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how do you know when a relationship is over?

  1. 59
    squincher1988posted 8 years ago

    I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half. at first everything was great and all did was think about her. At that time i was still in high school and i didn't have a care in the world. I had a part time job and more than enough time to devote to a relationship. We both fell deeply in love with each other and still are. Over the last year however alot of things have changed. I took on a job as a firefighter and those of you who ar familer with that field no that generaly you work a 24 hr shift and are off for 48 hrs and it is just a cycle. I maintained my par time job, and as if that was not enough i took on one 24 hr shift a week at ems (emergency medical sevices) as an emt-I  for extra money. So 4 out of seven davs i am not avalible at all. I am also in paramedic school full time. I feel like it is my fault the realationship is failing because of my lack of time. I am in love with her but the only thing we do when we do get to see each other is fight i feel like it is because i neglect her it is not intentional but it is a fact because of my jobs and school. I feel like i should break things off but everytime i try she just gets so upset i give in i just realy do not know wat to do because i love her but physicaly do not have time for her at this point in my life im 20 years old and trying to make something of my self that is my main focus right now. any advise as to what to do would be greatly aprichiated.

    1. 61
      BrendaSan3posted 5 years ago in reply to this

      Ok not sure if ur still with here or not... But in my option I say she should understand that ur trying to get a career for urself.. And I am a very attached person but I truly understand were ur coming from and same for her... If it is ment to be I saw just take a break don't fight with her tell her how much u truly love her but for the time being u can give her all ur self! Don't tell her while u guys are in a fight... Tell her through dinner or just have a day for both of u guys and tell her everything ur feeling!! I'm sure shell understand but be nice about tell her how important She is to you...
      I wish u guys the best smile

    2. Safari Chic profile image79
      Safari Chicposted 13 months ago in reply to this

      Keep working on your career goals. Don't ever give up on your dreams! She needs to be more understanding & if she loves you the way she says she does she will support your decision. If not tell her that the best thing you guys should do at the present time is to take a break from each other.

      1. Kathryn L Hill profile image84
        Kathryn L Hillposted 13 months ago in reply to this

        They are probably married with two kids by now. Everything has been happily-ever-after for years now.  :-)

  2. SweetiePie profile image82
    SweetiePieposted 8 years ago

    I know this sounds hard right now, but try to move on and meet someone else.  Fighting so much is not a good sign, and being single can be a wonderful thing.  When you are own your own you have more to focus on your work and hobbies, so try to do some things for yourself.  You can start writing hubs since this is what Hubpages is all about.  I hope you feel better about this situation.

  3. DJ Funktual profile image87
    DJ Funktualposted 8 years ago

    Hey new guy.   This ain't the family forum!    Go cry somewhere else.   You must really need a friend to be bitching to total strangers about yer love life.

    1. Pagan Crafter profile image60
      Pagan Crafterposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      Whoah there, DJ, take a chill pill!  And yes, this IS the family forum.  smile

      Squincher, I was in your girlfriend's position earlier this year.  My then-boyfriend was spreading himself too thin with too many ventures, and not devoting the same time to us as a couple that he did when we first started dating (that was only one of many issues that resulted in the breakup, but I digress).  From a point of view similar to your girlfriend's, the fighting could well be a sign of some deeper things going on, a cry from her to save the relationship before it's too late.

      TALK TO HER.  Find out what's really going on.  And I would listen to gamergirl's advice, and give up that part-time job to spend with your girlfriend and repairing your relationship.  smile

  4. gamergirl profile image61
    gamergirlposted 8 years ago

    I'm not so sure SweetiePie's answer is the way to go.

    Your fights may very well be a product of growing up, leaving high school, and being thrust immediately into the "adult world."

    My suggestion may not be one you want to do, but I'm speaking from experience here:

    I think you're stretching yourself too thin.  Work a little less, live a little more!  Quit that part-time job and devote that time to your relationship.  If you're meant to be, it will take work to repair the damage already done to the relationship, but you'll appreciate it later.

    1. SweetiePie profile image82
      SweetiePieposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      I was speaking from experience when I offered him this advice.  He does not need to break up with his girlfriend, but it is just not a good sign when people fight too much in my opinion.  I have been there and done that, and to me it is not worth it.

  5. gamergirl profile image61
    gamergirlposted 8 years ago

    Be nice, Funk-meister.

    1. DJ Funktual profile image87
      DJ Funktualposted 8 years ago in reply to this


      Okeydoke sorry.  I'm greiving for George and HE would never put up with a crybaby like this.   He'd say you're only 20 and you don't even know how to have good sex yet.  What are you worried about?   He'd also say..  Please learn to spell, it would be greatly aprichiated.    Ha!

  6. 59
    squincher1988posted 8 years ago

    thanks. i aprichiate your responses. and funk miester or whatever the fuck you call yourself how about grow up cause you seem like immature little bitch.

    1. DJ Funktual profile image87
      DJ Funktualposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      LOL!  Way to show your True colors.   Spoken like a true 20 year old.

      1. DJ Funktual profile image87
        DJ Funktualposted 8 years ago in reply to this

        P.S. this type of stuff WILL get you banned from the forums.

  7. gamergirl profile image61
    gamergirlposted 8 years ago

    Sweetiepie, perhaps I misinterpreted what you were saying, but it seems to me that when someone says "Try to move on" and "Being single can be a good thing" that generally means the advice being given is to break up.  To then say that it'd give him more time to write hubs, well...

    1. SweetiePie profile image82
      SweetiePieposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      If he wants to break up with her he will and nothing we say here will change that.  I thought maybe by being able to write hubs it would make him feel better.  Being single at twenty can be easier and a good thing, so that is my perspective.  However, if you think he should work it out with his girlfriend I do understand that.  However, the advice I offered was good.

  8. 59
    squincher1988posted 8 years ago

    alright man ill tell ya wat it seemes like you might have way too much time on your hands so how about you get a life and stop tryin to argue with me about somethin that dont even matter and if i wana ask advise on this website i realy do not see how it has anything to do with u

    1. DJ Funktual profile image87
      DJ Funktualposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      Your right dude,  It doesn't have anything to do WITH ANY OF US.  You haven't even written a single hub yet.    I'm gonna leave this alone but I still think you are way too young (In love and in Hubworld) to making statements like you do.     good luck. 

      To quote Maddie Ruud from THE FAMILY FORUM where this belongs:  I think you misunderstand the point of these forums.  These forums are meant as a community interaction tool for people who use the HubPages, not necessarily as a place to get advice on personal problems.

  9. 59
    ithkilvuposted 8 years ago

    Yeah, sorry honey, but I agree with the person who said you are "stretching yourself too thin."

    Nobody can have a relationship with someone who isn't around. It's not healthy for you either, but it's unfair if you claim to love someone.

    When you are on your death bed, I'm sure the last thing you'll say is "I wish I'd worked more."

  10. thranax profile image60
    thranaxposted 8 years ago

    I think you know its over when your mate starts shooting at you with a rifle smile

  11. 0
    Erin Hillposted 8 years ago

    Just thought I would share with you some of my own experience (you've gotten a lot of those, I know). I think that relationships go through cycles, the first of which you have already passed through. The fact is, you can't stay in that "Madly-in-love-everything she does is magic-leave me and I'll die" mentality forever. A. It's exhuasting. and B. That's not real love. Real love is a decision to love somebody and to treat them in loving ways. That's not to say that if you are fighting all the time you should stay and pretend you still care. But you said you still love her so I assume you really do. First off you need to understand that people change and grow. A healthy relationship will have to grow too or it can't survive. Simple as that. If you want your relationship to survive you have to accept that you are no longer in the infatuation phase and you are entering the mature love phase. This means each of you finding yourselves, adjusting, and making decisions about what each of you want from life and whether or not you are both willing to sacrifice in order to help the other achieve his/her goals. Once you come up with something both of you can live with in terms of time together and what is expected you will at least know what you're working with. Maybe she can find hobbies or ways to fill up her time. And you should be extra sure that the time you DO spend together is extra special and you let her know how important to you she still is. If you can give up one of your ventures for the time being, perhaps that is one of your sacrifices for her. And perhaps she will have to sacrifice spending time with you so you can achieve your goals. It's give and take, but you can make it happen. It doesn't get much easier I'm afraid. Life will always keep you busy and you will always have to find ways to squeeze in more hours in the day. If she is the one you love and you want her, tell her that. And then have a long talk (calmly! No yelling. And if it begins turning into an argument rather than a discussion, leave it for a time and then come back.) If at the end of the day you both decide to part ways, don't forget that eventually someone will come along and you will have to decide between working twenty-four-seven and having a healthy relationship. I guess it's a matter of what you're willing to allow suffer most...your career or your love life. I wish you nothing but good luck and blessings!

    1. 60
      JOSIE.SF415posted 8 years ago in reply to this


    2. waynet profile image47
      waynetposted 8 years ago in reply to this

      You speak a lot of good sense, whens the book out?

  12. waynet profile image47
    waynetposted 8 years ago

    When your personal belongings are dumped out of the window in cheap black bin bags left to rot on the street and the milk man has run off with your mrs....cruel world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. joep profile image61
    joepposted 8 years ago

    When you wake up your dog is gone, your wife is gone and all of the money is gone. That how you know it all over with .. and then you can write a country song and get started looking for the next x-wife .

  14. Jennifer Bowman profile image61
    Jennifer Bowmanposted 8 years ago

    Erin has some good advice, there.

    Too many people leave good relationships for all the wrong reasons. Fighting is a sign that something isn't right, but in your case the something is more likely to be your work schedule than anything inside the relationship.

    You can maintain a good, close, loving relationship without spending a lot of time together, but you need to pay attention to doing the things that make your girlfriend feel loved.

    Too often, we expect our relationship to be a haven, where we can relax and not have to think any more. Maybe that attitude will work when you are living together and see one another every day (but I doubt it, actually). It certainly won't work when you have limited time.

    You both need to focus on intimacy. If you have little time together, that time has to be intensely packed with communication, affirmation and expressions of love.

    If you don't want to work that hard, relax your work schedule so you can spend more time with her at a lower level of intensity.

    No amount of money will compensate for losing someone you love. I know you are frustrated right now, and you feel it's too hard, but experience tells me that it will cost you more than you realise to walk away from a relationship where love is still a living thing.

    And I talk to people about relationships for a living, so I have a wide variety of experience to draw on!

  15. 0
    HeartBreakerposted 8 years ago

    Move on..
    Relationship is over when everything is not working anymore...It may be official or not... no matter how much you love a person, if you think only one is pursuing for the relationship, better get out....it's one way to escape from greater hurts

  16. Jessicahesson1982 profile image61
    Jessicahesson1982posted 8 years ago

    You know when a relationship is over when he watches t.v. instead of  talking to or speanding time with you and when all you do is fight all the time. When he hides things from you.

    1. 0
      shinujohn2008posted 8 years ago in reply to this

      You are right, when a man loses interest in his wife, they will try to avoid her. They will try to get happiness from some thing else. The best method to avoid breaking the relationship, is to ask him directly - "What do you expect from me? Did i do anything wrong to you? If there was any mistake from me, please forgive me, i am in need of your love..... Give your partner a Sweet KISS and you can immediately see Problems melting down and Love and Attraction getting Restored in your life.

      The most serious problem in everyones life is that they do not want to be defeated.

      Is Marriage a War ???? Are Husband and Wife Enemies? Every couple should ask this themselves.

      Love and Happiness will Last for Ever only in the Life of those People whose minds have No Jealousy or Ego.....

  17. ournote2self profile image60
    ournote2selfposted 5 years ago

    I think you should be honest with her.  Tell her that you love her so much and that you want to continue to be with her.  Tell her that you are doing all this for her so that you can make something out of yourself and so that she can have a man to be proud of.  This is a temporary schedule and you guys will get through it if you both know what to expect.

  18. New 2011 Mom profile image60
    New 2011 Momposted 5 years ago

    Well first off Kudos to you doing all of that and wanting to better yourself. I can see if she is upset with you working all the time and why fights start, but in order for things to work out fully talking is the key. Sit down one day and explain why you are doing this and how it can help you both out in the long run. It is hard right now, but later on down the road it will be easier trust me. If you to do love eachother things will work out, and if not then go and live the life you want to and have fun doing it.

  19. 60
    askishposted 5 months ago

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  20. Mirela Stewart profile image61
    Mirela Stewartposted 4 months ago

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