Has anyone married a military person who went through the 60's? I was a senior in high school. I wasn't that interested in dating with all my school activities and working two jobs
after school. One of my jobs was working in a cafe and an elderly gentlman would come in every evening and tell me about his nephew who was serving in the Navy. (We'll call the nephew Mike)..Mike was a real sweet farm boy; never used profanity, or told bar room stories. The only problem with Mike was he was the ripe old age of 23 and I was only 17. Mike's uncle brought him into the cafe and to make sure Mike asked me out on a date; the uncle just asked for him. All I could think of was how could I explain accepting a date with this guy in his 20's. So I came up with this plan to which part of my story was true. The part about the uncle was the true part and I then told my parents I was going to go because this guy was shy and he looked like Barney Fife. I also told him the guy would only be in town for two weeks and with school and all I probably wouldn't be seeing him again. Mike actually showed up for our date and meets my family. Both my mom and my four year old sister slobbered when they saw him because he was really good looking.
We all had just two problems with him. He smoked and liked his beer. There was no smoking done in our home, but my dad had this love affair with beer. Two weeks later Mike left for war. We wrote back and forth and because he was a Navy guy, I thought he was out on a ship where there was no gun fire. .He was a parametic and spent his whole tour on land. I never had a clue about any of this until he came home; asked me to marry him ; would come over after being in the fields all morning and take a nap while I finished my homework or whatever chores needing to be done around the house. That was my wake-up call. Mike would have these nightmares and it's really hard to put into words what language as well as the yelling coming out of his mouth. His body would be drenched in sweat and he had a look in his eyes that made my body freeze up. Mom said Mike would get over these dreams, but my heart told me to go on to college after high school instead of getting married. Back in the late 60's you did as your parents said you would do. They really liked him and I must admit I loved the man I met before Vietman. So I did as my parents said. We were married and moved closer to the city where I had gotten a scholarship for Beauty College and Mike worked in a packing plant. The dreams continued;the drinking increased; and without warning I got pregnant. Before our marriage I was having female problems and was told I would never have any children. I guess the Good Lord had other plans for me.
Then it started. Mike started telling me what sex the baby was going to be and what his name was going to be. Back in those days we couldn't see the sex of our babies.
We waited it out for nine months. Everyday it was a constant threat of what was going to happen to both the baby and myself if I gave birth to a girl. At this point Mike had not hit me; it was just threats. Then the moment came and Mike got his son. My whole life changed. I was in college when I got pregnant so I took a leave of absense. After our son was born I went back and finished school. AsJeff reached a year old; he was into everything and mommy(me) was trying to teach Jeff the "NO" word and why picking up a lit cigarette was bad and how he could get an ouchy if he touched this hot cigarette. Jeff was very head strong and do what he wanted to do so I would slap his fingers and tell him it was naughty and dirty. He could get sick putting his fingers in his mouth as well as burn hisself. Here would come Mike and he always would teach me a lesson. We were both working and on Saturdays he would pick our son up and drive 60+ miles without telling me he was taking my baby to his folkes place for the weekend. If I joined themI would try to reason with him about taking off with our baby. Mike would be such a good boy infront of his parents, but when we got home Mike would teach me a lesson. Of course, after two or three days we would make up; but I had to be so so careful. I tried to talk to my folks about the beatings, but my father was just like my husband or should I say my husband was just like my father. Dad said I had married Mike for better or worse and I must have taken after my mom and needed the beatings and threats. My mom was married at 16 and I couldn't get any support from her. I wanted to gave my baby baptized ;so after hearing my husband was a non believer my mom and I snuck Jeff to my church and had the baptismal done. Some children go through the horrible two stage without to many problems. Jeff was a stinker and I finally took him to a Dr. in Omaha and was told when a child is as head strong as Jeff what hurts them more than anything is taking away something they really love. For Jeff it was Sesame Street and it worked. I always let him know why but it took me a long while because he knew when daddy got home he could tell daddy and mommy would be taught a lesson. We had not slept together for 6 months and the one time we did I got pregnant/ Mike totally came unglued. I had a real hard time carrying this baby and my mom had my sister come and stay and help out with Jeff.
The day I had John ;my husband went to work and afterwards went to the bar. My the time he got to the hospital he could hardly stand. He let me know he didn't want anything to do with this kid and didn't care what I did with him or named him. By now I had enough. I gave himone year to get helpand said if he laid one hand on my second son I'd take a baseball bat to him. Mike behaved for 6months and then he started in on me again, I had more bruises on my body in that one beating than in all of the other beatings put together. I filed for divorce. The Dr. tried to tell him my body couldn't take anymore beatings and it was best to let me go. My whole family turned on me and again I tried to tell them Mike was killing me. He did go with me and talk to my minister and even joined the church. Two years went by and everything was like before he went to Vietnam, so I moved in with him. It only took him two weeks and he totally went nuts. He threw an electric pan of food at me; ran over and pushed my oldest son outside and locked the door. Many of you are probably saying "Why didn't you kick him where it hurts?" When a man attackes a womanand knocks the wind out of her; there is no fight. I screamed and screamed for helpand he just kept using his fists andknees and would kick me. Jeff ran to Mikes best friends place and by this time the police and parametics were there. Again he put on this loving person who thought I fell. At first I couldn't talk but after we got to the E.R. the Dr. wasn't a dummy. My toes were broken on my left foot. He not onlt broke three of my ribs but he also tore the muscle from the lining of mt rib cage. I had one or two broken fingers and a brouse mark around my neck in the shape of fingers. Alot of my hair was pulled out and I think it was then my collar bone on the left side was broken. The Dr. asked me if I wan't to press charges(ATTEMPTED MURDER), Mike asked the Dr. to step out of the room so we could talk. Doc. did and Mike told me he knew he would go to prison for awhile but when he got out I would be dead meat. A few weeks before this happened to me a young woman got brave and divorced her abusive husband and after a couple of months started dating. Her X-husband found out and went up to her apartment; killed the boyfriend and took his rifile; put it between her legs and pulled the trigger three times. This was done in front of her children. Mike reminded me about this and said my fate would be worse if I pressed charges. If what happened to me and I'm sure many many other women would have happened in this day and age; at least we would have shelders to go too. If your family isn't there to support you the law is getting better at helping out. I'm not just talking about women, but men also go through abuse. I packed my bags and ran, but before I left I called Mike and told him someday he was going to attack the wrong person and he would never see the gates of heaven. On March 29, 1980 Mike's brotherTed came home on leave. Ted had never married and I remember a story he told us on our wedding day, Because he liked being single, if anything ever happened to him both Mike and I would never have to worry about money again. Here it is the29th. of March and my phone rings in the middle of the night. It was my dad. Mike and Ted had been out drinking and on the way home got into a verbal argument. Mike was totally drunk and he was driving on gravel..Ted had been drnking but we never found out if he was as drunk as Mike. The fight was over the pickup. Mike said the pickup could take off in second gear withiut hurting the pickup and it was Ted's pickup and he told Mike it could not and he didn't want Mike trying such a stupid stunt. Mike said he was going to do it anyway so Ted told Mike to let him out and Ted would walk back to the farm. Mike told me he put the truck in second gear and floored it and nothing happened to the truck. By now Mike was going to teach Ted a lesson. He turned the truck around and stepped on the gas, Mike ran over his brothers head and killed him. When Mike told me this story; he said he was seeing three dead people in his mind. One was the uncle who got us together; one was his dead brother and I was the third person. By now my brother is a cop and I told him what really happened to Ted and again my family turned their backs on me.
Whats' really upsetting is Mike never spent one day in jail. Mike's family had money and Mike's mom said she had lost one son and wasn't going to loose the other one. My girlfriend worked the night shift in the hospital that night and she told me Mike 's blood alcohol was way over the legal amount. The police called it an accident because it was night and Mike told them his brother was mad so Mike let him out of the truck and then decided it was to cold for Ted to walk home so he went back to get him. I have kept this inside for over 27 years. Two years ago my husband of 6 years and I moved back to the same state this all took place in and Mike is always at my steptmoms home. I know he wants to get me alone and remind me things haven't changed but this time I'm going to carry a tape recorder and he will pay for the murder of his brother. I'm now disabled and I think the abuse he gave me has worn my body down. Believe it or not, I feel so much better telling this story. If I can just get through to one person, remember this isn't the 60's and 70's and people are listening, I feel partially responsible for Ted's death because if I would have put Mike in jail when I had a chance, Ted just might be alive today, I do recommand getting a physcology 101 book or take the course or talk to a professional. You'll be amazed at why we react to certain situations the way we do. I feel like 100 lbs. have been lifted off my shoulders and would really like to hear your stories. Sometimes talking to your minister or even your Dr. will help.
We cannot tell you we know how you feel but those of us who have been there do understand and at least we can pray for you. May God Be With You
Sadly, this is an all to familiar story, and happens to a frightening degree. Look up NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). It is becoming more widely known and understood, but unfortunately too many people live with persons who have this disorder, and the law is still on the side of the abuser. They are master manipulators, and can make themselves look like the innocent. With the advent of the internet, they run rampant because they can seem like the best guy in the world on the surface, but the Devil incarnate once it's too late to get out. Therapists who are aware of the condition also know it is RARELY something that can be fixed. Substance abuse doesn't cause spousal abuse. Even if the substance abuse is stopped, the deep seated beliefs they have about female roles are always there, and the domestic abuse doesn't stop. They are dangerous as they are incapable of empathy, and truly do not believe what they do is abusive, but is instead an entitlement and right. Please, everyone, familiarize yourself with this condition and the early warning signs so you can avoid falling victim...
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