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Christin Sander says
What if this aggression continues more often than not? In this case you are dealing with a spoiled child.
No, I'm dealing with young human beings who I am in charge of molding and shaping into a responsible adult. I am complimented often on how kind and well behaved and mature they are actually, because I treat them with respect.
i used to spank him in the past when he was 5-6 years old. He was really out of control. he yells back and hit me instead of just crying. When he was 7, I noticed that he can't accept spanking, so i stopped but he became worst.
because you showed him aggression as an example - I'm sorry, that's not popular for people who want to justify spanking. You can't maintain control non-aggressively, but expect him to? Lead by example and set proper boundaries.
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I must disagree. his day and time kids are spoiled rotten. Believe me, they know how to manipulate you at a very young age. Then we have those who do not believe in corporal punishment. How is that working out for you? How many tantrums do you put up
awesome answer peeples - I agree, tantrums always have an underlying cause. With my oldest son, it turned out he was hypoglycemic and when he'd get hungry he'd melt down. The solution was a snack at the right time to keep his sugar steady.
I have 3 kids, do not spank, 1 Autistic, one Aspergers, and great behavior out of all 3 without hitting them. When we do have tantrums here we fix the problem, not beat them into submission.
You are taking my words completely out of context. My parents busted my rear end, their parents busted their rear ends. We all turned out just fine. If my parents would have given me a timeout I would have been overjoyed. Nonsense.
I want my kids to turn out better than "just fine". I choose to teach them hitting is not okay in any situation. As long as my children turn out happy, healthy, and productive I am happy. Many who weren't spanked turn out great.
I agree, as a child who was hit at times, I always felt I wasn't being heard. I vowed to learn a better way with my kids. We teach kids not to hit, but then hit them when we don't like how they are acting? Aggression does not solve aggression.
You teach your child not to hit even if they are in a situation where they are being hit? You do not teach them to take up for themselves?
The only time we should allow hitting is when put in a situation with NO other option. Those are far and few between that most people NEVER encounter. Christin, I never have understood it. Seems hypocritical.
self-defense is not aggression. Dad is a black belt in Aikido, he has taught our kids self-defense, yet they have never felt threatened enough to use it. They walk away from confrontation and bullies. I'm proud of that.
i agree that he wanted to learn something new but he refused to listen to my instruction. When I say do like this he says no , go away, come back, i hate you, teach me how to do and then repeat the whole cycle again. Seems that he can't decide
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he always insisted to play computer games at night before bed time and it always past bedtime. His sleeping time is 11pm but sleeps at 2am in the morning. Dad says ok, I say no. That's the problem. He wakes up next afternoon 2pm, very irritating
Yikes, yeah, for a 7 year old that's not appropriate. Have an hour of wind down time before bed (reading, dimmed lights,) and then get him to bed way earlier than that. His sleep pattern is not consistent with his circadian rhythm. Quite unhealthy.
video games until 10 or 11pm? My teenage son doesn't even do that. There's part of the problem.
And to think people are recommending hitting a kid because he's allowed to stay up until 2am playing video games and is probably messing with his mood/ability to function. Sigh.
Oh wow hun, you got to override dad on that. My 9 year old and 11 year old are still in bed by 9. Bless his heart, mama he just isn't on a good sleeping pattern. Improve sleep schedule bet his behavior will change.
Now this is a whole different story. What is your husband thinking?
yes, i agree that the bed time is incorrect but dad insisted its ok because its school holiday. I m having a hard time to coax him to bed early. Both of us have different opinion.
You're going to have to put your foot down on this one. Your kid is suffering because his sleep cycle is all messed up (and you're gonna have a heck of a time getting it back to normal so you might as well start now).
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Hope Centre says
now is school holiday, his problem started right after the holiday started. He sleeps very late 2am-4am instead of 10pm ( school days )
my mom used umbrella, cane, rope, belts to hit me when i was young. I use my bare hands to hit my son legs, buttocks. But now at 7 years old, i just scold him. Give him a stern look. Didn't work.
Children are humans, they do have rights. If your boss hit you because you didn't do what was expected of you would that be ok? Then why do people justify aggression against children still in a modern era?
Modern era? That is what Is wrong with kids today. This is why they have such a lack of respect for adults. Yes children should obey their parents. I got my ass busted and I turned out fine. Spare the rod and spoil the child!
Or, take a parenting class or two and maybe learn something about how to communicate effectively with children. Not all people who don't hit their kids spoil them. Lazy parenting, not lack of aggression causes spoiled kids.
I do not think so. I have two sons. One a doctor the other an attorney. Just keep referring your parenting skills to suit Dr. Spock Christin. This is the south. You talk back or disobey my rules you get your rear end busted. It has worked for years.
I was abused verbally and sometimes hit physically - I'm self-employed and pay my bills I guess that means it was ok since I turned out fine? Many people who get hit turn out just fine you're right - it's not because they were hit, it's despite it.
I am sorry you felt abused Christin. I too was an abused child. Mentally, physically, and sexually. This is when we must rise above and go on with our lives. I do believe in correcting children. Also remember dear there is a place for those abusers.
On a side note, almost all serial killers report being spanked as a child, and they didn't turn out just fine. SO it really can go any way. It's our job as parents to do better for our children than what was done to us.
All serial killers also probably were made to eat their spinach as a child as well. As far as serial killers they are born serial killers. There is nothing in their environment to prove otherwise. Take Ted Bundy. He was reared in a good home.
Actually there is a ton of evidence that implies environmental causes to serial killers, but that's another issue. My point was that it is our job to do better than "just fine" for our kids. Being "fine" isn't a reason to encourage hitting more kids.
Girl have you ever been around a black family in your life? And how many serial killers are black. How many are not parented and end up in a gang. I be damned if one of mine is going to turn out this way. Grandchildren included. Lack of is the proble
28 black foster homes. You are equating parenting with spanking, someone can fully parent without ever hitting a child. My husband and his sisters were never spanked, all outstanding people.
jfisch, you're confusing serial killers with psychopaths. Not all serial killers are psychopaths. When the most influential form of teaching is modelling, it shocks me that people can't understand violence begets violence.
Did these black folk spank you peeples? Comparing serial killers to spanking a child is absurd anyway. Yes Aime killers are psychopaths and are born this way. Every serial killer I have heard of was a psychopath. What does it matter?
I wasn't comparing, the space provided is not ample enough to explain much of anything.
jfisch, that is just completely untrue. It matters because you're saying environment doesn't play a role and that's a pretty dangerous mentality.
Over 70% of serial killers are abused as a child and you're comfortable thinking environment doesn't impact how a kid turns out?
Did you read the entire article peeples? I was referring to serial killers being born psychopaths as Aime has argued they are not. What is it about you peeples that you must be right all of the time. You are in for a rude awakening concerning "ego."
I have spent the last 12 years studying serial killers, so yes I am not trying to be right, I just am, so is Aime. It's not ego, you are using a site owned by TV media to base a view on when I have read hundreds of books on the topic + schooling.
You are right. The article is full of lies. Bless your heart.
Uh... the article doesn't say that all serial killers are psychopaths. Maybe you should have another read. I never said that NO serial killers are psychopaths. I said that not ALL serial killers are psychopaths.
Maybe I will just leave this ridiculous conversation. I would suggest home schooling your child since you know everything.
Yes, not accepting your false claims definitely equates to us thinking we know everything. I'm sure there are topics that you know more about than we do. This just isn't one of them.
"If your boss hit [...] would that be ok?" - No but we do have other consequences. Can we fire our kids? no! we cannot. children are not adults, they must learn there are consequences and those have to depend from child to child. Some need a beating.
Believe what you want to believe little girl. I have forgotten more than you will ever know. I suggest you do some more research before thinking you are right. Apparently you were not punished as a child were you?
Getting a bit snippy, are we? May I ask what your credentials are in this particular field that make you so sure you're more knowledgeable than I am?
Let me get this right. You are trying to tell me that serial killers are not psychopaths? Girly you need to do your homework. By the way what are your credentials?
I'm telling you that not ALL serial killers are psychopaths. Some definitely are.
My credentials are two psychology degrees with a criminology minor.
Who is the most notorious female serial killer of all time. You have 2 minutes to answer. NO GOOGLING!
This question was not intended for you peeples. But, you are correct. Indeed a psychopath. All serial killers are psychopaths but not all of psychopaths are serial killers. This woman was indeed a psychopath.
Sorry, I saw the 2 minutes was reached and couldn't resist.
Sorry, I saw the 2 minutes was reached and couldn't resist.
Oh good grief.
Okay, you go on with your clearly superior knowledge. I'll return my degrees.
And you were accusing me of thinking I knew everything. Ha.
Getting a little snippy aren't we?
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The Examiner-1 says
You're going to tell a kid that they can only cry when they're sick or hurt? Really?
Until they learn to stop crying for no reason. Once they learn that, then you can sit down and have a serious talk with them. It will only be a brief time for them to learn their lesson and stop this act.
oh yes, i tried that, when i move away, he started to scream and yell until my neighbors came out. He insisted i stay and let him repeat until he is satisfied. My hubby scolded me for not stopping him. The only way to stop is spank.
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i must say, you sound almost like me. I did took away his favorite stuff, computer and cellphone. He cried for hours and I ignore him. He yell and scream, I ignore him. I got scolded by dad
Oh! if mum and dad are not in the same page then nothing will work! because that disagreement empowers the kid in keeping his bad behaviours. You have to support each other.
yeah, i know that. Problem is dad doesn't agree with me.
In my opinion, if nothing you want to do is good enough for dad, just leave it to him to solve the problem. but refuse to "take care" of the child. Start being the playful parent.let the kid be. don't pay any attention besides playing with him. relax
Except it doesn't sound like the dad has any interest in setting appropriate boundaries, so if she doesn't do it, no one does and the kid suffers.
I agree at some point... the problem is, if the dad is always disregarding the mother, the result is even worst! It not only makes the kid not have any boundaries it also makes him believe his mother (and women in general) should be ignored.
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