When does it end! A mothers wish.
She's not a teen anymore. She's a mother.
I think it has been over a year since I have written about my daughter. I'm not sure if it is due to my lack of energy after all her numerous meltdown's or the amount of time I spend praying things will change. It certainly has nothing to do with the lack of material she provides me with on any given day. I'm not even sure where I left off and I'm too tired to even look it up in my profile of hubs. So, I guess I will start with today.
My grandson will be turning three on the 28th of this month and my daughter turned twenty this past October. At least that's what her birth certificate say's, although her actions indicate a much younger age, it's more like twelve in my estimation. I say this because her choices are still quite impulsive and almost always destructive to her well being. I probably wouldn't be too concerned with her lack of judgement if it wasn't for my grandson's sake. However, she's not a teen anymore. She's a mother.
As her mother I am still struggling with when to but out and when to strangle her. While strangling wouldn't be the best answer, shaking and throttling certainly would make me feel a whole lot better. Unfortunately neither action would achieve the results I am wishing for.
My first wish would be that she kindly remove her head from her arse and wipe away the doo doo that is blocking her from seeing whats right in front of her. For starters an amazingly bright beautiful 3 year old son and a family who loves her very much. Unfortunately she sometimes barely seems to notice all she has and focuses only on all she doesn't. I do believe she suffers from some form of depression. I have never been depressed myself and struggle to understand it. I have purchased books on the subject and focused on the chapters for dealing with a depressed person. It seems nothing I do or try has even slightly diminished her woe's or mine. I have read that trying to pull someone out of a depression is like trying to free a wriggling elephant out of quick sand, the more you pull the farther they slip.
So, when will it end? How will it end? I'm not just waiting and hoping for the depression to pass, but also the maturity level to rise and her senses to return. Will she one morning have an epiphany and miraculously notice us all standing before her with our arms outstretched saying " See, we're right here" and " We've been waiting for you." As a mother, it breaks my heart and infuriates me at the same time. I once had a co worker tell me that our kids leave us emotionally for some time, adding, " But they do return, looking better, feeling better and much happier, unfortunately It usually doesn't usually happen until they're into their mid 20's, so HOLD ON!"
I am, my knuckles are white, my hair is changing color, and I have lines and dark bags under my eyes to prove it. I know I'm impatient, I can't help it. I like other parents see so much potential in our children, yet they are their own worse enemy. If my daughter would just take a step to the right, even just lean a little, she might be able to see around her struggles to an easier path. Until then I will continue to say my prayers and try not to shake her.