The real meaning of being a wife

When we were dating it was great. You brought me flowers, surprised me by coming home early, which I now know was just to check up on me .The first year was great! You loved everything I cooked and had no problem with housekeeping or the way I treated your child. You came home every night and I was the only thing you cared about except your son.

Maybe you misunderstood me when I said I wanted to be your wife, or maybe the word wife has taken on a meaning I missed, after all I have been a carrer woman for the past twenty-five years. my kids are grown and I thought my mommy years were over, but you had this adorable son 2 1/2 years old at the time and he captured my heart as you did. So I made the agreement that I would stay home until he started school. That has been almost 4 1/2 years ago. Our son is in the second grade and I find myself longing for the carrer I studied so hard for. I spend my days alone in the house until our son comes home, I clean, wash by hand, pick up after you and him, and resent the life I gave up. After all how much conversation can you have with an 8 year old and how long can you stand watching "Sponge Bob Squarepants" without going crazy?

And you have changed, our relationship has changed. It has reached the point I want to run and never look back. I thought you wanted a wife, but obviously you had something else in mind. When you said you wanted a wife I didn't think it meant going behind you everyday picking up after you. I don't mind you having me serving you breakfast in bed every day while you lay there relaxing, but could you at least carry your dishes to the kitchen when you finally get up. Do I have to go behind you picking up your dirty clothes off the floor? After all we do have a hamper in the bathroom. You complain about everything I do, " that's not how my mother did it" well sorry i'm not your mother. I am me.

The food is never good enough anymore and the fact that I take care of you and our son "yes our son" because I am the one who attends to his needs, not you. You seem to find fault with anything I do, no matter how hard I work to please you. I clean the house, you trash it out. "Clean it , thats what a wife does" excuse me.... thats what a maid does. This is not the Hilton.

While I sit alone at home trying to relieve my loneliness by writing. You call me to tell me how good the "old" lady you work for is to you. HMMM the funny thing is I'm almost her age. I guess I'm old too. There is one big difference, she has money, I don't, especially since you don't allow me to work where there are any other men around. There is a new term out today "Cougar". It's older women who keep younger men on the side. I wonder. You work late, you always fall asleep as soon as you have the supper I busted my ass to make. Your clothes are clean, scrubbed by hand because you dont have time to fix my washer. I've noticed lately all you talk about is her.

I am begining to feel like a maid, babysitter, and office manager for your business. All you do is bitch. We have nothing in common. You are not interested in political issues , books or anything else that I am interested in. We don't even like the same music. I don't fix my hair anymore, makeup, dress up anymore.... you never even notice. I have become invisible unless you want something.

You spent Thanksgiving with your brother and your friends drinking  after I spent all day cooking and cleaning. You came home at 2 am. I threw the dinner I cooked in the trash today. But you expected supper when you got home tonight.

I am writing this to let you know how I feel. Maybe one day you will read it thought I doubt it. I'm the intellectual one. You are still stuck in JR. High school.

But you know whats funny , I really don't care anymore, I am reaching the point of no return. I have realized that I am still what I always have been. Smart, intellectual, still beautiful even at 49. One day you will realize what you have lost.

When I said I wanted to be your wife I didn't mean your mother or your maid.

Feeling really unappreciated

 Today even though you knew I wasn't feeling great you always want your way. I gave in as usual, just wanting you to go. It doesn't matter to me anymore. I am so tired. I just want to lie down and sleep and sometimes never wake up. What do I have to wake up for? Another day of cooking, cleaning, babysitting, and waiting on you. I am even to tired to write even though I am on 40mg of adderall, which is a stimulant. I can't even keep my eyes open.

At last you are gone you still call but I silence the phone. I don't even want to hear your voice. Please work late today... Please.

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13 comments

Awhsume 5 years ago

Hi christalluna1124, I speak as the one above me,just as her name is so are you Treasureofheaven and you can only give yourself what you feel you deserve it's ok to be a caregiver but not a codependent in which you have inabled yourself to be. Step outside the box and do what you need to do and all else will fall in place even if it's letting go and if that's the case it was meant to be just as you called it. Sometimes we see and we hear the words we speak but often never take heed to those words is way I say step outside the box and really look and hear what you have said. You as they say created this monster STOP! and do you and take care of the little one all else can fend for themselves.


Treasuresofheaven profile image

Treasuresofheaven 5 years ago from Michigan

Hi christalluna1124, I think you speak for a lot of women. I hope things are different for you now since I am commenting many months later. You can not do it all -you need help with your son! Think about taking care of you better - nobody is going to do it but you!

Well-written, expressed and point made!


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

notquite,

again, thanks so much for your comment. Your comment is the epitomy of a relationship. Selflessness is the greatest gift you can give someone.The little things you do as mentioned in your article mean more than a dozen roses given because you happened to see them in the checkout line. it is not only the men but also the women who are guilty of this ...you said it all when you said "compromise".

warmest regards,

chris


notquitecorso profile image

notquitecorso 6 years ago from Portland, Oregon

a good wife deserves so much more than a passing courtesy every now and then...for every thing a wife provides for a man, a man must be able to reciprocate...compromise is THE essential component in long-lasting relationships (romantic or otherwise)...the more i find i let go of myself in my personal relationship (admittedly hard for my selfish ego), the more i find myself fulfilled by giving, by seeing her happy...just knowing that i can make her happy in certain ways at any time (perhaps by cleaning a bit before she gets off her late shift, maybe making a nice surprise meal)...a good husband must mature to the point where he puts his spouses needs and wants on par with his own (perhaps even higher).


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Pretty dark Horse,

Thank you for your kind comment. I think if both partners work, they should also share the household chores. I am not a feminist and love being a woman but it would be nice having a man who doesn't mind helping out or at least picking up after himself.

HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS

WARMEST REGARDS

chris


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 6 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Pretty dark Horse,

Thank you for your kind comment. I think if both partners work, they should also share the household chores. I am not a feminist and love being a woman but it would be nice having a man who doesn't mind helping out or at least picking up after himself.

HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS

WARMEST REGARDS

chris


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

oh , well taken and valid points too, gender roles is really problematic and the expectation too,

Happy holidays to you!


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 7 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Thanks Stanley,

You are right about my son. But with everything I go through I still am going to realize my dreams. It amazes me that men like you, and AC, agree that it should be 50/50. I'm not even asking him to clean house, just please put your dirty away laundry and if you are so helpless I need to bring your food to bed, at least help me out by taking your dishes to the kitchen and not getting food all over the comforter I just hand washed. I don't feel like its too much to ask, not for a hand out just a little respect and courtesy. I even take out the trash. I know the feeling you had in childhood. I was the oldest of 12 in a single parent home. my mom worked and I cooked, cleaned and bathed my younger siblings too. I bought cans of tomato soup and crackers. It was about 5 cans for a dollar i think. I also started waitressing after school to bring in money for my brothers and sisters.

Warmest regards Chris


Stanley_19802 profile image

Stanley_19802 7 years ago

Hello Christal,

I am so sorry your husband is not helping out with the housework. A relationship is supposed to be everything shared, including the house work. Let's face is, no one wants to do house work, but it needs to get done. Being a couple, it sounds only fair for both people to do the house work. He's not a toddler, he can pick up the clothes and wash some dishes too. When I was 13 I was in charge of a whole household except for the rent. My dad was flacking off and hanging out with woman and never home. It was left to me to cook dinner for myself and my brother, help him with his homework, clean the house, and after being yelled at and had a $20.00 bill thrown at me to shop for 2 kids for a week I made the $20.00 scream to make sure we both had food to eat while my dad had In-N-Out burger nearly every night while we often shared a plate of shoestring french fries (they were on sale 3 for 99 cents). If I can do all that at 13, he has no excuse at all. He needs to get up and be a father and a husband. It's not your job to be doing everything. To be honest, I am surprised to have taken what you have. You desirve better. But I imagine your might be staying for your son's benifit right now. I just want to send you a big **HUGS** and tell you I am sorry for what you have to put up with.

-Stanley


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 7 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

Great American,AMEN!!!

I am not trying to be whiny. But my washer has been broke for 4 years. I wash on a washboard by hand like my grandma taught me to do when I was very young. But it is getting old believe me. I a still young women, very well educated amd interested in the issues that affect me and my world. I want a carrer like I had before. I did not spend years in college and tons of money to sit home and do maid service. Even when I work I still keep up my house and cook and keep everyone going. I did agree to stay home with his son who was two when we married and is now like my own son. But he is in second grade now and other than talking to you, Ac, Ethel and the other hubbers I would go crazy. I feel incarcerated. I have worked all my life and do not feel that due to his insecurities that I might find someone better I should be restricted to home. I don't live in Iraq, I am a free woman and intend to take every advantage I cant to make my life and that my children better.

Oh, yeah and the washer I had to buy for myself.

Warmest Regards, hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Christal


greatAmerican profile image

greatAmerican 7 years ago

A wife can be whatever she wants to be, maid, mother, housekeeper, love godess,, but most of all she needs to be a teacher and let that spoiled by his mama adult male

it not enough to give the wife a gift of a washing machine for Chrismas, he needs to know how to use it..


christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 7 years ago from Dallas Texas Author

A.C.

Thanks for the comment. It really is true. I just get so frustrated sometimes. I clean daily and don't understand why when they come in they can't pick up their clothes, take your dishes to the sink. I was always taught to eat at the table so to even have to feed someone in bed unless they are sick, to me is just lazy. I also work 46-48 hrs plus write, clean house, wash clothes, take care of our 8 year old who is ADHD and Bipolar. I'm just asking for a little help to keep from being overwhelmed. If they could create a mold put of you and makes copies there would be a lot of happy women in the world. You are sensitive, emotional, and understanding.

Hang in there!!! warmest regards,

Chris


acanderson24 profile image

acanderson24 7 years ago

This is deep and strong.....and obviously what so many women go through.My mother taught me how to cook, clean, wash, iron and just take care of me and my home. But she said, " I didn't just teach you these things to be independent. I have taught you these things so that when you decide to live with a woman, this is not all on her. You should be able to take the pressure off her sometime. Clean up behind yourself." .....There is nothing more beautiful or sexy to me than a confident woman....stay strong and sweet.....

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