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Alastar Packer says
Thanks for commenting, I thought for a second maybe my thinking was too harsh.
If you understood what I said it has to do with disruption, meaning messes with stability and safety. It's not about like or dislikes, but fairness to the child. No one has the right to hurt anyone even if they have the title Mom or Dad.
Stability is usually a card played by many parents who get mad about unplanned visits. (not directed at you) So long as it is within waking hours I never see an excuse to keep one parent from the children.
Stability, safety, trust, love, and honesty are essential to any relationship. I won't say their are others that are not vindictive, but in this case that is not the case. I can't be a Mom today and tomorrow not and I think it should be taken serious
Speaking as someone who has two parents who decided not to be parents, It is better to have a less than perfect parent than no parent. If a parent doesn't love a child they don't try to visit. If one is trying at all they should be allowed.
Things are never that black in white if your intentions for visits are to keep tabs on Mom/Dad and you do more harm to the psyche of the child, then you are better gone than there. A piece of parent is as unacceptable as a piece of spouse.
No offense here, but have you been in the child's position?
If by that do you mean did I grew up with a single parent yes. Did I have a father that played mind games? Still do. The only difference is it won't realize who the games.
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If you are present to keep tabs on the Mom and make empty promises to be there the next day and do not. If when you do come around you threaten to leave when the kid does something you like as they scream daddy/mommy don't go. I will hub on this soon
This is very valid, what I call the "martyr syndrome" is very prevalent among custodial parents and it is immensely destructive. There is a cool bible scene that addresses this. One works to prepare the house and food. the other adores the guest.??
precisely. I did a hub on the Levite's Wife or Concubine depends on your interpretation of the pericope.
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Eric Dierker says
Wow, that is really an unfortunate situation. I have seen it from both sides good Moms and good Dads. In this circumstance this Dad is more concerned about partying, making empty promises. Thanks for commenting I like to see male/female perspectives.
Good luck with that. And when he is in college, or falling in love or playing baseball, football or basketball. Are you going to interfere in his life so he does not get hurt?
Is it at all possible that you have some influence on why dad is gone?
When he's older he can make his own decisions but he's 6, his life is in my hands and this is rejection from a father - very different than gf or sports. All I did was break up with him. Nothing would keep me away from my own child so I don't get it
Dilania, I have been thinking on this. I guess the point is that if a man is not available for his child, this is such a blatant sign of something wrong with him, we need to have compassion there. And that is a pretty good thing to teach our children
I understand your position its not fair to the child when everything takes presence except them, when they are the most important thing. Your worth and value is worth much more than a fleeting whelm from anyone or an after thought.
Eric, my son knows compassion. You can have compassion & still not let someone treat you like dirt. I don't talk badly about him to my son.
brittvan, that's how I feel like my son is an afterthought. Everything else come first incl his gf's kids
One thing is for certain, this is a great question with great comments. I learned much. And I am to be reminded to be grateful for much. WOW I love my children and their moms. Perfect reminder for Mothers day. A happy one to you.
Darn it thought I was on fb for a sec tried to like both comments! You both make excellent points. Although we treasure our children there are others who see them as a burden I have heard horror stories I should hub on it. I always advocate for kids.
I agree this was a great question. It's always good to hear different perspectives. Thank you, Ericdierker! Happy Mother's Day brittvan22!
Happy Mother's Day to you too Dilania! More men should think and appreciate their spouses and children as you do Eric!
What idiots --- But let us move as you two suggest, beyond them. What a great celebration tomorrow. I hope perhaps you two would enjoy my strange mothers' day tale "Nina and me" that I just published.
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