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Parenting with guilt...

  1. 60
    Megan Mullinsposted 6 years ago

    i am mother of 2 ages: 5 and 7. i am a stay at home mother and i believe i do  not follow through with certain situations on parenting my children. thinking afterwards / after giving their punishment guilt overcomes me... feeling sorry for them or feeling like i am so mean my husband surveys roads therefore it is me 90% of the time... am i stressing or is it normal to feel guilty all the time while correcting my children? needing some advice...

    1. CASE1WORKER profile image85
      CASE1WORKERposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      just love your children and let it show to them- yes you have to correct them but look at it as building blocks for the future.- and make sure when daddy is home he does the same as you then you will be fine!

    2. prettydarkhorse profile image65
      prettydarkhorseposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      if it is for their own good later on, then you shouldn't feel guilt, just always think that they will be out in the world in their lives soon and teaching them whats right and wrong now is good on the long run, just bit your lip. And explain to them why they are being punished and give them a BIG HUG after calming down.

    3. Anne Pettit profile image81
      Anne Pettitposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      My first impulse is to tell you to relax and move on.  Why are you guilty?  Have you left marks or withheld needed food?  Do you want suggestions as to what to do when you cant take it anymore but you are the only adult around?  You are not alone.

    4. 2uesday profile image88
      2uesdayposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      The fact that your are reflecting on this would indicate that you are a good mum. If you try to be fair and consistent, not swaying between over indulgent and too strict and it should all work out fine. It is not easy being the main care giver for two children so young, so be kind to yourself too. I think children do want boundaries even if they push against them. We all make mistakes,if I look back I wish I had worried less then I did. Mine are grown now and we still all get on OK, which is great.

    5. 60
      coatsworthposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      like your self l sayed at home with my children. and every time l told my children off l felt very guilty. b
      But l know that if l did not show them write from wrong then how would show them? my three children are now 30,23,18 and l did it on my own. but l got there in the end and you will as well.just keep going and your husband can help as well

  2. Lisa HW profile image84
    Lisa HWposted 6 years ago

    My husband was out most of the time too, so I pretty much raised the three children alone (truly) (at least until he fought for me custody  roll).  When I told my children right from wrong, or had a few basic rules in the house, I saw it as something that would make them kids people didn't hate to see coming (which resulted in having them be kids who were treated well by "the world") - so I saw it as indirectly helping them end up with a good sense of self-esteem (as compared to kids people let grow like weeds to the point where their own grandparents hate to see them coming).

    Or, I saw having a few basic rules (like mutual respect, no hitting anyone, etc.) as a way of providing them with a pleasant, relaxed, peaceful, home environment.

    So, no - I felt like I was being a "good leader".  I wasn't one to yell at them or hit them, so I didn't feel at all guilty telling them right from wrong, requesting they stop doing one thing or another, or imposing a fair consequence if someone did something.

  3. alternate poet profile image74
    alternate poetposted 6 years ago

    If you are sure you are not 'over-correcting' and then feeling guilty about it - then - I would say you need to look within yourself for the reasons, maybe to your own childhood ?

  4. Lisa HW profile image84
    Lisa HWposted 6 years ago

    I've known a person or two who were raised in extremely, extremely, permissive homes.  Their mother pretty much sent the message that anyone who expected children to behave reasonably well at home was "oppressive".   The mothers and their kids had a kind of "us against the world" kind of thinking, and there was the idea that "all was great and nice" in this permissive home, while "all other parents" weren't as "nice".  Well, I was about as nice as it gets when it came to my kids; and the kids and I had a great and happy time together.  The difference was I just had those few reasonable rules that essentially amounted to encouraging them to be kind and not wreck the house. 

    Anyway, these people (the ones from the extremely permissive homes) grew up believing that the only way to be a nice parent was to let kids do whatever they wanted.  (I mean - whatEVER they wanted).  I can see how if either of them eventually saw the need to establish a few basic rules they might feel guilty.   hmm

  5. raisingme profile image88
    raisingmeposted 6 years ago

    I am almost positive that guilt and raising children go hand and hand.  I honest to God used to have a bottle of guilt spray in my cupboard when my children were little - for me, not them!  Anything else you bring into your life generally comes with a book of instructions.  My oldest daughter now grown asked me when she was five why I didn't read books about parenting like my friends did.  I told her I'd tried it but when I realized she wasn't reading them too I gave up.  They are all so individual that there is no 'cookie cutter' method to child raising.  You just do the best you can do and when you make a mistake, own it.  Own your wins too!