Top 10 things to do/give children to drive their parents crazy
So the holidays have passed, children have gotten everything under the sun and spoiled beyond belief. Tired of being that parent that has to deal with insanity from your child(ren) during the holidays? Want to get even?
I know what its like to have to deal with a super hyped up on sugar rampaging through the house refusing to listen destructive child. He's about to four soon, and it's about time to get even. This is how you do it:
10. Refuse to let the child sleep. So when they go home to mommy, daddy or both, they are evil, whiny, temper tantrum throwing pros.
9. Take the child out somewhere, let he/she or them rampage to their hearts content. Then ensure, by putting the thought in their head(s), that mommy, daddy, or both will take them to the park every time they ask. If the child is persistent enough, they will ask all day every day until the parent(s) want to bash their head into a wall.
8.Teach them to take the batteries out of everything battery operated and hide them. As if they are playing a game. It will only take a few days before someone gets upset that they can't find their T.V. remote batteries.
7. Teach them to take the insoles out of shoes and build objects with them. If you've ever worn a shoe without insoles, you already know.
6. Buy them a whole bunch of small legos. I know it may seem kind of dumb to do this, but younger children and small legos don't go hand in hand. They also make for great surprises for the parents--especially when shoved up or in something.
5. Invest in Play-dough. Makes for awesome cleaning when shoved into a carpet or furniture. Which every child has done, or will do given the opportunity.
4. Get them the most obnoxious loud toy that requires a screw driver to remove batteries. No parent wants to wake up to loud noises. Let alone hear them all day.
3. Brainwash the child into liking the most annoying television cartoon ever. This will take a little while to do, so depending on how often you watch or spend time with them, it will pay off. No parent wants to watch Yo Gabba Gabba for 12 hours.
2. Find the most annoying (child appropriate) song you can find. Sing it constantly with the child until they learn the song pretty well. Then have them sing it to their parent(s). Imagine hearing the most annoying song all day--want to pierce your eardrums with something yet? That's how the parent(s) will feel.
1. Let them drink fluids past a certain time (especially if night potty training). Most young children crawl into bed in the middle of the nights with their parent(s). Put 2 and 2 together yet? That's revenge enough.
And the finale:
Go to the store before your supposed to watch or spend time with the child. Buy Gummi Bears, Chocolate, and anything real high in sugar content. Let them eat it all day. Then before the parent(s) come to pick up the child, or you drop the child off--let them gorge themselves on ice cream. By now they haven't napped, and are in dire need of it. On the way to drop them off or right before the parent(s) come to pick them up--play with them a little, not a lot. Especially since most kids crash in the car. So by the time they get home, they don't want to sleep, are bouncing off the walls, throwing temper tantrums about everything and anything, and screaming. Every parent loves the scream fests--not. By the time bed time comes around, the child will still be ramped up on sugar, that the parent(s) will be fighting with themselves to not Benadryl the child.
I know most of you may think this is mean to do, but have you ever been the one dealing with a sugar crazed, temper tantrum throwing, ramped up, hasn't slept, horror you call a child? I have, and I have used every single one of these techniques to exact revenge.
The best response: "Hey did you teach my baby to remove batteries?" "No, why?" "Because I haven't been able to find a damn battery since he was at your house, and I'm getting tired of manually changing channels. No matter how many times I replace the batteries, they end up missing!"
A week passed. "Hey!" "What's up?" "Want to know what I found today cleaning his room?" "No what?" "A stockpile of batteries in his pillowcase. Want to tell me how he learned that now?"
I exacted my revenge, and now my son is never given sugar at their house.
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