where I lived the first ten years of my life

D markerHolland -
Nederland
[get directions]

Where I lived for 25 years

E markerBrazil -
Brazilië
[get directions]

Where I travelled to in the summer of 2012

To Instantly Feel Connected

Valencia became my first real home, where I finally felt recognized because of my roots. Where all the other Latina women walking around town, suddenly looked a lot like me.

Where everyone I met, started to speak Spanish to me, even though I didn't understand a word, since I am adopted by my Dutch parents and have learned Dutch from the beginning. This means, I needed to learn my original language Spanish, now capable of speaking it fluently.

As for my travel experience in Brazil, I instantly felt connected to its culture and the Brazilian way of life. Strangely enough I'm not sure if I would feel the same way, when travelling to Colombia but that trip isn't even planned because the time isn't right.

Yet, my dream is to be able to embrace my birth mum one day and until that day arrives and if that day arrives, I share with you this letter to memorize the most important woman in my entire existence. The one and only person that was so human and loving to give my away, to ensure her daughter a better future.

She did the right thing.

Source

Letter to My Birthmum

Dear angel,

Thank you for having had the power and love to give up your own flesh and blood. I don't know about the circumstances you were in, but I can only imagine it must have been hard. You kept me save for giving me up, offering me the possibility to live my life in total luxury.

The luxury of living this life, surrounded by my loving adoptive parents, who raised me as if I was their own. Always assured of their unconditional love, their undivided attention and their ongoing fate in me.

I became a strong and happy woman, having had my share of pain and sorrow, feeling deep down inside, you were always thinking of me, the baby girl you left behind. I don't blame you for having left me behind. I don't feel abandoned by your arms or by your love.

You are my guardian angel. You gave me the gift of life. As your biological daughter, I am eternally grateful to you, for having given me this life with endless possibilities, beautiful travels all over the world, to finally land in the life I so adore right now.

May our roads cross in this life, so I can hug you and caress you, for I am proud to have come so far. Once an innocent baby girl, born somewhere in Bogotá, Colombia. A country I don't know, a city I can't remember, a woman I may never find.

I know you loved me mum....One day we'll meet!

Love Love Love!

More by this Author


Comments 19 comments

sandrabusby profile image

sandrabusby 4 years ago from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, USA

Escobana, how good to see this hub and to be able to follow you on your journey. Bless you.


Lipnancy profile image

Lipnancy 4 years ago from Hamburg, New York

I hope that someday you are able to connect with your birth mother. Keep us updated on your incredible journey.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Blessings to you as well Sandrabusby:-) I am quite confident about that journey, whatever ending it may have.

Hi Lipnancy... I absolutely will write more hubs on this. Little by little I'm getting closer to unravel the question: Do I look like my birth mum?


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

Hi Escobana! I love to read what you have to say. Please keep us updated on your personal journey. Fascinating!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Hey Dexter!

I'll keep you all updated for sure:-) Have a lovely day!


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 4 years ago

I hope you find her, best of luck!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

I hope so too:-) Thanks!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

This was beautiful and heartfelt and lovely and almost brought me to tears. Alot of people don't have that feeling (or at least it doesn't seem like they do) when it comes to finding their birth parents. You can tell that you are understanding and mature enough to know that she did what was best. I wish you the best of luck on your future move and maybe finding your mum one day!


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Beautiful and full of passion is this hub. I hung on every word. I truly hope you find your birth mother one day. Blessings!


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Esconaba

A beautiful and heartfelt letter to your birth mother. I do believe you will meet her.

I wish you all the best and a safe journey to Brazil.

Please keep us updated.

Cuidate :)


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Thanks so much Barbergirl!

And so great to see you stopping by here! I'm in the middle of this huge transation. Going to Brazil in 8 days to first spend time with my loved one at the other side of the ocean.

I'll take it from there and hope to be able to travel with my sweetheart to my original country, when our lives got their own shape and stability. I'll certainly keep on writing about my way to get there. To get to that embrace with my mum...


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Dear Victoria...

So wonderful to see your lovely comment! I'm not that much on Hubpages as I want to these days, but it's always a pleasure to see good old friends passing by.

Blessings to you too and I pray every day, life will bring 'us' together...


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Hola Sueswan:-)

Que tal? I am totally ready for my trip next week to Brazil. In the middle of preparing everything as organised as can be, meanwhile getting all nervous (in a nice way) to see my sweetheart after so many months.

I definitely believe I will meet my mum one day....How and when is not yet clear but I'm taking my first step to a new life in getting closer to her. First things first.

Updates will follow naturally:-)

Cuidate mucho tambien!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Hi escobana,

I am happy that you found contentment and peace in your journey of life. I am kinda mid-way and am looking around for an omen to direct me to that route.

wishing you peace and joy, my friend! voted up and sharing it across


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I wrote a similar letter to my birth mother who I never knew. Beautiful hub my friend; may you find peace and happiness on your journey!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Hi Ruchira,

Thanks for sharing and voting! It´s wonderful to find that omen you are secretly waiting for. I wish you´ll find it on this beautiful journey called life!

Blessings to you and lot´s of peace!


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Hey Billybuc!

My journey has just begun. My first days in Brazil with my loved one are a wonderful sort of coming home! Colombia isn´t that far from here but first steps first.

Getting to know life in Brazil. Settling down here in 2013 and then my mind and soul will be ready for another interesting travel. Colombia, my birthmum and finding my roots.

Can´t wait! Thanks for reading my Hub! Means a lot to me:-)


eddy4me profile image

eddy4me 4 years ago from Wales.

A brilliant hub, thank you for sharing and indeed I wish you well in all you do.

Take care and here's to so many more hubs to share on here.

Eddy.


Escobana profile image

Escobana 4 years ago from Valencia Author

Thank you so much Eddy!

Welcome back on Hubpages and do read Billy Buc's Hub as well. It was selected as Most beautiful Hub in lasts 2012 Hubbie Award Winners.

Bless you and have a lovely day!

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