I have a new born. Well she's four months now, or should I say will be on the 25th of this month. She is spoiled rotten and I know that it's mainly because of me. Now I have two older kids. My son Jeremiah is five and my middle child Riayn (Ryan) will be 2 next month. Now my problem is with the youngest, her name is Raiyn (Rain) I can't put her down to save my life. I'd put her down and she will holler until I go and pick her back up. Now you would think that with me having two older ones and went through this before that I should have experience. With Raiyn, I had her naturally so I felt every bit of the pain of labor and it wasn't a walk in the park I might add, but with the other two I had an epidural. Now I don't know if that makes a bit of a difference but it seems to me that it does. I seem to have a tighter bond with this one then I did with the other two when they were babies. Now don't get me wrong, I love them all the same but when my son was a baby and he cried, I'd let him cry for a little while before I'd go pick him up and I didn't hold him all the time like I do with her. And the same for my middle daughter. It's like the baby and I have this different kind of bond then what I had with my other two. Does that seem weird to anyone?
no, a bond between mother and child is never 'weird'. i just have one child so i can't comment on the dynamics re: siblings etc.
but i did see a situation like this on The Super Nanny show. what she did was gradually taper off and put the clingy child down for very small periods of time at first, and give her something to distract her momentarily, like a cuddly or something, but the mother still remained close by, just not holding her, although she gently stroked her back, or patted her, etc.
the child gradually got used to not being carried around all the time. she also got a small playpen and set it in the middle of the room where the mommy would be working so she could talk to her baby as she cleaned, etc.
anyway good luck with your baby, and congratulations.
I don't think the dynamics of how she was born has anything to do with it, if that's any comfort.
She's just got used to getting her comfort from you, that's all. But you can't hold her all the time she is awake when you have other little ones to look after too.
You might have to do the 'hard love' thing and let her cry. It'll be hard at first, but it should work pretty quickly.
What you do is put her down, and walk away. She cries. You go back and shush her - but don't hold her, just let her know you are near. Then you walk away again. This time when she cries you let her cry a little longer before returning. Comfort her again, then walk away. Keep this up and each time extend the time before you go back and within a week she should be OK when you put her down.
BTW, I am a mother of six!
Doesn't seem strange to me. I only have one (whom I love dearly) so I can't personally understand, but I know plenty of people who feel the same way. Even my own father admits to feeling this way about his youngest, David. It was a lot different growing up for myself and the middle brother Chris, though he loved us all it was always a different relationship for him and David. We didn't suffer from it, just happens!
I find your situation intriguing however I can't answer this one , I only have one but I am certain that some great hubber will come along that has more then one and will be able to explain it.
You love them all equally, that's the magic. But - you love each for their seperate qualities, whilst also loving them because their your children.
Nature is a wonderful thing and I wouldn't over analyze this, were I you.
My daughter certainly had more from me than my two sons, as she was almost an only child. My boys were a year apart - and 5 and 6 respectively when she was born.
They played so well together, did much together - they had each other. My daughter only had me. I was her plaything. But that doesn't mean I feel guilty about my boys.
What i'd focus on is being the best mom you can be - to all of them. Something that I'm sure you're already doing
And welcome to HubPages
When you put the child down, is it in the same room as the older children are playing? You might try that if you haven't already. When my kids were infants they would slept through an earthquake. The infant may sleep better being near everyone else. Or whatching and or listening to what is going on??
Make it easy on yourself when ya can.
I don't think what you shared sounds weird at all. you may feel a different bond with her and feel responsible to make sure she is always content. so far, there is good advice here. all she needs is reassurance that you are near. as long as she's fed and isn't crying for a diaper change, etc., some crying is fine. you'll feel terrible at first, but it will subside as she figures out you're not always going to hold her.
you could look at this way also, if she's only 4 months, all she knows is what she is accustomed to, she doesn't realize yet that she can be content without being held because you've always picked her up... so gradually replace holding her with something else to comfort or entertain her. good luck, you sound like a wonderful mom because you do want to do what's best. nothing easy about being a mom of 1 or 3 or 6! best to you and yours.
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