My first baby in April 2011, What is your parenting style?

1. 61

   Ruben Riveraposted 13 years ago

   Yes my first baby and obviously some anxiety kicked in already. I tell my wife I will raise him/her (don't know gender yet) military/Marine Corps style hehe. I guess that could backfire.
   
   What is your style?  are you the kind "my way or the highway" or do you allow any discussion? or a mix?
   
   Do you guys have the good cop bad cop, mom good cop, dad bad cop or vice-versa?
   
   Did you develop your style as your baby grew up?

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   1. 72

      milenaamrposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Give your baby as much  attention as possible. Spoil the little angel. When come time  to he/she understand try to have as much patience as possible to teach  everything you know and your believe in.
      About the "good and bad cop"  try to be consistent and don't make difference between dad and mom.
      
      Congratulation it is great to be a parent. I am speechless when come to that feeling. Enjoy the expectation time and later the time with your baby. those moments are priceless.

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   2. 60

      Shane Belcetoposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yes for me id is developing as they grow and for each it is a bit diff I am finding .. for each you may find you need to deal with things even though they may be the same thing differently for each. 
      
      Really best anser is with Love ... oh and you get to learn pacients too smiles no matter what they will tach you this
      
      ~Expect Miracles

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   3. 63

      Nikki D. Felderposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      My parenting style is laid back.  I've had two other children.  I was extremely nervous with the first and better with the first.  I'm a more mature and experienced mother.  I'm thankful to God that none of my children are ill or disabled.  I'm loving, nurturing, and not so uptight about everything.  Let me mention how proud I am too!  My only downfall is that I could improve my cleaning skills.

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2. 87

   WryLiltposted 13 years ago

   Figure it all out now. It's the only time you'll have it all figured out.
   
   Baby won't come into your bed? Nope, not until 5 nights in a row of staying up till 4am.
   
   Baby won't get physical discipline? Not until they bite you with very sharp teeth and draw blood four times in one afternoon.
   
   Baby will get controlled crying to get to sleep? Only for the first two hours.

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3. 62

   prettydarkhorseposted 13 years ago

   Shower them with quality time and provide a good example.
   
   As for disciplining them (when they can understand it), just be consistent.
   
   Congrats, the most wonderful feeling in the world is to be called a mom or dad, it is a natural calling and instinctual.

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   1. 61

      Ruben Riveraposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the advise, sounds a bit like Marine Corps style except for the quality time part hehehe

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4. 60

   LaMamaLoliposted 13 years ago

   whatever you think you want to do, be prepared to be flexible. As long as you are consistent - and that means as a couple - then you should be ok. Leave the little battles so you can win the wars!! The main thing is to enjoy your children and know them, and don't beat yourself up if you think you're not doing what you "should"be. It's trial and error! Most of all it's fun! Congratulations!
   
   ps don't spend a fortune on "baby" stuff. Every gadget you buy has to be cleaned and who's got time?? !

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   1. 61

      Ruben Riveraposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'll have to tell that to my wife.  She already spends a long time in the baby section in every store hehehe

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      1. 60

         LaMamaLoliposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         don't want to be a party pooper- shopping for baby is fun. But you can spend an absolute fortune on stuff that you will use once if at all. As an example -my first baby had: a cot, a moses basket, a chair that the back tilted so you could have him up a bit or flat, a pram, a car seat that fit in the buggy, a rocking chair that was supposed to send him to sleep - ha, every type of bottle warming device known to man, for car, home, travel you name it. You see my point? Out of that list I would say the only well used items were the cot, car seat with buggy, and the tilting chair.
         Anyway, its your first baby so you're allowed to throw caution to the wind!

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         1. 87

            WryLiltposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I'd agree with this.
            
            We had tons of toys given to us and some expensive ones we bought ourselves. She'll play with them for two minutes then run off to play for hours with her favourite things:
            
            Coat hangers, plastic containers & pegs. LoL

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5. 65

   2uesdayposted 13 years ago

   Well I read all the books, but when they were born neither of my children had read them so I just had to make it up as I went along.
   
   That may sound flippant but the truth in it is that - it was the way I parented. I decided you could not spoil them with love or attention and that babies are not born with a routine programmed in. Babies grow up so quickly that it will amaze you how soon they are toddlers (except on the sleepless nights).
   
   Maybe that was just the era they were born in, but I like the way they have grown up.

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6. 82

   Anolindeposted 13 years ago

   I would have to agree with what everyone's saying here
   
   As for me, I practiced attachment parenting - co-sleeping, baby-wearing, breastfeeding til age 2 and all that stuff.  Worked great for us and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I DID go overboard with all the toys and stuff my baby apparently didn't need, but what the heck.  It was my first baby and it made me happy, so I didn't (and don't) care what people said (or say)  
   
   As for discipline, be consistent is great advice .. although, and this sounds contradictory, you have to be flexible as well. I have yet to resort to spanking (I'm not really anti-spanking, though I do believe that is the absolute last resort and even then, I don't really know if it's effective .. mainly because I have yet to try it!) as a form of discipline .. all I have to do to get my daughter to behave is to look at her disapprovingly, tell her how I do NOT like or approve of such behavior and threaten her with time-out.  Works like magic (with us, anyhow)!  She's turning 4 next week, by the way.
   
   I know this is an exciting time   And congratulations!  You will soon know the kind of love you never knew was possible   Just enjoy your child and shower him/her with lots of love and attention.  You can never spoil a child with too much love!

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      Sunny Robinsonposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It may be contradictory but you know how some experienced parents will say, "Be the oak tree?"
      
      Well, I personally believe this:  Be the tree that is strongest when flexible.  That sort of tree that children know is very stable, and in return, they remain/feel stable themselves.

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7. 60

   cally2posted 13 years ago

   The thing that really got me was the section "for fathers" in every baby book. They all started with the words "It's your baby too..." I hated that. Did they really think I hadn't noticed and had just picked up a baby book for fun? And then "OMG I'm gonna be a father!" at their startling revelation?
   
   The other thing about baby books is that they never mention the incredible quantity of bodily fluids that you will be dealing with. Every fluid you can think of, and several you didn't even know existed will be splattered, oozed, dripped and exploded onto you, your home and your possessions. Especially anything expensive.
   
   On the upside, until they are about 10-11 you will be the cleverest, strongest, fixanythingest man in the world.
   
   After puberty, you will become that "silly old !@#$%^&* who sits in the corner and knows nothing". My advice for teenagers? Buy a large barrel, seal them inside and use a very long stick to feed them through the bunghole. Allow out only when they don't know everything anymore.
   
   And finally, make all the plans that you can now. None of them will be remotely possible after the birth of the little stranger you have invited to come and live with you, but it helps satisfy the nesting instinct.

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8. 65

   nasus loopsposted 13 years ago

   Firstly congratulations on starting to accept that your life will never be the same again.
   
   I agree with what most people have said so far in that give your baby as much attention as possible. Talk to it as much as you can.  Just because it does not talk to you in a language that you understand, does not mean that it does not understand you. 
   
   Personally I will tell you that me and my husband have had our rough patches with discipline and it really has not been easy.  Unfortunately no matter how many books you read, (I think someone already mentioned this above) your baby will not have read any, and I can assure you that it will not come with its own manual either(bit of a blow that).  Therefore discipline is something that you sort of learn as you go along, although it is important that both parents and anyone else looking after your child discipline them in the same manner (everyone sings from the same hymn sheet etc) so that they get the message quicker and easier.  If you struggle don't be afraid or to proud to ask professionals for help, we did and it was the best thing we did.
   
   On buying things for your new baby, well it is your first baby so treat yourself a little, but think carefully about some of the bigger items before you buy them.  Sometimes you may be able to save your money when it comes to car seats for example. Some seats go from new born baby up to 4years, therefore cutting out the need for the new born seat.  We did this and will only have brought our son two seats ever.  He had has just turned 3 and is already in his final car seat which will take him up to the age of 11.
   
   In case after reading all this waffle you forgot what I said at the beginning.  Congratulations it is worth all the hassle and sleepless nights just to see their faces in a morning when they first wake up and call Mummy or Daddy.

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9. 61

   Ruben Riveraposted 13 years ago

   Thank you so much for all the advises, I guess the general consensus is to love, patience, consistence and the fact that I will learn as I go despite all the books I read.  I can't wait to have my baby and spoil him/her until he/she starts saying "dad not in front of my friends" lol
   
   Thanks everyone.

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10. 62

    Lisa HWposted 13 years ago

    My parenting "style" has been/was (my kids are grown now) not to think in terms of "parenting" at all.  From the time they were infants, I thought in terms of building and treasuring my relationship with these separate little individuals who so trusted me (and as they grew beyond infancy, so loved and admired me).    I just loved being with them, aimed to keep them feeling happy and secure in that first couple of years, and by the time they were three (the year when little kids seem most "in love with" the special adults in their life), there was a great, great, relationship.  Because they were happy and secure (and three), they were interested in learning how things are done in this world; so I capitalized on that interest and made sure I shared with them everything I could about how things are done (from how "we" behave in restaurants to how "we" set the table to how "we" need not to be jumping when we go to visit Grandma in her second-floor apartment).
    
    By the time they were four (an age when they start to want to expand their world beyond home and family), they were happy, good, little kids who pretty much knew how to behave and had little reason to do things to get attention from us or else to act out because they had unmet emotional needs.
    
    From four on, I just had a few basic, reasonable, and not-to-broken rules; and they knew what they were.  Once they were "real" school age, if they messed up I often let natural consequences be the result; or I'd let them know that even if there would be consequences of some kind (it was never hitting or yelling - ever), I understood (and wanted them to understand, too) that all kids mess up (and even if what they did wasn't OK, it was something they did because they were kids; and even though they weren't to do it again, we were all going to move on).
    
    If you meet all their emotional and physical needs when they're in their first three years, they turn into preschoolers/grammar-school kids who are pretty well behaved and pretty reasonable.  When they do something wrong then, it can be dealt with in reasoned/reasonable/civil ways.
    
    Basically, I found that since I aimed to make them feel secure and happy in those first two years, they turned out secure and happy by three; after that, we could get into teaching them about their own "end of the bargain" when it came to their relationship with me, or their learning how to "be a good friend" to playmates.  By school age, you send into school a "finished person" (although not a mature one, by any means), and you take it from there and deal with things as they come along. 
    
    I think, too often, people start introducing "parenting concepts" too soon, and long before their child, or relationship with him, has reached a stage when those "concepts" are appropriate.  As a result, they muddy up the natural bonding (and maybe even development) process that's supposed to to take place in the first few years.
    
    Common sense, love, and respect for the baby are all parents need in that first two years.  Once they're two (or close to it) parents need the same things, but they need to also add patience and understanding that two is a difficult time for a child.

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