What toilet paper do I choose?
Vinyl Toilet Paper?
Most people don’t think twice about their toilet paper, yet here I am writing a Hub about it. I guess I’m not most people. The thought about it came after my visiting daughter yelled from the bathroom “Mom!! Where did you get this vinyl toilet paper” I hollered back “It’s the new reusable kind, just rinse and let it hang to dry.“ She was apparently taken aback by that comment because it took her a few beats to scream back “WHAT!!!” Ok, so I let her off the hook as I replied, “Well I did notice it had a plastic feel, but isn’t vinyl taking it a bit far?” Heck, I didn’t even know she knew what vinyl was, I thought that went out with the advent of CD’s.
I’ve run the gamut with toilet paper my entire parenting life, buying the ‘cheapest‘ ‘softest’ the ‘thickest’ the ‘longest lasting’. What’s a gal to do? Apparently I had such good toilet paper the neighbor kids just had to use my potty. My miserliness slapped me hard in the face one day, when my youngest daughter was 6 and her friend had to use the bathroom. My comment was something in reference to “Who’s gonna buy the toilet paper for all these kids to go to the bathroom?” The little girl came back with a roll from her house. Boy, did I feel like a schmuck.
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When we moved into the middle of nowhere with only 4 neighbors I thought “Ah Ha” at least I can save on Toilet Paper now! Because of having a septic tank I had to read all of the labels on toilet paper. As all of these people are whizzing by me in the toilet paper section , just throwing whatever in their baskets at Walmart, I’m reading labels. I look with envy at the ones who are grabbing Charmin because it’s so ‘squeezably soft’. I even meander over to that display hoping that somewhere on it’s label, even in tiny print it will tell me it’s ‘septic safe‘. It is not to be, I can find no such label. So I wander down to the next area of softness, thinking Hmmm, maybe Northern? It’s soft and has all those cute little quilt markings on it. It sure must take those ladies a long time to quilt toilet paper. I might have actually said that out loud because I got the most curious look from an older lady.
Finally I settle on, believe it or not, the most expensive toilet paper in the aisle. Yep, you got it Scott. Well it does have 1000 sheets per roll, or so it’s advertised, I’ve never spent the time counting it. I can certainly tell you that after a dog has unrolled it, it seems more like 2000 sheets. The pile that is left makes a nice decoration on the bathroom counter, while you slowly use it, because at about $1 a roll I’m not wasting anything!
I’ve done some calculating with my 1000 sheet rolls of toilet paper. According to the Charmin commercial you only need about 4 sheets to do your business. My toilet paper is a bit thinner so we will double that, that means I should get about 125 bathroom breaks per roll, right? I’ve noticed as time goes on that either I’m getting short changed on my toilet paper, or they are going to the bathroom 125 times a day.
Yeah - This is NEVER gonna happen for me -*sighs* wishful thinking
It seems daily I hear someone yelling out “Hey, can someone bring me a roll of toilet paper?” somewhere along the line I must have lost my mind because the first thing I ask is “Why didn‘t you think about that before you went?” Like I said, lost my mind, I mean really who thinks to look for toilet paper BEFORE they go. Then of course I have to yell just one more time, I must be lacking in having meaningful conversation. “What? I just brought you a roll yesterday” “Yeah, well it’s gone today!” “What are you doing with it? Eating it?” I have decided that when it comes to potty time, I am no longer Mom. I haven’t been since I taught them to wipe their own butts, now I’m just ‘Someone’. I must be because I’m the only one who does the ‘toilet paper’ run for anyone. Everyone else just sits there laughing while the one in the bathroom is yelling for help. I suppose I could put the toiler paper in the bathroom, where they are, but if I did that I would be the one yelling for toilet paper, and they’d be sitting in the living room laughing at me.
Thinking that I must be doing something wrong, in purchasing my ‘butt fodder’ (as my Dad calls it, well his word has less letters and starts with an ‘A‘ but it‘s the same thing), off to the store I go. Maybe they need something with a little more substance, we’ll try ‘Angel Soft’ it’s softer, thicker, fairly cheap and is septic safe. Maybe they’ll use less? Now I’m still hearing “Could someone bring me a roll of toilet paper!” only this is happening twice daily. OMG, what ARE you people doing with the toilet paper??? And now It’s filled with complaints, “Can’t you go back to using the ‘hard’ toilet paper? I don‘t like this stuff” and “It lasts longer”. Yeah, I can see that.
I’m thinking “Maybe if I don’t feed them they will need less toilet paper”. Ok, so I know it is wrong to think that, but I’m about to lose my mind over something so simple. Back to the store again I go, only this time it’s the dollar store, they have cheap toilet paper. I see the one that is ’comparable to Scott’, well it certainly is cheaper. Has the same amount of rolls and same amount of sheets per roll. It didn’t say anywhere on the label, product may contain vinyl.
Oh, I long for the days of 'Sea Shells'!!
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