I accidently seen this text my daughter recieved, what do I do?

1. 68

   sassydeeposted 11 years ago

   I accidently seen this text my daughter recieved, what do I do?
   
   if you all had read my hubs or questions before you probably are aware that I have a teen a young teen 14 years old, well I can't sleep I am tossing and turning all night because I don't know what to do what are you suggestions I came across the text to my daughter from a boy (I hope it's a boy not a man), "idk if u home but im home alone for a while u wanna come over? Mmm yess u do I seen u naked I would knoe you’re your ass is bomb
   
   

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2. 93

   FatFreddysCatposted 11 years ago

   I would reply "Hell yeah, what's ur address" and then I'd head over there with a baseball bat, but that's probably just me.

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      BLACKANDGOLDJACKposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I can't improve on this answer any so why try. My daughter is 18 but I'd still do what you said.

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      CrescentSkiesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If I was old enough to have a daughter I could see myself doing this. Except the bat may be a boston basher.

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3. 85

   krillcoposted 11 years ago

   Reactivity is not advised, as years of reactivity between the two of you is what likely what caused the situation in the first place. If you are paying for her phone service there is no 'accidentally' reading a text; you have the right to review her behaviors in that way if you choose to do so, but only if that was the deal in the beginning when she got the phone. If that was not the deal then, you cannot change it now.
   
   Teens move from a childhood understanding of morality (break the rule, you pay) into a more advanced morality (break the personal contract, you are the bad person). Use that fact of her development, but only if the deal was that you get to review her texts. She has broken a personal contract with you to keep herself safe and use the phone appropriately.
   
   On the other hand, if reviewing her texts was not the original deal, you now know your mistake. To tell her about the text would be admitting that you invaded her privacy, which of course, breaks either an explicit or implied contract between the two of you. If you do this, you both lose in your relationship (trust).
   
   You should also know that kids 'act as if' they are playing 'grown up' using all kinds of words, phrases, dialog that is pure fantasy. You can use what you discovered (without telling her) to open up an honest, clear communication with her about how she presents herself to others, and online or text safety.
   
   Obviously, you should be stepping up your observations of her, knowing where she is at and checking to see if where she says she is she actually is. If she notices and complains about this, you can tell her that while you trust her, you know that young women her age get into situations sometimes that are risky, and it is the situations and other people she comes into contact with that you do not always trust.
   
   The answer to your problem is not to be reactive, but to choose a response that keeps her safe and BUILDS your relationship. If you REACT, first of all you may be wrong in your assumptions, and secondly, you will harm your relationship with her.
   
   The word 'discipline' comes from the word 'disciple'. A disciple follows and does what the older, wiser person says not out of fear of retaliation, but out of respect for the RELATIONSHIP...the disciple does not want to damage the relationship. And the wiser, older person knows that close relationship beats punishment every time.

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      sassydeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      thank you so true
      this is why i ask on here cause i know there are many wise people on here

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4. 60

   naula20posted 11 years ago

   I think this is a special care where, as a parent, you should confront your child.  The fact that you saw the text on her phone should go out the window and the issue should be that your young teen has let someone see her naked and is asking her to come over.  I would ground my child from the phone and from leaving the house.

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      sassydeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      i agree

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5. 79

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   I would gather as much information as I could before deciding on a action. For example you know in order to receive a text your cell number has to be (given) to someone. Odds are your daughter knows this person. There is a reason why she did not bring it to your attention.
   Since she is under age you have every right to review cell phone bills as well as download all of her text messages to you computer to determine if she has been sexting or using sexual innuendo with this guy or girl for that matter. You want to establish whether or not there is a pattern. As it stands now no matter who sent the text they can claim they "misdialed" and had no idea their text went to a 14 year old girl. You daughter could claim she doesn't know them as well assumed it was a mistake in identity.
   If you can't find that number on any bills where your daughter has called it or received calls from that number before or after the text you found then it may not be an issue. You'd then want to have a "general talk" with her about something you saw on 20/20 or Dateline regarding predators and their tactics. Ask her to promise to let you know if she is ever contacted by someone she doesn't know or that makes inapproriate comments to her. Afterwards I'd periodically check for text and phone records to see if this issue arises again.

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   1. 68

      sassydeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      i did my research and it was actually a text sent to her I touch which I get them sent to my email if she is not on line  so i checked her phone and yes the number is saved under someone whom I keep calling from different numbers but no answer?

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6. 61

   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   Sassydee, I'll be honest with you. I don't think a 14 year child needs a phone that can text. It is too much independence too soon. A cell phone that simply makes calls will be more friendly on your budget and keep this from going on.
   
   Having said that - in this situation, I would confront her, tell her that she should know this is inappropriate behavior and it has cost her the phone.   I would also always ALWAYS be aware of where she is at any given time.
   
   We raised two daughters and we had very few hard and fast rules but the ones we had were non-negotiable.  We had to know where they were at all times.  They could go pretty much where they wanted, but we needed to know where it was and that there were adults there as well.
   
   I hope you can get a handle on this situation and wish you the best.  Raising teens is a challenge.

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      sassydeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      thanks

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7. 60

   nightwork4posted 11 years ago

   talk to her about it. as a kid, she has to accept that mom is going to keep tabs on what she does on her phone and tell her that the reason you ask is because you care. let her know that it is important for both of you to be honest with each other. if she gets mad and refuses to talk about it, take her phone away for a week.

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      sassydeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      simple but fair thanks

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8. 60

   Tnagariaposted 11 years ago

   I understand your concern about your daughter but now that she has reached her teenage years neither can you force her into doing what you want her to do nor can you take her phone away from her.
   This behavior from a 14 year old is normal because this is the age where sexuality in a child is being formed. Her desires to understand male behavior and explore are very natural and if supressed can backfire at you. This is also an age where homosexuality trends develop, therefore if you try confusing her and planting beliefs like men are bad, and men are only sitting out there to get you in bed she might just develop hatered towards men, this won't help because her desires and needs might conflict in two different directions. Often at this age kids are worried about how they are being percieved in the outside world by their friends and peers, this makes them get involved in activities that their ethics do not approve off.
   I'd suggest you talk to your daughter, give her the freedon to explore life and educate her about the pros and cons of the behavior she is exhibiting. Tell her that no one out there is not going to approve of her if she makes her choices her way.
   You cannot fight her battle but you sure can be a friend and give her the right advice.
   Incase you need more information or help write to me at T.nagaria44@gmail.com
   All the best:)

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      sassydeeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      very true thanks but I don't know about being her friend other than that I totally understand your point

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