I had the "luxury" of having my two parents staying married until my father died (when I was 21). Not living with a parent from age four, and also "being estranged from" for all that time is obviously a very different picture.
Anyway, maybe I shouldn't even answer here because I didn't (still don't) even think in terms of "identifying with" when it comes to either of them (both now deceased, but I had my mother until I was about forty). For me, it was more a matter of either admiring or not-admiring one or another thing about either of them. There was nothing "extreme" about either of them. They were both loving parents were kind people who tried to do what was right for their kids and anyone else (like a relative who needed help). Since they were alike in the most basic ways I pretty much admired them both, and I think (at least for me) it was those "most basic ways" (kind, loving, tried to make their kids happy and safe, treated others nicely) that were "the thing" when I was young enough to be "more about" basic ways than about the smaller differences in/between the two.
Once I hit the age when I started sizing them up about the smaller differences in them, and eventually, between either of them and me, I was past "identifying with" (way past it) and more sizing up those smaller differences within the larger picture of just the family, with that picture including influence by things the like the times in which I was at that age, what I (and sometimes a friend or two) had "come up with" in terms of opinions/preferences.
I admired them both on that main, basic, stuff about just being a good person and/or just being a kind, loving, parent; but to me, it feels like I was already a well established "me" by the time I was about three (maybe even two) years old. So, while I was either enjoying my parents or sizing them up on the smaller stuff I approved of or didn't interpret it as "further forming" myself.
I just felt like I knew who/what I was and was comfortable being that (thanks to both of them and maybe the four/five-year sibling spacing and/or my birth order (middle kid with the benefit of more perspective when "sizing up", I think). Also, without any living grandmothers and 1880's born grandfathers who didn't get into "deep" conversations, with no babysitters and aunts/uncles busy with their own kids/families/life; I think that little world of sureness (within my family and self) was not muddied by confusing/conflicting influences.