When Good People Abuse

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I have authored many hubs on child abuse and the situations surrounding it. This is one form of abuse that I haven't covered yet. This is an abuse that I committed once or twice. I would be willing to bet that all parents have abused in this form at one time or another. This abuse is committed by people who would never seem like abusers. You will find very, very good people who abuse their children in this fashion. It is also my opinion that this abuse is larger than ever before in history.

I have you wondering now don't I?

Yes, if you have kids, or grand-kids, you have probably abused them in this way at one time or another. You are thinking now. You don't hit your children; you don't swear and you take them where they want to go. You give them everything they ask for.

If you are saying all those things; I will yell:

You are the abuser I am speaking about!

So what is Froggy calling abuse?

Lack of, or no discipline. If you really love your children, you discipline them!

Bible Verses on Discipling Children

Proverbs 13:24

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Hebrews 12:11

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Proverbs 23:13-15

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad.

Proverbs 29:15

The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Hebrews 12:5-11

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?

A Fine Line

There is a major problem in this world. I see children running their parents as if they control the household. There is the other side too, where parents go overboard and harm their children with physical violence.

Let me just say that a spanking never did me any harm. There are parents these days who say no to spanking all together. There are children who are allowed to do whatever, whenever. They play video games all day. Mom makes their bed after they sleep until noon. Dad backs down when the child talks harsh to him. The parents then wonder why this child is suddenly in prison at the age of 20 or sooner.

We need to discipline the children when they do wrong. If we love them, we will. I am not saying you discipline another person's child. Each parent needs to discipline their own.

A child needs to have responsibilities too. I didn't get paid to mow the lawn and take out the trash. That was my job; that is how I ate. My parents clothed me and put a roof over my head, I could at least do some work around the house.

Now, I did not turn out to be perfect; no one will, but c'mon, be wise in raising children. They need discipline. Quit listening to those lunatics that say a spanking is bad. The bad choice is spanking at the wrong time. Think before you react. What is the best punishment for the offense?

God spanks us some times and sometimes he takes toys away. Learn from the best Father of them all. Our Father disciplines us and is building us to be fit for His Kingdom. You want your children in that Kingdom too don't you? Don't allow them to run rough-shod over you. You set the rules and enforce them!

I am going to put a few scriptures from the Word of God that back everything I am saying here. They are at the right.

My Dad once said to me when I was talking rough to him, "If you think you are so big and tough and can do it better boy; if you think you can whoop my tail, just pack your bags and get your arse out of my house." Yea, you may think these are harsh words to tell a child, but I respect my Dad. You know what? I still cannot whoop my Dad; I will never be able to. I don't live under his roof, but I have the utmost respect for him.

I didn't do it perfect with my children either. I really sometimes think I was a terrible Father, but I did discipline. If you were to ask my sons what they think of me, they will tell you I am tough and hard, but they have never been in trouble and they are good law-abiding citizens. No stealing or lying or cheating; they knew that Dad would find out.

Please, do it for love. Allowing your children to do whatever, whenever can sometimes be worse than any other abuse there is. Use wisdom and if you are unsure, talk with a good pastor. I have a link to one below. Please read the article by Dr Charles Stanley.

May God bless you and your children. May they be raised in a way that will make you happy and proud!

© G.L. Boudonck

© 2012 Greg Boudonck

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Comments 6 comments

revivor profile image

revivor 3 years ago from London

thought provoking and, as you said, it's a difficult one!!


pineapple123 3 years ago

Dear Foggy,

First of all: I don't spank my kid (If that makes me an abuser in your eyes, I do not care. I do not live to please people, and I don't care for approval.

Second: I don't swear at my kid (If that makes me an abuser, look above)

Lastly: I don't give my kid everything he asks for. I only give him what he needs (food, clothing, a shoulder to cry upon, kindness, hugs, and school stuff that are necessary), apart from that, I only give him, what I want him to have him to have, which is a chocolate bar and an ice cream per week, and some toys, that I know he loves and uses all the time. If that's abuse to you, then you have the wrong idea of abuse.

Every time someone bought me stuff, I didn't feel abused. I felt loved and appreciated.

Every time I got spanked, I felt like shit and that's abuse to me. And I don't want that for my son. If you have a problem with that deal with it, just as I deal with your spanking shit.


Froggy213 profile image

Froggy213 3 years ago from On A Mountain In Puerto Rico Author

Wow, my goodness you took a strong offense. Maybe you need some help yourself. Nowhere here did I say that spanking is the only answer. I am saying that discipline is an answer. I hope your child turns out ok, because if he turns out like you, from the way you say this opinion, I see major problems.

Sorry if this hub got you fired up, maybe it is what you needed to hear.


pineapple123 3 years ago

Discipline is an answer. That I agree. But I am tired of having people (pro spankers) telling me what to do. It hurt me big time and I don't use it on my kid. Also, I don't go around knocking at people's door observing their parenting. Yet they observe mine. My son is happy. Happier than I ever was or will be. My neighbors' kids (who are spanked) are everything but happy. and even less well behaved than mine who is not spanked. And their parents are the only ones who don't see it. And they have the nerve to judge my parenting.


Froggy213 profile image

Froggy213 3 years ago from On A Mountain In Puerto Rico Author

Well pineapple, I am not your neighbor. If you feel some kind of condemnation from the hub I wrote, it is on you. I have noticed many people who feel their children can do no wrong. I have found over the years--raising three children, that spanking works in some cases and not in others. It all comes down to wisdom. Using the punishment to fit the crime so to speak. Good luck on your parenting. I hope it works well for you.


pineapple123 3 years ago

I Do not feel my kid can do no wrong. Just as I don't feel that I can do no wrong, or any human for that matter. The only perfect man is the dead man. But I am alive and so is my Son. We both mess up. But I don't see why doing to my son something that hurt me when it was to me, in the name of discipline. My childhood and my adulthood is everything but Happy. I want for my son to be happy, and he is.

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