Cat on a soapbox and Amberjewell both have great advice. Know what you are getting into before hand is a huge one. My husband and I got lucky with our blended family as our boys are both very young and our ex's are not involved with their lives. But in the case that the ex's are involved, be aware of their feelings towards the relationship. There can often be hostility towards an ex's new spouse, but when children are involved, the feelings are amplified. Make sure that the ex is aware that you are not trying to 'replace' them in the child's life. If possible, get together as a family, and invite the ex along. This will help them realize that your an addition and that noone is kicking them out. (of course this only works if everyone is on good terms) If the children are younger, it won't be as difficult for them to cope with the idea that there is someone new in the picture. If they are older, however, things will become complicated. Make sure that you and your new spouse are on the same page with how you each raise the children. You both may need to change the way some things are done, but eventually, you need to agree on how things should be done. You and your spouse should sit the children down and explain what is going on, regardless of their age. They need to know that even though you are not 'mom' to his children, and he is not 'dad' to yours, that respect will still be expected and rules are still expected to be followed. It will be difficult to step in and discipline his children at first, but if you don't, they will never respect or appreciate you. You'll just be dad's new wife, and I'm sure that is not what you want. Also, understand that you will show favortism towards your own child. It's natural and it will take time to get use to sharing your time between them. Try getting to know your spouse's children with some one on one time. He should do the same with yours. Go out to eat and the movies. Take them shopping or for a day at the beach. Make it a whole day thing with no time limits. My husband and I did this a lot in the beginning and it helped us to bond with each others child. It also shows them that they are a priority and that you love them and are here for them. It gives them an opportunity to open up to you, and you should feel free to do the same. If they are old enough, discuss the marriage and ask how they feel about it.
I hope this helps you some, and I wish you luck with your family!
