Why don't people compliment?

Hell, I don't know, you would think

...that family members would compliment more than others....NOT !

Being an artist I suppose has something to do with my thin skin; where I expect more of a response from a piece that I worked hard on, than what I got. Or should I care all that much, and just keep on creating? And keep 'selling it' as the biggest compliment. I can't help thinking of van Gogh and what the lack of compliments, as well as his lack of sales, did to him. No, I haven't cut off my ear or even thought about it, but he is definitely at the far end of the spectrum of what could happen to a talented person that is left un-praised for too long. If he only knew what his pieces were cashing in at these days.

Or did my 'Dale Carnegie' course hurt me more than help me? 'Treating others as I would want to be treated' and 'showing a genuine interest in others' seems not to mix very well. I've hardely ever gotten back what I put forth. Treating others nice has mostly gotten people that have treated me nasty in return. Showing a genuine interest in others has gotten me people that just want more and more of my interest, then squeal, or divorce me, when I back off.

It could all boil down to the way one was raised. A person that was hardly ever complimented doesn't know how to compliment, or how to take a compliment in return.

Let me share what happened recently to give you an idea. I've just completed a video titled 'Easter Bunny Chainsaw carving'

Although I've gotten 65 hits in less than two days, nobody has written me, or left a comment saying that I did a super job, and that includes family members. What I have gotten is 'Happy Easter to you 2' instead. Although I have gotten a bunch of 'prospects' from non-family members - that is it. Do these family members feel that it's stooping low to compliment too much? Are they somehow thinking they don't want to compliment for fear they are hurting their own talent? Are they ashamed of their own lack of talent? Do they wish their kids were more talented like this kid in their family? Do they think I'm too talented for my own good, and don't want to rub it in? Am I smelling jealously here? Got me on this one. It's been happening all my life. The only place I've gotten great comments, but few compliments, is here on hub pages. So thus I leave this with you dear 91 followers. Shed some light on me people, or I'm going to cut off my .....

Are you one to compliment ?

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Comments 17 comments

johnwindbell profile image

johnwindbell 5 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies Author

Oh yea, happy Easter to you 2.

Chatkath profile image

Chatkath 5 years ago from California

Interesting, I have had a similar reaction from my family, in fact I did an Italian Easter Dove recipe hub using my Dad's recipe, etc that I thought he'd love however nothing could be further from the truth. I sent him a link but he instead read and focused on some of my darker poetry that upset him, without one comment about his Easter Dove, and now I wish I never even shared it at all.

Other family members seem equally uninterested and I have heard this same reaction from other hubbers, I am not sure why. Maybe it's something that not everyone can understand or appreciate(?)That is why you receive the feedback from other writers...SO,

"Good Job John" :-)

johnwindbell profile image

johnwindbell 5 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies Author

Thank you Chatkath, now I don't feel so all alone.

thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden

No one in my family read my hubs, at least I don’t think so and I don’t think they are interested either! And after reading this maybe it is for the best:) Luckily we have hubfriends who give us compliments instead! Well done, you have written what many of us experience! Tina

johnwindbell profile image

johnwindbell 5 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies Author

Yes, for me hub pages is right up there with the holyness of 'Lord Google'- comments and compliments galore. A great, and addictive I might add, antidepressant....and you don't have to pay a doc doc for it. If only Vincent had hub pages. It could have saved him an ear, and probably his life.

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shygirl2 5 years ago

Great job, John...my family and close friends rarely compliment me on my writing as well. I just chalk it up to this...jealousy on their part and being too busy with their own lives to care. A case of serious, self-centeredness? I voted this one up and useful. :D We care!!

johnwindbell profile image

johnwindbell 5 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies Author

Thanks for passen it by, shygirl. There's nothin like getten a compliment from a fellow 'hubster'-) especially when we get 'diddly-squat' from others....and family members, no less! If I hear them say, "that's interesting" again, as their compliment, I am going to cut off my ....

I enjoy your pieces, shygirl, you're write-on girl. As my Granddad said to me, a great one to compliment (miss him)"there's only two like ya and you're both of them."

Ipeoney profile image

Ipeoney 5 years ago from USA

There are many reason to that compliment thing, some are good some are not so good. some people are just plain quiet, they want to be outspoken but could not. They want to be extrovert but they just can't. They don't mean it but they usually don't want to say flowery words. But if someone doesn't compliment because of jealousy, that is another story hmmmmm.

johnwindbell profile image

johnwindbell 5 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies Author

Thanks for stopping by, Ipeoney. So you're a quiet one? What is the bad side of giving compliments? Like not helping to make another person feel good about themselves is OK? Noticed you didn't compliment me on this hub page. Some people use 'quietness' as a cop-out for their insecurities. Super day to ya......And I did enjoy your hub pages. Write-on......smile

mtariqsattar profile image

mtariqsattar 5 years ago from Karachi

That's nice hub;i think you have got answers yourselves that you have mentioned in last part of your hub.In my view people don't compliment for they are in some way worried about other's superseding them if they do so;or they will feel so less than other...indeed mostly its a psychological competition.

johnwindbell profile image

johnwindbell 5 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies Author

By joe you've got it, mtariqsattar, psychological competition. Schools are bringin up kids with zero competition, trying to make everybody equal and nice, then they graduate and can't handle all the competition out there in the world. And thus can't compliment.

mtariqsattar profile image

mtariqsattar 5 years ago from Karachi

hmmm yeah you have a point out there but may i suggest its the social equality that institutions like schools preach which mostly doesn't change much when it comes to the individual's psychology in his relation with his colleagues which i suppose are his competitors...

Therefore competitors are not there to be complimented often.

Darknlovely3436 profile image

Darknlovely3436 5 years ago from NewYork

an interesting write

johnwindbell profile image

johnwindbell 5 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies Author

Well, do ya like it, hate it, would have done better? Lay it on me, love. Funny, even on a hub page about compliments. If I hear 'interesting' used again I am going to cut off my ....

Richard83 profile image

Richard83 5 years ago from West Virginia

Funny and voted up John, well deserved my friend!

Koki 3 years ago

Wow...dealing with non compliment stuff right now. In my case it is definitely jealousy, envy...really sad. It is so obvious. They always, always say something negative, but when I'm doing something good or looking good, not a word out of their mouth. I deliberately look a certain way to prove what I'm saying is right...and it never fails, they do the same thing every time. I have noticed it with family and so called close friends. Yet complete strangers compliment me ALL the time. So I know there are complete HATERS out there. So now that I have put it to the test, I don't care if they never say anything, they have completely failed in my book.

johnwindbell profile image

johnwindbell 3 years ago from - the land of beards and buggies Author

Yep, consider the source, Koki. Another example, I have written an ebook and needed others to give reviews, the book is on my hub page here, called 'Home Video Biz,' to help others get through the horror's of unemployment. I've sent it to 4 of my friends who I grew up with, thinking they would sure help me and review it so my book would get to and help more people. Not a one did it, and the book has been published for many months now. I've even told them that if they would have written a book and asked me to do the same it would have been done the same day. And I got back, "oh man I'll do it for you, I've just been so busy." .......still not done! Most people just don't live by the Golden Rule, and their WORD means nothing. Just react to it differently, and get on with your wonderful life. Shine on, man.

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