Vaginal Cream and Duct Tape: Life Lessons From My Father

Vaginal Cream
Vaginal Cream
Duct Tape
Duct Tape
MacGyver
MacGyver
Say No To Drugs
Say No To Drugs
Jimi Hendrix
Jimi Hendrix
Fleas
Fleas
Cars
Cars
Chicken
Chicken
Snuff
Snuff
I Love You
I Love You

Tim McGraw - My Little Girl

Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child

 

I think if my father were stranded on a deserted island he would be able to pull a MacGyver and survive with just vaginal cream and duct tape.  These are two of the most important items to my father.  With Duct Tape you can repair just about anything and with vaginal cream you can heal just about anything; or so he says.

Growing up my father had an answer for everything and the answers were and still are always hilarious.  My father usually shoots from the hip being brutally honest and usually that honesty is bizarre and funny. My father has lived a very interesting life and I think that gives way to his life lessons.  There are many things that my father has taught me, too many to remember but some of the more useful messages are:

  1. Do As I Say Not As I Do - Although my father swears he didn’t say this to me he did and quite often, especially when I was younger.  This was usually when I was in trouble for doing something and I would tell him that he had done the same thing or something similar.  I quickly learned that any stories he shared with me were simply examples of the things that I should not do no matter how fun they sounded.  I was to do what he said but was to never do what he did, confusing to say the least.
  2. Kill them with kindness – My father is constantly telling me this especially when I am up against something that is emotionally draining or frustrating.When someone is being mean and evil or not being respectful his answer is always to kill them with kindness.  This goes along with the theory of treating someone how you would want to be treated but takes it even further. There is nothing more annoying to an angry person or a person that does not like you than you being sweet as pie to them, it really messes with them. 
  3. Vaginal Cream – I remember a comedy routine that Chris Rock would do about his father using Robitussin or Tussin on everything.  Well this theory holds true for my father only difference is that my father chooses vaginal cream instead of Robitussin.  If you are hurt, have a scratch, a skin irritation whatever the case may be put some vaginal cream on it and you are cured. Always keep a tube on hand.
  4. Duct Tape – My father swears by duct tape. The question is what should you not use duct tape for? Duct tape can fix any and everything in my father’s mind.  I am surprised that he only has one roll of the stuff at a time.  I think his last car was held together by duct tape.  Always have a roll on hand.
  5. All Men Are Evil – I am sure this was a scare tactic after all I was young when he told me this.  And really he was trying to help me to protect myself.  I just kept thinking if “all” men are evil wouldn’t that include him too?  Nothing like being an overprotective father or wanting the best for your daughter.
  6. Don’t Do Drugs – This was after my father and I watched a program together about Jimi Hendrix. Some of Jimi’s friends stated that Jimi needed twice as many drugs as normal people.  They were speaking specifically of LSD and said that Jimi needed one hit to get him back to normal and the second half was to get him high again.  My dad turned to me and said, “You are like Jimi you don’t need to do drugs it will cost you too much to get high.” As strange as it sounded I knew he was right and somehow that lesson stuck. 
  7. Treat People the Way You Want to be Treated – This one is obvious but truly important. It also took me awhile to figure out.  But it is true and a lesson some bill collectors should learn because the ones that are rude get hung up on and the ones that are nice and personable are able to collect more money. This is really simple be nice and respect others even if they do not return the favor.
  8. Fleas, Chickens, Snuff and Cars – My father also had sayings that I still to this day do not understand.  These were sayings that he heard when he was a young boy listening to the guys in the neighborhood talking.  These sayings are “If I tell you a flea can pull your car don’t argue with me hitch ‘em up.” and “If I tell you chicken dips snuff don’t argue with me raise up his left wing you will find his box.” WTF?!? Every time I hear these sayings I cannot help but laugh and yet I think that there is a lesson here somewhere, what it is I have no idea.  
  9. Go Ask Your Mom – I heard this one all the time, but the funniest time was when my father gave me the sex talk.  My dad told me that I could come to him if I ever had a question no matter what the question was.  So being the person that I am I went back to my room and thought for a while.  The very next day I went back to him with my question.  I could see that he was thinking for a long period of time and after what seemed like forever he looked at me and said, “Go ask your mom.”
  10. I Love You - My father is not an emotional man and he chooses his words quite carefully.  I know that when my dad tells me that he loves me that he truly means it.  Even though I love hearing those words when he says it to me, it makes me feel ten times more filled with love when he says it to my children.

These lessons might be strange and unconventional but to me they are normal.  I never know what to expect from my father when I ask for his opinion or advice. But I always know that there will be some type of lesson that I need to learn and I always know that he is giving his answer with complete, total and unconditional love.

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Comments 22 comments

jul 7 years ago

funny! :) however, i'm pretty sure i remember something about cut out potatoes, or coke cans, and also... perhaps an interesting time down on the cliffs of i.v.... ha ha! :)


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

I love this! Great work! :)


fortunerep profile image

fortunerep 7 years ago from North Carolina

That was nice, sounds like a great man!

dori


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Juls - I plead the fifth on those even though they are like 15 years ago!! lol. Thanks for reminding me.

Tom and Fortunerep - Thank you very much !!!


MotherHubber profile image

MotherHubber 7 years ago from Southern California

Triplet Mom, I enjoyed this very much! I am very close to my dad, and this brought back a lot of memories.

I am absolutely going to be putting lotramin on my kid's next knee scrape! BTW, I know exactly which HBO/Chris Rock special you're talking about. My hubby and I always laugh when one of the kids comes to us with a scrape or a sprain - we tell them to go put some 'Tussin on it and sit down!

Loved it.


Nayberry profile image

Nayberry 7 years ago from nayphat@yahoo.com

Wise man. All my dad ever told me was "Just keep living. You'll find out."

Tootles!!


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

MH - I love it!! Always have a bottle of Tussin around just for that. That Chris Rock special is hilarious especially that part. I guess its cause it reminds me of my dad lol. I am glad that it brought back memories.

Nayberry - Thank you! Nothing wrong with what your dad said because it is so true!


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

3TMom- Great stuff on your Dad, the more I know about him, the more I wish he was my dad too.


Amy G 7 years ago

Good stuff! I have to agree on the duct tape...might need to skip the Hoo-Haw cream! Thanks for the read!


Rainbow Brite 7 years ago

my grandfather and uncle firmly believed that the entire world could be held together by 3 things...duct tape, baling wire, and super glue. My uncle held his derby car doors shut with three rolls of duct tape wraped around the entire car. Years later, he held some kind of engine part that poked out the hood to the car with baling wire and duct tape. I've avoided many stitches by using super glue...just don't glue any body parts that arent supposed to be touching together! Thanks for the laugh and the memories!


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Hoo-Haw cream?...  That's *almost* as funny as this hub!!  lol!  I'll bet whoever invented Duct Tape had no idea how many would swear by it for *everything*.  There's a building at a certain university where the entire plumbing system is held together by the stuff.  But back to your dad...  Being a parent now yourself, you know you say things to your kids that makes no sense to them.  If you only repeat the advice your dad gave you, they'll do fine!  Well, except for the sex talk thing....four words: 'Keep your pants zipped' covers everything.  ;) 

The flea and chicken things make perfect sense to me: "Just do it!".  But then I had an uncle who'd say odd stuff like that, and it was his tone more than the words that conveyed the thought. 

Oh yes, there's something called Liquid Band-aid that's nothing more than SuperGlue in a different package.  SG is cheaper.


Rainbow Brite 7 years ago

jamagenee - ive heard of that stuff, even bought a bottle once, and I thought it did a rather shotty job of it!  Super glue is not only cheaper but better!  (smells better too!)  I mean, after all, super glue was invented for use in battle, so why mess with a good thing? If it ain't broke, don't fix it...and if it IS broke, grab the super glue and duct tape!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Here's a funny tip I got from my grandmother which works! If your child gets lice, then put a few drops of Spot on for large dogs on their head. Your child will never get lice again and there's no ill effects like your child barking or lifting a leg at a tree. I never believed my granny's advice until I decided to give it a try when my youngest daughter kept coming home from school with lice and no commercial product would work anymore. Apparently, she said and it makes sense, a dog's skin is softer than a human's skin that's why it needs to much fur to protect it, so if it can work on a dog it can work on a child. Sometimes, the strange remedies like duct tape and vaginal cream work the best!


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

GT - Thank you! Hey is a pretty cool guy I have to admit but I am partial. lol

Amy - If you have a rash and all you have is the cream give it a try you will be amazed!! lol

RB - Thank you!!! I have actually used superglue on a bad cut and it worked well!!

JG - LOL!!! I will remember to tell them to keep their pants zipped, although I am almost certain my kids would be smart enough to find away around that lesson!! I think duct tape is amazing and I am not certain when they created it they thought that people would be making clothes and accessories out of it!! It is truly on of the most amazing products out there!

Cindy - Wow that is great advice. Luckily we have not had the lice thing happen, but if we do I know exactly what I am going to do.

Thank you all for your wonderful comments!!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

LOL, that reminds me of the dad on My Big Fat Greek Wedding, how he uses windex to cure everything, hilarious. I grew up with my grandparents and they seemed to have had a homemade cure for everything.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

My cousin went through a duct tape stage where everything he had was covered in the stuff. No joke. He actually made a pair of shoes out of it. Duct Tape has always been a very versatile staple in my family.

As for the cream--your dad was a brave man. The men in my family have always been terrified of anything that comes from "that aisle". It reminds me a bit of Schwag's hub.

Anyway, I think I figured out where your daughter got her "engineering" skills. And yes, I went out and locked my truck! LOL!!


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

GM - lol, I forgot all about that dad he was hilarious good call.

PM - Wow your cousin is talented, but those shoes must have been really hot on the feet. Yeah my dad is totally secure in his manhood lol. You got it I bet that is where my daughter gets it from. Good idea locking the truck!! lol


charanjeet kaur profile image

charanjeet kaur 7 years ago from Delhi

Lovely and a very emotional hub, i am my father are real close and reading this hub relived those moments again. God bless your father daughter relationship. I guess girls will always be papas girls, i know my daughter loves her father like no one else will.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

Hi Triplet mom!

Wow! Your father is a smart man, I guess he knows the proper use of vaginal cream & duct tape. The ingredients of vaginal cream are made for rough use, I believe that's why it works for every thing.

Very funny & interesting thanks for sharing.

~ Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent. R. D. Laing

~ Our problems are man-made, therefore they may be solved by man. No problem of human destiny is beyond human beings.

John F. Kennedy


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast Author

Charanjeet - Thank you very much. Yes that father daughter bond can be strong, my daughters love their daddy too!

Mr Nice - Great quotes, love em! Thank you for your comments.


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

To triplet mom: I thoroughly enjoyed this hub. It is nice to have such memories of your father.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 4 years ago from West Coast Author

Thank you gm!

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