Did you allow your child to take their bedroom furnishings with them when they m

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   KellyRiversposted 11 years ago

   Did you allow your child to take their bedroom furnishings with them when they moved out?
   
   Our youngest son moved out, but has no furnishings for his apartment.  He has asked if he can have his bedroom suit.  After careful consideration, his father and I have decided that he can take it with him.  This suit was bought (with insurance money) after Hurricane Rita  destroyed a large portion of our house, including his bedroom.  He helped pick the suit out and loved the bed, but I don't know if I would have told him no anyway.  I'm not second guessing my decision, just curious about how anyone else would have handled it.

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   peeplesposted 11 years ago

   My children haven't hit that age (thankfully) but for my oldest 2 who are in regular beds, we bought the bedroom sets with the thought that they could take them with them when they go if they want. If I am financially capable I would like to be able to buy them new sets when they move out, but if for any reason I can't we plan to let them have the ones they have now.

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      KellyRiversposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      peeples, I appreciate your comment. I feel that any help I can give to help  "spread their wings" is going to be one of the final acts of parenting in getting them established in life. God knows they will have many struggles afterward!

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   Bevipooposted 11 years ago

   My both children are grown, one is married now with four kids of her own, the other will be having his own place soon. I believe that whatever you bought for them and their bedrooms, is theirs and it is only right that they get to take it with them when they leave. Your house is yours and everything in it. Their rooms our theirs and all that it contains.

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      KellyRiversposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Bevipoo, It's good to hear different opinions. We all love our children and want to see them do well. Leaving home is a big step and helping them begin their new life is important to me.  Thank you for your feedback!

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   Ashlea Bposted 11 years ago

   My children are not old enough (little ones) to move away (phew!).  However, I went through this with my parents.  In general I don't feel like the furniture that my parents gave me for my room is mine, because quite frankly it's in their house and I didn't pay for it.  However, I had a very special and unique dresser that my parents let me pick out as a teenager.   At that time, my Mom told me this could always be mine.  I LOVED it.  So I felt it was mine.  I think my Mom may have regretted it a bit (haha!) because when I moved out, I was set on taking it.  She sort of still wanted it too.   It didn't cause any arguments, but I do remember discussing it with her about who it belonged to.  The only reason I felt it belonged to me is because I remember her telling me this could be a piece of furniture I take with me for the rest of my life.   Otherwise, I might have asked to have it and see whether she gave it to me, but I don't think it's my place to expect it.   I think if you give it to them as a gift (for a birthday or Christmas), then it's theirs.  If you tell them it's theirs for life, it's theirs.  If not, you decide if you want to gift it to them.   Honestly, I think many parents want to help their kids out when they set up their own homes as it's costly.  Giving them some furniture (especially familiar or special furniture) to build their home can be a way to bless them.  I suspect I will want to do the same.  My parents have always passed along furniture as they have updated their homes.  We have truly appreciated this!

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      KellyRiversposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Ashlea B, You make a lot of sense. My husband says that our children have temporary housing and everything in their rooms are on borrow! We have tried to get them to save and start a hope chest, but we're not opposed to a jump start. Thank you!

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   libby1970posted 11 years ago

   I have one that is in college and yes. When I buy them things it is theirs. I am not an indian giver. It's not their furniture if I decide to keep it because they are moving out.
   
   Anything I buy my chidren belongs to them as long as they are responsible and take good care of it.

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      KellyRiversposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      libby1970...thank you for your response!  I gave him the furniture, but it did not belong to him. He had every opportunity to save his money to buy furnishings before moving out.  However, I'm not hurting and I want to see him off to a good start.

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   fitmomposted 11 years ago

   When I moved out, my parents wanted to keep my furniture. I was a little disappointed. I understood that they would need a bed for company (even me) to use. But, I did question why they wouldn't let me take my desk with me that they'd bought for me. They did finally end up letting me have it after many discussions and when I was more settled in an apartment.

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   KellyRiversposted 11 years ago

   fitmom...I understand the disappointment you felt, and I had the slight thought not to let him have it.  We tried to get him to save his money just for that reason...to have money to move out on, but, he didn't and I had to think about it for a while.  I think he knows that he better do something different now and not depend on us.  Thank you for responding!

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   Rfordinposted 11 years ago

   To me it would all depend on the move out circumstances. Did he move out at the age of 18+? Was it because it was time for him to move out or is it a "life lesson"? Is he going away to college etc.
   
   If he moved out and the circumstances surrounding the move out were "normal" IE went to college, time to move out etc. Then by all means I would let my children take "their" stuff just to make the transision less hard.
   
   BUT if it was a move out of spite, not wanting to follow the rules, an ungreatful child etc. in no way shape or form would we allow it. In fact they would be lucky to leave with the clothes on their back.

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      KellyRiversposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Rfordin:  I absolutely agree.  I had to have a little help when I moved out.  Maybe like it's likened to a baby bird trying to learn to fly.  But it don't take them long so the help he gets is very limited now.  Thank you for your input!

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