What is the most important lesson you feel you need to teach your children?

WHAT WE KNOW AND LOVE...

Like most successful first timers Sarah Hay wrote about what she knew and loved and that was the harsh, arid landscape of her childhood. She was brought up on Aroona station, 120 km east of Esperance and her family used to ...
Like most successful first timers Sarah Hay wrote about what she knew and loved and that was the harsh, arid landscape of her childhood. She was brought up on Aroona station, 120 km east of Esperance and her family used to ...
holiday all the time along the coast of Mt Arid National Park. Her Mum and Dad would pack up the four-wheel-drive with camping gear and their three kids and a blind black labrador piled in. It was freedom.
holiday all the time along the coast of Mt Arid National Park. Her Mum and Dad would pack up the four-wheel-drive with camping gear and their three kids and a blind black labrador piled in. It was freedom.
A professional fisherman mate of her Father took them to uninhabited island for a week that extended to a month when bad weather stranded them. A corrugated thin shed, which was kept stocked for emergencies was the camp...
A professional fisherman mate of her Father took them to uninhabited island for a week that extended to a month when bad weather stranded them. A corrugated thin shed, which was kept stocked for emergencies was the camp...
kitchen and the only sign that people knew or cared about this windswept island. Here, Sarah, between catching lobsters almost as big as she was, listened to tall tales and true stories of dangerous and murderous sealers, kidnapping,
kitchen and the only sign that people knew or cared about this windswept island. Here, Sarah, between catching lobsters almost as big as she was, listened to tall tales and true stories of dangerous and murderous sealers, kidnapping,
shipwrecks and piracy. Sarah Hay is a successful Australian writer and an author of the beautiful novel: 'Skin'.
shipwrecks and piracy. Sarah Hay is a successful Australian writer and an author of the beautiful novel: 'Skin'.
Kerrianne Cox lists a haunting legacy of the racial indifference of the past and the damage wreaked on her family. A grandmother killed in a hit-and-run accident and no investigation ever carried out. An aunt strangled in the sand hills.
Kerrianne Cox lists a haunting legacy of the racial indifference of the past and the damage wreaked on her family. A grandmother killed in a hit-and-run accident and no investigation ever carried out. An aunt strangled in the sand hills.
An uncle found floating dead in the ocean with his guitar. Her mother taken away on a boat from Sunday Island as a four-year-old by government men who never brought her back. It just breaks her heart to know her grandmother suffered so much pain.
An uncle found floating dead in the ocean with his guitar. Her mother taken away on a boat from Sunday Island as a four-year-old by government men who never brought her back. It just breaks her heart to know her grandmother suffered so much pain.
That her mother grew up only an hour away from her parents, knowing nothing of her family or culture. It affects her now, seeing old people in the crowd and they are crying. But it is not all about blaming. Forgiveness is so important.
That her mother grew up only an hour away from her parents, knowing nothing of her family or culture. It affects her now, seeing old people in the crowd and they are crying. But it is not all about blaming. Forgiveness is so important.
We have to face ourselves. It is also identity. Reflecting back on her childhood she can strongly say, she is Aboriginal in her way of culture and her growing up in the bush and her parents and grandparents who have been inspiration in her life.
We have to face ourselves. It is also identity. Reflecting back on her childhood she can strongly say, she is Aboriginal in her way of culture and her growing up in the bush and her parents and grandparents who have been inspiration in her life.
"They are not here anymore to come out and express themselves, but I am here for them, when I sing, they sing, they are here, because of my music, healing can happen as well." The well known Aboriginal songwriter and singer relfects on her childhood.
"They are not here anymore to come out and express themselves, but I am here for them, when I sing, they sing, they are here, because of my music, healing can happen as well." The well known Aboriginal songwriter and singer relfects on her childhood.
Walter Gibb from 'Relationship Australia' talked to me about modern families: 'Men and women are struggling to meet each other's expectations and achieving balance between work and home has become one of our greatest challenges...
Walter Gibb from 'Relationship Australia' talked to me about modern families: 'Men and women are struggling to meet each other's expectations and achieving balance between work and home has become one of our greatest challenges...
There is too much pressure to be perfect parents and have successful carrers in a modern environment where work is either limited or all-consuming, and meeting the needs of children is expensive."
There is too much pressure to be perfect parents and have successful carrers in a modern environment where work is either limited or all-consuming, and meeting the needs of children is expensive."
"Where is the balance? Where is the time?" He asked at the end. "And what about your son?" I asked him back instead of reply.
"Where is the balance? Where is the time?" He asked at the end. "And what about your son?" I asked him back instead of reply.
"I just want to tell him stories as long as I can, teach him to read, be in love, know what it is to be a man." He smiled at me and left. There was nothing more I needed to know.
"I just want to tell him stories as long as I can, teach him to read, be in love, know what it is to be a man." He smiled at me and left. There was nothing more I needed to know.

A Princess and the Pea

this famous fairytale

teaches us

about a delicate girl

whose famous physical sensitivity

stretches to feeling

a pea

under twenty mattrasses,

and everyone

is running around

to protect

her

from the first sign

of physical discomfort

without asking

the basic question:

" Is the pea, really, causing her so much harm?"


Princesses and princes

or our times

driven

by the best

of intention

are being

cocooned

from anything,

and protected

from everyone.


In the 'all must have prizes'

era

teachers,

just like me,

award

merit cards

for the most

mundane

things.


Parents

increasingly

expect

and

demand

that their children

are protected

from all

and every

possibility

of harm.


A bare suggestion

of not guarding

students

from

the anguish

of failure

is met

with

howls

of protesting crowd.


Rearing a child

is a great privilege

and responsibility,

exasperating,

yet rewarding,

exhilarating,

emotionally and physically

draining,

yet heart warming

and heart stirring,

frightening at times...


There is no generic way

how to raise

your brilliantly

and frustratingly

unique individuals,

and yet,

by trying so hard

to make

your kids happy,

by trying

to protect them

from any kind

of often

hypothetical

harm,

you are denying

them,

happiness

as grown up

individuals.


Teach your kids

FAILURE,

at an early age.

They will be

grateful

for their experience

of hardship

once

they compete

for their place

in the sun

with their mates.


Encourage

EARNED ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

Narcissism

is cute

in three-years-old,

but young adults,

away

from their teachers

and their parents

do not get

constant praise

for their brilliance

they do not posess.


Liberate yourself

and liberate your children

as well...

Let them to find their own way,

let them to learn from their own mistakes,

we have all learnt

this way,

once,

do your remember?







A princess and a pea

Sarah Hay: Skin

Kerrianne Cox

More by this Author


Comments 29 comments

kmaskreations profile image

kmaskreations 4 years ago

To develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. To immerse themselves in the Holy Bible and enjoy what the Holy Spirit reveals to them. Wow! What a ride!


breathe2travel profile image

breathe2travel 4 years ago from Gulf Coast, USA

kmaskreations - yes, indeed! My children know first hand to listen for God's leading -- it has protected us many, many times.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

As parents we often tend to overprotect our children and miss the opportunity for them to learn from their mistakes. We cripple them in dealing with real problems as they grow older. I am so glad we have a heavenly Father that allows us to experience failure, harm, and disappointments so that we can build character and endurance. Voted up!


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thank you, my dear fellow hubers for your passionate comments, I admire your strong faith, although not religious myself, I am happy we are 'on the same page'...let kids to be free to learn by experience and to learn from their mistakes....there are many paths that lead to the source of wisdom and eventually they will find the right path that suit them:)


Night Magic profile image

Night Magic 4 years ago from Canada

I have to agree with you --- it is important that we let our kids learn from their mistakes sometimes. They need to learn to think for themselves and not have someone else do their thinking for them. Some parents do everything for their kids that they don't really develop a mind of their own.


wayseeker profile image

wayseeker 4 years ago from Colorado

Beata,

Wonderful response to the question--bravo! I am fascinated by the way in which you have a kind of dual answer developed here. There is one in the primary script of the hub, but another woven into the captions of your pictures. What an interesting idea.

To speak directly to your response, I am entirely in agreement. As a teacher, I abhor purposeless praise. Students in my classes are often shocked by the degree of honesty I have about how horrible their initial work is. I am not rude about it, but I am bluntly honest. By the time the class comes to a close, however, they can look back at how their work has improved and see real growth. This is the true source of self esteem. It does not come from being great--it comes from being a mess and then becoming great. They are very different things.

I only hope I can do the same for my own kids.

Thanks for taking the time to create this, and happy writing!

wayseeker


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thank you 'Night Magic', my Grandmum used to say: "Follow your instincts, that is where true wisdom manifests itself." And she let me to explore the world around me from the very early age... I often stumbled on a rock on the way and scratched my knees but I just got up and kept going...growing up this way I have eventually learnt that 'Nothing in life is to be feard, it is only to be understood.' I just wish every child has this opportunity.

Thank you 'Wayseeker' for stopping by and I am very happy you are satisfied with the answer in creative form, if you read more of my hubs, you discover, it is the original way I like to tackle the hypothetical questions I take upon myself:)


Eugene Hardy profile image

Eugene Hardy 4 years ago from Southfield, Michigan

Children can not be shielded from everything this world has to throw at them. It is not possible. Best to teach them them compassion, which should not be to hard since it is a natural at an early age, the ability to share and work with others, logic and reasoning abilities, and basic decency.


fascialhealth profile image

fascialhealth 4 years ago from Limerick, Ireland

My Mother used to say "well life isn't fair you had better get used to it!" She is a wonderful strong woman nuturing and yet not over fussy, a sort of dust yourself off you'll be fine kind of approach while being watchful of your well being. Parents these days do seem to over protect and spoil their children which does not prepare them well for the world. There is a difficult middle ground to be found between supporting and bolstering children and their efforts while not producing brats that think they are better than everyone else. An adult that is unable to achieve in life due to lack of belief in themselves is as un helpful as one who is overly full of their own importants.


Parks McCants profile image

Parks McCants 4 years ago from Eugene Oregon U.S.A.

Well done...And so true.

As a parent, I look back at a not so distant past. I under disciplined my own children; as a counter measure to the sometimes brutal disciplinary actions of my own parents. My children as adults, have suffered for lack of boundaries.I simply did not say 'no' often enough.

And yes, as I read what you wrote in your article of over acknowledgement; by often doting parents, I found myself fitting neatly in the category.

What I've learned from my own life, as well as that of my adult children, is that as parents, we must find a balance between reward, acknowledgement, and sometimes much needed boundaries and disciplines.

We have the power to enable our children to succeed in life by giving them the tools of reasonable acknowledgement and subsequent reward.

Or failure and disappointment through disillusionment, generated by the disappointment of impossibly high expectations.

Parenthood? A tough assignment with decades of positive,or negative results.


Edwin Clark profile image

Edwin Clark 4 years ago from Thailand by way of New York

We need to quickly teach them the importance of a good college education which could lead to a good job which leads to a good income which leads to them getting out of the house =) But most importantly we should teach our kids early on to respect one another and to treat people the way they'd like to be treated.


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thank you, Eguene, compassion is so important to teach our children, especially in today's world when 'compassion fatique' often overcome us all, watching endless images of suffering people in drought-stricken Arfrica, war-torn Iraq or tsunami-drowned Japan...

Self-confidence is also very important issue for young people, dear 'fascialhealth' and as you said, we have to be very carefull to 'find the middle ground' in developing 'healthy self-confidence' in our children, my Grandmum used to say: "Teach your children responsibility and manners from the time they start to walk without taking their right to express their feelings and fantasies..." Rearing of children is two-way communication, there is so much you can learn from your child...

Thank you, Parks....greatly put, parenthood is a tough assignment...but at the end we all acknowledge it is very rewarding and worthwhile all of that struggles...all the best with your hubbing dear fellow hubber:)


B. Leekley profile image

B. Leekley 4 years ago from Kalamazoo, Michigan, USA

Your hub makes a good point and is well expressed. About prizes, see the book by Kohn Punished by Rewards.


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thank you for your kind comment, B.Leekley and thanks for the recomended book, I will check it out:)


annart profile image

annart 4 years ago from SW England

We certainly do have to let our children know what 'real' life is like, otherwise it's a terrible shock when they leave school and the 'big bad world' is experienced at college, or work, or wherever. It's lovely to have a peaceful, sheltered childhood and innocence should not be spoiled too soon but it's equally important to have a balanced view of life. Children can be really cruel to each other so I think they learn much in the playground in primary school; it's the 'how to deal with it' that matters. Voted up etc.


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thank you Edwin and Annart for your additional and valuable comments:) All the best with hubbing and looking forward to hear from you again:)


feenix profile image

feenix 4 years ago

Hello, Beata,

I am not a parent but I can certainly identify with this post.

For one thing, it is an excellent piece because it is bursting at the seams with good-old-fashioned common sense.

Based on my observations, a great many parents and such entities as public-school systems and government are going way out of their way to "hide" children from many of life's unpleasant and negative realities.


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

thank you dear 'feenix' for your insightful and valuable comment and hopefully I will hear from you again...sometimes in the future:)


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

This is truly great advice. Children need to learn from their experiences... whether it is good or bad. My daughter had a school project due that she had procastinated on. Well, in the end I told her I wasn't going to do it so she could rush. Now she knows she shouldn't procastinate. Great advice and great way to tell it!


ThePracticalMommy profile image

ThePracticalMommy 4 years ago from United States

What a beautiful way to answer the question, Beata! I couldn't agree more with your message about raising kids to learn on their own from mistakes and to figure things out about the world around them. I often find myself saying to my kids' grandparents when my kids have failed at a task and the grandparents rush in to save them, "Leave them alone. They need to LEARN."

Voted up, awesome and beautiful!


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thanks you 'girls', we are following the same road to the challenging but rewarding parenting:)...all the best with your hubbing and happy to hear from you again:)


raciniwa profile image

raciniwa 4 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

Splendid idea on parenting...i am with you on this...great story and pictures too...


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thank you, Raciniwa, happy you like it, join the mob:)


Rusti Mccollum profile image

Rusti Mccollum 4 years ago from Lake Oswego, Oregon

I agree ,teach your child failure,But teaching them to fail is ok.I taught mine to pick themselves up, dust themselves off,and get down to business! I loved the Princess and the pea. Had fun reading this because of that as well. Great Hub!


poowool5 profile image

poowool5 4 years ago from here in my house

Oh what a timely hub for me, and beautifully expressed too!

My 15-year-old suffered huge disappointment today trying out for the high school tennis team. He was very very upset. It is so hard to watch your kid go through that. But they have to, and you have to let them. I totally agree with you. In the end, they learn to cope with these very difficult feelings themselves and that's the path to becoming a healthy well-adjusted adult. Thanks for reminding me of this important lesson, just when I needed it! Voted up and useful!


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thank you, my dear fellow hubbers for your kind responses, I know 'poowool5' how hard it is, my two grown kids still go through rough patches although now they don't complain anymore but my last 15 years old is just like yours:) My husband always told me, we are the ones who need to tell them the truth, because if we don't, no one will:)

Being a parent has it's sweet and sour side:)


rcrumple profile image

rcrumple 4 years ago from Kentucky

All of life's lessons are important. As a parent, teaching is a primary function, only second to showing love.

Perhaps, my lesson revolved around the wonderment of the world and all it had to appreciate. I tried to teach them to follow their hearts and never let fear hold them back. The only way to conquer fear is to confront it and overcome. Then, proudly you can boast (if you wish) honestly about your accomplishments as you constantly extend your comfort zones.

Great poem! Insightful and very thought provoking!


phoenix2327 profile image

phoenix2327 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Brilliant hub. I've always felt kids today are being too protected from the real world.

If my kids learn nothing else from me I hope they learn that life is an adventure. Adventures have good and bad elements. Wonderful discoveries will be made; mistake will be made. But if they face both the good and the bad with an open mind and a brave heart, then they will have made the most of their time here on Earth.


Beata Stasak profile image

Beata Stasak 4 years ago from Western Australia Author

Thank you, my dear fellow hubbers that you have found time to stop by and share your wisdom and your experiences in childrearing with me, it is great to know that someone somewhere think about this issue similarly:)

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