Preschool Drama, Need Advice

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   Anne009posted 14 years ago

   So my son is very boy-ish.. aggressive (yet very loving.. almost too loving!), kinds of a dare devil- kamakazee kid I call him, and very, very outgoing.
   
   Many of the kids in his school are very reserved and quiet- their parents have often commented to me that he is just 'wild' and they always seem to snub me. What suggestions do you guys have that I might try here?
   
   Any advice would be appreciated!

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      Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think you need to find a daycare that would be more suited to your sons personality.
      
      I had a similar situation - my sons first daycare (of 2 years) was great!  then I moved and had to change daycare.  My son was kicked out of 5 daycares in less than 2 years before I found a suitable after-school program for him.

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         Anne009posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I feel my kiddo is on track to be booted from this- you are right I need to find something better for him rather than try to make this one work!

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            Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            if you can find one first it would be best.    for your own peace of mind. 
            
            another thought - have you talked with the daycare teachers?  they might be able to give you some insights to the other parents behaviors.
            
            how old is your son?

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago

   I went through much of the same, now my daughter is 15, is ranked # 12 in the state for intellegence and will be attending college at 16...
   
   
   I would just shrug it off....it will be amazing to see what he turns to be in the years to come....trust me...

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      Anne009posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Wow... that is awesome to hear about your daughter as well!!!
      thanks.

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      LegendaryHeroposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Wow that's amazing! How do you know her rank for intelligence?

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   Anne009posted 14 years ago

   Thanks for the comforting words. I suppose I take it a bit personally sometimes- good to know there are others in my shoes as well. He does have a rockin' personality and I wouldn't want it any other way for sure!!
   
   I will shrug it off and start to look for a new school as well

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      pinkyleeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      just let it go hun ... these parents are what us preschool teachers call too good for their own selves... they think their shat don't stink and they are better than anyone else ... they are far from it honestly ...

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         Anne009posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         hehe... so true!!! Thanks for your kind words!

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   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   unless you've heard any concerns from his teacher, I wouldn't worry about it. some children naturally have more energy than others, especially boys. 
   if it bothers you, I would let his teacher know you have a concern and talk with her about it.
   
   parents can be really snooty and judgmental. is he pushing or hitting? if not, as long as he's not hurting anyone, it shouldn't be their concern.  you don't want to be defensive, maybe a light remark about how their "johnny is really quiet, isn't he? amazing how children are so different, isn't it?"
   
   you don't say exactly how old he is, but just for his own safety, you might want to encourage him to play safely on the playground, etc. good luck!

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   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   a couple more thoughts. if you do talk with the teacher, it's best not to approach the situation blaming other parents. simply let her know you would like to know how he's doing, how is his behavior, please keep me informed. 
   a teacher wants to work with the parent.
   
   secondly, if you decide to look for another school, I've written a hub about how to find the best one for your child.  there are certain things to look for that can help. best to you and your son.

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      Anne009posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Actually he did hit a child once .. but the teacher mentioned he isn't the only one in class that has hit (they are 3 and 4) and she just says that all kids are like that- but its hard to ignore the glaring eyes of parents.
      My son mentioned there were kids that were mean to him.. but he doesn't ever tell the teacher!
      He gets pushed down and does nothing.. will walk away or ignore it (I have seen this) but if he is 'rough'- even a tight squeeze when he hugs, the other kids will run and tell the teacher or parents he was being mean and he gets in trouble... or the parent will come to me and make comments.
      One time he was honestly helping a child up from falling and a parent got mad at him for touching the kid that was hurt?!? I think the hardest part is that he  is still very young but is really tall for his age and parents expect more.
      I will take a look at your hub right now- it sounds like it will really be useful for me- thank you!!

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago

   I also want to mention that many parents judged my daughter based on the very few times they saw me and automaticly misjudged my daughter and myself as well...this will happen a lot, especially in a smaller, well to do  ( or they think ) school system...
   My child attended this district since kindergarten....I have not changed much, look wise, over 10 plus years and have no intentions of.....
   As my child got older, the district grew a bit, with city people wanting the "country" and taking over the PTA and other organizations....my child was always home taught before scholll, and during, after school hours....she plays 7 instruments, was writing tabs by the age of 4 , could read as soon as she spoke - her first word was Gerstenslager's, which most adults can not pronounce,,it is a factory her father works at...but anyway, I have a 4 door Grand Prix and dress "formal" when needed, but many of these so called "perfect" parents would see me pick her up in the spring, driving one of my old firebirds, wearing cuttoffs and a half -T - dressed as I would normally  - and they found out later in her elementary years i was a disabled freelance artist. At an actual PTO meeting I was drug through the mud, some woman found me on a calendar, dressed and not showing any x rated skin, on her husbands Garage calendar ( which I openely admitted it was something I did twice for Polaris Motorsports and once for Harley Davidson and one time for Easy Rider Magazine ) ...they automaticly looked down on me and my child, even though my child had the highest grades of any of the children she attended school with.
   Many times the parents influence the teachers and children...I got lucky and no teacher got pulled into the lies and propoganda about my family...Then as a disabled person they look down on us as welfare rejects, when I get social security ...more than most make at their jobs...and never was a welfare recipient.
   
   I am kind of rambling on to give an example...please encourage your son and invite his creativity with open arms...he could end up just like my daughter....
   
   
   do not let other parents influence you on changing hin or yourself, I see nothing but agony to come if this happens...
   
   
   do not worry at this point about your son, take his energy and turn it into creatism....you will be very surprised what you get and most of all do not let other parents get to you , if this happens to be the case at any time.
   
   Enjoy and Embrace your son, most of all do not speculate anything is wrong with him now....
   
   more to come   ~ Kerry

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      Anne009posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Kerry- your words are really inspiring and it is amazing to see how judgmental eyes can really hurt our children- which is exactly what I'd like to avoid!
      
      My son is attention seeking for sure and I definitely see how bright he is. Whether he is a genius or not- it shouldn't matter- all kids should be respected for who they are, you are right!
      
      I really respect you for opening up and remaining the person you are today- people will always be unfairly judgmental and it seems like such a waste of time!! Kids should never be blamed or dragged into such nonsense.
      
      I think because I come across as less of an uptight parent people sometimes see me as not caring which is truly the opposite. I always teach my son to be respectful and we both work on teaching each other new things everyday- lessons learned from son thus far in my life have been amazing.
      
      I really appreciate your words here and I understand a bit better- thank you!

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   cindyvineposted 14 years ago

   What exactly do you mean by aggressive?  If he bites, kicks, hits, pushes other kids, then he is wild and you need to teach him what kind of behaviour is appropriate and what is inappropriate.

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      Anne009posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      He is wild- but more of a - wow that kiddo is crazy active. I definitely do not allow hitting and such- however unfortunately he has hit before- which is concerning and we have had talks about using our words- but it is not a constant at all- the parent seem more upset that he just very active.

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   habeeposted 14 years ago

   Been there, done that! Invite some of the kids to your house for a play date - ONE at the time. This one-on-one time will help the kids to realize that your son isn't mean - he's just very active. And once they get to know him better and learn to enjoy his company, the parents will warm to the idea.

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      Anne009posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      This is a great idea.. and I am feeling a bit foolish now and after hearing the stories above as "I" am the one being judgmental against these parents as well since they don't seem to like my son!
      
      A play date would be a great idea and you are right- they would get to know me and see that he is 'just active' and come to understand that and hopefully help their kids to see this as well.
      
      "eyes opened"  thank you!

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   B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago

   I do need to mention my daughter was NEVR aggressive, she was picked on a lot for being smaller and younger than the other children when she went to school.
   
   
   ( She was never in any pre-school, started Kindergarten at a public school system at the age of 5...she had been 5 for about 2 weeks when she started  back in 1999 )

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    B.C. BOUTIQUEposted 14 years ago

    I know her rank due to the School District and the book of "Who's Who of Ohio High School Students"
    
    
    it was the School district administrator that informed me...

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       LegendaryHeroposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Very nice.

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11. 61

    Anne009posted 14 years ago

    I should mention that my son is not aggressive as in mean, kicking, or biting... however- yes- he has hit kids before (which is definitely looked down upon in my eyes- I do not allow that kind of behavior).
    
    He is more physically adapt (he is very tall for his age) and likes to jump off high places (ack) and can do more physically active things than other kids (hence the reason I call him kamikaze)
    
    The teacher mentioned that he sometimes has trouble explaining to other kids when he gets hurt or upset and can push back at them- he doesn't fight, but has shoved hard or hit. (They are 3 and 4)
    
    He also is very outgoing and just wants to 'play' - he could play for hours and hours and not get tired while other parents think this is just crazy. He loves music and will dance (kinda silly) and just be very physically active- granted he will sit with me at bedtime and read a book so this isn't always the case and he is very smart- works on a computer and can manage my iphone better than me sometimes.
    
    I guess I am just not meshing with the other parents and their kids well.. it is just so frustrating!!
    
    I really can't tell you all how much I appreciate the advice on here.. its amazing, all  the support

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    ddsurfscaposted 14 years ago

    There are no such creatures as 3 and 4 yr old kids that are subdued and quiet.  Boys especially tend to be rough and loud and boisterous. 
       I laughed at my sister-in-law who took her 3 yr old boy to the dr. because she thought he was
    ADHD...all three yr olds are attention deficit and hyperactive.  they concentrate on any one thing for a max time of 30 seconds.
       Don't even pay attention, it will be their kids who will be in therapy by the time they are 7 or 8 yrs. old...HAHAHAHA

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    Ladybird33posted 14 years ago

    I have had the same issue with my son as well.  It is rather sad to see people try and disband his spirit.  I agree with so many others in this forum, your teacher is your best monitor of this behavior (whether from him or to him).  The teacher's support is very critical.  We have been blessed by some wonderful teachers that have educated my son, plus, daycare workers that have truly helped us over the years.  My son is hyper to this day (1st grade) but we manage it and the teachers at his school are very, very supportive.  Last thing, habee is right, I do the same thing, invite one kid over at a time, strengthens the relationship in school and out.  I know it's frustrating, my best to you, but it will get better.

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    Anne009posted 14 years ago

    Thank you all again for the encouraging words and suggestions- I will put them into action!
    
    It really just feels so nice to hear from others that have walked in my shoes... I am not so alone with it all. Thanks again

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    Jane@CMposted 14 years ago

    I haven't walked in your shoes, my son was "cling on boy" in his preschool and early elementary years.  I did however, start a coffee group with the mom's at the preschool.  It was an amazing success.  We first met once a month, as the kids got older we went to twice a month, then weekly.  I learned a lot from the woman I had coffee with.  All of our children were obviously different & we all learned compassion for each others children.
    
    I totally agree with inviting kids over for one to one play time too.

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