Seems that in any good relationship with its many twists and turns, the up and down, the complacent moments to the continal growth, one realizes, (specilly true to women), Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?
In todays society, children out of wedlock is the norm. The example I will bring up is myself. My girlfriend and I have a beautiful son, who this past weekend celebrated his 2nd birthday. I know he's to young to realize or even understand why daddy and mommy aren't married yet. Hopefully we wouldn't wait long enough to have him ask such a question and tie the knot already!!
My girlfriend doesn't stress the issue and I also won't stress the issue. When we sit down to talk about it, it will happen. But again in todays way of living the idea of marriage isn't held in high standards like in the days of old. Media has an involvement of how insignificant marriage has become in America. How many times have you seen or heard of celebrities getting hitched and asked yourself, How long is this marriage going to last?
I'm not trying to knock marriage, by no means. I love the concept of two souls becoming one flesh, of one mind. The desire of true love is to me the epitome of why we continue striving for perfection. I embrace and sometimes become overwhelm during celebrations of marriage, knowing very well that one day it'll be my turn. Here's a poem I wrote about Love before I met my wife: http://hubpages.com/hub/Love-Eternal
Going back to myself, I live with my other half (she would consider herself the better half, but my other half will suffice). We have been living together for more than 3 years now. Like it states in the Holy Scriptures, "for this reason man leaves his father and his mother, to become one with his spouse." I have done basically all that consist in a marriage except sign the agreement.
The sacred art of marriage has lost its savor but I believe in its importance. Our children need to understand that the idea of marriage is yet another step in adulthood, this then parenting. Its the natural course of life for those of us that want to enjoy our lives with another person. Marriage is the celebration of it.
As for me, I already popped the question, and guess what? A son, an apartment and a car later, she said yes. I've been celebrating it for quite some time. For the sake of others to see and cherish we are in the beginning stages to make it official.
I would separate the soul part of it from the official part.
The soul part you have already, and it is definitely a good part and something to strive for and make all the effort to keep
The official part was designed to help with economic and bureaucratic issues and IMHO has nothing to do with the things you try to link it to.
This is not to say you shouldn't marry - by all means go for it, it will greatly simplify your life in terms of your family interaction with outside world. But don't expect it to add anything to the spiritual life, other than joy from the celebration itself, probably
Just 2 cents from a person with a total of 20+ years in two marriages
Origin...congratulations! I am very happy for you and yours! Marriage is an honorable institution and a spiritual partnership. And I do believe that both aspects are important. As the scripture goes As above, so below. We are intended to be unified in all that we do, at all levels of consciousness. Marriage is the ultimate union! But it is not easy, as the twain become the one. No one is perfect and choosing to share all the imperfections is sacrificial and honorable. I do believe in the sanctity of marriage and faithfulness of the two involved.To me it comes down to the belief that energy, our life energy that is of and comes from God/Source, is sacred, and to be treated as such. Staying sexually monogamous in a marriage, is the highest honor a couple can bestow upon each other and sets the highest example of the healthiest use of that energy for children...to not be so is karmic...depending on the mind set/psychology behind the act.
After two marriages, four children and numerous live-in relationships, I have never been happier than I am now as celibate for the last 19 years. Sex is trivial unless intentional procreation is the purpose, or unless the two involved are genuine in their sharing of their energies. Love of the twain as one, is the ultimate honor and dedication to another and onesself. This may be more information than you were looking for, but experiential opinion can be good food for thought.
As someone who's been married to the same woman for 33 years, raised two children, and still has what he considers a "romance" in the relationship, I'm going to throw my two cents worth into this topic.
As I see it, there are a multitude of factors which play into the individual's perception of the institution of marriage; modeling during their growth to adulthood, the various influences that have shaped their concept of what and how relationships are conducted, their emotional development and stability (which influences one's self-concept), the values set their adult influence has taught or shaped for them - such as commitment toward others vs. reluctance - and what the socially accepted norm is at the time.
First, I believe that the individual's own experience of growing up within the "family" setting influences that person's attitude and perspective on what the experience and significance of marriage is about, or will be for them. If their experience was of observing their parents was one of loving, affectionate, respectful, but with the occassional dispute or argument, then they are going to have what is accepted by most counselors as a "normal & healthy" marriage. And their expectations will be similar and more accepting of the institution. On the other hand, if their experience has been one of constant discord, fighting and/or abuse resulting in divorce and the emotional "baggage" which accompanies that experience, then a perception and attitude of marriage will be negative and distrustful of the institution at best.
If the individual has had values learned which give them a desire to restrain or control their natural impulses to gratify and wait for maturity to develop as a balance, then they are more likely to have standards and expectations of meeting someone who they recognize has the same values and expectations about those factors which play into the relationship experience; trust, honesty, respect, support, commitment and fidelity. If they have a strong and positive self-concept, coupled with a strong desire to please, respect and serve their partner, they will develop and nurture a relationship on a deeper level than just sexual pleasure, or companionship, brings to that relationship.
Today's attitudes about relationships with another person begin at the onset of puberty and are greatly influenced by the mass media; television, movies, games, music videos, etc. To a disproportionate degree, lust, physical attraction, or animal magnetism is the standard promoted by the mass media to youth. Rather than developing the individual's skills and intellect, physical gratification is what is held up as being "hip" "cool" "macho" or "adult" (otherwise construed as mature). IMHO, this is what is reeking havoc on our cultural stability today; the emotional, legal and psychological toll it takes on our youth is resulting in dire consequences we as a society didn't bargain for.
For me, time, experience, fidelity, and a willing attitude to work through differences, or dislikes, about the person one is committed to, and loving them for who they are, not what I want them to be, is what the institution of marriage is about. I've seen too many of my friends hit rough waters in their marriage and just give up because it was easier than dealing with the growth in the couple that is required to overcome the issues involved. IMHO, this has created more damage to any children involved than we realize, or are willing to admit. I know, I've seen it come through my classrooms for the past 29 years.
Thats awesome Jondolar. I could only hope that I maintain the same level of passion through out my entire life.
What I dont seem to get is when people try to mimic another couple's relationship. Not all relationship is the same, the emotions that are bestowed in a "healthy-loving" relationship is the same. But the entity of their growth is unique. I know people that say they wish they had the same relationship that I have. And then I ask, a something that resembles mine?
I think to myself that marriage and relationship are all different with the same attributes in emotions.
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