What Should I Do??? Please HELP!!!

 

I need some guidance I know I should follow my heart and do what is best for my children, but giving that said. I am a single mother of three kids ages 9, 6, and 4. I am a survivor of mental, verbal, and physical abuse, up until March 17, 2009. For 9 years I sacrificed by soul to keep my family. I learned that it was causing more damage to stay there and be abused then to leave and take my kids to a healthy environment. I took my children and myself from the dysfunction. In doing that there has been a lot of chaos between us both and has caused a lot of grief. I am at a point in my life where I no longer want negative people around me. I have developed a sane mentality and want to continue down this positive path. We share rights to our children through court. He has them every other weekend and Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I have been very lenient with his schedule and changing it at his own convenience. This leaves me with no personal window for myself, which is fine because I am the mother and that’s what mothers do. It has been expressed through a text that he no longer wishes for the children to be in his life due to an argument between him and I over this weekend visitation. This weekend April 9, is his birthday and he asked if he could not have his kids this weekend I agreed to Saturday and Sunday but not Friday April 8, as to my prior engagements. He went crazy saying that he doesn’t need his kids and using major profanity towards me. He also expressed to take his parental rights and so forth. With this said I am tired of dealing with the games. My children are not pawns to be played with on a game of chess. They are little souls who are looking for love from their parents.

My concern is giving my kids no option in seeing their father anymore. He continues to taunt me and I am just tired of the verbal abuse. With this I feel I should proceed forward in revoking his parental rights as he wishes and not deal with him any longer. I have proven fact that he stated this and if I take it too court it will stand. I do not really want to go about this but he is leaving me no other choice. Will I regret this decision and will my children hate me for this decision made on behalf of them? Should I let things cool off, understanding that I am no longer up for threats and taunts I am done dealing with an unstable human being and allowing him to influence our children negatively. Please help any suggestion………..???

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Comments 15 comments

mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I was walking down the street today and passed a yard with a chain link fence. The family dog came out and barked and barked. As long as I felt no danger from the dog, the barking was just noise.

And you have to ask yourself, if your children are in any danger? If so your questions answers themselves. Or another angle, do the children love the dog. If so try to remain flexible.


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Thanks Mc, I like the way you put it it gives me a different outlook. I would like to put a musel on the dogs mouth so he can once in for all shut up!! Thank you for your honest opinion!!!

smiles :)

bella


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

Bella my heart bleeds for you, you have suffered enough. I do not know about such things from experience but my heart tells me that for your sake and for the sake of your children, you should be entirely free from this hateful man. He is indeed using your children as pawns in his game. Only you know if your children look forward to being with their father and seeing him. I however, would suggest a clean break and then when they are older they may decide for themselves whether they wish to be a part of his life. A healthy loving Mum is who they truly need.

You need and so deserve happiness. Your heart is so full of love and in the fullness of time you will know that you made the right decision.

Hugs Bella.

Lots of love Acaetnna


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Ace, Thank you for your insight I appreciate it. I just feel that I know I couldnt take the right from him we did create them together but it boils my blood that he could say so hurtful things and act like they do not affect me nor my children so annoying at times. Thank you once again..


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

Be strong, he doesn't deserve them. I love the poem you've just written about them - brilliant.


bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California Author

Ace, Thank you :)as always!!!


kimbrewaa profile image

kimbrewaa 5 years ago

Bella, I know that you are hurting and I know that it is hard to think about the pain that this man has caused you. However, you cannot go to his level, you cannot feed into his drama. You need to focus on keeping yourself and your children healthy. That means physically, mentally and spiritually. Pray about it. Ask God to give you the answers you seek, he will surely give you exactly what you NEED. You and your children are in my prayers. God Bless.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

Bella, I have been where you are and I would say get away from him as soon as possible. Abusers don't get better and you don't have any way to know exactly how well he cares for the children when they with him. While he has said this is what he wants I would bet money if you get full custody you probably still haven't heard the last from him. I am sorry you are having to live through this terrible time. I know it is extremely stressful and it affects the children as well. Ultimately you have to do what your gut tells you as I am only sharing my personal experience. I wish you the best. God Bless.


ArtByCari profile image

ArtByCari 5 years ago

You know, if he says he doesn't want your kids, he probably isn't going out of his way to be a good dad when he does have them. Maybe it is time to beak ties with him. Or at least give him only once a month visitation or something. I suggest contacting a counselor (or attorney maybe) who could help with this.


HennieN profile image

HennieN 5 years ago from South Africa

I know your kids are still small, but how do they feel about their dad? In a manner that only a mother could do, I would suggest thath you test the watyer with your kids. Then, follow your motherly instinct and do what you feel is right. Your gut feeling is normally the right feeling.


4elements profile image

4elements 5 years ago

I must say that is quite a hard situation to be in. I can see how you don't want them to hate you but you also have to do whats best for you and them. Maybe talk to your kids ask them what they feel or want. I always said I would never keep my kids from seeing their dad, but if I found out he was hurting them mentally, physically, or emotionally, I would talk to him possibly with a switzerland person someone who is neutral, and if that didnt work and he proceeded to show his ass , in a freakin heartbeat it would be done. Kids will forgive in time when they understand. I wish you luck, with this. Blessings


the gentleman profile image

the gentleman 5 years ago from Saint Louis Missouri

Growing up, this is something that I have had to deal with, and coping with it is something I could not do. At times I would let it roll of my shoulder because of the pain that my mother has cause me in my lifetime, but the fact remains, that I love my mother. I love her more than any father figure. Even in times where I sided with my dad when my mother would cause me to be angry, it would be only temporary. Now they are separated because of his insecurities, and she is away from all the verbal and mental abuse. I know that my mom tried to hang on also, but when the bad starts to outweigh itself in a relationship and BOTH partners aren't trying to mend the break, then it will never work. In the future, I believe that your children won't be hindered by this decision, and when the time is right, there will be a time of explanation and understanding, but the decision is yours no matter what opinion they will form in the future.


haikutwinkle profile image

haikutwinkle 4 years ago

My spiritual thoughts to you, dear bellawritter23.

Below are some quotes from a website which I find are very beautiful and wise:

"Loving Your Children: Focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses, on health and not illness, on raising them up and not bringing them down. Let the strengths cure the weaknesses, the health cure the illnesses and let the love which raises them up carry them when they are down."

(Facebook quote: selFirst - Center for Energetic and Spiritual Health)

Regards.


haikutwinkle profile image

haikutwinkle 4 years ago

Also a quote on FREEDOM:

"Freedom is a gift given to you by God, and such a gift cannot be taken away by any man, woman or child. Likewise, it is not a gift that you must earn that you may possess it; it is in fact not something that you can possess at all. Free is what you are, every aspect of your physical and spritual being dictates this.

As an energetic being you are the living affirmation of God's will, which is that you create new life with each and every breath; that you forge a new and brighter path with each and every step; that you learn to see and love the kingdom that you have created for yourself with each and every look.

In short: that you live each moment in full appreciation of the fact that you are free to experience it in any way that you wish to. A moment of doing so creates wonder. A day of doing so creates belief. A month of doing so creates a student. A lifetime of doing so creates a Master.

God wishes only that you go forth, all of you, and become Masters."

(Facebook quote: selFirst - Center for Energetic and Spiritual Health)

Regards.


Craig Suits profile image

Craig Suits 4 years ago from Florida

Dump the bum Bella. It could get a lot worse than it is now.Move far away if you can and start over. I was in a similar situation with a wife that didn't give a rats ass about me or our four children. I finally packed them up and moved to Florida. It was the only choice I had. I didn't want it that way but after 18 years of her ignoring us, I'd had enough. Things worked out well and they will for you too. It sounds like your a good mom and you got what it takes. Good luck...

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