Where do you draw the line with step-parents and/or boyfriends/girlfriends disci

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   MissJamieDposted 11 years ago

   Where do you draw the line with step-parents and/or boyfriends/girlfriends disciplining your child?
   
   I have a boyfriend of almost a year, my 15 year old daughter has lived with us for several months. In my opinion, I'd like to have him help me be more assertive with her, but he's so amazing he just sits back and lets me do it all (I understand this is typically how it should be). But I can be a pushover and I know he isn't. He treats her like his own child in every other situation, spoils her more than her father ever did, but should I just ask his opinion or (since we live in his house) is it ok to have him speak with her in a respectful manner?

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   Disciplining someone else's child is a slippery slope. He runs the risk of alienating her and may even offend you. You might be surprised how you would react.
   
   It can't be easy to be a single parent with a teenage child, but being a push over is not what is best for her.  "No" must mean no, so use it sparingly but she MUST know when you do say no, that is exactly what you mean.  You cannot defer her discipline to someone else because you are having trouble doing what needs to be done.
   
   Maybe the three of you can sit down together and outline basic rules, curfew, house rules, etc.  Communication is the key and since it is his home, he needs to outline HIS house rules.  He must have some input since the house belongs to him, but once the rules are out and in force, you as her mother have the obligation and responsibility to discipline.
   
   If you marry, you three can revisit the discipline issue.  No one can make you more assertive but you and you can do it, you must for her best interest.  I hope things work out for you.

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      peeplesposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree 100% with this.

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   Psychodeliciousposted 11 years ago

   I have no problem with my boyfriend disciplining my kids.  In fact I think they will listen to him better than me.  I have however known him for a very long time.  if it were just some random guy I started dating recently I wouldn't be okay with it and I don't think their father would either.  If the roles were reversed and their father had a new girlfriend, I wouldn't want her disciplining my kids.  If it was someone he had been with for a long time and I knew and respected then I would be okay with it.

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   twig22bendposted 11 years ago

   It is your responsibility to discipline your child. Being a pushover is a kind of cop-out to me. It sounds like you are looking for a father for both of you. Why are you asking him to do something that you should be doing?
   
   First of all if you need assistance disciplining your daughter. Get Professional help.
   You are responsible for her well being and safety. If you are trying to build that dream situation, don't use your daughter to do it.
   
   Don't create a situation that you will be sorry for. If you put him in control he will be in control of both of you at this point. Ask for his opinion in private, but you delegate and follow through.
   
   One year!  He is still a stranger. so to speak. It sounds as though he has not asked to be included as far as speaking to her concerning discipline, so why are you trying to push it on him?
   
   Spoiling a child other than your own might create other problems for you and her. Get some Professional assistance to help you be more assertive in disciplining your daughter. You really don't get a second chance when raising a child. He is not her father, so don't try to make her fit into that mold. Yes she is suppose to treat him with respect.
   
   Mother, is not just a word, but a state of mind. Good luck to you.

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      MissJamieDposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not asking my bf to be included in this in fact I'm happy he isn't but he's also a part of our lives and does everything for her. I'm not talking about actual discipline necessarily but simply words of advice. Asking advice is not a cop out.

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