When does it end! A mothers wish.

my beautiful daughter and grandson
my beautiful daughter and grandson

She's not a teen anymore. She's a mother.

I think it has been over a year since I have written about my daughter. I'm not sure if it is due to my lack of energy after all her numerous meltdown's or the amount of time I spend praying things will change. It certainly has nothing to do with the lack of material she provides me with on any given day. I'm not even sure where I left off and I'm too tired to even look it up in my profile of hubs. So, I guess I will start with today.

My grandson will be turning three on the 28th of this month and my daughter turned twenty this past October. At least that's what her birth certificate say's, although her actions indicate a much younger age, it's more like twelve in my estimation. I say this because her choices are still quite impulsive and almost always destructive to her well being. I probably wouldn't be too concerned with her lack of judgement if it wasn't for my grandson's sake. However, she's not a teen anymore. She's a mother.

As her mother I am still struggling with when to but out and when to strangle her. While strangling wouldn't be the best answer, shaking and throttling certainly would make me feel a whole lot better. Unfortunately neither action would achieve the results I am wishing for.

My first wish would be that she kindly remove her head from her arse and wipe away the doo doo that is blocking her from seeing whats right in front of her. For starters an amazingly bright beautiful 3 year old son and a family who loves her very much. Unfortunately she sometimes barely seems to notice all she has and focuses only on all she doesn't. I do believe she suffers from some form of depression. I have never been depressed myself and struggle to understand it. I have purchased books on the subject and focused on the chapters for dealing with a depressed person. It seems nothing I do or try has even slightly diminished her woe's or mine. I have read that trying to pull someone out of a depression is like trying to free a wriggling elephant out of quick sand, the more you pull the farther they slip.

So, when will it end? How will it end? I'm not just waiting and hoping for the depression to pass, but also the maturity level to rise and her senses to return. Will she one morning have an epiphany and miraculously notice us all standing before her with our arms outstretched saying " See, we're right here" and " We've been waiting for you." As a mother, it breaks my heart and infuriates me at the same time. I once had a co worker tell me that our kids leave us emotionally for some time, adding, " But they do return, looking better, feeling better and much happier, unfortunately It usually doesn't usually happen until they're into their mid 20's, so HOLD ON!"

I am, my knuckles are white, my hair is changing color, and I have lines and dark bags under my eyes to prove it. I know I'm impatient, I can't help it. I like other parents see so much potential in our children, yet they are their own worse enemy. If my daughter would just take a step to the right, even just lean a little, she might be able to see around her struggles to an easier path. Until then I will continue to say my prayers and try not to shake her.




Comments 12 comments

Phoebe Pike 3 years ago

You could seek professional help. Depression can be a very serious disorder. If it's the typical "teen woes" or the medical depression, a therapist would be helpful in both cases.


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Oh we have! Trust me! It's an ongoing battle, finding the right help has been the biggest challenge! Thank you!


CarNoobz profile image

CarNoobz 3 years ago from USA

"As her mother I am still struggling with when to but out and when to strangle her. "

LOL classic. Every parent's dilemma right there =)


lrc7815 profile image

lrc7815 3 years ago from Central Virginia

Fear not, you stil have a sense of humor wildove5. When that goes, get yourself some help and let her fall on her arse. :-) I do wonder though, since you mention depression, has the topic of post-partum depression been brought up. It isn't something that only lasts for a few months after a baby is born. The other question that comes to mind is could she be hypoglycemic (low blood sugar). Many women have been wrongfully diagnosed with depression and personality changes who were actually suffering from low blood sugar. Just offering some ideas here. Beyond that, I would only encourage you to listen to your heart (a mother's heart). It will tell you when to strangle her or let her fall on her arse. :-)


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Since writing this article my daughter is now seeking help in a rehabilitation program for self medicating with various drugs. She is an 'Addict' and uses drugs to curb her anxieties and mood swings. Hopefully now she can finally begin the road to recovery! Thank you for your suggestions though, that's what I love about Hub pages, there is never a shortage of kind people willing to lend a helping hand! Everyone is so positive and uplifting. It's like therapy!


lrc7815 profile image

lrc7815 3 years ago from Central Virginia

I am so glad she is seeking help. That's the first step. Wishing you brighter days soon.


ienjoythis profile image

ienjoythis 3 years ago from Nevada

Hi wildove5, I'm glad to hear that your daughter is seeking treatment. I hope that is going well. As a 22 year old, it is still quite fresh in my mind of what it is like to be a 20 year old girl. Insecurity, inadequacy, feelings of angst... all comes along with this age for a girl... no matter what her situation is. She needs love and understanding..and patience. And it seems like you know that and are a wonderful mother. As she gets older, she will become wiser.. and she will slowly see what is important, and what is not. I wish you all the best.


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Strange enjoy, that you read this today, and I find your comments. Today was a bad day! I am actually writing yet another poem of my sorrow on how lost she is. Watch for it! I haven't titled it yet. Thanks for your encouraging words, they do help!


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author


ienjoythis profile image

ienjoythis 3 years ago from Nevada

I'm sorry that it was a bad day. In what ways would you say she is lost? Does she have any close friends? Feel free to contact me personally. I'd love to offer any advice I can - as I am so close in age with her. Maybe I can help.


LongTimeMother profile image

LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

Hi wildove5. I don't know whether this will help you or not, but if I was in your shoes I'd be looking into it. I wrote a hub a while back about Food Allergies Testing for Anger Management. One of my kids was in her 30s before we discovered she had food allergies.

I have discussed this issue with many people since then and quite a few of my friends have successfully addressed problems with their own kids - including one with an addiction problem and depression.

Perhaps you could find out if it is possible to have your daughter thoroughly tested for food allergies. Then put to her that you don't believe for a minute that it's her fault she's the way she is ... and you think she should have a blood test to see if there's an explanation for why she's not feeling happy in herself. "It might be as simple as avoiding one type of food."

Good luck, wildove5. I know it can't be easy for you. :)


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Great tips Mother,,, I certainly will check it out. Thanks for the encouragement!

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