Top qualities children like in their parents!

My friend’s daughter wanted to be a scientist. It was a dream she had always cherished. But her parents thought otherwise. They wanted her to be a computer engineer as they felt that it would offer her more lucrative and profitable job. She argued with them about her dream, but it was quashed by the persistent persuasion of her parents.

Her wish was nipped in the bud by her parents! Though their intrusion into their daughter’s dream was in good intention, in actual fact it was a blatant interference into her personal wishes.

This is just one example of how parents poke their nose into the desires of their children!

They defend themselves saying that they live their life for their children. They also argue that whatever they do are for their benefit. Of course, you live for your children and you work hard for their well being. But in the process you forget that though your children are from you, they can never be your Xerox copy. They are individuals with their own thoughts and aspirations.

  • You should be a friend to your children.
  • You should come down to their level to understand them properly.
  • You should share a good rapport with them.

I treat my daughter as my best friend and consult her on any major family decisions. Recently we went to our native place to increase the rent of our shop. I was talking with our tenant and my daughter was watching it. She is in her early twenties but very mature in mentality.

My tenant was aggressively pointing out that it would be impossible for him to increase the rent as per our request. Suddenly she took over from me and talked pleasantly and firmly to him about inflation and other things which escaped my mind. I stepped back and let her talk with him. I was amazed to see my daughter being so authoritative and firm. My tenant did increase the rent as I had asked for.

  • You never know the efficiency of your children unless you let them have freedom to be themselves.
  • Do not thrust your ideas on them and crush their individuality.
  • Let them evolve into an individual with strong personality.

If you keep on interfering, they lose the confidence of taking a decision. It will have severe repercussions in their future life as they grow to be docile and meek. Do you want to know the reason for their submissiveness? It is you! You did not allow them the freedom to be assertive and confident.

Do not compare your children with others and point out their lack of intelligence or proficiency. They hate it and develop resentment against you. Each child has his talent and if you keep comparing him with others it makes him buckle under the pressure.

You should encourage the hidden talent of your child to make him assume the much needed confidence. Your encouragement acts as a morale booster to him. For example if your child is good in painting encourage him and make arrangements so that his talent if brought forward more effectively.

Do you appreciate your children? I have seen most of the parents overlooking the good things their children do. You do not understand that your children yearn for a word of appreciation from you. Mostly they are utterly disappointed as you never acknowledge their enhanced talent as it goes unrecognized by you.

You go out of the way to buy the best things for your children and feel that your duty ends there. You are famished when you return home after a hard day’s work and all you want is rest and relaxation. You never comprehend that your children have been waiting to spend some quality time with you.

You ask them some routine questions and settle before the TV or log into your laptop. Your children look forlorn and lonely even when you are home.

  • You should interact with your children in a friendly manner.
  • You should allow them to open out their feelings.
  • You should give them advice, but never preach as they do not like it.
  • You should be involved in your children’s activities and appreciate each and every development they make, however small it might be.

Your children should feel that they have a friend in you. They should not resent you as a dictator who dictates what they should do with their lives. When you are friendly, your children will evolve into a person with their own individuality. They become more confident and positive in their journey of life.

© 2011 mathira

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Comments 15 comments

Ruchi Urvashi profile image

Ruchi Urvashi 5 years ago from Singapore

very good advice!


mathira profile image

mathira 5 years ago from chennai Author

Parents should always be a friend to their children to able to mold them into good human beings.Thank you for your comments, Ruchi.


ishwaryaa22 profile image

ishwaryaa22 4 years ago from Chennai, India

Useful Hub! Vote Up!


mathira 4 years ago

Thank you ishwaryaa22.


kelleyward 4 years ago

Interesting I liked how you said you never know the efficiency of your children until you let them have the freedom to be themselves. Thanks!


bloggernotjogger profile image

bloggernotjogger 4 years ago from La Cala de Mijas, Spain

Very useful!


mathira profile image

mathira 4 years ago from chennai Author

Thanks bloggernotjogger for your comments.


mathira profile image

mathira 4 years ago from chennai Author

Kelleyward, it is our encouragement and appreciation that brings the best in children.Thank you for your good comments.


glassvisage profile image

glassvisage 4 years ago from Northern California

Very wise words, and I can agree with your advice. These are basic things for parents to keep in mind. Giving your children the freedom to be themselves and to try to new things is so important!


mathira profile image

mathira 4 years ago from chennai Author

Glassvisafe, parents are very concerned that their children should have the best things in life and in the process forget that it is emotional security and rightful freedom that children seek.Thank you for visiting.


Joyette  Fabien profile image

Joyette Fabien 4 years ago from Dominica

I agree with all your points. Parents have a tendency to want to live through their children and in so doing they are likely to crush their children's personality and ambition. This can have terrible long term consequences on the children as they grow older living out their parents dreams rather than their own.


mathira profile image

mathira 3 years ago from chennai Author

Joyette, you have rightly pointed out that 'parents have a tendency to want to live through their children'. Thank you for your comments.


vcv 3 years ago

An excellent article!


mathira profile image

mathira 3 years ago from chennai Author

Thank you vcv.


Seafarer Mama profile image

Seafarer Mama 3 years ago from New England

Great hub, and a great reminder that this parenting philosophy and practice works. My daughter is a very confidant young person because of my encouragement of her, and her father's.

Here in the US, there is an Attachment Parenting movement, which promotes such positive elements in our interactions with our children....and the love returned is so warm and sweet. :0)... Children sure do learn what they live!

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