I did a hub regarding how overprotective parents overguard and mollycoddle their children as to leave them totally bereft of basic life and survival skills. As we all know, there is a rising phenomena of overprotective/helicopter parents who believe in overprotecting and infantilizing their children to an abnormal level. It is not common for parents nowadays to take their 8 and 9 year old children to school these days.
Besides that, there are excessive organized activities for school age and teenage children. It is also not uncommon for parents to run interference for their children if there are problems instead of letting children figure things out for themselves and solve their own problems. Even though such is not necessarily the case, there is a STRONG correlation between affluence, small families and overprotectiveness/infantilization of children.
Parents of small families, with some exceptions, tend to overprotect and infantilize their children to pathological levels instead of letting them make decisions and do things for themselves. Many parents of small families are quite fond of micromanaging their children to the point of emotionally and psychologically crippling them. Studies have substantiated that many overprotected children cannot make even the simplest decisions because their parents have made decisions for them, even up to selecting what college/university they should attend. There was a news article in which one college age woman, 21 years old, issued a restraining order against her overprotective parents.
While many overprotected children flounder throughout life, there are still others who rebel strongly during their teen years and disassociate themselves from their parents when they become older. Quite a few learn to hate their parents from depriving and denying them life enrichening opportunities. Overprotective parents are abusive parents of another kind. They continuously view their children as fragile, grossly underestimating and taking dignity away from their children. Let's discuss this.
I see them often in my profession. It's another form of control and it very much inhibits the natural development of character in a young child. There are some children with a natural tendency towards shyness, but some parents, usually the mother, often 'channels' her own fear and anxiety upon her child.
The adult doesn't want to accept that their child can be his own person and be fine without their presence and continual admonitions. It hurts the child. Children and teens need to be able to learn and make mistakes.
Many overprotective parents are overcontrolling. They believe that their children are replicas of them. They also infantilize their children, doing things for them that the children are capable of doing for themselves. Overprotected children are developmentaly behind normal children. They are also the ones more likely to be bullied by their peers. They have very few friends.
Teachers also see overprotected children as quite problematic. They see such children as fish out of water. Overprotected children are at a loss in school, particularly high school and college. At that period in the development, it is thought that childlren become more independent, breaking away from the parent in order to establish autonomy. However, the overprotected child does not possess the wherewithal to do it. They are quite immature in comparison to normal high schoolers.
In college, many of them fail because they are not used to functionally independently. In college, one is an adult and apparently should conduct his/her affairs as one. However, overprotected children become even more problematic in college. They have no survival nor life skills -many professors see this quite negatively. Roommates view their overprotective peers as a big onus. Many overproteced college students return home because they were unable to endure college life.
As adults, overprotected children are more likely to be fired and to be unemployable throughout life. In relationships, they are zero. Overprotective parents are only crippling their chidren and making them retarded, being unable to cope with and master life!
I don't hate my parents for being so overprotective throughout my whole life or for being overly strict with me while giving my brother permission to do anything with his life but....
I moved out of Holland, 4 years ago to start over again and to BREATHE...
To be really out of their sight instead of living in the same village like we used to. To stop seeing their judgemental looks, having to tell my mother she cannot come up for coffee or having to explain to them, every single thing I did and wanted to do with my life.
Because of the distance I have a much better relationship with them, I call them every week and they're very proud of how I'm living my new life in Spain. So things turned out fine, I'll turn 40 this year and I've accepted the fact that they'll never change.
They'll always be overprotective, we'll never have a close bond and I'll try to make the best of what we have until they're gone....
Too much of anything is bad and the prefix 'over' in the word 'overprotective' reflects it all. Thanks to my parents that they were never of this kind but while I observe others I find it quite a troublesome aspect of life. The parents especially mothers of this kind fail to check their overprotective attitude even after their children get married. This simply ruins the life of a couple because it becomes very difficult for the son-in-law or the daughter-in-law to accept interference.
I would say there is nothing wrong in not accepting interference because no one has the right to make another person follow their thoughts and ideas. This is one main cause why the relationship between the members of the family is becoming fragile. Hope the parents analyse themselves and bring in some changes in their approach so that everyone may enjoy some space and live happily.
All excellent answers. These answers are greatly appreciated. Continue with the discussion.
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