Do YOU consider children being forced to assume parenting duties to be abusive?

1. 84

   gmwilliamsposted 10 years ago

   Do YOU consider children being forced to assume parenting duties to be abusive?
   
   Childhood should be a time unencumbered with adult responsibilities.Childhood is a time to fully explore one's environment and to be spontaneous.It is also a time to be as free from responsibilities as possible.  In other words, children should be children. There is PLENTY of time to be an adult. However, there are uneducated and unenlightened people who refuse to realize this.Children who are forced into adult roles too soon, resent their parents and oftentimes avoid responsibility in adulthood. As adults, they recapture their childhoods.
   
   

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2. 46

   DDEposted 10 years ago

   I disagree with parents who push their children to be responsible and it ruins a part of a child's life. Every child should experience their childhood as any other kid, making a child do what  or she is not capable of  when younger often affects that child when older.
   There more regrets in that child's mind and sometime sis haunted by bad experiences from childhood.

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   1. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Totally agree with you.  Children should be CHILDREN. Parents who push their children into adult responsibilities are abusive.Children learn to hate those parents for robbing them of their formative childhood e.g. the Duggars w/their oldest children.

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3. 69

   susanzhengposted 10 years ago

   Hi gmwilliams, I do think children being forced to assume parenting duties to be abusive. Children shouldn't BE FORCED to do anything, they should have their own space and rights to develope their unique personalities, to explore the world for their own interest.
   
   As you know from birth to 18 years old, and before they get 2 years old, they may not consiously know anything, which gives them only 16 short years to enjoy childhood and teenager years.  Once they reach 18, they are treated as adults and they have to be responsible for everything they do and every decision they make.  That is too much even for every adult, let alone forcing children to assume parenting duties, which equals to depriving children of their rights to enjoy their childhood.
   
   I think not only forcing children to assume parenting duties, but also forcing children to do anything else that they don't like to do is abusive.  As parents, we should realize that sometimes, we really need help with baby-sitting and there is no other options available at the time except the help from older siblings.  In order to let older kids to help us happily when we need them, we need to communicate with them when we are chatting or playing with them that we will appreciate  their help when we need help from them. They are important as family members and to have a happy family, every member should contribute little bit. We don't expect too much from them as children, but when we really can't find any other help than that from them, hope they can help.  This is just my approach to this kind of things. I believe this way can work for any parents and their children, if the parents have enough patience and love to their children.
   
   Forcing somebody (not only children) to do what they don't like to do will never get satisfying result.

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   1. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your response.  I find oldest children of large/very large families actually FORCED to RAISE younger siblings. Many hate/resent their parents. They have NO childhood to imagine of. They are virtually slaves of their parents.Overused.

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4. 59

   Angela Kaneposted 10 years ago

   I wouldn't say it is abusive, but I do think it should be against the law. Children can take responsibility in other ways instead of having to take care of a guardian or younger sibling everyday. Youth are stressed enough without having to take on adult duties everyday. Parents sit here and have children with no way to take care of them except to have the older kids do it and it is not fair to the older child who has  to forego youth sports or other activities to stay at home.

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   1. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Concur, should be against the law.  Also, birth control should be mandatory with 4 children the most parents could have.You're right, large/very large families are ABUSIVE/HELLISH to oldest children. They are parentified children.Wrote 2 hubs on this

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5. 84

   Express10posted 10 years ago

   Whenever it prevents the child from being a child, heck yes. Unfortunately, this is often the case to some degree in families where both parents must work, in larger families, and in single parent homes. It can be seen that many of these children are on a constant search to find and recreate a more positive childhood. Many may come off as immature or chronologically stuck even as they age into their 30's, 40's, and beyond.
   
   I've seen these types of people dressing in clothes and speaking as if they were still in high school, "living for the weekend," and looking forward to summer as if they are in middle or high school. The problem is that the ones I've actually spoken to a bit more in depth are in their 30's and 40's. In speaking to them about their childhood, some became parents either through their parents forcing parental responsibilities on them to their detriment or they actually had children of their own when they were very young. In my work through two different charities I've found that the stories are often very sad and there really is a painful longing for a re-try at their childhoods.
   
   Many fail at attempting to recreate a better childhood because that is time lost that can never be returned yet this realization doesn't seem to occur to them or may simply be too painful to acknowledge, grieve, and move past. Only parents that planned to have the child, that saved more than enough in anticipation of the curveballs that life throws, and those who make the child the priority would refuse to force their children into parenting duties, that is the job of a parent. Sadly, a large number of "parents" don't do this and many have additional children with "help" from the eldest children in mind. You are right, it's usually the uninformed and uneducated who have this issue. In addition, they tend to have more children.

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   1. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Many mothers of large families are indeed selfish, they incessantly breed and have children w/o thinking of the ramifications on the oldest children. Oldest children of such families are parentified children who are screwed out of childhoods.

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6. 73

   lburmasterposted 10 years ago

   Yes, I do consider it abusive. They deserve to have a good childhood, not forced to do their parents jobs. Means their parents aren't responsible.

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   1. 84

      gmwilliamsposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Definitely, many people just should not be parents.  Parenting is a task only for the most mature and committed.  Also, that is what family planning is important.Children in small families are afforded normative childhoods where they CAN explore.

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7. 61

   duffsmomposted 10 years ago

   Yes, childhood should be unencumbered by adult responsibilities, so no I don't think siblings should have to care for siblings. They can help out a little, grab a diaper, help fix dinner--things that keep the family unit running smoothly but no I do not think they should have to care for siblings. I don't know that I would go so far as to say it is abusive--but certainly not fair and not the wisest parenting technique.
   
   I will tell you something think can be abusive (sometimes) that is foisting off our children into day care centers.  Color a picture at 11, read a book at 1pm, etc.  I think that kind of regimentation stifles creativity.

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