At what point is it ok to say screw you to your blood family..when is it ok to say enough is enough..Is family worth it? Are they worth it when they seem more enemy than ali?
no matter what family puts you through they are family and if you say screw you then you are left all alone in a world that sometimes family is the only saving grace! i have had my moments with my family and still do with my dad's side of it but in the end they are still family and the reason i am here today!
i had to start taking depression medicine. i sat down and thought about why.
i realized that it had nothing to do with me but the endless situations the family i was living with was putting me through. the next day i answered an ad about an apartment. now here i am away from my family. i feel great. don't get me wrong i still go help me family sometimes. but at least now it's my choice. should they do something again i have the option of staying home with the phone off the hook. moving out was the best thing i could have done.
I grant my family unconditional love because they have earned it. But I still believe love and respect have to be earned. Being conceived is not a valid reason to love a family member as far as I'm concern -- simply because I was never consulted
When someone has been there your entire life, unconditionally, through thick and thin. There is nothing I would not do in return. But this is not a question of blood or genetics, it is a question of love and respect.
Exactly it's a matter of love and respect..after my Mom died my step dad and mother in law married 3 months after she died..and have treated myself and my husband and my children as if we did something wrong.....They stole the love i had for them away by their actions..and what's so sad is this is my husbands Mom.. I have always given myself unconditionally to all my family..Family is an awsome powerful thing and I'm just trying to help my husband through this slap in the face..I have long since let them all go....It's a sad situation and impossible it seems to me. lIKE WHAT THEY HELL WERE THEY THINKING MARRING EACHOTHER RIGHT AFTER MY MOM DIED OF BREAST CANCER...like she didn't even matter..ok so I have some issues.....
hey, it's ok to have issues. blood relatives aren't all they are cracked up to be. my older sister shunned me when i got pregnant. just like that. i asked my older brother, who was close to her, why she was avoiding me all of a sudden...refusing to take my calls or talk to me...he said because she was jealous that i was pregnant.
she could have had a child if she wanted to, but i guess it was easier to hate me instead.
i asked him is that really what she is upset about? and he said yes.
she hasn't spoken to me since, and my son is now in college!
she missed all those years, knowing this wonderful amazing person who is my son all because of some sick jealousy. i cried a lot over it and then one day i decided it just wasn't worth it anymore.
not only that, she turned my other family members against me for years, and only recently have i reconnected with some of them. they all know i have done nothing but no one said "i'm sorry".
it's a pretty sad situation that i wouldn't wish on anyone, although SHE is the angry, bitter one, not me. i was feeling better, actually, when i didn't have to be reminded of her and what she did to me.
so, yes, Sunshiney, when the association makes you feel awful, it is definitely NOT worth it. take it from someone who knows. i got where i am in life because of me and no one else. i didn't need them, and i am proud of that.
You choose your friends. Unfortunately, your family is choosen for you. Sadly, the ones that knowest best know how to hurt us worst. More sad, when they use that ability.
First you say this, then.....you back it up with....But I still believe love and respect have to be earned.
Being conceived is not a valid reason to love a family member as far as I'm concern -- simply because I was never consulted
I'm sure your family loves you?
You don't even seem to have a grip on the "love" thing. I mean seriously.
Family doesn't love a newborn child? Instantly! How is that not possible for a member of the family? Unless, the child wasn't wanted to begin with.
As for the respect- yes it is earned. Love isn't earned.
I treat everyone as they treat me. We are all related in some way, so we all are family. Treat me well and I'll do the same back. Crap on me and your history, family or not.
I love my family, but I really like my own space of living alone. Moving out was the best thing you could do Lecie, at a certain point everyone needs their independence.
Family is complicated.
As for my own family, all I have left is a sister (besides my children). I don't know aunts, uncles, cousins. I disowned her for serious reasons, but...if she were to come to me for help I would probably give her temporary help (it all depends on what help she would need) and then send her packing again. I am better off without her in my life.
I am actually closer to my ex family, even though I would rather not have anything to do with them. They are manipulative, deceitful, drug-addicted (<--some, not all) criminal thinkers. But, they are willing to assist me if/when I need it - as long as it isn't a legal issue involving them! We have been through some rough patches but they are always willing to "give a second chance".
I said enough was enough a long time ago. I respect my family. A wise man once told me to let go of toxic people in my life, I knew who there were instantly and I did let go. I did not cut them out but I let them go.
but I do not understand the difference. Does this mean you still involve yourself with them, to some extent, but you don't get trapped by their feelings/behaviors?
I stay as far away from them as possible, well actually one in particular. Unless I feel trapped into a corner, I stay away from family functions if that person is going to be there.
I'm on the bandwagon with: "If it's toxic, get rid of it." That includes relationships with blood relatives.
Sad, absolutely. But not as sad as subjecting oneself to a lifetime of misery. It IS a choice.
However, having said all this, I'm also in favor of doing everything you can to try to rememdy the situation first. It's just that, in some instances, the only remedy is to abandon the relationship.
believe me, i did everything in my power to fix it, even though i did nothing wrong, and finally i said 'you know what, this just isn't worth all this anguish' and let it go. i always think there is something deeper and unexpressed behind people's behavior towards you than what they say is the problem. anyway, i have no room in my life for toxic people anymore.
I think what may make the difference is whether they love you and mean well, or don't really love you and probably don't mean well either. Family members can mess up in a big way, and a lot of the times they have no idea they're doing it. Sometimes it takes talking and trying to work on it. Sometimes overlooking and a certain amount of "building-a-partial-wall" on some things is required. I think most of the time it's worth trying to keep some version of a relationship (even if it has to be limited).
If family members are just out-and-out horrible and/or abusive, though - then they've "earned it" when their victims write them off forever.
dude, i just realized you have FOUR-HUNDRED AND FORTY-FOUR HUBS! that is astounding
(we now resume our regular programming)
There's no "one size fits all" solution here. Families, their dynamics and members are complex and multi-faceted. No two situations are alike. There are circumstances when I believe it's warranted to take a breather, or if necessary make a decision to stop communication. Granted, it should never be taken lightly and avoided if at all possible. We're talking counseling, mediation, whatever it takes.
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