When a child's ignored.

My precious little warrior

How can they sleep at night?

I knew when my daughter became pregnant at 17 that the road she was heading down was going to be a bumpy one. I expected sharp turns and steep hills and even the occasional pot hole. What I hadn't expected was for the road to drop out from beneath her leaving her feeling deserted and alone.

The first year of my grandsons life was pretty typical for the first born grandchild. Everyone was tripping over themselves to spend time with him. Rearranging schedules and dropping plans with friends just to spend an afternoon with him. Both sides of the family were fighting for the " First's," first trip to the park, first ride on the carousel, first hair cut, etc. There was no shortage of attention for this precious little boy. There still isn't, at least not from our side of the family.

I have been advised from family members and trusted friends that " I " must take the high road, " I " must keep my frustrations to myself. They also tell me my grandson will one day figure it out on his own, he will know who cared and loved him the most. I've been warned to keep my mouth shut, until now.

How do they do it? Do they just pretend he doesn't exist? When they wake in the morning or drift off to sleep at night are they wondering what " his " day was like. Does his dad ever think about teaching him to throw a fast ball or ride a bike? Do his grandparents ever worry that he's getting enough sleep or growing at healthy pace? How do they sleep at night?

I wish I had the answers, if I did I might not be sitting here writing this. Instead I watch them post comments on Facebook about how busy their lives are, how hard they're working to save money to pay their bills and buy their toy's. They used to mention him, they would leave cute little comments on " our " photo's about how big, cute and adorable he is. They would even get upset if we hadn't shared recent photo's with them on our wall's. I suppose this is what happens when they're too busy working on their own lives that the only way they can get a glimpse of him is through our camera lenses.

I'm tired though, I'm tired of choking on my frustrations, I'm tired of telling my daughter she needs to get over the fact that she is alone in raising her son and to except the fact that it will probably never change, so get used to it. I'm tired of telling her she needs to stop begging her son's father to spend time with his son, it's not worth it. I want to scream at them, I want to shake them till they see this little boy for the true gift that he is! But, It really isn't worth it!

If they cannot see the importance they have in his life now, they never will. If they refuse to be consistent now when he needs them the most, then they will more than likely only disappoint him in his future. I have convinced myself that it is better this way. At least he will always have " our " constant love and affection. We will be the ones to always protect, care, and love him. He will know nothing else.





Comments 6 comments

wildove5 profile image

wildove5 5 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Wrong advice about keeping you frustrations to yourself. Internalizing it is unhealthy for you.Mental institutions are full of people who hold everything in. Express yourself, get it out and you will feel better for it. I taught you to always speak your mind.They need to hear how you feel. Don't be afraid of what they think if you do. Your daughter needs to understand this too and move on to being a single mom with the only concern she has, is her son. She should live for him and let everything else go. He is the focus. He needs to see it and feel it. If he does, and I'm sure he will, he'll grow into a fine young man. If all else fails, he always has his great granddad.....who can still throw a baseball,catch a football, and one who will show him where the Manatee's and Dolphins live. Hope this helps. I know it did me when I surrounded myself with people who cared about me when I was growing up.


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 5 years ago from Taos, NM

I hope you feel a little better now. I agree with everything you have said and pointed out. Every family can probably relate to you. Yes, your grandson (he's absolutely precious and adorable) will know who really loves him, cares for him, takes care of him, is involved in his life and it is you and your daughter. This happened to my niece and nephews. When the chips are down, they know who is always there to support them, never misses a birthday, Christmas, Easter, homecoming, prom, graduation, sports dinners etc. They do realize and they do understand.

When my niece and nephew were children growing up, their Grandpa always grew cherry tomato plants and gardened them with them. The kids are grown, Grandpa has passed away, but when my niece moved into her first own home the first thing she put on the porch was a potted cherry tomato plant. So, the kids do remember and know who took time with them, loved them, taught them, and were there for them. Your grandson will always know who supported and loved him and took the time to be there for him. Waiting until they grow up is a long time to be vindicated. But, vindicated you will be.

And the father needs smacked up-side the head to knock some sense into him that he needs to be a father to his son. Great hub! voted up!


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 5 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

The above comment was from my dad,it appeared as my self , not sure how this happened, but it did, thanks dad! Love you!

Suzette, thank you, I do feel lighter! I will be posting a new hub soon, a poem on this same topic, have a look when you have a sec. I love getting feedback!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

My son's mother abandoned us when he was six, and I was a single parent the rest of the way. Was it hard? Yes! Did I feel frustrated? Yes! Was I angry? You bet your ass! However, my son was raised by a loving parent and he always knew he had me to fall back on, and today he will tell anyone that he is the man he is because of the love I gave him.

Good things are on the horizon for your grandson because he has a parent who loves him. Give your daughter a hug, and then give yourself one as well. :)


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Thank you Billy! I will!


savvydating profile image

savvydating 3 years ago

What a beautiful boy. Don't fret about the father. I know it's hard, but he may very well be a narcissist. And if he is, he is incapable of change. Truly, your grandson is better off without him. The beautiful thing here is that you and your daughter are there for the little guy, and you always will be - every step of the way. Your consistent caring will make a difference... even if one day he goes astray for a little bit, he will also know, deep in his heart, that he has been well loved.

Thank you for sharing.

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