I havnt been here for quite sometime so i do apologise. Infact i think its 2 birthdays scince i was last here... Ive just been busy... Trying to mother my kids and work... When im not doing that i fundraise for a teeny weeny foster kids charity. Im not sure where this is going.. I made my account 2 years ago cause i couldnt speak freely on fb... Which is where i connect with my friends. Who i dont get to see much due to my work/parent responsibilities.. In fb world i assume my usual funny somewhat sarcastic role, which peeps love, so i now find i cant share my real inner feelings as i dont want people to feel they need to fix it for me. So somehow ive managed to get back into hub ... And here i am... I also apologise for my sadness... I was sad on fb the other day, a rarity for me, and the cheer squad came blasting out in rah rah skirts, pom poms and trumpets ablazing... It was kinda condescending:/... I hated it... And it was just cause i was tired... And nothing compared to what im about to write here... I approached my BFF with this and got no reply.. Cause shes busy reconciling with her x.. And another old school, like minded GF.. Who had all the correct things to say, but had visitors.... So after both of these outcomes... Here i am again... At long last....so in the last 18 months... Ive picked my youthful son up from the police station 3 times... For stealing... Ive heard already how shop theft is no big deal.... Theres worse... I used to do it.... Blah blah.. Hes just a kid still... Well i know all these things... But the fact of the matter is he is creating a foot print for himself... I wasnt particularly calm the first time i picked him up... The 2nd time i picked him up i made a choice to be respectful and treat him like a young adult and be delicate with him.... But with consequences... And now 3 months later... Im back there again.... I wanted him too know how i felt... So i slapped him in the face.. ( not proud) and started screaming like a banshee suffering from crack withdrawls till i was backed up against the wall, with my hands over my face and tears streaming through my fingers, because of the black sickening feeling in my stomach and the guilt i feel for myself and the fear for him ruining his life so young( so over whelming i think i may cry now)... The police came after 3 mins of leaving him with me and took me for a lovely refreshing glass of tap water. Then they proceeded with laying the charges.... AGAIN... I feel like shit.... Im deathly worried... And feel soooo alone
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