I think most men are good men and the same is true with women. The problem isn't whether or not a man is good, it's whether or not you're both compatible.
The problem occurs because what attracts us to each other is visual, but what keeps us together is much, much deeper. Attraction and sex can only hold you together for so long there has to be more and often times there are just too many differences for a relationship to work.
Best thing is to decide what it is about a potential mate that is most important to you, the qualities you simply can't live without. Of course there has to be an attraction, but remember over time looks will fade. Then abandon any thoughts of trying to mold this person into something you desire and instead accept those qualities that you may not like so much and focus on the ones that you felt were important to begin with. Let him be him and you be you and I promise, you'll live happily ever after!
oh so true. Yes if lust is what your after then go for it, but if your looking for depth that seek that in another.
This is the closest to the truth I've read in a long time ! Having been married since I was 16 yrs old., and I'm now 45, and just finding that I have known this man for more then 11 yrs of my adult life and realize its exactly what you've just explained. (Have been separated for 7months now)and I am very happy I am. The friendship and respect in these 11 yrs., have been far greater then all my years put together in marriage. I know for certain that this will last a lifetime. Good Post !
I think you are right buy I'd bring it up to 2 handfuls.
I dont know. all I can say is, my man is a good man, and hes soooo taken. I am glad I found him.
This is not directed at you,
but I find alot of the girls I personally know have fairly unrealstic ideals. That could be a problem....
There are plenty. Most women are just too caught up in themselves to realize it. And most men are too caught up in women who are caught up in themselves to realize there are women who would appreciate them for being the good guys they really are.
(Anybody get any of that?)
I have a wonderful man as well and agree that many people - both men and women - have very unrealistic requirements and expectations, when it comes to relationships and marriage.
I had been burned by jerks time and time again. After my last relationship ended badly (he cheated), I decided that I was going to find a "nice guy". I was going to find the kind of guy that girls wanted to be friends with, and I was going to make him mine. I ended up falling head over heels in love with the sweetest man alive.
Firstly, I have been single for far longer than I have not. All my relationships, which ended because of circumstances beyond our control, were to good men. So perhaps I haven't been jaded enough, despite many many rejections and drunken pathetic attempts at flirting. But I honestly have never thought to myself why are the good men taken. For one, many of the so called good men I've met have been far from it. I have been a confidant for many friends whose relationships others envy, and I know that the good men are often incredibly flawed. For another, I know many men who are truly good. And yes, some of them are taken, many of them I have no chemistry with, and others have no chemistry with me. I think the greatest flaw in the system is the concept that we must have a "type". We seek things that are quantifiable because we believe this is how it is done, in fact that is what the concept of internet dating is based on. I think that the only way to truly connect is in person, because then all those undefinable things associated with indescribable feelings can take place. Things like the unexpected blush when you catch his eye, or the sudden hyperawareness of him even though you two have been sitting in the same position for the whole movie. That is how you connect. Looking at the men I've had relationships with (and the men I've had relations with) the only real consistent attribute is that they are men within a few years of me. I don't think all the good men are taken, I just think we're using the wrong search tactics.
I'm not searching i just wanted to start a post, to see what others thought of this idea
There are tons of good men around. You can't go to the supermarket without falling over at least four or five of them. The problem is women either 1) get too desperate and scare them off, or 2) waste too much time with the bad guys so they never meed the nice guys.
The best advice I ever got was to learn not to give the bad ones the time of day, and you CAN learn to recognize them pretty fast. Just say no to the losers and Mr. Right will finally have room to get his foot in the door.
The longer I live the more I know this is right! Great advice!
Yeah it took me a long time to learn it. I wasn't raised up with it. In my family it was (seriously), "He doesn't beat you or drink, he's a great guy!" My sister met her husband at 14 and my folks were thrilled--he was 25!
I had a steep learning curve but Bill was worth the wait.
Wow. My parents would've been calling the police and taking out injunctions if we'd been going anywhere near a 25 year old when any of us was 14!
Yeah my brother and I seriously wanted to find him and kick his ass. 25 years later they are still married and have two grown kids, but all of them are miserable, including the kids, which is very sad. I don't know if its because of the early marriage--more likely just garden- variety wrong-side-of-the-tracks melodrama and tragedy. Still, I'm with you...
Actually, my Dad still had a don't-mess-with-me-sunshine look on his face when he met my first boyfriend, and my sister's, too. And we were both 18 at the time. My other sister has so far not introduced one to my parents, which is probably wise.
well said. yet another reason why you have so many fans.
of course it does, we are equal after all.
yep... or the ones you chase never give you more than a beat of their lashes and they flit away.
I don't know if I would consider myself a good guy myself but I try.
But, you'd be surprised how many guys are jerks. I've seen a lot of them put on quite a show (different personality) when women are around.
The early bird catches the worm...I got married at 19 (18 years this July).
Not always I met Matt when I was 40 years and 1 month old. And that was 13 years ago. Neither one of us had been married before. We are the same age.
But the second mouse gets the cheese.
I met my OH at the start of our first year at university - we've been living together for 12 years at the end of this year, and he lights up the room for me when he walks into it.
I met the best guy in the word when I was 51. That was five years ago and we are still as much in love as the day we met.
Oh there is always hope! It always happens when you give up for some weird reason.
I had given up, but just reading your post made me feel hopeful and also happy for you, I may be an ass but I am always a romantic, and I am really pleased for you !
I don't think you seem like an ass at all, and I have a feeling the right lady is not too far away even now. You'll meet her before the year is out. (Ha! I have no clue really, but if it happens, remember I told you so and both of you buy me a pint!)
Sure does. Maybe I gotta wait till im in my 50's.
I'm confident there are good men out there (I've even tried dating a few), but I'm just not ready to settle down and find one.
I'll be honest and say that I'm still in the phase of being attracted to men that I'd never dream of spending the rest of my life with. Arrogance is a huge turn on. Wish it wasn't, but nice guys are too nice for me. I really like assertive men that don't know how to be indifferent.
I think my dating preferences will change as I become closer to accomplishing my career goals. Call me crazy, but until then, I'm just not ready to fall for a really great guy. (hopefully there will still be some left! LOL)
I never thought about it like that. I met my OH when we were at our first year at uni, and we started going out, and nearly 12 years later, we're still stuck with each other and have a rather gorgeous son, too. It just happened, I didn't intend to settle down when we met!
Yes. They are all taken. But a good number of them will be available soon.
On a second thought, all good men are taken, because no decent man wants to be somebody's property. Kind of Freudian slip in the title I guess
As a Brunette once told me.
"Men are like parking spaces, all the good ones are already taken.
But there is a solution....
Men are also like floor tiles, once you have layed them, you can walk all over them."
With all due respect to Maddie and her fellow optimists, I actually do not believe there are that many good (and available) men out there. Sure, there are some, gotta be, but I fully understand just about any lady's utter frustration in finding one of those few needles in the haystack.
I say this because there have been occasions when I needed to find a good man--no, ladies, not for me! And I could never pin down even one. An example:
1985. I'd met my future 5th wife and had to write my pen pal lady in the Phillipines to (yes, it still hurts) break her heart. She and I'd been discussing possible marriage, and I had no doubt (and still don't) that she'd have been an outstanding wife. I scratched my head till my scalp bled, trying to come up with even one man I could send her way...and there were none such that I knew. Not that I could recommend as husband material. Not one.
Then again, I'm not in the habit of hanging out much of anywhere a few good men might show up, so what do I know?
As to good women, I believe there are oodles and oodles of those, including every one of my 6 EX-wives, and of course including wife #7 and very much current better half, Pam.
You dont have to answer if you dont want too ,but if they were good women ,how did they become ex's?
They (without exception) became ex's 'cause I'm too damned stubborn to settle for less than perfection in my partner and dumped 'em all, 1 after the other, till I got what I wanted. A quick "keyword" summary of the six "goners" would be:
(1) hypercritical, (2) disliked sex, (3) hyperjealous, (4) control freak, (5) refused to move with me one time, (6) greedy Gertie.
#7, Pam, is disabled, hypersensitive, mentally ill, addicted to nicotine...and absolutely perfect.
For me, anyway.
I admire those who say they found it when they weren't looking. Pam and I both found each other when we WERE looking, 'cause there was never a millisecond in either of our lives when we WEREN'T looking--so that would kind of been impossible for us.
Therefore, (applying logic) I admire the finders-when-not-lookers folks to be utterly admirable for doing what to us is the IMPOSSIBLE.
Good nonwork! Kudos for passive reception success! Yee-hawww!
Not only not looking, but trying to hide. Thanks Ghost!!! Kudos back and a big Yee-haawwww to you. I am glad you have one!
Woot I hope to be one of those non lookers. I've been slammed with work for the last few months it sure seems that way. Been single for over a year and a half and no "prospects" in sight. So i guess I must not really be looking all that hard maybe a sweety will pop-up into my life
God has perfect timing I just need to keep my head up and keep moving forward.
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