And that's what this is - strictly my opinion and everyone has the right to agree or disagree. I wouldn't take offense because we all feel strongly in our beliefs.
Here's the deal. First of all, I'm a female. After 57 years of living, I've decided that monogamy isn't natural for the man. Male brains are hardwired at birth to procreate and it has nothing to do with their marriage or love for their wife. (usually) I've seen some get emotionally carried away, leave their spouse and regret it later.
But overall, I think the man who can remain monogamous throughout a marriage shows great restraint. Women think that they aren't good enough wives, that there's something wrong if they can't satisfy their husbands. They jump through hoops to look great, etc. In fact, it has nothing to do with the wives. The husbands don't want to lose the security of the marriage and the love of their children. It's just sex. Period.
I've been married and felt the same way. Extreme jealousy. Where was I to blame?
Marriage was created for the male to receive the bride's dowry. It was originally all about money. I'm not saying that a monogamous marriage wouldn't be ideal. My point is to the women who find fault with themselves. It likely isn't you.
Unfortunately, extramarital sex is dangerous with all the diseases. It is unfair for the husband to put his wife at risk.
So, again I'll say, for men monogamy is an unnatural state. Women, don't jump through hoops trying to be perfect if it happens. Just get checked for diseases often. I know the insecure feelings you'll get - that's human nature. I've studied and spoken with so many men on the subject and learned that the percentage of cheaters is very high. But again, it's a sex thing.
I am afraid but I have to agree. Monogamy has been enforced on the male - it doesn't come naturally to them. If given the choice or the situation, men would be more likely to cheat than women, at least that's what I feel. Perhaps, women are just as likely to cheat, not sure of the exact statistics though.
It's not just men who are unfaithful, women do the same thing too.
Mind it... if a man is unfaithful to his wife, there must be another woman who is unfaithful to her husband... or if it is unmarried girls, they must be made of less calibre. So, please avoid accusing husbands only.
Man or woman, if the opposite satisfy their counterparts, no need for other thoughts. Satisfaction in everything.... If one fails to satisfy the needs of the opposite, and blames the other for his or her jumping the fence, it is unjust.
Especially, women has the responsibility for being perfect because of their natural commitment in bringing up a baby and a family. Man can only help her and cannot take her responsibility altogether.
Let's just be clear on this. You, as a man, may be totally blind to this, but actually women make a serious commitment too. You have no idea my friend how many guys does a woman have to put up with daily. We, especially at a young age, have a lot more options than you guys. So don't tell me it's harder for a guy to stay faithful than it is for a woman.
You, and all the other guys who share your opinion, have no backbones. Have you ever heard about self-control or commitment. In a healthy society such people would not be regarded as real man and would be despised. I'm sure if you told this to someone who has just been cheated on, be it a man or a woman, they would've skinned you upon impact.
All this talk about sexually transmitted diseases and that it's not the man's fault if his wife or gf catches it from him and that all she can do is to check it regularly is an outrage.
As for you, Jamie. If I were you and I had something like this to say I'd rather restrain myself. Women in the midst of menopausal changes are not exactly the best advisors when it comes to relationships.
Minus the last paragraph, I completely agree. There is no real skill or challenge in staying faithful. If a man is in a serious relationship and still can't keep it in his pants then he was not mature enough to take on such a commitment.
Why don't you agree with the last paragraph? (Peri)menopausal changes involve a decrease in the production of certain female-sex hormones, which in turn causes the stabilization of women's brain activity cycles. Higher progesterone and lower estrogen levels mean less passionate feelings towards the other sex.
haha okay, To be more specific I don't agree with the first sentence, as she can voice her opinion as she pleases. I do agree that menopausal women are not the best people to go for relationship advice.
Sounding mighty BF Skinneresque, Mango. That could be why Sunsteeks disagrees. Also, throughout the forums, quite inhumane--not sure that you deal in cognitive psychology at all, really.
Jaime also has a right to express her opinions/beliefs. Intelligent opinions are always welcome in the forums. It is my opinion that psychologically slightly upset people don't give out the best advice or information in any format. Sometimes they don't use the best language, either--in fact, nasty swear words when addressing someone who presents a challenge after said individual is responsible for stirring the pot--again, something no professional would do, as it is a very bad reflection on him or her.
After you've done counting, you can say something again, Lita.
Must agree - leaving hateful comments and fanmail is not the act of a professional. It breaks every ethical code in the book - it looks like you have read Brizendine's book, and that is the limit of your knowledge.
People didn't used to live to be 80 or 90 years old, especially women, who got knocked off by childbearing much of the time. So lifetime marriage is harder than it once was, because we live longer.
We expect a lot too. Too much sometimes. And then we beat up people who 'fail' at marriage when maybe they just need to move on and it's none of our damned business! We're so judgmental about it.
Men are wired for roaming but men make good marriages sometimes, and later in life friendship starts to matter more to most people than sex.
That's my take on it anyhoo.
Yes, I saw a couple of marriages break up. The funny thing is the average time is after 10 years. If it's not working let's split up, but don't go on cheating on each other. Unless both parties agree on it, that is.
It can still work, though. My parents got married 35 years ago this year, and they are still married. Not just on paper, either, they still enjoy doing things together and being together.
They are having a huge bash later in the year, to celebrate their 60th birthdays, 35th wedding anniversary, and my Dad's being a QC for 20 years.
I always chuckle at the "it's natural so let's condone it" argument. Cancer is natural, death is natural, acne is natural.
If we just let everything go their own way, what's da point in being here?
I had a marriage that FELT like cancerous acne.
I concur with Lita. Everybody has a right to voice there opinions but when it comes to following then we have the right to take a decision based on our own thought process of analyzing various inputs.
Coming to the original thread to condone men for infidelity is very difficult pill to swallow. In fact in one of the other threads one of the conservative men said in a certain religion a man's marrying more than one wife is acceptable because "men would be men". It takes two to tango and men are as much responsible to uphold the sanctity of a marital relationship as much as women. I have often seen women being the worst enemies of fellow women without having empathy for others. I mean when a men goes astray often we hear that she must be lacking in something or it was her fault in some way. That gets me so mad.
I think it is just as difficult for men and women. In the past it was easy for women not to cheat, they were never allowed in male society alone...they mainly stayed at home and took care of the house. Now a days women are everywhere where the man is. It takes committement, dedication, and control from both counter parts to stay faithful. There will always be someone better looking, kinder, meeting more emotional needs, and so on and so forth...so it takes definite committement and control from both...
I think some women have the urge to be polygamous now; and even in the past, it was just suppressed because many women were oppressed. I speak from experience here. God bless my mother but she has a husband and a boyfriend, and has never been happier (yes the two men know). I think the excuse that men are "hardwired" is a crock of poopy. So are women...hello genetic diversification! (At least that was always my mother's excuse:). And my husband always refused the advances of girls (we got together in high school, he was a senior), even though he could have been the school bicycle like his best friend was (popular with the ladies they both were). The difference is that my now husband, then boyfriend, had a goal set in his mind to wait for the "right" girl, someone he could see himself with for the long term. So far as I know he has never experienced any lasting regret about only being with one woman, and I haven't had any regrets about only being with one man either. Ok, I did have one dream about a cute guy in the English department in his undies...But ya know:)Anyhow, I think that the excuse that "it's natural" is a good way to make yourself feel better, but not much more. You can come up with all sorts of biological excuses, but in the end it's just a way to justify what you are doing (sorry mom).
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