When A Mom Reverts to Childhood Without Her Children's Permission: An apology to my children from a misbehaving Mom...

An Innocent Child

Sebastian
Sebastian | Source

I Reverted to Childhood Without My Children's Permission

The trauma of childhood can have adverse effects on adults throughout their entire lifetime.

This is written for two young men that have been living on their own for way too long. And were forced to do so much too early in life by circumstances out of their control.

This is written by the mother, a single parent that caused their forced young adulthood, because she also grew up much too fast...

...and then decided much too late to be a child again, when it wasn't her right to do so.

The consequences of their mother's poor choices caused the family to become homeless. Still adolescents, the boys became independent before they even reached legal adulthood.

The eldest son was a senior in high school, nearly a year before his 18th birthday. In order to survive, the young man took on a mature adult role. He found himself a full time job in order to pay for his own rented apartment. He took on these adult responsibilities in order to avoid living on the streets like his indigent mother.

The youngest son had just reached his 15th birthday. Though no less or more important than his brother, was blessed by angels who made sure he was looked after. He was taken in by his high school sweetheart's family by offering him a bed, a home, and a functional situation. They did this out of the kindness of their hearts, in order to keep him off the streets. This family saved the young child by shielding him from the brutal reality of his situation.

Both children endured hardships that they never should have experienced because of their mother's careless, and misguided choices.

I humbly write the following apology to my children from the bottom of my heart...

Santa Barbara

Art by author: Try finding a place to live when you have little to no money, in one of the most expensive city's worldwide...
Art by author: Try finding a place to live when you have little to no money, in one of the most expensive city's worldwide... | Source

Innocence

Innocence
Innocence | Source

A Letter To My Dear Sweet Children:.

Dear Boys,

I write this very urgently to you for a very important reason...

...I humbly ask that you listen to what I need to say to you...

I am now making my solemn promise to you.

And you know that I never make a promise...

...that I can't keep.

This is My Solemn Promise...

...to my boys.

I promise that I will never...

...ever let you down...

...again...

I will not disappoint you.

I will never break you again, ever...

...in any way, shape, or form.

My Angel Boys

The two miracles in my life are a gift from heaven.
The two miracles in my life are a gift from heaven. | Source

It is Now Time To Pick Up the Pieces...

A million pieces have already taken you a lifetime to pick up.

You shouldn't to have to do it...

...again!

..Because those are my millions of pieces down there...

...not yours...

And...

... that is how it always should have been.

It's not something that you should ever have had to do.

Much less a second time.

It is crucial that I always engage my mind...

...before putting my mouth into motion.

Sebastian's Jeep

This was my son's 91 Jeep.  I borrowed it without permission and wrecked it.
This was my son's 91 Jeep. I borrowed it without permission and wrecked it. | Source

Now I Understand...

...that it has taken your entire lifetime...

...for me to fully comprehend how and why...

...a child can become damaged...

...because of his parents negligent actions.

Some of us will take our entire life to heal...

...from our own childhood traumas...

...that our parents so recklessly bestowed upon us.

I'm Begging To Make Amends

I only pray...

...that its not too late...

...To make amends with you.

To alleviate your ever having to suffer again...

...from my selfish idiocy.

God's Hands

I Leave It In God's Hands
I Leave It In God's Hands | Source

The Guilt Consumes Me...

The guilt I still carry will never go away.

It weighs so heavily on my shoulders...

...on my entire being, body and soul.

I want you two to know that I am so very sorry.

I know the pain of what you both endured...

...will never disappear entirely.

I hope that time will ease the pain of...

...your experiences and your burdens.

I Am Sorry...Please Forgive Me...

May you both can eventually forgive me...

...for putting you through such horror at such young ages.

I cannot express the guilt and sympathy that I feel towards you both...

...my two wonderful angels of light.

I am taking full responsibility, saying sorry...

...and acknowledging the hurt I caused you.

I pray that this bad life lesson will eventually...

...make our bond as a parent, children, and family stronger.

A Promise; My Promise...

And now I make...

...my solemn promise...

...to you...

...From me.

I love you...

...like you are me.

More than any love can ever be.

I hope you both can accept my apology.

Thank you for reading...

Art by Author
Art by Author

Sincerely,

written by Misscue
written by Misscue

A Million Little Pieces

About the book I am referring: Million Little Pieces

Self-reliance as a means of salvation

James’s insistence on taking responsibility for his actions is a major part of his personality. This quality remains constant throughout the book but is put to different, more constructive uses as the story progresses. It is fair to say that James is stubborn, even selfish, as the story opens. He flat-out refuses to allow anyone to help or even befriend him in the beginning stages of his stay at the clinic, which results in a very lonely existence. James seems to see this as a part of the “tough guy” act that he’s apparently been living most of his life. He refuses to abide by the Alcoholics Anonymous mantra to “Let Go and Let God.” As time goes on, this behavior transforms into a relentless sense of personal responsibility. James does not believe in letting someone else shoulder the consequences of what he’s done, so he must make a conscious effort not to use drugs based on his own will. He’s given a chance to blame his condition on both a childhood ear infection and the fact that his family may be genetically predisposed to addiction, but he is reluctant to even use those excuses. In the end, James’s self-reliance settles into a form that allows him to accomplish his goal of being sober for the rest of his life.


And the song below by Cold Play is dedicated to the boyzzzzz.

Coldplay - Fix You

© 2012 Helen Kramer

More by this Author


Comments 2 comments

peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 4 years ago from Home Sweet Home

lovely and painful.


MissCue profile image

MissCue 4 years ago from Santa Barbara, CA. Author

Thank you, peachpurple! Yes, painful...but also healing!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working