Trying to write that best seller.............

keeping the faith

In second grade, my friend Tracy and I decided we were going to write a book. I wrote the text and she illustrated. It was about two little girls who made a wish that could turn into birds and fly around whenever they wanted. They could see the world, they could be free. It was a chapter book, I still have a few pieces of it, I am sorry it is not complete because I actually might try to get it published.

Years later, Tracy is an artist in Europe. She has fullfilled her dream, she is working with the gifts she was given. She is a mother, she seems to be happy from what I hear. That is great and I am pleased for her. I would love to be able to say the same for myself. I think back to that little 8 year old girl. She knew what she wanted to do. What did the adult do that negated her dreams and put me where I am now?

Throughout grade school, high school, college and even graduate school, I continued to write. Writing has always been my passion. I can express all that is inside of me through my writing, It is my ultimate therapy, my confessor, the place I go when I need to let out all my anxieties. I have found some success in writing, and I have also angered people and lost a few friends because I tend to put things in writing. Once you write something down, it is with you forever. It is concrete.

Maybe that is what I love about writing. Life changes so quickly, If you asked me ten years ago if I thought I would be sitting in the spot I am right now, I would have said absolutely not. Events that have occurred over the past ten years would have seemed unfathomable to me. Yet they happened and I must deal with them. What I find the best way to manage my life is to write about it. Maybe not exactly what has happened to me, but similat occurrences. Quite possibly what I share may help someone get over the hurdle they now face. It may spark them onto a career in writing or something along those same lines. Inspiration comes in many forms. A smile, music, a poem, a bible verse and the written word of a stranger.

The book that I finally took the plunge and published is a children's book. It was very easy to write, but not easy to publish. I ended up self publishing which was an expensive and time consuming journey, I will have to hub about that at a later date. It is not the book I need to write, I enjoyed writing it, and I have especially enjoyed sharing it with the children I read it to when I visit their schools.

Thirteen, almost fourteen years ago, God gave me my first child. He was premature. Life took an amazing turn from that moment forward. It was quite joyful once we got past those first frightening days in the hospital. We had a second miracle, who was also premature, but healthy. We had a nice little family with two beautiful, intelligent boys. We were unprepared for the diagnosis. Autism was mentioned first, but quickly discarded and replaced with Aspergers Sydrome. Our lives have been on a roller coaster ever since. Up and down, happy, depressed, stressed, elated. We are filled with hope and worry at the same time.

Writing was put to the side while I sorted out the hand I was dealt. I am still trying to figure out how we are going to make it work. I have been asking God what the plan was for many years now. I kept thinking it was to be an advocate for the rights of children with Aspergers. I have done that, but I have spent so much time advocating for my own child plus raising the other two, (we were blessed with a little girl 7 years ago as well), the needs of other children have fallen by the wayside.

What I think my role in life is to spread the news about Aspergers and how to live with it. It is not easy. The person who has it is faced with many challenges. They live in a world that does not understand or accept them. It is difficult for the parents or caregivers of the person who has aspergers. It is also problematic for the siblings and extended family.

I now know that I have been given the gift of written expression and the gift of this amazing, but sometimes infuriating person in my life so that I can write about life with him. In doing so, my family is doing something wonderful for the world. We are exposing them to life in an Asperger family. We are showing them the highs and the lows. We are educating them, we are making life better for those with Asperger and the people who love them. This is the symphony I am to write, the music of my life.

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