Too Late for Sorry

Relationships

Beautiful Girl, grow up strong and healthy.
Beautiful Girl, grow up strong and healthy.

Where did we go wrong?

After reading someone else's testimony about growing up with street smarts and having to handle life's storms on there own, I started thinking about my own situation with children and the difficulties of raising them to a standard I would call proper. As you all know, many families today are two home families for whatever reasons and the children growing up in this kind of situation sometimes seem to be confused and very manipulating, taking great advantages of the living situations. I've experienced this firsthand with my own daughters and stepdaughters. What do parents do when children live with one parent and only visit the other parent once in a while receiving different signals and feeling different feelings in both places? There lays the problem creating confusion in the child's mind.

Broken apart families with children are creating a whole generation of confused children who eventually become young adults with duel personalities. I do not for a minute believe this to be healthy. All four of my daughters are school drop outs and prone to many unwanted behaviors at present. The oldest has a eigthgrade education and is now the unwed mother of a nine month old daughter. One is living in South Florida, with a disabled NY Puerto Rican guy who lives with his disabled mother. She works and keeps house for them, taxis them to their doctors appointments and is completely unappreciated for her service to them, she is miserable and is also a high school dropout! Another is a school dropout and just recently got a job waitressing at Denny's part time. The youngest of them is a dropout, openly lesbian and lives at home with mom taking care of another dropout girls two fatherless babies. Sound familiar to anyone out there?

When I think of it all, it makes my eyes water. And puts a hurt in my heart so bad, I just get a sick feeling in my gut. I know that I am not fully responsible for the current situation and it takes every ounce of my being to accept that this is how things are now. It seems so hopeless and sometimes I feel so helpless in the whole situation.

Often times I catch myself trying to blame myself for the situation. Over and over I ask myself, waht can I do now to change this into something positive, only to realize that it's gonna take alot more than what I alone can do, to make a difference at this point.

Because of my own lifestyle choices, I have had to do alot of changing as well. That part was easier than the current issues concerning these four young ladies.

For now, I am only involved in their lives for advice and immediate emergency help when they ask for it and that is proving to be more than I am capable of! I offer some advice whenever possible, but their heads aren't listening to reason, only the so called friends they've chosen seem to have an impact on their thoughts. It is a horrible thing to think that one or all of them at somepoint in the future may end up in jail, a hospital or the cemetary due to the education they are getting from those whom they admire.

My only regret in all of this is that I could not be there during their formative years, age 2 to 10 I'll say. I was at that time working and enabling their mother to partake in her self destructive behaviors, which they inherited from the generation before them. Where does the cycle get broken?

I am writing this hub, mostly to just express my feelings about a very real and common problem facing many parents and children alike right now. I hope that anyone who is a new parent right now will start to think about these things now and not wait till it's too late and regret their own actions!

My Beliefs

If a couple has children, do your best to work together and raise the children to have morals and values.

If two people have a child and do not want to stay together, come to an agreement about the childs welfare and happiness. Stick to your agreement for the childs sake. They didn't ask to be here, you brought them here!

Never fight about anything in front of children, it is teaching them hostility and hate. Not good!

If you make children, man or woman, love them unconditionally and do your best to teach them values and good morales.

Listen to your children and try to understand their feelings, it will guide you in how to love them.

Comments 4 comments

Mona Hartzell 6 years ago

Thank you for all of your beautiful words. I will continue to re-read this until I've absorbed the entirety of it, and may want to discuss more. I am touched that you responded to my question, I really needed an answer, and you are the only one who answered me. Thanks so much for the hub.

Merry Christmas,

Mona


Artin2010 profile image

Artin2010 6 years ago from Northwestern Florida, Gulfcoast Author

Thank you for giving me the question that started me thinking and allowed me to open up and discuss my situation. I love getting honest with self, even if it hurts most times! Take care and a Merry Christmas to you also!


v_kahleranderson profile image

v_kahleranderson 6 years ago from San Jose, California

I, too, had to learn to grow up...for my children. And I am glad I did, before it was too late. Praise the Lord for that! My life changing choices were truly a miracle. Now that they are all grown and married, my job is still not done. It takes patience and love, lots of work and sacrifices to keep my family together, and by the Grace of God, it is working. One more very important tip here, endless man-hours are spent in prayer too! I have filled many barrels with tears, while in prayer to my Lord.

Thank you for your Hubs!!!


marieryan profile image

marieryan 6 years ago from Andalusia, Spain

Thanks for an interesting hub. We parents have to realise the enormous responsibility we take on when having children...not to be taken lightly!

Artin 2010, Good luck with your four girls, let's hope they can break the cycle and snap out of the 'dropout' syndrome they seem to have fallen into, especially if they are involved in the bringing up of other children themselves now!

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