What To Do When Your Child Says "I Hate You!"

As parents we've all heard those 3 words before, and they always strike your heart the same. And if you've yet to experience it, the dreaded "I hate you" will come to your ears sooner or later. Most of the time your child will scream it at you in a fit of rage for not buying the toy gun, makeup set, or video game that they pleaded with you to buy at the store. Or you will hear it yelled at you in a fit of rage for any reason, usually when they don't get their way.

This is usually one way kids and especially younger children develop, by arguing and defying us and sometimes scorning us. But as parents, what are we to do? How do we handle this situation that cuts us to the bone and stops us in our tracks?

First, do not overreact. Even though it is so easy to get mad and upset, it is best to weather out our kids expressions of anger and hatred by taking deep breaths, or counting. Do not allow yourself to get drawn into an argument. Just try to stay calm. Give both of you time to cool off, but let your child know that when you do, you will talk about it.

It is important to acknowledge their feelings, do not undermine how they feel by trying to tell them how they feel. Help them realize that erupting so angrily and personally during an argument is not right.

Be sure to time your follow up discussion, you don't want to wait too long. Once both of you are calm and not as emotional, approach them, forgetting your personal feelings and ask your child what is bothering them and what made them feel so angry. Do not get defensive, even though it can be very hard. Just listen to your children at this time, later on you can explain how you feel. If you interrupt your child to tell them how hurt or upset you were, you will only end up frustrating them all over again.

Be sure to ask them for ideas. Once they have finished talking about what is bothering them, ask what you can do to make sure you don't have this fight again. When you ask this question you are making your child feel as though you respect their opinion, but it gives them the challenge of coming up with something that will make them feel better. Sometimes your children's gripes are justified. Parents do oftentimes promise to buy something, then back out. They will also impose unrealistic expectations or blame kids for something they did not do.

Let your children know that even we (parents) have feelings of anger and even hatred, but that these feelings are natural and usually do not last long. Make sure you let them know how much you love them. Having such violent emotions during an argument can leave everyone feeling upset. Let them know that you are always here for them, and that will never change.

Doing this does not mean that you and your children will argue any less, or that the dreaded 3 words will never pop up again. I'm sure that they will. During the heat of the moment when a child is so distressed about whatever the issue might be, they are usually not thinking clearly and may say a lot of hurtful things that they do not really mean. Remember this, and remember most to always have an open door policy on talking, and most of all to have open arms and an "I love you," waiting.

Comments 34 comments

rodwin 7 years ago

Well, it may sound nice to have open arms and an "i love you" for your child, but when this is happening over and over again, like with teenagers who are angry and frustrated most of the time, is kind of hard to keep "loving" the little monster who never care about your feelings. What about teaching the kids that being rude have consequences, and you cannot keep ignoring their "hate" forever? If they will treat their friends like that, they will lose them in a slap, and the kids know that. And they find the ways to control their anger. Why parents should always have to be taken for granted? Isn't reasonable enough to teach them that their parents deserve at least the same amount of respect as their "cool" friends? We know that for a relationship to work, it takes two, why the relationship parent-child it always take only one, but it should work in most "lovingly"way?

Sorry, i like your lens but in my opinion it covers only half of the problem.

Rod


eliore 7 years ago

i hate my stupid kids when they do that i want to slap them across there face


craftybookworm 7 years ago

I understand a parents frustration, I have 3 boys myself. BUT... we are the parents, ADULTS, remember? Come on guys, we are the ones who had these children. Part of the problem in our society with the way kids act these days is that they are not paid enough attention, or parents are not parenting. Instead they chose to be their childs "friend" instead of parent, wanting their children to think they are "cool." It is time for parents to stop taking the easy route when raising their children and take some responsibilty. Your children are the way they are for a reason, they are not born acting bad. If you stop for a minute and be truthful with yourself, you will find that alot of the reasons kids acts the way they do is due to the way we are raising them, society in general, and all the the things they have to deal with these days.


mum of two  7 years ago

why must it always be the parents fault, I am sure that personality, temperament and such must have something to do with it. I have 1 angel and 1 devil have been that way from birth, I have given them both equally nothing but love acceptance encouragement time experiences leasons opportunities and still I am told if someone doesn't get their own way I am hated disliked, who else could they express these emotions to maybe its just part of the job


Ann Theresa 7 years ago

I wish someone had warned me about having children. It is not always fun and easy. I know no one has ever told me that. I warn young couples now to think hard before having cheildren. They can make you pull your hair out. I was married for 18 yrs before having children. My husband and I never raised our voice to each other. Now I find I have to repeat, repeat, and then yell. I get to the point that I don't even like being me anymore. I feel like I'm now a real bitch. I was not like that before.And just think....mykids are actually pretty good kids. I can't imagine having bad kids. Good luck parents....thank goodness it's only temporary.


Jenn 6 years ago

My son told me that he hates me and hates being here at our home, hates the atmosphere and that's why he is always going out.

I hate the fact that he does absolutely nothing here but ignore what little I ask, his room and the newly finished basement he took over is a disgrace (not fit for a pig to live in now), demands money from me but could only muster up 4 days of work during the summer as he felt "troubled" by working. He had a party one weekend while we were away and the police were called. I had things missing and he lied about even having the party until I found out from a neighbour, then told us that we were "lucky" that he even cleaned up. When we reprimanded him, he picked up a planter on the front walk and smashed it into the side of the house. He broke into the back window the other day and said he didn't and then my husband noticed that our large coin jar had disappeared. When questioned, he admitted he took it but without an ounce of shame. He conned me into getting him a cell phone after he said no thanks to the one I surprised him with two Christmases ago and then decided that he would not take my calls or call back when I left a message. He has promised to call just to let me know that he is safe and whether or not he is coming home and then shut his phone off immediately after our conversation. He started skipping school and when I spoke to him about it, he skipped more. He does no chores here and stupidly I give him money hand over fist as I try to give him anything that will make him happy. When he got in trouble for taking the coin container is when he started screaming that he is embarrassed by me, hates me and does not want to be around me - ever. I told him that he should move out but he told me that he has nowhere to go right now. I could go on and pathetically list all of the many, many things I do daily to please this boy but I realize that a lot of this is my own doing and I am very sad to have realized this too late. When my first husband and I got divorced, I ended up winning sole custody and I think tried to make up for any sadness that I may have caused during some turbulent years at home. Now, he says that I give him all that he wants and nothing that he needs but even that is not true, I am constantly trying to talk to him and have sent him letters asking him to tell me about himself as I miss knowing him and have always been so proud of him and supportive in all he has done. We gave him the opportunity to play any and all sports that he wanted and have paid for him to go on a few really nice trips to South Carolina and a cruise from B.C. to Alaska plus lots of spending money but that also meant nothing. I have already paid half of the $1,800 that needs to be paid for a trip to Wales in the Spring. I also managed to get 13 people to buy fundraising tickets to help with costs. Whatever he needs, I always get it for him even though I get no thanks or any appreciation or respect. I have been waiting (I guess) for him to come and speak to me about what he said, thinking that he would come and apologize as he saw how much it wounded me but he has not said a thing. I am doing a huge Christmas here because I always thought he liked it when I did it at our house and invited lots of people. It is harder this year as I had a really bad car accident and when I went back to work early from my short term disability, I was felled by a seizure and now cannot drive for 6 months. My husband broke 22 bones in his leg and never missed a day of work. He spent 11 years taking my son and I to every single sporting event and he played AA hockey, soccer, baseball and now Rugby. There was a time when we were out with his sports 6 days a week.

I will end here as I didn't mean to ramble but could probably go on and on. I am sad that my son does not love me and I do believe it to be true. I feel that I have devoted my life to him in every single aspect and have always tried to give him self confidence and the security of knowing that he is truly loved, no matter what.

If anyone has any ideas or solace for me, please respond as it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.


CollegeGirl07 6 years ago

I have to say that I myself am not a parent. I am the "child", adult child to be truthful. I am a college student living at home and just recently got into a huge argument with my mother. This argument was mainly due to stress that I was under with school and working two jobs and trying to help pay house bills and my own bills while trying to save money to pay for school.. I am just burnt out and need an outlet. Needless to say I said the horrible words "i hate you" to my mom repaetedly after she told me I was not doing enough and I completely regret it and feel horrible. My mom has barely spoke to me in three days. I am not sure what to say or how to correct the situation. It was an imature way to handle the situation I know, but I did not mean to.

Ofcourse I do not hate my mom, I love her whole heartedly. I just can not handle the extra pressure put on me to go to school work 40hrs a week and be told I am not doing enough constantly...

So to the parents out there who have been told "i hate you". I can almost guarantee you that you children do NOT hate you at all. Its most likely that the do not know how to handle their emotions and need to actually talk to you, or feel like there problems and feeling matter.


Jess 6 years ago

My 11 year old daughter hates my live in boyfriend, and recently she told me she hates me. I do everything I possibly can to make her happy, and drive her 2 hours a day just so she can stay out the year in her favorite school. Her father is using this against me, trashing me to her and to my family and friends as usual, he always tries to outdo me, but it does not matter what I do, she's never satisfied, and is very rude to me. I let her have freedom and he does not but I dont know where I went wrong, she wants me to kick out my boyfriend, but we have 2 small boys together and its not that easy. I am heartbroken that she wants to move in with her father. She doesn't even respond to my calls or texts when she is with him.


Weather the storm! 6 years ago

I have Three sons. My youngest son (16) has been acting angry, and doesn't want to be around me. Because of his choices, he has had to weather the consequences. He didn't say it to my face, but I found a note that said how much he hates me, and how I've ruined his life. He refuses to take responsibility for HIS actions. When he was 12, he saw his older brothers acting disrespectfully toward me, and getting into trouble. He promised me that he would NEVER act that way :0) Well, he is! My oldest sons went through the same 'phase'... yes, phase, it will pass. We were at the point of seeking help and even considering having our oldest go to a home for troubled teens. His younger siblings were even afaid when his anger flaired up. He had mean eyes when he told me he hated me. My second son was always the angel, and up until he was 18, was pretty much cooperative. The trouble came when he got stressed about what to do with his life, girls, and just plain uncertainty. He never said he hated ne, but was disagreeable, and sneaky. now that I have gotten to the third son, I've thickened my skin. It was not easy, but a wise friend counseled me to "just love them". At first I thought I was... now I understand. Not reacting w/ anger is love. Not taking it personal, is love. Not kicking them out, or over reacting is love. keeping a cool head and carrying out the consequenses so that they learned they have to pay for their mistakes... that is love. Telling them that even though they hate me, I LOVE THEM and always will. Now, can I tell you about the silver lining? After being out of the house for abou 6 months, both my older boys wrote us letters telling us how much they appreciated us, how sorry they were for the way they treated us, and even gave advice to the younger siblings to be nicer to their parents. They didn't take the advice, and I didn't expect they would. The anger, the hate, the acting out... that is all a part of the growing up and finding their place in the world. It isn't easy, and noone said it would be, but I can say from eperience, it is worth it!!


c&m mom 6 years ago

As the mother of two little boys, it was very sad and somewhat scary to read the entries above. Who knows what the future holds. However, I must say, I don't agree with the advice in the original post. I believe children need to be taught that it is completely unacceptable to tell someone who loves you and takes care of you that you hate them. There are some things in life that can be very difficult to take back and cut straight to the bone and children need to be taught this. As a teacher, I am seeing the result of all the "child first" psycho-babble that the past generation of parents have been fed. We now have children who think it is okay to spout off whatever they are thinking when it really is not. We need to teach them how to interact appropriately in a variety of settings. Respect and restraint in what we say toward those we love is necessary. What happens when these little hot-heads get on the job and haven't learned to close their mouths when angered? Teach your child to let it out on their own. Mumble to themselves in their room if they like, but there's certainly something to be said for remembering that no matter how angry you get, your mom or dad loves you and some things are just "off limits" to say. Teach your child to express their hot angry feelings without resorting to those "three dreaded words."


mr. gensler 5 years ago

I NEED THIS ARTICLE SENT TO MY SON.

DAVID GENSLER KDU@THEKDU.COM


Mr Honest 5 years ago

When I was a teenager, which is over ten years ago now, my teenage friends would be very calm when they told their parents that they hated them. Their calm hatred was fully justified, child abuse is ubiquitous


Carla 5 years ago

I do not agree.


anon 5 years ago

I'm the child in this situation. The thing that annoys me is, I'm a good child. I don't drink, don't do drugs, I'm over-excelling in school, and I have good influences as friends. Yet they say i'm a disappointment, have little to no respect for me, and scream at me as if they were the child. I refuse to respect someone with no goals in life, no achievements, selfish, and disrespectful of me. They say I have to earn respect. So why does feeding me as a baby, doing all that work as a child earn my respect as an extremely independent teen? I'm counting down until I can leave this house - I can guaruntee that if I hadn't made friends with who I did, I would have no ambition at all.


merlina 5 years ago

I have four teenagers, two are mine, and two step children. They all have their moments, frustration, negativity, always needing to justify poor behavior and argumentative when asked to do chores. My 14yr old daughter is the only one that attacks with hurtful comments.

My step-kids haven't had it easy (mother abandoned them) and by nature are very sensitive and take everything personally.

My husband and I try to be consistent with the consequences for disrespectful behaviour. He is tough too! My ex Husband is on board with whatever we dish out, usually taking away iPods, phone, and computer privileges.

It's not always easy to be consistent because they ARE four different kids with different needs. We are both guilty whereby he babies his 12 yr old son and I baby my "baby" daughter. The older two are much more mature and get along very well (boy/girl, both 16).

My daughter is hormonal, and lashes out with personal hurtful comments, as I mentioned, and I feel sometimes I have failed by ignoring the behaviour.

I know I need to sit down and talk with her about what she is feeling and why she needs to be hurtful. Being disrespectful, while unacceptable, is still going to happen when she is hormonal. I can deal with that, same punishment, but she really needs to stop the personal attacks.

This is more of a vent, but if you have any advice for me my ears are open.


Mrs. Thomas 5 years ago

My son has hated his mother and father since age 10.

He is 37 and still hates us both. We gave up on him.


Shoreline 5 years ago

I have recently been getting the I HATE YOU from my 11 year old daughter. She gets mad and then gets over it. If as adults we do not hold their words and behavior accountable for concequences, then what are we teaching them? I sometimes HATE my boss, do I tell him, NO I WOULD BE FIRED...NOW is our only time to parent, there are no redos!

My daughter recently expressed her feelings of "hatred" toward me, so I went on strike. Fine, hate me...I quit! No laundry, dinner or packed lunches, no hugs and kisses, go ahead and hate me!


Louise 5 years ago

My daughter finished her first year of college, took a job on campus, came back for a week. Asked me to drive her back to the airport for her flight back to campus, and proceeded to tell me all of the way to the airport how terrible of a human being and parent I have been. How she doesn't plan to come back home. How I've been a disappointment to her. How we have a horrible relationship because of me. All while we are paying for her to attend a private college, and incurring expenses with her 'independent' living out of town this summer. When I returned from the airport in tears, and went into her room to change the linens, I was greeted with a mess of clothes strewn everywhere, papers on the floor, etc., that she just left for me to cleanup. And, this was after I drove 1300 miles to move her from her dorm to an apartment for the summer. She has totally closed down any relationship with me for 2 years. Believe me, I grew up in an abusive household, so I know the difference between good/bad, and I am not my own Mother. Without saying it, I feel totally shut down with trying to maintain a relationship at this point. This is a really good young adult, a great student at a prestigious university, who lacks a compass when it comes to relationships. It is my fault that she dated a young man through the end of high school and through college, who she now realizes she had no future with, even though we gently (and I mean gently) pointed out that the cultural differences were probably too great to overcome, and that he didn't demonstrate initiative in the relationship. Thanks for listening. I honestly don't know where to go with her from here.


Lu 4 years ago

I feel your pain. I have a 25 year old that I have done everything for short of cutting off my right arm. She just told me yesterday she hates me because she wasn't getting her way about something. Sometimes I think her being an only child and me doting on her all the time made it worse. I don't know how some parents who seem to put in little effort end up with kids that adore them and treat them with respect. What is up with that?


Nilsa 4 years ago

I totally feel the pain and frustration. I have four kids and my oldest will be 18 and already moved out. My 14 year old constantly argues and says hurtful things. I feel hopeless, I talk to him and he just thinks he can do as he pleases, and then my 12 year old argues when I punish her because my son does it. I am do stressed, and open for advice.


Esther 4 years ago

I feel a certain amount of understanding for both parents and children. I am a young adult now, but even in the past when I got upset with my parents for denying me something or following through with a punishment, I eventually did look back on it with understanding as to why they had to punish me and I appreciate it. Adults have a tendency to over or under act towards their children and that is why I believe that children lash out. Brats are formed, and buying your child's love should never be the answer. Kids wont care how much you know till they know how much you care and objects don't replace love. It is so important to follow through with discipline starting when your child is very young. Disipline should not be viewed negatively, it is just another form of love which I have titled "Tough Love." Even a baby can respond to the word NO. It is not cruel to say no to your child or reward bad behavior with disciplinary action. It is very important to maintain a calm disposition whenever you are discussing punishment ect. Never ever act out of anger! Acting out of anger puts you on the same level as your angry child. If you have a rebellious young adult tell them to figure life out themselves and kick them out of your house, but maintain that you love them and they will always have a place to stay provided they can maintain respect for you and your rules. I am the young adult but I love my parents and they never ever given me an excuse for bad behavior and YES us kids do know the difference.


Sharyn 4 years ago

My husband and I took in our daughters boyfriend as he was having trouble at his home with his parents. We welcomed him into our family. After 10 months she moved out of home with him.She told us at the time they were looking after a friends house, and didn't know when they would be back./we found this was not true and they where living with his parents. She said that I was a negative person and that I needed Pychological help. and that until I change from the person I am, she will not see me again. She just confirmed that she will not be seeing me for Xmas. It seems soo unfair that she can stop being my daughter,tell me that she hates me. but I cant stop being her mother.The pain is so deap and painfull that I dont know if I can take it much longer. She has been gone for nearly a year. I have seeked counciling but my GP and the Pychologist say there is nothing wrong with me.That my daughter has a problem.I cant sleep, I stay away allnight and eat try and find solice in food and have put on heaps of weight. I am not looking forward to xmas or anything else in my life


Cleo Wilson 4 years ago

Well, tell me what do you do when you have two young adults, whom you missed some years being around due to your life work moving you out of state; yet, you tried to get them from your mom but, she had many excuses not to let them come and be a part of my life which turned out beautiful 29 years of blissful and blessed marriage with three other children and a wonderful, loving husband. But now, even though I tried to get them without hurting my mothers' heart due to her telling me she always wanted children but could not have any. So she clings to mine. I could not bear to hurt her. So, I did what I could for them from afar and visited every summer that I was blessed to do so; as well as keeping in touch by phone. My son thinks I should have been with his dad even though he hurt me physically, not to mention my heart over and over again. Now they are young adults: the daughter came where the family was living after my mom passed away. My husband and I helped her and her husband to get started and did not charge them a dime for anything. We took care of them until my daughter was blessed with a job and I took some of my funds to help them move out, showed them how to get around, helped with clothes and a few of the bills. But now I can not go down memory lane and state my feelings of missing them and how sorry I was without being careful of the words I chose to use. Now she has nothing to say, do not visit or call anymore.

I did not know that I had to change my ways to please her. That takes the me out of me. So, should I stop apologizing and calling and her since she obviously does not want anything to do with me or her other siblings. I have given up and put it in Gods' unchanging hands.


Tom 4 years ago

Here's my thing, my 11year old son goes into fits of rage says he hates me my whole side of the family all because of when he shows up they don't automatically stop whatever it is that they are doing. Personally as a parent we cannot discipline our children the way we were only because the schools are telling them that if your mom or dad hurts you in any way you can call the police on them. Sorry off subject a little but open arms and telling my son I love you don't work I am separated from my sons mother and have been for 18 months now I have told my son in a very gentle and not derogatory way that his mother and I are not getting back together now being that said he also is being rude to my current girlfriend he won't look at her, speak to her or anything how do I address this situation because the way he is going now with the actions he is using I am afraid he is gonna end up in jail or dead and he is only 11. What do I do??????


Erozo 4 years ago

My son is 23 and he just got kicked out of house by my husband after calling me the "b" word twice. He told me on the way out the door, mom, there is one thing I must tell you, I really do hate you. I tried to get him to talk to me to tell me what I've done that has made him so mad at me all the time and he told me to get the "f" out of his room. I wouldn't listen and still tried to talk to him. He said he's never coming back. I asked him what he wanted to do with his stuff and he didn't know. I told him we'd probably rent out his room then. Anyway, when he left, I didn't run after him or try to say anything. It just hurt. It still hurts and I don't know what to do. He is really lazy most of the time and doesn't want to pick up after himself most times when he eats around the computer. He will do so after I remind him. He thinks I should do his laundry, all the dishes, etc. even when he's not working. He's becoming extremely self-centered and thinks I should do it all since I stay home. I have an amazon and ebay business so I bring some money into the home, not much. I've been a stay at home mom most of our married life, 28 years. My husband has no problem with me staying at home and working out of the home. My son tells me I'm a failure and I told him that really hurt and he said he doesn't care. I told my husband that he seems to only care for one other woman, an aunt he loves and adores. He treats me with contempt and disrespect. I don't know where to go from here, but know this really hurts. I'm seeing a physchologist today and maybe it will help.


Scott (Emily) 4 years ago

I'm a 15 year old boy who thinks he is transgender. The thing is when a child says the I hate you, it tends to refer to how you as the parent think so much differently to them. When I came out to my mum saying I was like this she treated it like I had blown up the UN. It doesn't matter if your child is a kid who gets 3 detentions a day or on the honor roll, they will always rebel and hate you for a period… it's a natural thing. Sometimes though the parents are unreasonable because I said I wanted to go into the theatrical business as an actor (I said actor as I wanted to keep my mum happy) she said it was a waste of my knowledge and I said back that I can remember lines from nearly every film I've seen and I can't keep any science, math or history in my head. I don't hate my mum but she's acting like she wants me to be exactly like she wants. As soon as I've finished my year 11 exams I'll tell her what I am. I've been really close to saying I hate you to her and sometimes I would have meant it because parents don't even try to listen to kids anymore, those that do are the sort of parents that went through hell to be what they are today. Don't blame the child, most of the time its an empty threat but sometimes kids are hiding stuff from you that's causing a lot of stress and they feel that you won't understand. I've been bullied since I started school, I have never really had many friends, I am transgendered and my mum is an old-fashioned person thinking that it's wrong for me to feel like I do. I have had a horrible childhood and to prevent all this you just have to talk to your kids. Tell them that you'll always live them… no matter who they love, how they dress, what they think of themselves, their faith etc. Do that and you should be fine.


Erozo 4 years ago

Thanks Scott. I appreciate your feedback. Things are better now than they were. I found out a few things that he's been going through and he's talking some. Today he's going for a job interview. I think your idea on acting is great. I remember reading about encouraging children to grow the way they're bent, something translated from a passage in the bible. If you can remember line for line, maybe acting would be good for you, maybe writing stories. You could possibly take a test at school to see where your true talents are. I hope you can talk to your mom soon about possibly being transgender. I know it's tough growing up now days and sometimes we just need someone to listen. Thanks once again.


imamomx2 4 years ago

I am a single mom. My oldest is about to go to college and my youngest is 8. My ex has remarried. I have been divorced for four years and have recently started dating a really good guy who has been so nice, attentive and kind to my girls. My 8 year old has had issues since the get go. She tries to make his life miserable. The other night, she screamed that he hated him and it really broke his heart. I love my children and they come first, however, I can't let them rule or dictate my future. I refuse to become an old maid. How do I help her cope with me dating.


... 4 years ago

Adults...maybe your children don't hate you. They say that they hate you but maybe they don't. Maybe they felt guilty. And imagine for a moment, what if there are some children that are abused by their parents. I've never been abused by my parents but sometimes I yell at them and I regret yelling at them or pulling myself away from them. And now I think all about how much hurt many parents and children felt.


Me 4 years ago

My son quit talking to me. At first it was just that he quit talking to his father because of how we use to fight. Now the fighting has stopped, but my son can't forgive him. The other day I stood up for my husband when my son threatened to kill him and now he won't talk to me either.


.... 4 years ago

Some of u r being really harsh! Ur children love u but sometimes when u say something it rubs them the wrong way. They will get over it but if u mention it or anything they will get even more angry!


Aiden 3 years ago

It is all about listening and respecting them as people not as some dog you're trying to train or something of that nature. I'm twenty years old I have never smoked, drank, did drugs or cut, My dad has hit me more times than I can count and fullblown attacked me three times. I dream of leaving and never speaking to either of my parents again, I certainly wouldn't want them in my childrens life (if I ever have any). It may be hard to understand but it mostly isn't the physical abuse but the way they disrespect me and treat me like a five year old.

They are not open to discussion, don't care how I feel, Feel as though I just cost them time and money and are absolutely resolute in refusing counselling. I have wanted family couselling for over three years we did five sessions of bullshit and they positively ran out the door and never returned when the counsellers said the next session was optional.

I am not the I need a hug or attention type. In fact quite contrary yet again I hate to be touched but just proving to your children that they can discuss anything with you and you will genuinly LISTEN will make all the difference in the world.


ms.c 2 years ago

I thought I was the only one going through this. My children are 40 and 44 and told me they hate me, well my son was a acohlic, and my daughter shes very disrespectful, and she contantly keey confusion going. l did my best raise them single parent, abused by their dad, married very young, struggled by myself. I have concluded I want let them put in my grave at 60. I am a only child, and really dont have no one but them and grand children, but after they broke my heart this last time I had to give it th the Lord, because I have had it, I feel like if a person hate you especially your children, then its time for me to get some since in my head. I have done I can do. So after reading everyones article, I see I am not alone.


2 years ago

I promise you that, unless you have done anything less than love encourage and support your child, giving them good experiences from the day they were born, when they say "I hate you" what they're really saying is "please help me" or "listen to me" or simply show them your affection more often. Believe me, I said this to my mother throughout my teens, and recently said it to my dad. I am 22 years old. I shouted at my dad I hated him and that he was awful to be around and I couldn't stand it anymore, of course he shouted right back, "oh really?". I have told my mum I hated her, might I add, in letter form (real nice), and said other nasty things.e

I stand by my original frustrations with them both, BUT I DO NOT hate them, and my love came surging back when they listened to my frustrations and tried to work them out with me calmly, even if it's not them that created the problem in the first place.

Do not give your child more ammo by freezing them out or shouting it back when they say this to you, it will only encourage their cold feelings towards you. It is a cry for attention. Never give up on them. My love for my parents is unconditional (given that they never hurt me maliciously or commit some sort of crime, which I'm sure will never happen). But I'd go so far as to say that my love for my parents is as unconditional as I know their love for me is. So when I screamed that I hated them, no, I absolutely did not mean it.

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