How do you cope with a partner who has no goals?

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   DDEposted 9 years ago

   How do you cope with a partner who has no goals?
   
   He has worked for most of his  life and still is and nearly retirement with no bank balance,  lives on overdrafts and gambles some of his money daily. There is no chance of a monthly budget. How would you cope with such habits from your partner?

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   goodnews11posted 9 years ago

   Talk with him and divert him from such activities if possible. Refer him to hubpages. Once he joins hubpages, I think his attitude may change and he may become passionate in publishing hubs as we do.

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you sounds a helpful idea.

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   darrensurreyposted 9 years ago

   Could you try to involve him with one of your (financial) goals?

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      He has no intentions of going forward always stuck in a rut. Very difficult to open up to.Thank you

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   StephanieClarkposted 9 years ago

   Turn to God.  Get to know Jesus. Christian television and radio are a place to start. Ask Jesus to come into you life and help you with things that are troubling you. You have to try God to come to know Him. He can give you the support you need with your partner. The bible and the ways of Jesus is inspirational.

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you

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   Ericdierkerposted 9 years ago

   I have no idea but I will ask my wife ;-)
   But seriously I would have to ask if he was like that when you took him for a partner. If so the shame is on you. Otherwise cope like you should, dump him now!
   No goals is pathetic and probably a sign of a deeper problem, so if he will go get help, maybe stick it out for a while longer.

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you it is just a general question.

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   gmmurgirlposted 9 years ago

   Oh that is tough. I don't think I can stand such immaturity and at that point in his life it might be a bit too late to put some sense into his head. I believe that if he really does not figure out that there is a problem, on his own, I think the best you can do is talk to him, encourage him and cross your fingers!

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you  a general question and I am amazed by all the different answers including your answer.

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   Lady Guinevereposted 9 years ago

   First I have to ask how long have you been married to him?  Second of all you have to get counseling for yourself because of the things that he has done to you that you are not thinking about right now. He has an addiction and you are the one that he wants to hurt.  Now you need to get stronger and heal yourself from his addiction.  You do your own financial things.  You show him that you can hold up to your end of the vows and that you can do your own thing.  Do not give your total self away because then you will not have a self at all.  You will just become a puppet.  Watching all those Evangelist shows on the TV will break you.  They will ask for money and that is not what you have right now nor what you need.  Do not let that fool you or use it as a crutch. 
   Good Luck and be true to yourself for without your self you have nothing to give.

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Hi thank you   for a well-advised comment.''Do not give your total self away because then you will not have a self at all.''

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      Lady Guinevereposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That is why the first commandment says Put No Other Gods Before you.

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   Express10posted 9 years ago

   I would NOT cope with this and I am nowhere near retirement age! This type of person is being subsidized by their partner and dragging the partner down, negatively affecting the harder working and more goal oriented partner's goals. It sounds like the type that happily refuses to do any chores. I would give them an ultimatum, a time limit to act like an adult or part ways. That is just ridiculous and unacceptable. His behavior causes the partner to carry the load of two people.

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Hi thank you for sharing your helpful answer.The ultimatum idea sounds good too.

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   DreamerMegposted 9 years ago

   You don't try and change him - you cannot change anyone else, only yourself! If you are determined to stay with him - and that is your choice - then you need to make your own decisions about how to keep your money safe from him and safe to feed both of you and keep you housed. I would suggest reading Pam Young's book called "The Good Book" - excellent! GOOD stands for Get Out Of Debt and it shows you how to connect with your inner child, who is the one that got you into debt (I am NOT suggesting that you are in debt) or who keeps you spending too much. She also provides excellent tips on how to save and a link to a hilarious youtube video on getting rid of credit cards.
   
   If he sees you changing and being happier about money, maybe he will become interested in finding out about this too.

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      DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      It is not for me but your answer sounds helpful.''You don't try and change him - you cannot change anyone else, only yourself!'' Thank you.

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    Sparkleaposted 9 years ago

    You know, DDE, years ago I would have put up with that...especially if I loved the person deeply.  I would have just weathered the storm, let him have his way, kept my mouth shut.
    BUT this is me NOW...with all I have been through during my life time, I would like to think I was a little wiser now.
    I do not know if you are referring to yourself with this question...or a friend...or if it is just a general question.
    All I would think regarding your question is this:  ESPECIALLY if I was approaching retirement age and there was no bank account...are you kidding?????
    I. Would. Be. GONE, GONE, GONE.  No way would I 'cope'.  Coping is existing, NOT LIVING.
    There is a verse in the Bible that reads, "shake the dust off your feet and go on to another city." 
    I would start over from scratch.  I would get my own place, or kick him out...THEN get a job, put together a budget, and stick with it.  And definitely start a savings account, EVEN if I could only put a dollar at a time in it.
    This may not sound realistic, but it is a start.
    I am a deep believer in God, so He would come FIRST.  I would tithe 10 percent of any monies that come to me...give it to an organization or church that helps you grow spiritually...then save 10 percent, and buy food and pay the bills with the rest.
    My ex husband left me for his secretary.  We had 2 small children.  I had to go to work part-time...I remarried, but there were very bad times those years in the financial realm. 
    I think the biggest waste of life is to 'put up' with people who bring you down.
    Like I said, I was a woos years ago...NO MORE.  I totally, REFUSE to put up with brouhaha and nonsense.  From ANYONE.  You know why?  Because every day is a closer day to death, and I want to live life fully with no regrets. 
    I had a friend years ago who said her father's major purpose in life was to make people miserable.  Her mom stayed with him till he died.  What a tragic waste.
    DDE, it is not worth it.  LIVE YOUR LIFE. 
    This is how I feel...first time shame on him, second time shame on you.  This is how I live now and I am very content and very happy with my life.
    Blessings, Sparklea

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       DDEposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       Hi Sparklea this is a general question sometimes one just never knows what their partner is capable of until it is too late. Thank you.

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       Lady Guinevereposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       I went through 2 years of counseling for myself.  What the counselor told me at Heart 2 Heart was that this is Intimacy Anorexia and is an addctn.  My husband and I are still married.  Some things you can give to God. Ths is about your self and bound

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       Sparkleaposted 9 years agoin reply to this

       DDE: THANK YOU FROM MY HEART!  Means so much to me your vote for Best Answer.  Very unexpected but very much appreciated.  God bless and thanks again.  Sparklea

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    Penny Gposted 9 years ago

    I am am in this same type of situation. I just move along and plan our retirement which is now less than three years away. I always include him in these plans, talk to him of them, and you know what he is on board now showing enthusiasm  . He just can't help to be when I have such a positive attitude, and he sees I am serious and will follow through with my goals for our future. I hope this will be of some help to you.

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